The old Christian lady and The Atheist (joke) (can't wait for the replies...lol)

[dwbakerjr]

Our minister tells a little anecdote from time to time about how different people view the way their faith 'operates' in their life...

Fred was caught in rising flood water, but told the Natl Guard truck to help other people, as he was not in danger, and others needed help, and he knew God would take care of him. Later, with water in his house, he told the Coast Guard boat the same thing. And finally, sitting on his roof, he waved the helicopter off, because he didnt want to use a seat that might save someone else. He was never afraid. Finally his house collapsed, and he drowned.

At the Pearly Gates, he spoke to St Peter and Jesus, and expressed his happiness that he was reaching his reward. But he asked Jesus, "Why didnt you take care of my mortal needs, Lord?" Jesus looked sideways at him and said, ..."but I sent a truck, a boat, and even a helicopter Fred...."

(((nothing too deep; this thread just made me recall the story)))

 

[EROS]

Once there was a man who was an extremely devout Christian. He believed firmly in the power of prayer. If something bad happened, he prayed for help. If something good happened, he prayed in thanks. If he had to make a choice, he prayed for guidance. He prayed on behalf of his friends, his relatives, and people he met on the Internet.

Nevertheless, he had problems. He worked like a dog, yet he never had quite enough money to pay the bills and was deeply in debt. His wife was irritable and sickly and had been making him sleep on the couch since the late eighties. His college-age daughter was flunking half her classes and only called home when she wanted money, and his high school age son was flunking all his classes and spent a most of his time in his room smoking things that smelled odd.

One day the Christian got down on his knees and poured his heart out. "Oh Lord, You know that I'm devoted to You. I make time every single day for prayer. Yet my financial life's a mess, my marriage is a mess, my kids are a mess. My next-door neighbor is an atheist, and he has a great job, a lovely, devoted wife, and a daughter who's going to be class valdictorian. What's the deal?"

And God, with a voice like thunder from the sky, said, "He doesn't bother me all the time."

 

[dwbakerjr]

ok, ok, just to show we can laff at ourselves here...

There was a Christian musician who didnt get much work, but kept a little food on the table by fixing peoples plumbing. It was a spartan life, but he and his dog Maize got by. One day, when finances were low he was glad to get a message about a lady that needed her sink worked on. He grabbed his tools and headed out. But on arriving, he discoved that his adjustable spanner was missing, and he could not do the job. Totally dispirited, he headed home, and saw Maize out in the yard eating grass (as he did often during the hot summer). Just as well, he thought, cant feed him tonite anyway. But there in the yard where Maize has thinned the grass, the sun sparkled off a piece of metal; sure enough it was his wrench. He quickly returned to the lady's house, did the work and was paid. That night, with his dog by his feet, he started writing a song that would go through a few changes, and endure for a long time...

>>A Grazing Maize, How Sweet the Hound,
>>That Saved a Wrench for Me................

 

[Jeff in BigD]

Originally posted by babar
hey Jeff, isn't the first quote from The Devils's Advocate?

Actually they're both from The Usual Suspects.

It might have been in Devil's Advocate, but I ended up walking out, so I don't know.

 

[Sheree Bobbins]

There are some funny jokes on this thread. Haha "He doesn't bother me all the time."

 

[dwbakerjr]

So, anyhow, Oral Roberts finally passes off this veil, and shows up one morning at the Pearly Gates.

St Peter is taken aback, and says "Wait here a sec...". He returns with Jesus, who says "Are you Oral roberts, my son?" (Oral sez yessir). Jesus says, "Come with me. My Dad has been wanting to talk to you for a long time."

Behind the clouds is a countenance impossible to describe in human words. A voice rumbles out "Leave us alone!!", and the clouds draw around them. God speaks again and says "I'm really happy you have come home, Oral." (Oral sez thankya). God continues, "You see, Oral, I've had this arthritic shoulder for so many years, and I wondered if you could take a look at it....."