~ The Man Report ~~~~~~~~~~2007~~~~~~~~Secret Experiment #1~~~~~
Definition:
The perfect day A 16 oz. Box of Famous Amos Chocolate Chip cookies chased by a gallon of Paisano.
If you know the Mills Family even remotely by now, you are aware that our favorite theme park is Epcot. Why? Let me count the ways:
1). Beer
2). Wine
3). Brats (as in German sausage, not delinquent children)
4). More Beer
Ok, Ok. These are the reasons why
I like Epcot.
For the rest of the brood, its as follows:
1). Character Meals for
Loud Girl
2). Test Track for
Moan Boy
3). Many, many convenient bathrooms for
Pooh-head.
So where do you think we are going to go on
day 1? Yes, you are correct!
Ok, ok. Lets see how good you really are. Where are we going to go on
day 2? Nope, back to Epcot for the
deuce!
Its been 5 months since our last WDW park visit, & once again, we are ROOKS. Thats right, those people in front of you, walking slowly, reading a park map. These are the people you kick in the GAT for, right?!?! If you dont have a GAT, you simply bark an obscenity at them. Either strategy works.
Sometimes, these people arent even walking. Theyre 7 across, in a circle, blocking everyone from moving in either direction. They are ALL looking at park maps, then looking around for significant landmarks, then back to the park maps. This is when a couple of good WAR CRIES come in handy.
UNGOWA!!!!!
Well, we show up just a
touch early and Pooh-head has the laser-eyes drilling into the side of my face as we pull up in the front row with about 20 other cars that have showed up. Her problem? Moan boy dont wait too good for park openings. In fact, he can become quite the
spectacle. Never have the
5 Ps been more appropriate.
Proper
Planning
Prevents
Poor
Performance.
I give her the ol hand in the face, like
I aint in the mood. 
All I had for breakfast was soda-pop and fist full of peanut M&Ms. Couple that with the 3 ½ hours of sleep and Buzzila the Hun is a touch, how shall we say, EDGY. All Im thinking about now is 11 a.m
When World Showcase opens and Disney Management turns the Kegs on.
I am the King of Stall when need be. Stalling is a great tactic when done properly. Its almost an art form and those of us with AU children know exactly what Im talking about. With the art of stalling, the 5 Ps, and copious quantities of beer, you hardly notice your child is handicapped at all!
By the time I stall our way to the front gate, stall our way thru security, then thru the
longest line at the turnstiles and finally buy our 7 days worth of stroller passes we wander up past Spaceship Earth to the fountain area just as the rope is about to drop.
We position ourselves to the far left of the rope which is a little pathway between two planters and then make our dash to Test Track to satisfy the AU needs of Moan Boy.
Ungowa!!! 
me and Loud Girl bellow as the rope drops and we turn left towards Test Track.
Along the way we High Five CMs lined up near Mouse Gears then make our final dash to our primary objective.
We arrive and get in line. Im proud of my team. Were about 15th in line. I nod my head with approval.
Wait a minute
why isnt the line moving? Why arent the garage doors open? Why are there no cars whizzing by overhead? Why are there 20 CMs heading our way?
Easy answer: Its broke
yet again!
Epcot has become the wobbly wheel on the shopping cart. This park has more problems than a pregnant nun.
(easy Catholics, it's just a joke
).
We waste 10 minutes hoping and praying that the ride will open so we dont have to face the wrath of Moan Boy. It doesnt. A CM informs us that its broke, and he doesnt know when it will open.
I run to the Fast Pass line grab out tickets and we all bolt on over to Soarin.
Moan Boy is totally under control at this point. Disappointed, but under control. Im proud of my Little Hun.
We get to Soarin and the line says 20 minutes. No big deal.
However, the line starts at the EXIT. Not up thru the middle like its supposed to. Whats going on here. This is DIFFERENT. We dont like DIFFERENT!
Well, apparently they are working on the PRE-SHOW (in other words, its broke) so we go straight into the big screen room and by-pass Patrick Warburtons little safety seminar. Im bummed.
After that we hit Nemo. Loud Girl loves this ride. Moan Boy couldnt care less. Guess what? Yup, its broken also. The video works fine but all the animatronics are motionless. What gives!
Three attractions, all three broken!
After a few minor (and working) attractions, its 11 a.m. and time for two scheduled lunches (along with two delicious beers!).
Side note: Remember those SECRET experiments I talked about? One of those was to stuff myself on this trip with as much food and liquid as humanly possible. Im going to eat as unhealthy as possible for as long as possible or until I just BURST. My goal is to gain one pound per day. Im thinking 12 to 15 thousand calories per day should do the trick.
We first dine at Germanys counter service restaurant and have a large pretzel for the kids and mom and dad have a brat w/ sauerkraut & a Lowenbrau. Mmmmmmmmmm
.
That was just a snack. Next is the counter restaurant in England which has fish and chips! Thats the real lunch. They also have Bass Ale
Mmmmmmmmmm
On the way we go to the train set next to Germany as the kids love to watch this. Nope! Denied! Its broken also! They even have an Out Of Order sign on it. What is this?
Universal Studios!!!!
The wobbly wheel is really starting to
shimmy the cart now.
We chow down on some Lurpin Fish & Chips which end up really pushing the limits on my stretchy shorts, then hit the Test Track, and leave the park by 1:40 p.m. Almost 5 hours for us. That could be a record!!
Time to go grocery shopping and check out the pool. Its real hot and sunny out so a pool sounds really good. I just hope the water is clean and there arent a lot people hanging around. This aint a Disney pool so were not sure what we going to encounter back at our resort. I figure a little more beer and Ill hardly notice
Next up: Linnie vs. The Rabid Duck
For breakfast, I was thinking a nice Pilsner since they are light. For lunch, maybe a three or four Heffeveizens (German wheat beer) and then for dinner and dessert, I was thinking maybe a sixer of Bud with a couple of Crown Royal shots. This idea didn’t go over well as I was denied before having time to explain myself.
I'm Catholic and found this utterly hysterical!! 
This calls for another Beer!
