The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands

[legs22]

Hey, it only makes sense. Focus on the behavior that you would like to see more of.
Reward the good behavior; ignore the bad behavior.
Then good behavior will increase; bad behavior will decrease.
*****ing and moaning to get them to do something will only make them resent you.

Thank them, kiss them, appreciate them.

Do unto to others as you would have them do unto you.

Glad it's working for you bjgrazi.

 

[Mishetta]

I've never listened to Dr. Laura, but maybe I will now!

My DH & I have always said "please & thank you" to each other for every chore we've done around the house. Each & every night, he thanks me after he finishes his dinner ~ even if I put a bowl of cereal in front of him!

I've always thanked him for taking the trash out & for folding laundry (when I hadn't gotten around to it & the clothes were in the basket on the table).

I don't feel I have to thank him but I do it because I love him & respect him. It's just being nice to one another. We never talk to each other harshly either, only sweetly & respectfully. We've been married 10 years, & it feels like we just married last year.

When we were first married, my DH didn't do all that much around the house. I did what I could & what didn't get done, just didn't get done. Then if he saw something wasn't done he'd say "well, why didn't you ask me?" So...I just started asking "honey, when you have time, could you help me with...blah, blah, blah..." Slowly, he just seemed to adopt more & more chores & now truthfully, he does all the big things like vacuums the entire house & washes all the floors & then a ton of other little things....and I no longer work outside of the home!

So I think Dr. Laura knows what she's talking about! (Remember the saying about catching a lot more bees with honey.....)

 

[Mom2Em]

I am glad that it is working for you... My co-workers husband just bought it for her I think that she didn't appreciate it... to each their own...

 

[disykat]

I haven't read the book, but it sounds like it makes sense. I would be offended if she said "men don't have to be appreciative but women do." It doesn't sound like she said that - her book happened to be written about men liking appreciation. I think speaking nicely and showing appreciation sounds like a great way to treat each other. If she writes a similar book to men about women liking to be appreciated maybe I'll get them both and dh and I can each read one!

I thank my husband sometimes when he takes out the trash. He sometimes thanks me for making dinner. I'd be pretty offended if he said he had better things to do than kiss **** because the old lady decided to make dinner.

 

[Kermit]

I haven't read that book particular, but I have read other books with a similar message, and it works for us. I don't think that the point is that you should gush to the point that you're acting like an idiot. The point is that you love your husband and you ARE thankful for what he does for you, so why not stress that point? Everyone likes to feel special. It probably will cause your DH to do more stuff for you and be more appreciative toward you, but even if it doesn't, you'll feel good because you are making the most important person in your life happier.

 

[missypie]

This is all very thought provoking. My first impulse is to agree with the posters who say "I do almost everything; why should DH be gushed over for taking out the trash one time?" But if it actually WORKS with the male of the species, it may be worth a try.

This may be similar to all those "How to Get You Wife Intersted in Sex" articles. They all say "women want affection all day long." Men ignore that and wonder why they don't get more at night. The answer (affection and foreplay) has been written and written and written- and would usually work - but so many men choose to ignore that advice.

Maybe this gushing over men when they do something good is similar...maybe it really would work, and if we choose to ignore it, we've just ignored valid advice.

BTW, did anyone listen to Dr. Laura when she first come on the radio? Her message was much more middle of the road and more main stream. It disgusts me that she found her "base" and now plays only to them instead of giving honest advice.

 

[chager]

Ok I have NO IDEA who Dr. Laura is so I won't comment on if I like her or not However I was told when I got married (14 years this year) to get a book on about "how to train a puppy" then apply most of it to the husband. From what I'm reading it sounds like Dr. Laura is working on the same theory.
After all when a puppy does what you want it to you give it praise!! It eventually learns what to do in order to get praise.

Hmm I wonder if guys are ever told that about women

 

[beattyfamily]

My DH said he heard about the book on Larry King Live and it sounded exactly how he feels so he told me about it and I decided to buy it. I was a bit skeptical but many things she was saying rang true.

I've been trying to apply what she wrote about in my everyday life and have noticed a definite change.

The book basically says that if you give your DH 'affection', feed him, and give him some positive feedback (praise), he'll do just about anything for you. You'd have him eating out of the palm of your hands! That men are simple and have basic needs. To quote one DH "As a man, I can tell you our needs are simple. We want to be fed, we want our kids mothered, and we want lovin'" or this DH said he wants "lots of 'affection' and no nagging". The book says that when DHs feel loved, they can move mountains! That we take them for granted a lot more then we realize. That we don't thank them enough for the things they do each day.

I thought the book rang true and was very helpful. I don't know yet if I like Dr. Laura or not but I like the basic principles of the book.

 

[2bemarried]

I completely agree with Mishetta. It's not about saying thank you just to kiss ****...it's RESPECTING your spouse enough to know they deserve a thanks...even for little jobs.

Mishetta...glad to know we're not the only couple that doesn't argue. Yelling never solves problems.

 

[mom2boys]

I have the book & have started reading it - haven't finished it yet. It makes some good points. The biggest is that men show their affection by doing & being responsible. This hit home with me a couple of weeks ago when we had several inches of snow & DH went out to clean my van off before he went to work. I didn't ask him to do it, but I sure was happy not to have to do it myself. I did thank him even though he frequently does these types of things. I used to dread making his lunch every day - actually he likes to take cereal w/soy milk & lunch which I viewed as extra work. Dr. Laura's book indicates that husbands really appreciate little things like this. And when I stepped back & looked at it, I know that my husband does - he tries to eat right & he doesn't like to waste money. Two good reasons for him to avoid the fast food joints. Our household seems to be more harmoneous since I have started reading the book.

Those of you who are hostile towards the concept of the book - what do you have to lose? If you read the book & don't agree with it, you don't have to change anything.