The Misadventures of our Family Circus

[cnetbuild]

~~2009~~
Lost

Who can forget the day Tom Hanks, as a Fedex employee, was riding a jet when it crashed at sea and let him abandoned on a small deserted island. When the storm settled, Tom realized he was all by himself... And lost.

We arrived in the Disney hotel parking lot just moments in front of the plumb of gasoline vapor the trailed behind us. I swung the van into the lot going too fast because I was afraid to slow down and then need to hit the gas again. With a jolt, I hit the breaks to come to an abrupt stop in the van's final resting place.

Everyone in the van shot forward until their seat belts yanked them back into their seats. "We made it!" I cheered.

I looked around the van and rather than celebration, I saw fear on my family's face. So, to lighten the mood I jumped out of the van, dropped to my knees, and kissed the ground. "Dad!" My daughter protested.

Our hotel room at the resort was exactly one quarter of a mile away from the parking lot. This made the room very quiet and peaceful. But with 37 pieces of luggage, it meant a World Gym work-out for me as I made twenty runs to the van carrying giant suitcases, bags, rubber made tubs, coolers, and everything else a modern family of 5 needs to survive for a week. Why did we pack a bicycle?

We arrived at the Magic Kingdom late, but that was OK because it was open until 3am for resort guests, and we had a whole day to catch-up on!

As the evening turned to night, the long drive took its toll and I started to get tired. The family loaded onto the Dumbo Ride, a ride I can't do and keep my super. So, I wandered off to Airil's Cove where I found a comfortable chair. Too comfortable. I fell asleep.

When I woke, the scene looked very different. My family was no longer in line! How long had I been sleeping? What time was it? Was the park still open? Where the busses still running? My family didn't know where I had went and now I didn't know where they were. I was.... Lost! Oh no! I don't like where this is going....

"Holiday Ro oh oh oh oh oh ad.
Holiday Ro oh oh oh oh oh oad."

 

[cnetbuild]

~~2009~~
Lost

Who can forget the day Tom Hanks, as a Fedex employee, was riding a jet when it crashed at sea and let him abandoned on a small deserted island. When the storm settled, Tom realized he was all by himself... And lost.

We arrived in the Disney hotel parking lot just moments in front of the plumb of gasoline vapor the trailed behind us. I swung the van into the lot going too fast because I was afraid to slow down and then need to hit the gas again. With a jolt, I hit the breaks to come to an abrupt stop in the van's final resting place. Everyone in the van shot forward until their seat belts yanked them back into their seats. "We made it!" I cheered. I looked around the van and rather than celebration, I saw fear on my family's face. So, to lighten the mood I jumped out of the van, dropped to my knees, and kissed the ground. "Dad!" My daughter protested.

Our hotel room at the resort was exactly one quarter of a mile away from the parking lot. This made the room very quiet and peaceful. But with 37 pieces of luggage, it meant a World Gym work-out for me as I made twenty runs to the van carrying giant suitcases, bags, rubber made tubs, coolers, and everything else a modern family of 5 needs to survive for a week. Why did we pack a bicycle?

We arrived at the Magic Kingdom late, but that was OK because it was open until 3am for resort guests, and we had a whole day to catch-up on!

As the evening turned to night, the long drive took its toll and I started to get tired. The family loaded onto the Dumbo Ride, a ride I can't do and keep my super. So, I wandered off to Airil's Cove where I found a comfortable chair. Too comfortable. I fell asleep.

When I woke, the scene looked very different. My family was no longer in line! How long had I been sleeping? What time was it? Was the park still open? Where the busses still running? My family didn't know where I had went and now I didn't know where they were. I was.... Lost! Oh no! I don't like where this is going....

"Holiday Ro oh oh oh oh oh ad.
Holiday Ro oh oh oh oh oh oad."

 

[cnetbuild]

~~2009~~
Lost

Who can forget the day Tom Hanks, as a Fedex employee, was riding a jet when it crashed at sea and let him abandoned on a small deserted island. When the storm settled, Tom realized he was all by himself... And lost.

We arrived in the Disney hotel parking lot just moments in front of the plumb of gasoline vapor the trailed behind us. I swung the van into the lot going too fast because I was afraid to slow down and then need to hit the gas again. With a jolt, I hit the breaks to come to an abrupt stop in the van's final resting place. Everyone in the van shot forward until their seat belts yanked them back into their seats. "We made it!" I cheered. I looked around the van and rather than celebration, I saw fear on my family's face. So, to lighten the mood I jumped out of the van, dropped to my knees, and kissed the ground.

"Dad!" My daughter protested.

Our hotel room at the resort was exactly one quarter of a mile away from the parking lot. This made the room very quiet and peaceful. But with 37 pieces of luggage, it meant a World Gym work-out for me as I made twenty runs to the van carrying giant suitcases, bags, rubber made tubs, coolers, and everything else a modern family of 5 needs to survive for a week. Why did we pack a bicycle?

We arrived at the Magic Kingdom late, but that was OK because it was open until 3am for resort guests, and we had a whole day to catch-up on!

As the evening turned to night, the long drive took its toll and I started to get tired. The family loaded onto the Dumbo Ride, a ride I can't do and keep my super. So, I wandered off to Airil's Cove where I found a comfortable chair. Too comfortable. I fell asleep.

When I woke, the scene looked very different. My family was no longer in line! How long had I been sleeping? What time was it? Was the park still open? Where the busses still running? My family didn't know where I had went and now I didn't know where they were. I was.... Lost! Oh no! I don't like where this is going....

"Holiday Ro oh oh oh oh oh ad.
Holiday Ro oh oh oh oh oh oad."

 

[cnetbuild]

Pin Trading

We do pin trading to give an extra dimension to our Disney trips. Pin trading can be a lots of fun and provide a souvenir and Momento for after the trip. With pin trading you can go up to other people who wear pin lanyards and trade pins with them. We restrict our kids to approaching only cast members but anyone wearing a lanyard is free game. Here is my advice about pin trading.

1. If you have your favorite pin on your lanyard and someone asks to trade for it you will have an awkward situation. Cast members will take whatever you give them. But other guests may want your favorite pin. Either don't put your pin on your lanyard or don't wear your lanyard everywhere.

2. Buying pins in the park is expensive. Instead, buy a five pack of pins online before your trip.

3. When you buy the five pack of pins try to buy ugly pins that your kids will not want to keep. It always happens: even though we buy ugly pins the kids love them and don't want to trade them.

If your kids don't do pin trading, I encourage you to try it on your next trip.

 

[cnetbuild]

Our Disney 2014 trip will be 37 days long. Because it is so long we want to do something at Universal. We have year passes to Disney so it doesn't make sense to buy Universal tickets for a day because it will be very expensive. Instead, we are going to enjoy an afternoon at City Walk.

We have planned it out. We'll eat at Bubba Gump. See a movie at the theater. And then walk around and look at the shops.

Is there anything else to do? Would they let us take a boat to go see a resort? What would you do if you had a day at Universal with no park tickets?

 

[cnetbuild]

~~2013~~
Crisis The Night Before Leaving

The day before departing For every vacation trip I can remember? My oldest son loses his video game the night before we leave. Holding true to that tradition, tonight he lost his Nintendo 3DS. We can't leave without it! The entire family turned the house upside down looking for 3 hours. We found it. Under the foot of his bed. It is now 11pm. No clothes are packed. We leave in the morning. I am sure this wont be a problem...

 

[cnetbuild]

~~2013~~
Heading to Florida

In preparation for the trip to Florida, we created a 55 page itinerary detailing every moment and requiring military-like precision. According to the itinerary, to make it to Harrisburg Pennsylvania we needed to leave by 5pm. We left at 5:30, so, everything was thrown off. We crossed the Pennsylvania border at twilight.

Shortly after sun set we found ourselves driving through the Allegany mountains in the dark. Driving through mountains in the dark is like a scary version of Space Mountain. Driving at highway speeds through curvy roads pushes to limits of the headlights. I saw a large black mass in the road and before I could react? We had plowed straight into it. I hit a large tire fragment in the road.

When astronauts traveled in the space shuttle, they had no way to tell if the shuttle was damaged until they tried to land the shuttle. If the shuttle disintegrated upon reentry? Good sign it had been damaged. We were traveling at speeds not permitted by the laws of man and it was impossible to assess the damage from hitting the tire debre. I slowed down just in case I should have a blow out. We listened to every creek and moan of the vehicle - would we be OK?

After ten minutes of successfully traveling at a slow pace, I determined the damage wasn't significant and returned to my pervious speed. Worse case? We would disintegrate upon reentry.

As the night stretched on, Linda (my navigator) grew sleepy from a long night of packing the day before. As a result, her navigation skills deteriorated. It was 10pm and we hadn't found gas nor food, and the kids were ready to wet themselves. We missed exit after exit (oh! We should have taken that one!) and several times we got off in a useless attempt to try to back track, but instead became lost.

Finally, around midnight we approached Harrisburg and found our hotel. We got the last available room which, I guess, means we pay double the normal rate. I don't understand that, but the foreign gentleman had no interest in listening to my complaints. If we didn't take the room? The next car pulling in behind us would.

We took the room and immediately questioned why this was the last room? We found the floor hasn't been vacuumed so Linda became grossed out. She broke out her CSI kit and inspected every inch of every layer of each bed. Only once she was satisfied the beds were clean were we allowed to go to sleep.

I'm sure this room is will be fine. This won't be a problem...

 

[cnetbuild]

Saving The memories

Part of preparing for a Disney trip is to clear off all our cameras so they are empty and ready. That could mean clearing 30-50GB of video and pictures! What do you do with all these priceless memories?

I have struggled to find a good answer for years.

The first thing I do is burn two copies onto data DVD. One DVD goes to my desk draw at my office at work (offsite backup), and the second goes to storage at home. The DVD is my emergency last resort archive.

Next, I would put a copy of the data on an external hard drive, but I found external hard drives to be unreliable.

I decided to look at cloud storage options. I purchased a 1 terabyte Google Drive for only $10 per month. I can access this drive from anywhere in the world and from any device (including my phone). I can even shared them with family and friends. With 1TB, I will never fill that drive!

The only drawbacks I have found to the google drive? If you have a slow Internet connection it can take a long time to move data in or out of the cloud. I recently uploaded 6GB through broadband and it took around 15 hours. Next, when you download data it often puts it into a zip archive that you have to extract (a minor inconvenience). Finally, suppose you get 400GB moved into the cloud and want to get a back for yourself, or, want to transfer to another provider? There is no good answer other than download the 400GB (which would take a month+) and then upload it to a new provider ( which would take a month).

Those drawbacks aside, Google Drive has been a good option for me. It has allowed me to confidently store all my pictures and video and have access whenever and wherever I want.

 

[cnetbuild]

2014 Running Program

I wanted to drop some weight for the 2014 Disney trip. Right now I am 5 pounds below my goal, so, I am happy.

This weekend started my 2014 Running Program. My goal is simple: be able to run 5 miles and average between 11 and 12 minute miles. Why? My running trail is 5 miles long and I would like to complete it during my lunch breaks.

For motivation? I have been watching some YouTube Disney Marathon reports. There aren't any running events at Disney during the summer (too hot), so I will be happy to jog in the morning around the neighborhood we are renting in.

It has been two years since my last running program and it felt really good to get this stared. I want to start slow with some interval run/walk so I can focus on form and minimize shin splints.

3/29 - 13.4mm/2.2 miles / Treadmill
3/30-12.8mm/2.3 miles/treadmill
3/31- recovery
4/1-12.6mm/2.4 miles/treadmill
4/2-leg strength training
4/3-12.4mm/2.4 miles/treadmill

 

[cnetbuild]

~~2013~~
Our first night was spent at a Days Inn near Carlisle Pennsylvania. I kept waking up all night because the hotel lights shinning through the window made me think the sun was up and the alarm didn't go off! That is what I get for taking the last available room.

To cut costs we like to stay at hotels that provide breakfast. As my wife finishes getting everyone ready for the day, it is my job to assemble a wonderful breakfast assortment to bring back to the room. This is our "room service" style breakfast to relax for a moment before hitting the road.

As I always do, I went to the lobby to grab breakfast for the family. That is when I heard the attendant yell at a guest for trying to leave the lobby with food. What? I had never seen anything like this before and became immediately concerned with how I would get food back to the room.

I casually gathered up the food and took a seat at a table in the corner. When the attendant was busy scolding another guest for leaving with food, I quickly stuffed the breakfast into the deep pockets of my cargo shorts. With bulging pockets swaying at each step, I passed by the attendant as I left. It was so obvious what I was doing, I couldn't understand why she didn't say anything to me!

The family was finally ready to leave (only two hours behind schedule). I got all the luggage loaded back into the van. That is when I noticed my fly had been unzipped the entire time. That might explain why the attendant didn't notice my shorts were full of breakfast! Well, looking forward to a better day!

 

[cnetbuild]

~~2013~~
Linda fired me!

We survived the Days Inn even though it wasn't very clean, was over priced, strict breakfast food controls, and had strange black specks all over the sheets. We put the hotel behind us and headed down the highway at warp speed. The van's transmission seemed to be keeping up with the abuse we were giving it. It slipped just a little in the first gears but then did OK. Also, there were no signs of damage from hitting that black object that was in the road on the previous night. Now that Linda was rested? Her acute navigation skills had returned.

When we arrive in Florida we will be renting a house just three miles from Disney World... Or so we think. We found the house on the Internet and wired thousands and thousands of dollars to someone in Ireland as payment for the rental. We know nothing about the owner nor the house, but we have an address. And we know it is all for real because (A) people from Ireland are all trustworthy, and (B) they wouldn't put it on the Internet if it weren't true.

As the USS Gilbert hit Warp 7, I asked Linda "How do we get into the house when we arrive tomorrow"? And Linda said "I don't know, I didn't think to ask." By this time it was night time in Ireland, so, hopefully we'll get an answer before we arrive tomorrow!

We spent a few moments to visit South Of The Border. In its hay day, this place was something of legend and lore. Now, it is a shadow of its former self. The amusement park is dark, many buildings are empty, the food is "eat at your own risk", and the bathrooms can be smelled from the exit ramp. But the gift shop is nice and we always like to shop there for souvenirs. After buying several gifts we were back on the road.

When Linda went to college she received a business degree in Travel and Tourism. Normally she deploys those skills when planning our trips. But she was too busy to plan this trip so I made all the hotel reservations.

We have a friend who stays at these great Wyndham resorts and has many hotel points for various chains. I decided to cash in on hotel rewards since we are staying at so many hotels. And I liked the Wyndham resort. And I couldn't think of any other hotel rewards programs, so I signed up for Wyndham. I was a little concerned because the hotels associated with Wyndham are hotels we haven't had great success with: Super 8 Motel, Howard Johnson, knights Inn, etc. I didn't care because the rooms were cheap and I was earning points!!

My first attempt at being a travel agent was a complete failure: that Days Inn in Carlisle North was dirty, over priced, and odd.

My second attempt involved a Howard Johnson in Santee South Carolina. I scored the room for only $47! I was very proud of this incredible deal I had found. Even though Linda was skeptical, I was optimistic.

We arrived at the hotel and there was no sign of my reservation. Apparently, I had made the reservation for August. Oops. Luckily, they had room availability!

We immediately checked out the room to make sure it was OK. When we opened the door, I was impressed the Howard Johnson came with turn down service. And they left the lights on for us! And provided us with a half drank bottle of liquor... And about at that moment I noticed there was someone in the bathroom! So, we left. And returned to the lobby where we received a new room to try.

The second room was better than the first room because it was poolside. Forget that the pool looked scummy and un-swim-able, hay! It was pool side baby!

We entered the room and Linda broke out her CSI kit for deep analysis. Would this room pass Linda's inspection? Perhaps the fact it appeared someone had crapped on the center of one of the beds and it leaked through the layers of the bed? Was a dead giveaway. Or that the bed springbox looked like someone had been shot and bled all over it, or died and decomposed in the bed, or had a significant gastronomical abnormality, and that the box spring had started to mold? Was a dead give away that my grand attempts at being a travel agent for this trip was a huge failure. I tried to assure Linda that everything was OK, that there were sheets between us and the bed; and the sheets seemed relatively clean (although I couldn't explain how wrinkled they were). Linda wasn't buying a word of it.

We returned to the Lobby where a very nice gentleman agreed that the mattresses and box springs were well seasoned. It was at that point Linda banned me from making any further hotel reservations. She got our money back. And took us to a Holiday Inn across the road for only $25 more.

In my defense? We could have saved the $25, had a poolside room, gathered Wyndham points, ate free breakfast, AND built up our immune systems by staying at the Howard Johnson. In the words of Phil Robertson, this is what happens when your country wife becomes a yuppie city girl. All of a sudden the HoJo is no longer good enough for her.

At any rate, we are now in a beautiful room at the Holiday Inn. And I have been fired from my attempt as a travel agent.

 

[cnetbuild]

~~2013~~
Bugs in The South


We wanted to get the villa early, so we woke up and left the hotel at the crack of 10am. I thought we might leave earlier but that is a foreign concept to our family.


I have the USS Gilbert testing the laws of physics as we fly a Warp 7 down Interstate 95. We are making really good time. I am good at driving at these speeds as I zoom pass all the slow driving mouth breathers. Occasionally, one of those mouth breathers end up in my path and in the lane that I have claimed ownership of. I don't like to tail gate, so, when this happens I make sure there is a good three feet between our cars. When you hear three feet, you are probably thinking "Why are you so far back?" Keep in mind, we are traveling at 75-80mph. And usually Linda is digging her nails into the dash board and screaming something insignificantly annoying like she's going to die or something.

What usually happens during situations when I am stuck behind a slower car is another car comes up and starts tail gating me... like it is my fault there is a slow moving mouth breather in front of me! Inevitable, my tailgater will attempt to pass me. They will blow by me. And they think they are going to fit into that three foot area between me and the car in front of me. So, what do I do? Right! I close the gap down to only two feet. No one, and I mean no one, is going to be passing me!


We sail through South Carolina an into George making incredible time. I think we are doing pretty good. And then it happens. In the south, there are bugs. Lots of bugs. And these bugs get huge. Some of these bugs could carry off a small child. We were traveling faster than permitted when we hit a bug that was the size of a bird. When a bug hits the windshield, they just exploid into indescribable little pieces. When I hit this Godzilla bug, it was like hitting a water balloon. It exploded and covered half the windshield. I'm driving faster than I should be and I'm trying to look through bug guts that have streaked across the windshield. And I'm looking at the guts and I'm thinking "What is that?"; but I really don't want to know.

In our trip to Florida in 2009, we were behind a tractor trailer that was leaking oil. The oil got on the windshield. I thought the oil was water so I used the windshield wash to try to wash it off. All the windshield wash did was smear the oil across the window shield and blinded me while driving 80MPH down the high way.

You would think I had learned my lesson from the 2009 trip. But I hadn't. Because I decided to use the windshield wash to wash the bug guts off the windshield. All that did was take the bug guts that were spread across half the wind shield and smear the guts across the entire windowshield! I was blinded by bug guts. At this point, I'm holding down the windshield wash. I think I empty half the tank of washer fluid trying to make a port-hole through the guts that I could see through. That was a giant bug! Luckily, we survived and faired much better than that bug did.

 

[cnetbuild]

Blow Out

If you are driving to Disney, make sure you have a mechanic check you car before leaving. Something to have them check: make sure the spare tire is inflated!

~~2010~~

With a new wind shield wiper, we roared down the highway at full speed. It wasn't long before we passed out of the rainstorm, became hungry, and took an exit in Virginia to get fast food.

Many things are done differently in the south. For example, the parking lot lines at Wendy's had been painted at the wrong angle. To fix it, they painted just painted new lines in the correct direction, effectively making "X" all over the parking lot. The door handle was off the entrance to the restaurant, so rather than screw it back on, or prop the door so people could enter, the sign instructed everyone to enter on the opposite side of the building.

I can't complain much. When my boys were spending too long in the restroom and I checked on them, I found they were waiting for the stall to be available. They had stood there probably 10 minutes. I walked over and simply opened the stall door - no one was in it. I wonder how long they would have stood there if I didn't come check on them?

Before we got back on the road, we stopped at McDonalds for the $1 any size drink. I asked for a large diet coke. But I guess in southerneeze, Diet Coke sounds like Sweet Tea because that's what I got!

We headed back to the highway and as we approached the ramp I hit a huge pot hole. The entire car jumped and Linda complained "I guess you didn't miss that you, did you?"

We hit the highway and returned to our cruising speed. After 5 miles a light came on the dash: low air pressure in the tire. That was odd. Then the sound of a semi, but there was no semi around us. Linda looked our her side view mirror "the tire just blew! I can see it flapping around!"

I pulled the van to the side of the road and examined it. Sure enough, the tire that hit the pot hole was now flat. And we were along side a highway - every time a car passed the entire van would shake violently. "We need to get the kids out of the car and stand along side the road," Linda suggested. It was a safety measure should someone hit the back of out van.

Along side the road was a ditch full of mud! But I guess that was the safer choice. I opened the van door to let the kids out, when what do you suppose I saw? My darling little angles were flipping off all the passing cars because the cars wouldn't get over a lane! For that? They deserves to go stand in the mud.

I decided to call AAA to get the tire changed. "What are you waiting for?" My youngest asked. "You just need to get the jack out of the back and change the tire like they showed us in cub scouts." Cub scouts? How could I possibly lower my son's image of me by calling AAA to change the tire? If a Cub Scout could change a tire, then so could I!

I looked under the back of the van to see where the spare tire might be but found nothing. We have a Dodge with Stow And Go Seating - there didn't appear to be room for a spare tire anywhere! But the van had to have one?

You know you are in trouble when you have to pull out the owner's manual. So, family standing on a muddy ditch, I am flipping through the manual and not a single flipping word of it makes any sense to me. There are bars and you connect them together and bolts and things and I don't know. "Just call AAA," my wife yells, fully confident in my mechanical abilities, for which I have none.

"No. I think I have this," I answered. No I didn't.

"Just call!" She pleaded.

I sighed. "Well, if you insist," I offered. "But I can do this."

"I know you can," she lied.

Before long the AAA super hero arrived. He didn't wear a cape, but he should have. He gets out of his truck and says "Have you ever used the spare before?"

Thankfully, I was able to answer "No."

"Dodges have a problem where the spare tire usually doesn't drop. If it doesn't drop, you'll need a flat bed to tow your van out of here." Memories of 2009 ran through my mind. Didn't we buy a new van so we could avoid a problem like this? Only two people can ride in a tow truck - what do would I do with the rest of the family? That spare tire HAD to drop!

The mechanic super hero assembled a pole out of small sticks in the back of my van. He then inserted the pole between the two front seats and twisted until a tire magically appeared under my van! So that is where they put the spare!

In a moment, we had the spare put on the van and we were ready to continue our voyage to Disney! Or so we thought... "This spare is just a donut. And it is under inflated. It is supposed to have 60 pounds and you got 30. Don't go more than 45 miles and hour. Take the second exit and you'll find a tire shop to buy a new tire."

Under inflated spare? 45 mph on a 70 mph highway? Buy a new tire? I was sure this wasn't going to be a problem...

 

[cnetbuild]

Expensive trip?

I was at the gym today talking with a friend. I explained how we were going on a 37 day trip this summer that included 32 days at Disney. He thought that sounded expensive. And he is right - it is expensive. But it might not be as expensive as you think. I decided to compare our trip budget to going to Disney for a week.

Going to Disney for a week would be 9 days: 4 driving and 5 at Disney. With the cheapest food plan, tickets, and staying at Riverside it would cost $4000 (not including the costs to drive there and back).

In comparison, our villa is $3000, renewing our annual pass is $2300, and food is budgeted $1200, for a total $6500.

For approximately 55% more money we get more than six times the Disney! The average cost per day staying the traditional way is $667. Our way, the average cost per day is $203. When considering we'll return in December to get more use out of the annual pass? It becomes an even better deal! And remember: many of these costs (like groceries) are costs you would have anyways whether on vacation or not.

I know this is very expensive and I am fortunate to have this time in my life where I can do this, and I am grateful. My point is: if you think about staying for a month based upon traditional Disney package costs it might seem more expensive than it really is.

 

[cnetbuild]

They say 'getting there is half the fun' and we have had some great adventures preparing for Disney trips and driving there. We have learned many things along the way.

Before each trip we hold a walk-a-thon for the kids. Every time they walk to the top of a nearby hill and back (around half a mile) they earn a dollar toward souvenirs.

When I look back at some things, they are very funny. Like the time I ate an entire bag of gummy bears, then read the warning on the package "Eating this product may have the same effect as taking laxatives."

Other stories are horrible, like all the birds we have hit with our van over the years and how I have had to pull them out of the grill. We stayed in one hotel that had a mouse running through the ceiling. We moved to another hotel frequented by fishers, and one of our kids got a fish hook in his foot.

Hotels have been an incredible experience. In one hotel, the rooms smelled like moth balls and the hallway smelled like someone used it as a toilet. At another hotel along the way, we returned from dinner and the electronic door key was broken and didn't work. It took an hour for a maintenance man to arrive so we could gain access to our room. At another hotel, we found the bed sheets dirty and, exhausted from driving all day, had to wait for the sheets to be changed.

We always stop at South of The Border and love to read the bill boards leading up to the stop. One year we needed to use the restrooms and they were disgusting - the worse restrooms we have ever seen on the road. And oddly, they had a woman cleaning the men's room. It was very disturbing to as she cleaned the urinal next to the one I was using.

We have met many people over the miles. I met one lady at a Long John Silvers named Moronica (pronounced Moron Ica). We don't have Long John Silvers near us, so, we like to stop at them during our trips. At one, I ordered 24 hush puppies and instead received 24 orders of hush puppies. I was tempted to just accept them but I knew Linda would kill me. Unfortunately, the manager didn't know how to refund a credit card. People are funny: one lady was pushing a luggage cart while talking on a cell phone and ran into an automated door - completely destroying the door (knocking it off the track and sending it crashing to the floor). She glanced at the door and kept going, still talking on the cell phone, and not missing a beat.

We like to extend the vacation with various stops. We usually go to Hershey and Gettysburg. One year we visited a battleship in North Carolina during a thunderstorm. It was a little unnerving to have thousands of thunderbolts exploding all around us while we were inside a metal ship. During a trip at Gettysburg, we were at an ice cream stand that had a game in the front yard: you had to toss a ring on a string and hook it on a tree. My youngest was a bit wild with the game, throwing the ring too hard and clocking people in the head as they passed by.

Sure, we could fly to Disney (and have flown many times). But we would miss all of these great experiences and wouldn't have these incredible memories.

 

[cnetbuild]

~~2009~~

Bruce Willis once met a young boy who could see dead people. It wasn't until the end of the movie that Bruce realized his strong relationship with
the boy was due to his very own unfortunate condition of being dead.

After realizing I was lost from my family in the middle of the night at Magic Kingdom, I checked my cell phone and found I had missed three calls
from my wife. I called her back. "Where are you?" She asked.

"Oh, its a funny story... You won't believe it... Where are you?"

"We are outside the gate waiting for a bus to take us back to the resort."

I met back up with the family. I thought they would be glad to see me and
relived I was OK. Instead, they were upset and convinced I abandoned them for a pile of giant cheeseburgers.

We arrived back at the resort near 4 am, and it wasn't much later before we were all asleep.

When Mickey Mouse decided we were coming to Disney, the plan was to ride along with our friends, the Gordon's. Jim Gordon is a hobby car
mechanic. The thinking was if our van broke down, he could repair it. But through a calamity of problems, the Gordon's stretched 4 hours and then
8 hours in front of us on the journey to Florida until they were too far ahead to help when we became stranded in North Carolina.

Back at the resort, as I drifted asleep (again) after our first day at Disney, the phone seemed to immediately ring. Actually, I had been asleep for
an entire 3 hours but it felt like a blink.

Linda answered the phone. It was the Gordon's in the room next door. Jim was offering to look at the van's problems - and that was an offer I
couldn't refuse no matter how much sleep I had!

Jim knew right where the van's two bad coils were, so we headed to the parts store in his car. The return trip, except for getting lost and driving
around the Disney complex for an hour (we weren't going to stop for directions!), was uneventful.

With new coils in the van, we hit the parks and had several wonderful days. Perhaps it was just me, though, I couldn't help but notice how many ill
people there were. A little girl throwing up here, a boy barfing in the men’s room, a pile of barf on the sidewalk being trampled on by hundreds of
people. I was impressed with one lady: she was giving a child a piggy back ride and without missing a step in her stride, barfed on the sidewalk
and kept walking!

I learned two very important lessons: First, we spray Lysol on the bottom of our shoes every day when we return to our room; and Second, I
question every wet spot I see on the ground - especially if the wet spot has corn in it.

After seeing all these sick people, it became no surprise when it hit my wife right after a wonderful dinner at the Rain Forest Cafe. And then hit my
daughter in the middle of the night.

My wife and daughter were sick in bed most of the day. As the afternoon slipped away, Linda wanted to go to Hollywood Studios to see the
fireworks at the end of the night. We were standing in a massive line - ten abreast and the line stretch front words and backwards as far as the eye
could see. We were sandwich in tight! Suddenly, my daughter says "I am going to be sick!" And then barfed on everyone's shoes.

It took the entire movie of During the Sixth Sense for Bruce Willis to determine that he too was dead. Now I wonder if I too was sick?
Oh no! I don't like where this is going....

"Holiday Ro oh oh oh oh oh oh ad!
Holiday Ro oh oh oh oh oh oh oad!"

 

[cnetbuild]

The World of Walt
~~2009~~
Leonardo DiCaprio once went to a beach on vacation. There, he met some fellow people who were on the island and became part of their commune. The commune members were from all around the world, but they established order, rules, and a civilization. The vacation was fine until they learned the island was owned by evil drug lords. Well... I guess every vacation can't be a perfect Family vacation!

We assumed Linda and my daughter were ill as a result of a steak they shared at the Rain Forest Cafe. I am sorry, but, I don't think a $25 steak should make you sick for 2 days (that is $6 per person per day). On the positive side, we saved a lot on our food budget!

The rest of our stay at Disney was uneventful... Except for Jim Gordon's fight with a hammock. As he was walking along the beach at the resort, he turned to help a small child. Just then, a gust of wind threw the hammock into the air and its wooden support scalped him. Jim picked himself up and made it back to the hotel room to find a large gash in his forehead.

When my oldest son returns to school and his teacher asks "what did you do at Disney?" I am sure his answer will be "we walked, then we stood in line. And then we walked. And then we stood in line." It was typical to stand in line for 30 to 45 minutes for everything: Bus, rides, food, etc. For food, you stand in line to order and then stand in line to pick up your food. When I go through McDonalds drive thru, they have my hot custom ordered food ready for me in the time it takes to drive around the side of the building. I am sorry, Mr. Disney, but McDonalds has set the expectations of your customers. We know it can be done. We know we can get a hamburger in minutes at McDonalds, so, why the wait?

I believe the answer goes back to the car salesman lessons I learned. If you make someone wait, you have control over them. if they have control over you, you'll stop questioning the $7 hamburger and the $3 bottle of water.

I have come to believe the wait is intentional. Highway departments make people wait at red lights as a way to control traffic flow. Engineers use boulders and wait pools as a way for controlling river currents. And I believe Disney intentionally makes people wait as a means of crowd control.

The Toy Story ride at Hollywood Studios is one of the newest and most popular. It is a 3D arcade style ride, with a line that is often 60 to 120 minutes long. It was in this line that we were perhaps half way through when a voice came over the speaker. "We are sorry, but due to a technical difficulty, we need to close the ride and we do not know when it will re-open. We recommend you leave and check back in half an hour." We were already 30 minutes into our wait, so, there was no chance we were going to leave the line! Besides, if enough people left, we could get to the front of the line! We stayed for another 45 minutes (until the park closed) before we abandoned the line. The ongoing joke was "have you heard about the new ride at Disney? It is called The Line. You stand in line for 30 thrilling minutes! That's the ride."

I stood in line for 20 minutes at a hamburger and fry stand because they ran out of fries. When all you do is hamburger and fries, how can you run out of fries? When my food finally came, the lady behind the counter gave mine to someone else. After the customer handled my food, ate a few fries, and determined she had the wrong order, she returned it to the counter. "Oh, I am sorry," the Disney employee said and then turned to me, "this must be your order." There was no way I was going to wait another 20 minutes for unhandled food, so, I took it. It was fine; I just wish the previous owner hadn’t discarded my tomato and lettuce.

The bus rides at Disney are agonizingly long waits - especially with the rash of motorized scooters that everyone with any ailment has. Nothing against people who need them! There just is an awful lot of them. Because of all the waiting it takes an hour to go anywhere by bus. And bus transportation is supposed to be a perk for staying at a resort? Some perk!

It is on the bus that you can contrast culture change. Once upon a time, men would give up their bus seats for others - but that tradition has died. After I had given up mine, a woman stood holding a small child while standing before a healthy twenty-something who should have offered his seat to her. Another time, a man with a cane and a crippled leg was forced to stand. Many traditions that mark civilization have died - for example, not tossing you garbage on the ground, or, not elbowing a 3 year old in the head without apologizing and making sure the child is OK, not cutting in line, not allowing children to trample through flowers, and not shoving your way through a crowd so you split-up a family. The great melting pot it creating a stinky and disgusting stew!

We are developing the nation of babble as many park visitors had difficulty with English. My daughter has taken 3 years of Spanish and was unable to explain to 3 Spanish speaking girls where the line was to order ice cream. Perhaps it is just me, but, I find a deep southern accent to be like another language too! I recognized probably a dozen different languages being spoken - and that was just from the Disney employees!

At the conclusion of the week, we packed our items into those 37 suite cases. We had only used a third of the cloths we brought. I did the world gym work-out to reload the van. After checking out of the hotel, we were ready for the long drive home. I stuck the keys in the ignition and gave the van a start. Just our luck! It started rough causing the Check Engine light to come on again!

Oh no! I don't like where this is going....

"Holiday Ro oh oh oh oh oh oad.
Holiday Ro oh oh oh oh oh oad!"

 

[cnetbuild]

Planning the 2014 Schedule

We plan a day-by-day itinerary that details everything we want to do for every trip to Disney. During 2013 I noticed something interesting happening: we would often swap days around inside the plan ar the last minute. Perhaps it was raining the day we planned a water park, or extra hot the day we planned Animal Kingdom. I realized we needed a schedule that could be flexible!

We will be in Florida for 32 days. We will be renting a villa so I can convert one of the bedrooms into a home office. During those 32 days there are 4 kinds of days: days when I am not working, days when I work only in the morning, days when I work all day, and special days like the 4th of July and the days we see our friends in Melbourne.

With this knowledge, all I needed to do was plan various A-Days, B-Days, and C-Days. Then we can pick which plan we want to execute each day.

For example, our first trip to Epcot will be an A-Day (full day). But our second trip could be a B-day (half day). And if I just want to see 2U in the summer concert series at Epcot? That could be a C-Day (after work).

To save money we decided to limit our ADR to only two. This change should aid my new scheduling plan. However, I am still not sure if Fast Pass + will accommodate the level of flexibility I hope to obtain.

I will design all the days. We'll pick them in whatever order we want and cross them off the list as we complete them. By doing it this way, I can plan the trip yet we remain flexible.

 

[cnetbuild]

2014 Groceries
A benefit of renting a villa is having a kitchen. Food is one of the most expensive parts of a Disney vacation. Making your own meals is a great way to reduce cost.

We will take our normal grocery budget and spend it just as if we would if we weren't on vacation. At first consideration it would seem that groceries will be a financial wash... Until we got into the details.

I used all the grocery receipts from our 2013 trip to make a shopping list for our first trip for the store when we arrive. We then removed from the list anything we had bought in 2013 and didn't use, and added anything that we didn't buy enough of.

The end result was a huge grocery list! Why? Because I have to buy things I don't normally buy every week: soaps, detergents, cleaning, and condiments. A jar of peanut butter, for example, will last the entire trip but needs to be bought during the first week.

The grocery list is finished now and is ready. We will arrive at the villa Sunday afternoon, June 29, unpack the van, then head to the store.

 

[cnetbuild]

~~2009~~
The journey home

In many World War II movies, you see the story of a bomber returning home from a mission over Germany. Shot up, and torn apart, the plane comes to a crash landing on only one wheel. The crew is a mess, the plane is a mess, but at least they made it back alive!

Before leaving Disney, we had an engine light on our van. Jim Gordon checked the error code and said, "it is just an evaporated error. Stay close to us on the way home and let me know at the first sign of trouble."

I tried to stay in front of the Gordon's by several minutes for the entire first day of the journey home. The challenge was our misdiagnosis of the food poisoning. Come to find out... It wasn't that $25 steak at all because two hours out of Disney, Mark (my oldest son) surrendered his breakfast to a barf bag.

During the first day, Mark would throw up a total of ten times. Linda spent most of the trip riding backwards in the front seat, hung over her chair and holding the barf bag. It must have been an interesting site for passing cars! At least all the barf went in the bag because I've been on trips where we weren't that fortunate, and the stench of barf is repulsive. This time, the van would flood with the stench of barf, but we could close the bag and drop off the barf bags at the next gas station.

Unfortunately, I am a sympathetic barfer myself. If someone around me barfs, I have a tendency to follow. So, when the barfing started, I would roll down the window and hang my head out of the van (while traveling 80mph, of course - we had to stay in front of the Gordon's).

We entered the Virginia Mountains at dark. Driving in the dark through the mountains at a high rate of speed is about as close to the video game Mario Cart as you'd ever want to get in real life. When they report the highway dead statistics, I am convinced the majority of those deaths occur in the Virginia Mountains. In fact, due to the steep cliffs, I would bet there are more deaths then known - there are just piles of crumpled cars at the bottom of the ravine. In one situation I saw, a tractor trailer was so heavy that, while traveling down the mountain slopes, he couldn't hit his breaks and stop before hitting the car in front on him. So, to avoid an accident, he kept yanking his rig into the passing lane. That was a good strategy until a small black car was passing. The truck suddenly jumped into the car's lane! With nowhere to go, the car was riding between a guard rail and the truck at 75 mph!

We arrived at the Comfort Inn exhausted. The Comfort Inn was carved into the side of a mountain such that everything was uphill.

I loaded our overnight luggage (only 12 of the 37 pieces of luggage) onto a luggage rack and then pushed the rack uphill from the van to the hotel. When I reached the hotel, I made the mistake of letting go of the luggage rack so I could pull the door open wide enough to push it through. You can probably imagine the results without my elaboration, but please permit me to describe seeing the cart roll back down the hill with me in chase yelling and trying to reach the cart. It slammed into the front of the van and then dumped its contents all over the parking lot while the van's alarm system fired off. I now have a nice two inch dent in the front of my van from this.

We had a late start the following morning, but I managed to stay in front of the Gordon's even though we grabbed an early lunch at a gas station. Mark was feeling much better because Linda had stayed up all night hydrating him.

Around noon, the Gordon's called to see if we wanted to stop for lunch. We were racing to stay in front of a snow storm, we had already eaten, and I feared getting sick before getting home. Nevertheless, we agreed. Instead of eating another meal, we would just get ice cream. While my family got a table at McDonalds, I retrieved a large tray of ice cream. When I returned to the table, the Gordon's were gone!

"Where did they go?" I asked. As I looked out the window, I saw them with food in their hands, climbing in their car to leave. Why did they ask us to stop for lunch if they had no intention of stopping for lunch? There was no time for questions! "Oh no! We need to stay in front of them!" I shouted. We grabbed our ice cream and ran for our van as the Gordon's pulled back onto the highway.

"What do we do with the ice cream?" Linda asked as I revved up the van in pursuit.

"Eat it!" And with the ice cream in one hand, spoon in the other, driving with my knees, and rocketing to 80mph, I woofed down a hot fudge sundae with only two splashes on my jacket.

We were catching up to the Gordon's until we neared Mansfield, Pa where Rt 15 joins Rt. 80 and 180 and 122. The GPS was screaming at me to take the ramp to the right, but I was convinced it was wrong (regardless of its protests) to take the ramp to the left. 15 miles later, Linda read a road sign, then looked at her map and said "Oh gee, we aren't supposed to be way out here. We are headed to Ohio!"

After correcting our course, I apologized to the GPS for not listening and yelling at it. Even though I apologized, the GPS refused to talk to me for ten miles! I guess it was really upset.

Other than an engine light at the start of the trip, the van ran pretty good. We have a bad front passenger tire that caused the van to vibrate every time we went above 65 mph (which was most of time). Somewhere in Pennsylvania, the transmission started doing a long shift. The van has had this problem before, so we kept going. Then, as we approached home, the alternator went. I had to drive the final hour with one foot on the break and one on the gas!

Just like bringing in a torn-up World Word II bomber, I bought that van home! We made it to the house, and slid the van into our ice covered driveway. What an incredible adventure!

'Holiday Roooooo oh oh oh oh oh oh oad.
Holiday Roooooo oh oh oh oh oh oh oad.'