The real world just hit me in CiCi's

[LuvOrlando]

So yesterday I took my 2 kids to CiCi's for lunch. DS12, DD11 & I were hanging out having a nice time and I started to talk to them about Middle School. Normal stuff, do they like it, teachers, new friends, the programs etc. Then I pry, just a little to open the doors for conversation. Then the real world came crashing in, my DS tells me that yes he knows kids his age who have started to dabble with drugs

So as I ask a few probing questions I learn that this kid started with cigarettes but switched to marijuana because he thinks that smoking cigarettes would kill him faster than pot

Anyone have any thoughts?

 

[allison443]

I think it's good your kids can and will talk to you about stuff like that.

 

[Mimi1965]

I would guess that either the parents or older sibling has weed in the house and would avoid befriending that family-or alert the parents.

 

[mtemm]

I knew kids in 7th and 8th grade who smoked pot and thought the same thing, that cigarettes were more dangerous and would kill them faster so this seemed "safer." I knew kids who drank when they were those same ages, and I remember hearing about kids and sex. and this was many years ago! (I'm 43). My own dh was drinking on occasion by the time he hit jr. high. Am really hoping my kids (younger than yours) are a bit more on the square side like I was.

I think it is great that your kids are talking to you about it.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I agree with the PPs that it is great you talk to your kids (and they to you) about this.
It is not surprising information. I knew of such kids in 6th grade too (and my youngest is in 6th grade now).
It is one reason I want my house to be somewhere all the kids are comfortable hanging out--and I am more than willing to pay for snacks and drinks to encourage that.
The more they are HERE, the more I know about their friends and their lives and the more time the are ALL safe.

 

[johnsontrio]

So yesterday I took my 2 kids to CiCi's for lunch. DS12, DD11 & I were hanging out having a nice time and I started to talk to them about Middle School. Normal stuff, do they like it, teachers, new friends, the programs etc. Then I pry, just a little to open the doors for conversation. Then the real world came crashing in, my DS tells me that yes he knows kids his age who have started to dabble with drugs

So as I ask a few probing questions I learn that this kid started with cigarettes but switched to marijuana because he thinks that smoking cigarettes would kill him faster than pot

Anyone have any thoughts?

Just keep them talking... I, too, was quite shocked when DD at 13 started high school after being in a small Parish school and the upperclasswomen started talking to them about cutting, drugs, drinking, their eating disorders, sleeping with their boyfriends etc... Unfortunately, it doesn't get any better, but we have kept the channels of communication open. My attitude is she hears the teen version of all this stuff, so I make sure she hears the real world information about this stuff also. Some of it is graphic and many parents wouldn't go there, but I don't want her only hearing the glamorized version. She has her head on straight, most of the time.

 

[LuvOrlando]

i guess I'm just stunned that early using isn't just a city thing. My husband and I moved our lives 90 miles away from where we grew up to give our kids a better life away from the city and in the suburbs. I've always raised my kids like they were city kids because of my own experiences. But all the other parents around me kept acting so surprised when I would say something about how young I was when I saw this stuff that I started to believe them. They made me feel like I was making a mistake talking about my kids about this stuff because i was somehow ruining their innocence, I did it anyway because I trust myself but there was always a shadow of doubt.

It's kind of surreal for me, growing up in the NYC area all I ever heard was how all the cities ills were due to poverty and that where you are and how much money you have changes things, but it doesn't... not a single thing is different.

 

[FINFAN]

unfortunately no surprise here, matter of fact DS os a Junior and his "peers" have just about run out of things to experiment with. DS said you would think the economy would have at least knocked them back to doing cheap weed or beer, but more like the opposite like you , I am grateful we can talk about this stuff and yes the real world is quite a challenge for us all.

 

[mtemm]

I grew up in goleta, ca, a suburb of santa barbara. hardly the big city. trust me, and that was going on 30 years ago. not just a big city thing.

 

[FINFAN]

I agree with the PPs that it is great you talk to your kids (and they to you) about this.
It is not surprising information. I knew of such kids in 6th grade too (and my youngest is in 6th grade now).
It is one reason I want my house to be somewhere all the kids are comfortable hanging out--and I am more than willing to pay for snacks and drinks to encourage that.
The more they are HERE, the more I know about their friends and their lives and the more time the are ALL safe.

same here, and you see which "friends" are willing to hang out at a house where a parent is home...narrows the crowd down very quickly to know mom is around and you see who is "comfortable" and who is not.

 

[marcyinPA]

I have a HS sophomore...he talks to us about stuff like that too, which I am very grateful for.

He knows kids who have been smoking (cigarettes and other stuff) since middle school. He knows kids who cut (themselves). He knows a girl who had an abortion in 6th grade (she was a little older, held back a time or two....). When he was in 6th grade, the middle school principal was arrested for dealing and using meth from his school office. He spent a few years in prison for that. This past summer, one of his friends committed suicide. People are now wondering if it was the choking game, and he was playing it alone. This had a profound impact on my son...my entire family. We bring up this boy in conversation and prayer a lot. It was truly a tragedy.

Our kids see and hear a lot. Stuff is going on all around them. It's scary, but with guidance and open discussion and lots of prayer, I think that they will be OK!

 

[kellyg403]

Definitely keep the lines of communication open. And I also agree with the others, big city..little city, all the same it seems. I grew up on the outskirts of DC, knew the city like the back of my hand. When it came time later in life to make a decision about staying in the small city I was living in and going back to the 'burbs of DC, I really thought the 'small' city living would be better for the kids.

Its not better, certainly different in different ways but better, nah. The kids actually see/hear/do the same things we did as teens that we though only 'city' kids knew about!

Kelly

 

[Robinrs]

My son is in theater and had a friend in middle school who was a STAR. He had everything he needed to be a superstar and everyone knew it. Instead of going to the neighborhood high school he went to a performing arts school. My son missed him but knew he was where he was supposed to be.

One year later he transfers to the neighborhood school. He admitted he was let go because of grades. He wasn't there for a week when he offered my son some drugs. He figured that was why he was looking and sounding so bad. His Dad was his biggest fan and somewhat enabled him. My son would see his Dad coming up to see the administrators a lot and knew there was more going on.

Long story short he was sent to rehab. This sad story started when he was in the 9th grade and 2 years later he's in literal hell.

As sad as it is it was an opportunity to talk about what can seriously happen to dreams when you make bad choices. I just hope this boy comes around.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

So yesterday I took my 2 kids to CiCi's for lunch. DS12, DD11 & I were hanging out having a nice time and I started to talk to them about Middle School. Normal stuff, do they like it, teachers, new friends, the programs etc. Then I pry, just a little to open the doors for conversation. Then the real world came crashing in, my DS tells me that yes he knows kids his age who have started to dabble with drugs

So as I ask a few probing questions I learn that this kid started with cigarettes but switched to marijuana because he thinks that smoking cigarettes would kill him faster than pot

Anyone have any thoughts?

The conversations my 13yodd in 8th grade has about the kids would make you fall over.

Basically I get the drug/sex report of the day, everyday.

 

[a1tinkfans]

OP: Keep those lines of communication OPEN and thank your lucky stars they feel comfortable to even talk to you about this.

My own ds is in HS now, I recall the first time he told me that kids on the Middle School bus were having Sex on the BUS!! I almost fell over......but nothing surprises me any more. Our local paper talks about Heroin being on the rise....the kids get it cheap....they generally "start" with pot, after they "started" with cigarettes...All I can say is...Watch your child...Be aware of the company they keep, where they go and what they are doing....none of us can be "perfectly sure" that our kids won't make a bad judgment call, but "talking" and letting them know what is NOT acceptable is vital. Scares the heck out of me....a recent story was about a beautiful, Honors girl that got hooked on Heroin and died, she was only 17...so heartbreaking....

Lord please Bless our Kids, each and Every one of them!

 

[onelilspark]

I grew up in the suburbs of Philly. In my particular School District, we were fairly affluent. What I always found was that in most of the cases, the parents were oblivious to it, were in denial, or weren't around enough to care. A lot of kids had parents who just weren't there and had an unlimited cash flow.

So I will say, drug use, sex, and alcohol use is prevalent in almost any High/Middle School. I didn't partake in anything in HS. I was pretty straight & narrow and kept myself busy enough that I didn't even have time to do so if I wanted! I did have a very close relationship to my parents on top of it and talked to them frequently about what was going on. (Most of it was me lamenting how stupid the kids were who did drugs...I think I was a parent's dream!! )

I remember being in the 3rd grade and my Mom gave me the birds & bees talk. Her thing was always that she wanted me to ask her any questions that I had because she wanted me to know the truth...not some pre-teen's version of the truth. So I wouldn't really worry about talking to your kids about things...the more they know!

 

[agnes!]

I might me mistaken but in my opinion I think we can thank the Internet and other mass media for much of the prevalence of the addiction culture in today's society...small-town America is no longer immune to the perceived ills of urban life.
Take a look at http://www.justice.gov/ndic/pubs1/1540/meth.htm and http://blogs.knoxnews.com/editor/2010/09/meth_series_exposes_tennessee.shtml

Mayberry has a drug problem kiddos and it's most likely crystal meth .
agnes!

 

[N&B'smom]

As the mom of a 6th grader this thread makes me very sad. I know where my son stands on the issue of drugs at this point and I will pray it stays that way. I never did drugs or even drank and he is like a little me, I hope it continues because this stuff scares the crap out of me.

These kids are being so reckless with their bodies. It's just sad.

I agree that is is wonderful that you can talk to your child, keep it going. They need to know they can tell you anything!

 

[NotUrsula]

i guess I'm just stunned that early using isn't just a city thing. My husband and I moved our lives 90 miles away from where we grew up to give our kids a better life away from the city and in the suburbs. I've always raised my kids like they were city kids because of my own experiences. But all the other parents around me kept acting so surprised when I would say something about how young I was when I saw this stuff that I started to believe them. They made me feel like I was making a mistake talking about my kids about this stuff because i was somehow ruining their innocence, I did it anyway because I trust myself but there was always a shadow of doubt.

It's kind of surreal for me, growing up in the NYC area all I ever heard was how all the cities ills were due to poverty and that where you are and how much money you have changes things, but it doesn't... not a single thing is different.

I live in a major city -- IN the city, though I'm fairly affluent, and my kids go to private schools instead of the rather rough public schools in the district. Every kid in DS' grade school knows, and the cops who live in our neighborhood also do, that the majority of kids who get hooked young on the really high-octane drugs tend to go to the schools in the very most affluent suburban districts, because they can afford the habit. When you are 14 yo and your allowance is $200/week, a little blow is not beyond your means; you can buy it with your parents none the wiser. Poorer urban kids do know where to get it, but most of them can't afford it unless they start stealing, which makes them all the more likely to get caught, and to get caught up in the city's far more punitive drug court. If the suburban kids get caught they get a slap on the wrist and a nice trip to Hazelden, and then go right back to the same schools where their supplier is handy once again.

 

[N&B'smom]

I live in a major city -- IN the city, though I'm fairly affluent, and my kids go to private schools instead of the rather rough public schools in the district. Every kid in DS' grade school knows, and the cops who live in our neighborhood also do, that the majority of kids who get hooked young on the really high-octane drugs tend to go to the schools in the very most affluent suburban districts, because they can afford the habit. When you are 14 yo and your allowance is $200/week, a little blow is not beyond your means; you can buy it with your parents none the wiser. Poorer urban kids do know where to get it, but most of them can't afford it unless they start stealing, which makes them all the more likely to get caught, and to get caught up in the city's far more punitive drug court. If the suburban kids get caught they get a slap on the wrist and a nice trip to Hazelden, and then go right back to the same schools where their supplier is handy once again.

SOOOOOOOOOOOO true. I live in one of the more affluent towns in South Jersey. Sadly the drug problem in our high school is HUGE, because most of these kids have too much money at their disposal!