Raulandpinboy
<font color=blue>Table-dancing auctioneer<br><font
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2001
- Messages
- 1,705
And the winner of this round is the men. The score now man 1, women 1267896.
For you see my fellow pinatics yesterday I said lets us be off wife and go yonder to purchase said window blinds you know the faux white wood kind that look much better then the real item.
Well I said they are at Home Depot knowing all too well that they were in fact there. Well the missus know to all as the pain in the neck know it all female type immediately jumped at the chance to correct me and let me know that I was in fact a stupid stupid man once again from the inferior male species type, and that the faux white wood kind that look much better then the real item, were not at Home Depot but at Lowes.
Well I took this as a blessing from God, and immediately started spinning my web of destruction. I asked the assured know it all female if she was sure, and she gave me that all familiar female stare accompanied by a resounding cold YESSSSSS!!! Making that sound that sounds like steam escaping, or the same sound the snake made before convincing Eve to tell Adam to bite the apple.
Well I immediately covered my bases by pulling over on the freeway mind you on I-4 in Orlando the speed limit is 50 miles per hour, which means that if you are going 75 you need to be in the slow grandpa lane. Well I as a local was doing my best to keep up in the 80 to 85 mile per hour club (Its much like the mile high club not as much fun though) But this was to good to pass up, so risking death I pulled over to get this in writing just in case she developed a case of the now famous I never said that female excuse used in the past to get so many men married under false pretenses. (see disclaimer below)
And in writing I did in fact get it because she was so smug and acting so persnickety because she was 110% certain that the faux white wood kind that look much better then the real item window blinds were in fact located at Lowes, not Home Depot. So there I was with my little piece of paper that read and I quote
I Donna Otero being of sound mind do hereby testify that on this day 22nd of the sixth month on this the year of our lord 2000 and 3. Do hear by claim that the faux white wood kind that looks much better then the real item window blinds are not located in Home Depot as my stupid stupid man of a husband has so blatantly claimed, but they are located at Lowes as I the much superior female of the clan known as women located on the third planet in the known universe also called Terra by the ancient ones, and Earth by the now beings that inhabit it. Know this to be true so sayath I
On I-4 cars are honking, and finger gestures are flying, but there is joy in O-Ville mighty Eddie has not struck out, and has it in writing.
So its off at 90 miles per hours to the local Home Depot for this will be mans finest hour. One minor setback the flashing blue and red lights in the mirror could only be a means to delay my victory, but as luck would have it, I got a male police officer and after I explained the situation not only did I not get a ticket, but I got a police escort to the Home Depot. (Men will for now and forever stick together Except if it comes to fighting over a woman)
Arriving at the Home Depot Im moving at breakneck speed, Donna is doing her Im a woman wait for me best to make me insane, finishing her soda, collecting her purse with her 2000 items all of which she will need inside the store, checking her hair, waxing her legs etc etc. Meanwhile I have already walked to the store and back to truck 23 times, but this is not just today as I know all men can testify this is an everyday thing with women, men are go go go, do do do, women just take their time when it happens it happens, unless its a T. J Max, or Shoes are us having a sale in that case stand back and guard the children.
So as we enter the area that had the faux white wood kind that look much better then the real item window blinds, it was empty. NOOO could this be a trick played by Satan himself to undermine the male machismo gene. So I screamed Oh Great mother of God almighty by what manner of evil gesture have the faux white wood kind that look much better then the real item window blinds been removed to Tell me oh dear Home Depot gods, say that this female treachery is just a minor setback do not let the evil ones win today!!!! Then a clerk says sir they were moved to the back.
So I walked nay I ran to the back, pushing people out of my way like a Viking possessed looking and coming so near to my holy grail, and there like a beacon in the night, a lighthouse to my lost ships, there in the back they were the faux white wood kind that look much better then the real item window blinds, I ran and dropped to my knees and when Donna showed up 15 minutes later. I yelled there you non believer kneel for you are in the presence of the faux white wood kind that look much better then the real item window blinds For bliss and joy prevailed, all the men were cheering, small boys were crying shouting oh there is hope a man has been proven right and has it in writing.
As I was being escorted around the building on the shoulders of the Home Depot men, I saw the female movement had cornered Donna by the faux white wood kind that look much better then the real item window blinds as a super secrete meeting was taking place Oh the horrors one of their own made a mistake and there would be heck to pay.
After my Tour de France parade I was dropped by the faux white wood kind that look much better then the real item window blinds section and I looked at the women just standing there in their all smug posses and then Donna announces and I quote Oh I knew they were here all the time, I just let you make a fool of yourself and all the other women just nodded their heads in unison and said YEA!
HA! I said a typical cop out, they can say what they want I know the truth.
So we purchased the three units of which two had to be custom ordered by a man because it involved précis measurements, and we were off. I noticed that Donna was in a hurry to get to the truck first, and as I arrived I found her and the womens movement searching my truck obviously looking for the written proof, but I just smiled as I pulled the piece of paper from my pocket and said looking for this ladies. Well of course not she was looking for one of those 2000 items in her purse that she forgot. Its too late anyway the note has been scanned and is located on over two million man controlled PCs on the World Wide Wire, the only way to get to it is to destroy the internet, and even the womens movement could not accomplish this task. Go BILL GATES YOU ROCK DUDE!!!
So as I ride off into the sunset in my Dodge truck, men everywhere can breath a sigh of relief for we the men have scored one!
Disclaimer Okay I wasnt pulled over by the police, but everything else is true. Do not believe Donna and anything she tells you concerning this thread, I have it in writing and remember this is the woman who told me I had to marry her or INS would deport me back to CUBA, mind you she forgot to mention she was a Canadian citizen at the time.
For you see my fellow pinatics yesterday I said lets us be off wife and go yonder to purchase said window blinds you know the faux white wood kind that look much better then the real item.
Well I said they are at Home Depot knowing all too well that they were in fact there. Well the missus know to all as the pain in the neck know it all female type immediately jumped at the chance to correct me and let me know that I was in fact a stupid stupid man once again from the inferior male species type, and that the faux white wood kind that look much better then the real item, were not at Home Depot but at Lowes.
Well I took this as a blessing from God, and immediately started spinning my web of destruction. I asked the assured know it all female if she was sure, and she gave me that all familiar female stare accompanied by a resounding cold YESSSSSS!!! Making that sound that sounds like steam escaping, or the same sound the snake made before convincing Eve to tell Adam to bite the apple.
Well I immediately covered my bases by pulling over on the freeway mind you on I-4 in Orlando the speed limit is 50 miles per hour, which means that if you are going 75 you need to be in the slow grandpa lane. Well I as a local was doing my best to keep up in the 80 to 85 mile per hour club (Its much like the mile high club not as much fun though) But this was to good to pass up, so risking death I pulled over to get this in writing just in case she developed a case of the now famous I never said that female excuse used in the past to get so many men married under false pretenses. (see disclaimer below)
And in writing I did in fact get it because she was so smug and acting so persnickety because she was 110% certain that the faux white wood kind that look much better then the real item window blinds were in fact located at Lowes, not Home Depot. So there I was with my little piece of paper that read and I quote
I Donna Otero being of sound mind do hereby testify that on this day 22nd of the sixth month on this the year of our lord 2000 and 3. Do hear by claim that the faux white wood kind that looks much better then the real item window blinds are not located in Home Depot as my stupid stupid man of a husband has so blatantly claimed, but they are located at Lowes as I the much superior female of the clan known as women located on the third planet in the known universe also called Terra by the ancient ones, and Earth by the now beings that inhabit it. Know this to be true so sayath I
On I-4 cars are honking, and finger gestures are flying, but there is joy in O-Ville mighty Eddie has not struck out, and has it in writing.
So its off at 90 miles per hours to the local Home Depot for this will be mans finest hour. One minor setback the flashing blue and red lights in the mirror could only be a means to delay my victory, but as luck would have it, I got a male police officer and after I explained the situation not only did I not get a ticket, but I got a police escort to the Home Depot. (Men will for now and forever stick together Except if it comes to fighting over a woman)
Arriving at the Home Depot Im moving at breakneck speed, Donna is doing her Im a woman wait for me best to make me insane, finishing her soda, collecting her purse with her 2000 items all of which she will need inside the store, checking her hair, waxing her legs etc etc. Meanwhile I have already walked to the store and back to truck 23 times, but this is not just today as I know all men can testify this is an everyday thing with women, men are go go go, do do do, women just take their time when it happens it happens, unless its a T. J Max, or Shoes are us having a sale in that case stand back and guard the children.
So as we enter the area that had the faux white wood kind that look much better then the real item window blinds, it was empty. NOOO could this be a trick played by Satan himself to undermine the male machismo gene. So I screamed Oh Great mother of God almighty by what manner of evil gesture have the faux white wood kind that look much better then the real item window blinds been removed to Tell me oh dear Home Depot gods, say that this female treachery is just a minor setback do not let the evil ones win today!!!! Then a clerk says sir they were moved to the back.
So I walked nay I ran to the back, pushing people out of my way like a Viking possessed looking and coming so near to my holy grail, and there like a beacon in the night, a lighthouse to my lost ships, there in the back they were the faux white wood kind that look much better then the real item window blinds, I ran and dropped to my knees and when Donna showed up 15 minutes later. I yelled there you non believer kneel for you are in the presence of the faux white wood kind that look much better then the real item window blinds For bliss and joy prevailed, all the men were cheering, small boys were crying shouting oh there is hope a man has been proven right and has it in writing.
As I was being escorted around the building on the shoulders of the Home Depot men, I saw the female movement had cornered Donna by the faux white wood kind that look much better then the real item window blinds as a super secrete meeting was taking place Oh the horrors one of their own made a mistake and there would be heck to pay.
After my Tour de France parade I was dropped by the faux white wood kind that look much better then the real item window blinds section and I looked at the women just standing there in their all smug posses and then Donna announces and I quote Oh I knew they were here all the time, I just let you make a fool of yourself and all the other women just nodded their heads in unison and said YEA!
HA! I said a typical cop out, they can say what they want I know the truth.
So we purchased the three units of which two had to be custom ordered by a man because it involved précis measurements, and we were off. I noticed that Donna was in a hurry to get to the truck first, and as I arrived I found her and the womens movement searching my truck obviously looking for the written proof, but I just smiled as I pulled the piece of paper from my pocket and said looking for this ladies. Well of course not she was looking for one of those 2000 items in her purse that she forgot. Its too late anyway the note has been scanned and is located on over two million man controlled PCs on the World Wide Wire, the only way to get to it is to destroy the internet, and even the womens movement could not accomplish this task. Go BILL GATES YOU ROCK DUDE!!!
So as I ride off into the sunset in my Dodge truck, men everywhere can breath a sigh of relief for we the men have scored one!
Disclaimer Okay I wasnt pulled over by the police, but everything else is true. Do not believe Donna and anything she tells you concerning this thread, I have it in writing and remember this is the woman who told me I had to marry her or INS would deport me back to CUBA, mind you she forgot to mention she was a Canadian citizen at the time.
