The pycho family drama continues...sorry long

[anewvance]

Yes, you all remember me with the phycotic grandma.... I seem to be complaining about her alot lately huh? Well, it continues...

We are at the family beachhouse, imagine 12 people living in a 3 bedroom house for 2 weeks. The first week went ok, now things are going into the toilet.

And why? Because apparently I am the witch from heck who is unbalanced. All because I had HOPED that I would get a bit of help from my family with my 3 kids... at least a little. My girls are ok, can get a little competitive with each other sometimes but all siblings are. The baby is 2 and is a handful, he can be sweet as sugar most of the time but he can turn into a screamy meany in seconds... but most of the day he's very good, just active. Remember I had the car accident not so long ago and I think I hide my pain very well but they have to know I still have a hard time sometimes. I am used to having help from my dh who is at home working. I have had the kids 24/7 for the past almost week now and i'm tired. And not getting a lick of help.

My sister has 2 boys and is pregnant with her third. Ever since she got here, she's been sitting on her royal hiney waiting to be served breakfast, lunch and dinner. She takes nice leisurely naps expecting us to either watch her boys or she MAKES them nap in with her for hours on end when they aren't even ready for a nap. I've either prepared all myself, provided and picked up food or help with dinners for 12-16 people every night since we got here. I've made lunch for all 5 kids almost every day except when we were out. I have to get my kids ready to go to the beach, haul them and a heavy wagon down there, run after the baby the WHOLE time and then haul everyone back and get them unsandy and dressed.... we do this twice a day. I'm getting exhausted and i'm hurting. My sister made the kids ONE lunch which consisted of throwing peanut butter crackers at them and hasn't lifted a finger for a single dinner yet.

On four occasions since we got here i've asked my sister if she would watch the baby for a few minutes while I went out somewhere. 3 of the 4 times the baby was napping. And all I have gotten are big fat no's out of her. Just a bit ago, my younger dd was out with my grandfather and my ds was sleeping. So I wanted to take my older dd down to the beach for a little while. I asked if she'd keep an ear out for the baby and she says no, she is going to lay down. So my grandma comes up from the beach and says how beautiful it is out and it's such a waste that the kids aren't enjoying it. So I say i'm trying to but no one is here to watch the baby. So my grandma offers to take my sisters kids down to the beach!!! My older daughter and I can't go because the baby is sleeping.

So I just snapped at them and now don't know what to do. This is ridiculous. They started taunting me and telling me I must not be on my meds (I take Wellbutrin) and that i've been selfish and that I can't parent my kids and don't want to parent my kids and that i've been moaning and complaining about them since we got here. And that my kids have been looked after more since we got here then they ever have. Uh, the two times i've been able to get out of the house, it was when my girls were in bed resting and I took the baby with me.

For them, they do their own thing. IF it is convient to take the girls to do what they are doing, they may do it. But the baby they will have nothing to do with. They think he is the cutest smartest thing around, but no one wants to take responsibility of him because it breaks away from being able to do stuff. Going to the beach isn't easy with him, he likes to run into the water by himself the whole time. And he needs his naps, so usually things have to be planned around his nap and no one likes to have to do that. So we've sat here day after day, and i'm sooo tired. I don't want to sound selfish but i'd like a few minutes to myself! Go down to the beach and take a quiet swim without a kid on my shoulder. Is that so wrong?

So now i'm sitting here and knowing that you all are going to say well why don't you leave? Well my princess sister, being pregnant and all, didn't want to drive the 4 hours to get here so she left her van at home and I had to drive her here and have had to chaufer her around everywhere (she hasn't offered a cent for gas mind you). So if I left now, she'd have no way to get home. So not only would I be the biggest witch in the world for ruining the kids vacation, I would be the biggest witch for leaving her here stranded with no way to get home. But I can't sit here and take this nonsense. I'm exhausted and there is another week to go. And with no one will to help me with the kids, then why am I bothering?

Yesterday we are getting ready to go out to eat lunch. It was my sister and her boyfriend and her kids. And me and my 3 kids. All at one time, my son had his foot stuck in a door and my middle dd couldn't find her shoes and my oldest needs toilet paper. My sister is tired of waiting so she takes her bf and kids and sits in the car to wait for me. I'm running around like a chicken with it's head cut off and she just disassociates. The same way with getting down to the beach. If i'm struggling with my kids and she's tired of waiting, she'll just take her boys and head down. Which is ok, but when one of my daughters are out there ready to go and starts walking with her, she gets nasty and says uh uh no way you wait for your mom... she can't even bring herself to take one of my kids down to the beach with her even if she knows i'm only 5 minutes behind.

But in my grandma head, this is a ok, my sister is wonderful and I'm just some freak who went off her meds because I finally showed some distaste in how the situation is being handled and probably went off because I am so darned tired.

I really need to get off my butt and pack and get the heck outta dodge... but in my so called "mentally unbalanced head", I know I need to stay.

Sorry this is so long, I am really totally seriously TICKED OFF right now.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

2 weeks with family! My limit is 3 days. I love my family but now that I am older I know better.

Can you pack it up and leave? Tell them you are not feeling so good.

 

[snowwite]

Breathe!
Where is it carved into stone that YOU have to wait on your lazy sister?
You cannot be a doormat if you refuse to lie down and be walked on.
Grab your kids and go to the beach. Prepare the meals for you and your family or go out to eat and let the rest of them fend for them selves. If you stop waiting on them hand and foot they will figure out where the food is and make some.
Try to calmly talk to your sister so you can slavage the rest of your vacation.
Tell her that you understand she is tired and needs to nap but you are there to relax too and either she can take turns with child care and meal prep or she can arrange for a rental car to pick her and the kids up and take them home. Seriously, put your foot down girl!

 

[mrsv98]

If it were me, I would be packing up and going home. Sis can come with or not, her choice, but if things are as you say, this is no restful vacation. GO home, get back in your routine and DO NOT plan another two week stint with the family. In my mind, three or four days are PLENTY!

hope you feel better soon.

 

[minkydog]

I believe I would have to pack the kids up and go home. This sounds like no fun at all. Let your sister either find a way home(there are two other adults there, right?) or go back and get her in a week. If they don't like, what are they gonna do about it

 

[Mimi Q]

I think two weeks is too long to spend in a house with that many folks. Go home.

 

[LoraJ]

If you can't leave, I agree with the poster who said for you not to be a dormat. Only make food for your kids and let the ungratefuls fend for themselves. And if your sister wants you to watch her kids, tell her no just as she told you. And tell her exactly why. And if the princess gives you a hard time, tell her she can find her own way home and pack the kids and go.

 

[MushyMushy]

Sounds to me like you're the one who needs to disassociate yourself from all the rest of them!

I can understand how stuck you must be, though. That has to be an awful feeling. I'd probably find myself in the same situation, wanting to leave, but feeling so obligated to stay.

Here's a hug for you.

 

[Mermaid02]

Let her find her own way home.

 

[anewvance]

I do wish it were just so easy to pack up and go. But my family is nuts, if my grandma (who would be so hurt and ticked off if I left) is upset then the rest of the family takes her side no matter what the truth is and I'd be the outcast for as long as it would take for her to get over it... which in the past can be a LONG time. And I just can't do that to my kids. THE KIDS don't have problems with them, they love them and spend alot of time with them. THE KIDS don't deserve to have their vacation cut short. THE KIDS don't deserve to be disassociated with the rest of them just because they have an issue with me.

I wish it were so easy....


But I do agree that I am going to have to disassociate here. Make my own kids meals, go out for dinner. Take them to the beach myself when I want to. Spend alot of time OUT and ABOUT... not stuck in the house with them. But just the thought of it all exhausts me! I'm already so tired...

 

[Mermaid02]

well, it's not good for your kids to see people treat you like that. You aren't anyones servant.

 

[snowwite]

I do wish it were just so easy to pack up and go. But my family is nuts, if my grandma (who would be so hurt and ticked off if I left) is upset then the rest of the family takes her side no matter what the truth is and I'd be the outcast for as long as it would take for her to get over it... which in the past can be a LONG time. And I just can't do that to my kids. THE KIDS don't have problems with them, they love them and spend alot of time with them. THE KIDS don't deserve to have their vacation cut short. THE KIDS don't deserve to be disassociated with the rest of them just because they have an issue with me.

I wish it were so easy....


But I do agree that I am going to have to disassociate here. Make my own kids meals, go out for dinner. Take them to the beach myself when I want to. Spend alot of time OUT and ABOUT... not stuck in the house with them. But just the thought of it all exhausts me! I'm already so tired...

Go have fun before the week is over.

 

[HayGan]

I'm so sorry that you are having a rough time with your family! Your story is a prime example of why I will NEVER go onvacation with my sisters and their families!

I hope you can find some peace and quiet and be able to enjoy some of your vacation!

 

[anewvance]

I wish it were so easy to leave them too. But her bf is leaving today. The only other car that is staying is my grandmothers that was full to the brim of stuff to begin with. There is no way to get my sisters stuff and all 3 of them in there to go home. She can't afford to rent a car to get home either... she is living with her boyfriend who's WIFE died a few months ago (aka about 2 weeks before my sister got pregnant) so he moved from Orlando to West Palm and gave up a perfectly good job and is now doing temp work for next to nothing. Hmm, but that is a totally different story isn't it? Yet, in my grandma's eyes, princess can't do wrong!

 

[Talking Hands]

Stop being a doormat. If you want to leave then go for it. She'll find a way home if she has to. You are not the maid and chauffeur. Go on strike! Don't take her kids anywhere. Sorry wait for your Mom. Sorry I'm cooking for my kids and myself. Take care of yourself. They are used to you doing everything and you need to let them know you can't and won't. Sorry. I cook one night, then you cook the next. Set your limits and stick by them.

 

[annegal]

Yesterday we are getting ready to go out to eat lunch. It was my sister and her boyfriend and her kids. And me and my 3 kids. .

What the heck is the boyfriend doing to help?
Is he the father to any of these kids or baby to be born?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

At this point in my vacation I would consider these people not talking to me as a bonus.

I used to use your excuse..."I put up with this for my kid's benefit."
Then my kids got older.....
Then long story short, you have to seperate yourself and then you are sad because you wasted all those years trying to get some respect from them.

So now I moved 600 miles away. I go in, go visit, and leave.

 

[Brianne]

Life's too short to be miserable.

 

[ducklite]

You can be used unless you let someone use you.

Give your sister an ultimatum. You're tired, don't feel well and are leaving. With or without her. If her boyfriend is there why can't HE take her home?

Good greif, leave. It's NOT your responsibility to deal with them all.

Anne

 

[minkydog]

At this point in my vacation I would consider these people not talking to me as a bonus.

I used to use your excuse..."I put up with this for my kid's benefit."
Then my kids got older.....
Then long story short, you have to seperate yourself and then you are sad because you wasted all those years trying to get some respect from them.

So now I moved 600 miles away. I go in, go visit, and leave.

Great minds think alike We moved 400 miles away from our family and it's amazing when we go back to see them--they are still having the same dramas they were having 25yrs ago when we left

OP, this is an embedded family pattern. You cannot change these people. You can only change yourself and your response. As i see it, you can continue as things are(as Dr Phil says, "How's that workin' for ya?") or you can decide to play differently. Warning: if you decide to change the rules of their game, they will rebel--they are very invested in keeping the status quo.

If you are more interested in not rocking the boat, in teaching your children it's okay to be the second-class citizen in the family, it's okay to be rude to each other and take advantage of each other, then do nothing. But if you are truly sick of the situation, then stand up and change it. If you are financial dependent on any of them, stop. If you are dependent on them for childcare, stop. Move out and move on. It will hurt real bad, but nobody will die from you growing up and taking charge of your life.