The official bride to be thread

[Pugsley]

I’m getting married April 26 in Jamaica! We had scheduled a wedding at WDW for that day but things started getting too complicated and expensive since we were going to have to pay the travel expenses for several people. So we decided to postpone everything. Then we decided to buy a house, and construction should be completed by the end of the summer. We want to be married before we close on the house, so we really didn’t have much time to plan a wedding, and heavens knows we won’t have much money left. So we decided to make things easy for ourselves and elope to the Caribbean – just the two of us. We’re doing it at an all-inclusive resort so we won’t have to worry about a thing. Everything (food, drinks, activities, and the wedding!) is included and paid for in advance. I’m a little sad that our family and friends won’t be there, but honestly this is the kind of wedding I’ve always dreamed of. We can’t wait!

 

[Chicago526]

Anyone know of a place that has a good selection of guest books, unity candles and other wedding doo-dads? I've been checking a few places out, like card stores and craft stores, and they only have 2 or 3 options for most wedding related items. If anyone knows of a good store, web site, or catalog company, I'd really appreciate it!

 

[CheshireVal]

Another bride-to-be here!

I got engaged in November, and a few weeks ago we decided on a date of March 26!!! My fiance's family is in Australia, and since they were going to be here visiting over Easter anyway, we decided to do it earlier so that they wont' have to pay to come back all over again later in the year.

As you can imagine, I've been in a frenzy of planning! I've picked out the place: lodge in mountains. It's going to be a small wedding for family and close friends-- maybe 30-40 people. I'm not having any attendants-- only flower girls (my cousins' daughters). My cousin's husband is a minister and is performing the ceremony. We're having a cake and champagne reception.

I bought my dress off the rack at a bridal salon this past weekend (no time to order one I found out!) Adam has reserved his tux. We have a good friend who is an amateur photographer who has agreed to do our pictures for just the price of film and processing!

All that's left (except for minor details) are flowers, which I'm doing myself, and invitations (which I need to do SOON!)

I honestly am feeling so stressed about the whole thing. My mom is super excited and has been great with planning, but she lives 3 hours away so we can't get together and plan as much as I'd like.....

 

[CheshireVal]

Anyone know of a place that has a good selection of guest books, unity candles and other wedding doo-dads? I've been checking a few places out, like card stores and craft stores, and they only have 2 or 3 options for most wedding related items. If anyone knows of a good store, web site, or catalog company, I'd really appreciate it!

I'm curious about this too! I've seen nice things in stores like Michael's, Hobby Lobby, and Party City, but their selection is kinda limited.

I am checking out Garden Ridge tonight!

 

[princess pooh]

Wow ChesireVal, you're almost done planning! That's so amazing! The location sounds so beautiful

I haven't found a website with a large selection of wedding extras either. I'll probably resort to buying that stuff off of Ebay. I actually just looked on Ebay and there was a sale on unity candles but I'm worried they might melt in transit. For any Canadian brides out there, I got two catalogues for discount wedding stuff...Blush Invitations and Accessories, and Invitations by Dawn.

I've been feeling pretty lazy in comparison to most of you guys so I picked out invitations today . I chose something pretty basic because we decided most of the money is going towards the band and the food. Now I have a dress and invitation type - two decisions down, a trillion more to go!

 

[CheshireVal]

Now I have a dress and invitation type - two decisions down, a trillion more to go!

You know, planning and making these decisions can be really fun (as well as a bit maddening!)

 

[princess pooh]

I know ChesireVal, I really should get more into it. I'm starting to wish I was one of those little girls who always dreamed of a fantasy wedding. It's hard to make decisions because I have no idea what I want . I'm going to look at menus soon though and if there's one thing that excites me, it's cake

 

[Chicago526]

bump! great thread and I don't want it to get "lost"!

 

[Amberle3]

How early are folks sending out their invitations these days?

Last year we were invited to an October wedding, we received the invitation in April. They sent them out early because they knew that most people had to travel for the wedding.

We know that everyone has to travel for our wedding. We'd like to send the invitations out soon (they're all printed already) but DFi's parents are acting like we're about to commit a crime. In their opinion a few WEEKS is enough notice. Nevermind the response time, the time requirement for the reception etc. But many of our guests are coming from out of the country, so travel plans are going to have to be made soon.

 

[totalia]

I'm getting married. It was supposed to be May 24, 2005 but we had some unexpected problems pop up.

It originally wasn't going to be a problem paying for it. It was only going to be about $3500. We were going to have the wedding in New Orleans in O'Flaherty's Irish Channel and Pub. Danny O'Flaherty (a world reknowned Irish musician) was going to play for us. We were going to have a buffet of real Cajun food (not Irish because my family has never had real Cajun food and I thought it would be a great treat for them). It would have been fantastic fun for everyone.

But we have been having problems.

His parents kept promising that they were going to give us money to pay for the wedding. They already delayed it once so we had to put it off till May. Now they are doing it again. You will likely ask me why my family couldn't pitch in. Because they were going to be paying about $2000 a person to come down to attend the wedding. I can't ask them to help pay for the wedding too. Not to mention, his family makes ALOT more money than any of my family members do.

That really wouldn't be a problem if it wasn't for the fact that we are still waiting on the Fiance Visa for me and the fact that I was in a car accident in October.

Now, I don't dare leave Canada until I'm healed. Here, I will have all my medical needs covered even though I can't work right now because of the accident. Down south, that wouldn't be the case.

I was walking home October 28 at about 11 pm right after I got out of work. I was crossing the street and was hit by a car. It broke the two bones in the bottom half of my left leg, caused a spleen injury and a head fracture. It resulted in Stars Air Ambulance having to air lift me to a specialist hospital in Calgary because they were afraid I had a spinal injury and a brain injury as well.

The spleen and head injury are healed completely though I have trouble thinking of the names of things sometimes (that's fine though once someone has reminded me) and a bit of memory trouble for unimportant little things (have to be reminded of some small things in my past too. Like incidents of things when I was a kid).

The biggest problem is my leg. I had to have a titanium rod inserted (it's permanent) in order to allow me to walk because when it heals, my leg will always be weak and will always have a chance of breaking again.

Right now, I have to use a walker to even get to the other room until my leg heals enough to walk on. That was going great the first while. Then I fell down. The pieces of the large bone in the leg came apart before they had a chance to start healing. So my recovery is going to take longer than was first believed.

Right now, I can't work. So, not only are we having his parents make false promises to help us, but we will have to turn down the visa even if it goes through because I need to recover before I can go down there due to the.... lack of gvt support for medical care. We will barely be able to afford to take care of ourselves because of the Visa (I can't work until after we are married. When we are married we have to wait three months till I can apply for a work permit). Paying extra money out so that I can heal properly is just NOT an option.

So right now, as things stand, we are going wait until I heal enough that I can at least use a cane to walk. Then, when the Visa finally goes through, we are just going to bring my sister down there with us to be a witness and go to the courthouse to get married.

We are trying to figure out how we will manage to have dinner with our families because of the legalities of it all. But thats all it will be. Just dinner. No entertainment. No hall. No decorations. We can't afford any more than that on our own. And even then, it will probably just be a potluck dinner in both locations.

Maybe 5 years later, we will have a vow renewal to have the wedding we wanted in the first place. Right now, it just isn't possible.

And what's worse, every time I go on wedding web sites, I want to smack em all. They have fits about things like not wanting to invite an annoying family members or about how the favors they want are too expensive.

Apparently they don't know what real problems are. I wish things were so easy. I almost died. Literally almost died. The police tell me that the guy had slowed down from 50 kmph to 30. If he hadn't, I'd have been dead. Or worse, I almost had a permanent brain injury (the doctors thought I did at first).

I just can't bring myself to be upset over it all. I'm alive, so are the people I love and I'm marrying the man I love. Believe me, those little kinds of problems are NOTHING in comparison.

 

[PryncessChrysty]

Wow, Totalia. I can't even begin to say I can understand what you're going through. I did break an ankle and had to have a metal plate surgically implanted onto my bone and although it is still fragile, it's not as bad as what you are describing. I'm sorry that you are having such a hard run right now. Whenever bad things happen to me one after another, I just try to think positive and tell myself that at some point things will turn around and I will have a string of good luck. It's worked for me every time *knocks on wood*.

Have you considered doing a quickie wedding now, maybe even up in Canada, so that you can apply for the work permit in three months? Then by the time everything goes through, you might be healed enough to work so that you and your DH2B can get things going? Then when you're better you can have the wedding you've been hoping for.

And if you just wanted a wedding with only a few people (since you mentioned just having your sister as a witness), and I remember reading that you've always wanted to go to WDW, but have never been, maybe you could do the intimate wedding package that WDW offers. It's $3500 and includes everything, even the honeymoon. Just a thought.

I hope things start looking up for you soon.

 

[totalia]

Wow, Totalia. I can't even begin to say I can understand what you're going through. I did break an ankle and had to have a metal plate surgically implanted onto my bone and although it is still fragile, it's not as bad as what you are describing. I'm sorry that you are having such a hard run right now. Whenever bad things happen to me one after another, I just try to think positive and tell myself that at some point things will turn around and I will have a string of good luck. It's worked for me every time *knocks on wood*.

Thank you. I'm trying to think positive. The doctors actually gave me antidepressants but I don't need them. I'm just happy to be alive. Everything has new meaning. I am really grateful to have the people I love and to be here.

Have you considered doing a quickie wedding now, maybe even up in Canada, so that you can apply for the work permit in three months? Then by the time everything goes through, you might be healed enough to work so that you and your DH2B can get things going? Then when you're better you can have the wedding you've been hoping for.

We thought of that. Unfortunately that brings up a whole new list of problems because it changes my status. We have to apply to a new Visa. And because his family already has been messing around with the money side of things, they wouldn't even be able to come (his parents decided that they WANTED to move to a new city for the 2nd time this year. Not that they had to but they wanted to. Even though they know we needed help with the wedding. I am pretty angry with them right now).

See if we get married up here, then we have to apply for a new Visa before I can go down there and I can't go down there until the visa goes through. If they find out that I am living there, I can be deported. Stupid Bush has made things alot harder since 9/11.

That means that we could still be waiting months for the work visa.

Can you tell I'm very frustrated? Everything would have been going fine if it wasn't for the accident. Now everything is much much harder. I even started crying on the phone with my fiance a couple weeks ago because of all this. Usually, I'm just fine but he had just told me "my mom said that she knows we need help but things just keep getting in the way." Yeah things like moving again and things like deciding to buy a new car. Uh huh, things just keep getting in the way. Like his parents own selfishness. gah, I just need an honest answer instead of living on their promises. Is it yes or no).

And if you just wanted a wedding with only a few people (since you mentioned just having your sister as a witness), and I remember reading that you've always wanted to go to WDW, but have never been, maybe you could do the intimate wedding package that WDW offers. It's $3500 and includes everything, even the honeymoon. Just a thought.

I hope things start looking up for you soon.

Oh I desperately want to go to Disney. I always have. We thought about getting married in Disney but we still have that pesky money problem. At this rate, it could take years for us to get $3500.

Btw, thanks for listening. I can deal with the accident and the recovery just fine. But I don't like getting screwed by anyone making false promises. I actually only wanted a very small wedding in the first place without all the other extras. The only reason we were doing it is because his mother insisted that was the way things had to be and kept saying things like "you better have the wedding your sister was supposed to have. I want to be there. Don't elope because it means no one gets anything they want."

Grrrr... then help us you selfish woman cause we can't do it ourselves.

*takes a deep breath* Sorry, been dealing with the promises for over a year and the problems with the car accident since October. I am getting angry. I think its gone beyond the frustration. It really doesn't do to start off our marriage being angry with his parents. Though, its the full situation itself that getting me angry.

 

[princess pooh]

Oh Totalia, I'm sorry you're going through all that. Your fmil isn't being fair and she's making things so much harder for you. I wish I had some constructive advice to give you but I couldn't even imagine what you're going through.

We're here for you if you need to vent

 

[totalia]

Thank you so much for listening. I've been trying not to go on about this. The more I talk about it the more I seem to get upset. But it really has been bugging me. You'd figure I could go on wedding web sites and vent because other brides would get it right? I can't cause they are all annoying the heck out of me with the pettiness.

I just wish it was done already. Heh lots of brides must say that. I just want it all over with.

 

[princess pooh]

Amberle3, From what I heard you're supposed to send the invitations 2 months before the wedding. I don't think it's such a big deal to send them out before though . You could send a ""save the date card" but that seems silly if the invites are ready.

That reminds me, Vistaprint.ca is having a special promotion until the end of January. You can get return address labels, cards, and stuff like that, and they only charge for shipping.

 

[Chicago526]

totalia,

I'm sorry you're having such a rough time! You're right, those of us "blessed" with "my MIL is driving me nuts, I want a chocolate wedding cake but she says it must be white!" type problems do tend to loose sight of the big picture! My feeling is, as long as you actually get married, then your wedding day is a success! The rest is just details!

I wish you and your future hubby all the best! Good luck!

Oh, and to the poster that wondered about sending out invites. 8 weeks is the "norm". I too will have a lot of out-of-towners that will need more than 8 weeks notice, so I'm sending "save the date" post cards this spring. That's one option if you don't want to send out the invites so early. On the other hand, if the invites are done and read to go, you may as well just send them. I'd do it about 12 weeks to 16 weeks before. That's 3 or 4 months, plenty of time I'd think. Too much more, and they may forget or lose the invitations.

 

[DisneyGoddess]

What a fun thread! My DF and I are getting married on May 14th. It is my second wedding and his first. We chose to have a wedding brunch at a waterfront restaurant and are looking forward to it.

The one question I have and would like all of your advice on is this: Music and/or dancing. Since it is a morning wedding (10:30-11am ceremony on-site) and the brunch following... what would you do about music for the reception? I would like to have a first dance but don't really think dancing is appropriate for the time of day. Any ideas/suggestions/advice?

Thanks!

 

[Amberle3]

4 months I'm thinking is decent timing. Hotels won't be hard to find in Vegas, airfare from up in Canada (especially around here) fluctuates greatly and I'd like to provide folks with an opportunity to take advantage of any seat sales that might come up. I know I'd feel awkward booking a flight before I actually had an invitation in my hand.

Latest wedding gripe:
A relative who might not come to the wedding. We knew when we planned a destination wedding that not everyone was going to be able to make it, and we're okay with that. Really, we are. We've been engaged since 2001, and about 2 years ago decided that the wedding was going to be in Las Vegas. Last summer we selected a date and let everyone know when the wedding was going to be. All along this one relative has been very supportive and saying of course he and his family will be there, they wouldn't miss it etc.

Well now apparently he thinks they might go somewhere else instead. He rewards one of his kids (just one of them) with a trip every year to a destination of the kid's chosing, and this year the kid has chosen Europe. So he thinks that instead of coming to the wedding, that he's been saying they'll be at for over a year now, that they'll go off to Europe instead.

You know, if he had said that they couldn't afford to go, or couldn't afford the time off, then I'd be just fine with that. Frankly I don't even really like this relative all that much and I'm okay with him not being there. What I'm a little miffed at is that he apparently has no problem at all with blowing off a committment that he's already made so that he can go off and do something else. I mean what's that teaching the kid? And what makes it worse is that I haven't heard this from him, but from his sister who's equally upset with him about his attitude.

If he doesn't go then that's fine - we have a limited capacity at the chapel and have more people that we'd like to invite but didn't have room, so now we would have. But for heaven's sake at he could least have the decency to tell me himself!

(And for those who have read my previous family gripes, yes this is the same relative that expects hundreds of $$ in Christmas presents for him and his family but his present to everyone is a box of chocolates. I definitely know what I'll be sending them this year.)

 

[princess pooh]

I had to deal with my first bit of wedding nastiness today. I was telling my friend that I was ordering my invitations online and she said she's never do that because they'd look to cheap and "people would talk"!



I have to admit I find what she said kind of funny. I don't have an unlimited budget and I want to spend most of the money on the food and band. Besides some people like to look down on you no matter how much you spend. And really, I can't remember the look of one invitation I've ever gotten in my life.

Wait untill she sees the save the date cards I got from the clearance bin at Staples

 

[totalia]

totalia,

I'm sorry you're having such a rough time! You're right, those of us "blessed" with "my MIL is driving me nuts, I want a chocolate wedding cake but she says it must be white!" type problems do tend to loose sight of the big picture! My feeling is, as long as you actually get married, then your wedding day is a success! The rest is just details!

I wish you and your future hubby all the best! Good luck!

Oh, and to the poster that wondered about sending out invites. 8 weeks is the "norm". I too will have a lot of out-of-towners that will need more than 8 weeks notice, so I'm sending "save the date" post cards this spring. That's one option if you don't want to send out the invites so early. On the other hand, if the invites are done and read to go, you may as well just send them. I'd do it about 12 weeks to 16 weeks before. That's 3 or 4 months, plenty of time I'd think. Too much more, and they may forget or lose the invitations.

Thank you very much. Good luck to you too.

I have to agree about the invites. Plus alot can change in the time before 3-4 months before the wedding.