Valerie.. Im coming to you again to ask for help!!
Our friends that had the triplets called this evening.. Umm.. Quick background info.. My dh .. Frelan.. and the dad.. Bill.. have been friends forever. They have been married for 5 years, and have 4 older children. 3 are just hers, 2 preteens, and a 7yo.. Their baby is one and a half. So I know him much better then her.
ANYWAYS.. Bill called tonight to tell me that two of the triplets have brain bleeds, they both have a level (stage?) 4 on one side, and a 3 on the other. They are understandably very upset.. I have no info on that, the outcomes, or anything. I know that a few of the moms on my twin boards who had preemies had this, and everyones babies came home from the hospital healthy. But other then some brief snippets I have read from them, I dont know anything else about it. I dont want them to read about it online.. You know how awful that can be. So if you have anything you can tell me about it, I would be forever grateful. I just want to give him some hope.
I seem to be the only one he can talk to right now.. I want to do more, but I am really at a loss. I have offered up everything I can think of, but she doesnt want to talk to anyone, and is feeling really bad. She is thinking it is all her fault.. No matter what he says, she doesnt believe him. I dont know.. I am just heart broken for them right now.
They have a tough road before them, frought with danger and heartbreak to be sure. BUT, others have gone before them and made it out the other side. I encourage them to seek out preemie parenting support, online I belong to Yahoo Groups Preemie-List
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/preemie-list/
OK, now brain bleeds (IVH, Intra Ventricular Hemhorage) are pretty common in the micro-preemie population, and grade 3/4 can be quite serious. My son had bilateral grade 2 IVH (bleeds) -- he has mild cerebral palsy, he is ambulatory, wears leg braces, gets physical therapy, has a "funny" gait and does not have the same balance, strength, stability or stamina of same age peers. His CP is likely due to the brain bleeds, but could have been caused by simply by his premature birth.
Just because of these babies gestational age, there is a chance that not all of them will make it home, and if they survive they are at increased risk of disability. Obviously, this couple needs to be talking with their babies' doctors for specific info about their kids prognosis. The thing is, while statistics can help you see probability & chances, they cannot predict a specific outcome for a specific child. There are preemies with grade 4 bleeds that have only the most minor impacts from them & preemies whose scans were declared "clean" that bear major disability -- there is no way to tell at this point. Babies brains are still very plastic and even when damaged (as with a bleed) can recover to what extent is unpredictable. If your friends are spiritual people, prayer may help, or least help the parents to feel supported.
I'm sorry it's not all rosy & cheery. And the mom may be a wreck for a while. When my first son was born (at 26 1/2 weeks) for about the first 3/4 weeks I was walking & talking and *appeared* to be coping, I was probably in shock. I would get in my car alone & drive & cry. It took me a couple of years to get over feeling guilty that my body failed or that I did this to my child -- talking & writing about it and getting validation from other moms that have been there were crucial, and why I think the parents seeking support groups when they are ready is important.
Also this couple is very nearly walking through hell right now. I remember describing it (having a child critically ill in the NICU) as ripping out your own heart and watching it struggle to breathe & live in the warming tray before you. They have it X 3. Even if they have a strong marriage -- men & women process & cope differently, this experience could rip them apart & stress their marriage to the breaking point. It's important for them to remember to connect and really be with and hear their partner.
I know the mom is not ready to hear it yet, but she did the best she could. With trips she was nearly assured of delivering early, of course she would have like to have made it further than she did, but she had the appropriate medical care, she wasn't being reckless -- IT WASN'T HER FAULT. Had it been a single 6 pound baby & not 3 2 pound babies all would have been well. I really feel for your friends. I do. Even though my older son is 6 1/2 now, I can relive all the old fears & anxiety -- it all comes flooding back in an instant. If there is anything I can do (from a distance) let me know.
If I have to pull one more baby off the entertainment center, out from under the chair.. chase them down the hallway.. GAHHHHHH!!! Im going nuts. I need BUNGEE CORD. and lots of it. I have to put them in the dreaded jumper just to keep them contained. and they HATE it.
it.
No crawling yet but I see it in my future, she can get around the room rolling! I just started her on solids, she's just getting bananas off my finger for now. Not sure if I'm doing babyfood or just bits of solid soft stuff, like avocado, banana. She's here next to me just talking away!! I LOVE this stage!
and I know at 40 I have alot more aches and pains than I use too. Tell Kathy to hang in there it gets better, I know you have been a great support to her during the pregnancy keep it up. That little princess is certainly worth every change you are all going through.
I love sewing for my kiddos! My older dd LOVES when I make matching stuff for her and Jazzy. I am working on a bunch of stuff for our trip to WDW so the kids all have matching clothes.
)
