The pycho family drama continues...sorry long

[anewvance]

She doesn't want to go home... we have another week here.

Doesn't really matter, i'll get snide remarks every time I make only my kids a meal and my grandma will come in a save the day and make the princess and her kids food.

The only thing the boyfriend has really done since he got here was try to parent the 2 boys that aren't his. The new baby is his. He hasn't wanted to go to the beach or do much but sleep as well.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Great minds think alike We moved 400 miles away from our family and it's amazing when we go back to see them--they are still having the same dramas they were having 25yrs ago when we left

I just moved only 1yr and 4 months ago. So I am not so great.

However, for the love of PETE, they love to live in their ways.
We just got back on Tuesday.
My mother who has known we would be there 2 months ago worked the whole time I was there.
Gee mom, good to see you.
But nothing new...I told her to come and visit us. Of course she can't because she is broke from spending every last cent they have. Did I mention she is 68 and works in a nursing home as a LPN and it is killing her.

 

[SillyMe]

Consider that place just a place to sleep and shower. Take your kids and do things without the rest of the family. I agree with the other posters about the meals. Make them for your own kids or go out to eat. Let the rest fend for themselves. Don't worry about the snide remarks.

 

[budbeerlady]

Ouch!!!! You are darned if you stay and darned if you go. I would probably leave, as sucky as it would be for your kids to have thier vacation cut short, having a miserable Mom isnt much fun either.
I would have princess call the wonderful boyfriend when she is ready to go. I wouldnt do well there, I would get real snarky if someone made comments about only feeding my family. If I stayed I would march my rear up to princesses room and tell her to feed her kids they are hungry. I wouldnt watch her kids if she is too lazy to listen for a sleeping baby.

I would apologize to grandma for leaving early but tell her that it is too much to have to chase after 5 kids. You are not feeling well and you are leaving but you would love to hear what you missed after they get back. If they are being nasty about your medical problems you neednt waste anymore time with them. Would it really be that bad if they were upset with you and didnt call or come over? I think a family like that I could do real well with out for my one personal well being!

Good luck!

 

[FayeW]

She doesn't want to go home... we have another week here.

Who cares what she wants! She is treating you like garbage. Pack up your kids and go home, if that's what YOU want to do. Do something else fun with the kids for the rest of the week, they will get over having the vacation cut short. Stop making excuses!

 

[Disney Ella]

I do wish it were just so easy to pack up and go. But my family is nuts, if my grandma (who would be so hurt and ticked off if I left) is upset then the rest of the family takes her side no matter what the truth is and I'd be the outcast for as long as it would take for her to get over it... which in the past can be a LONG time. And I just can't do that to my kids.

I've read your other posts and I don't see why this would be a bad thing. As your kids get older, they are going to wonder why you let these people treat you this way. Would you let a friend treat you like this?

 

[waltsgirl]

Your husband can't get 1 week off to come down and help you? What type of work does he do? Why couldn't he come down on the weekends to help you out and give you a break?

 

[minkydog]

I've read your other posts and I don't see why this would be a bad thing. As your kids get older, they are going to wonder why you let these people treat you this way.

No, the kids aren't going to wonder why their mother is being treated this way.They're going to learn from those in power that it is appropriate to treat their own mother this way. That's the danger of living in abusive relationships whether the abuse is physical or more subtle, verbal or psychological abuse.

Would you let a friend treat you like this?

Well, would you

 

[Mermaid02]

No, the kids aren't going to wonder why their mother is being treated this way.They're going to learn from those in power that it is appropriate to treat their own mother this way. That's the danger of living in abusive relationships whether the abuse is physical or more subtle, verbal or psychological abuse.



Well, would you

You hit the nail right on the head!

 

[lynxstch]

Breathe!
Where is it carved into stone that YOU have to wait on your lazy sister?
You cannot be a doormat if you refuse to lie down and be walked on.
Grab your kids and go to the beach. Prepare the meals for you and your family or go out to eat and let the rest of them fend for them selves. If you stop waiting on them hand and foot they will figure out where the food is and make some.
Try to calmly talk to your sister so you can slavage the rest of your vacation.
Tell her that you understand she is tired and needs to nap but you are there to relax too and either she can take turns with child care and meal prep or she can arrange for a rental car to pick her and the kids up and take them home. Seriously, put your foot down girl!

Amen to that...it's YOUR vacation also...time to put more than your foot down!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Yep, that is what I said with my sister. If she was my friend I wouldn't see her too much.
So I stopped chasing after my family and being their doormat just to "be with them".
It wasn't easy, I went through alot. Lot's of regret, crying, etc...but I kept on trying to heal myself and I did it....finally.

It was then I had to take that hard look in the mirror and realize it wasn't about them...BUT ME.
Not easy to look at yourself like that.

But we moved, I grew, and I am happy now. I have decided at 41 I am done with their baloney and going to have a life of my own.

There is more to standing up for yourself than just doing it. It takes the ability to look at yourself and what you deserve. I know that the OP here thinks she is doing the right thing by putting up with crappy treatment, but she is like a "battered person". It is hard to make changes and take charge of your life.

 

[TheDisneyTraveler06]

I'm so sorry to hear about that! Stand your ground- You're NOT anyones servant! Let her take care of her own family, and don't do a thing for her. I hope it all gets better. For you! Hang in there, and remember, don't ler her, or anyone for that matter, treat you like that!!!

 

[kejoda]

Time to listen to the others and get a backbone. They treat you that way cause you let them.

 

[lbgraves]

Your sister's BF will have to get his butt back up there in a week to pick her & the kids up then. I would leave with my kids & go home where it seems to be easier to handle the situation. Being crowded into a small house doesn't give you any space or time to breathe. Go home & set up the little pool or sprinkler while you sit in a chair & relax. You wont have to worry about DS racing into the ocean. I wouldn't worry about what your psycho GM who broke into your home thinks about you. Come on...how balanced is she anyway?

 

[karebear1]

Your frustration comes because you feel you have no say or control in the situation at hand. As soon as you realize that you do- you will lose that frustration and gain power to do what you want to.

 

[lbgraves]

Who cares what she wants! She is treating you like garbage. Pack up your kids and go home, if that's what YOU want to do. Do something else fun with the kids for the rest of the week, they will get over having the vacation cut short. Stop making excuses!

I was just going to post the exact thing! It's time for you to do what YOU want to do. They will say it is selfish but good grief it is is selfish of them to expect you to do everything for them. Let GM get off her butt & take care of your sister's kids. That's that much less that you need to do. Are you packing yet?

 

[lucyanna girl]

Melissa, I'm so sorry you are having such a miserable vacation. As I see it there are two possible solutions.
1. Get your DH in on this plan. Say he has called and just cannot do without you and the children another day. Go home, get your children back in their usual routine and relax. The boyfriend can take your sister home - even if he has to make a special trip.
OR
2. If you feel you need to stay for your children's sake then you must stop waiting on everyone else. A two year old is a wonderful excuse not to do things. "Oh, I can't watch your child, cook your food, clean up your mess, etc., right now, my baby needs to be feed, changed, go for a walk, make your own reason up." Load your kids up and go to McDonald's and let them play in the kiddy area. Maybe there's a teen in the area you could hire to keep the baby while you and the girls go to a movie. As hard as it may be, just leave the dirty dishes where they are, out wait 'em.
I hope things get better and I hope you feel better soon. Is your Julia's nose better?


Penny

 

[Lil_Tink]

Breathe!
Where is it carved into stone that YOU have to wait on your lazy sister?
You cannot be a doormat if you refuse to lie down and be walked on.
Grab your kids and go to the beach. Prepare the meals for you and your family or go out to eat and let the rest of them fend for them selves. If you stop waiting on them hand and foot they will figure out where the food is and make some.
Try to calmly talk to your sister so you can slavage the rest of your vacation.
Tell her that you understand she is tired and needs to nap but you are there to relax too and either she can take turns with child care and meal prep or she can arrange for a rental car to pick her and the kids up and take them home. Seriously, put your foot down girl!

 

[N&B'smom]

They only treat you that way because they know you'll put up with it. If you stand up for yourself, they'll stop doing it. It won't be fun anymore. I know what it feels like to be the one everyone expects will do the 'right' thing - i.e. stay because you have to drive your sis home. BUT if I were you and they were doing the things you say and also mocking you regarding medication, I'd up and leave. Mocking you in front of your kids should light a fire under your butt to get up and get out!

Let them throw a fit, say you're the witch, whatever, will it be any different then it already is??? You're treated like crap already.

Pack up the kids and head out. You'll feel so empowered knowing that you refused to take their crap! Show your kids that you are a strong woman who won't be used and abused.

Shelby

 

[anewvance]

Let me state that i'm not being truly expected to watch her kids. If she goes to nap, it's "assumed" that my grandma is watching her boys while I'm watching my kids. So I am not dealing with 5 kids most of the time. But i'm also not used to watching my 3 kids all the time, I have a wonderful dh who is very helpful with them... especially being that I am still not 100% after the car accident. So it's not so much that I have to watch 3 kids, it's that the 2 nephews have child care with my grandmother whenever my sister wants it and I get my girls watched or whatnot only when it's something they are doing anyway and it's convenient and they won't have anything to do with my ds. So yes, they could get the girls out of my hair to take to the store with them, but i'm still stuck here while the baby is sleeping. Or they can take my girls for a walk on the beach, but i'm still standing there watching the baby go in and out of the water afraid he'll go to far in and get in trouble. There is no rest... no relaxing. And they simply don't understand this.

My dh was here the first 3 days and had to go back on Wed. He just took 2 weeks off for our Ireland trip so he can't be gone for much longer. It didn't make sense for him to come back up the 4 1/2 hour drive on Friday night just 2 days after he left here and leave Sun afternoon to go back home this weekend. And we will all be leaving next Sat so it doesn't make sense again.

I still don't know what to do... yes, "get a backbone" but I just can't ruin my kids vacation. They truly LOVE the beach... I wouldn't take it away from them. And we paid a good chuck of money as our part to stay here. My sister didn't have to pay a cent, she is on food stamps so she just bought some groceries for them for free.