The Maelstromers... a FASTPASS! Part 2

[vettechick99]

Whew! You wouldn't believe where I've been! I was on my way to the feed store by way of liquor store, all the while chatting on my cell phone to DH ("today, on the DIS...") when I see some hot guy hugging a street pole and I was so distracted by his luscious legs, I ran my car on the curb.

So MarkyMark, you owe me $597 for a new grill. If you don't have it, I will take a guarantee of "an eternity in heaven." Whichever is fine, but I really kinda need the money.

'Stromers, pole dancing classes are canceled today. But don't think you get off easy there, buckaroo. You have some homework. I want you to write a 47-page paper on if you think PETA should boycot these stripper shoes or not.

And Mickman, squeak, squeak!

 

[Chapter 11]

I mean seriously...how hard can it be...and I CAN be taught!

SNAP, the simplest way is to highlight the edit text and hit CONTROL C (or right click and hit copy). Then, hit the "quote" button, delete the text between the two QUOTE boxes (leaving all brackets intact), and then place your cursor between the two QUOTE boxes and hit CONTROL V (or right click and paste). And voila!

 

[Tikiman]

FINALLY SOME FREAKING RECOGNITION AROUND HERE!!!

steeeeve when are you going to join our chat???

you may enter during the whole "tikiman is sooooooo hot" conversations....

huh???


I can't freggin find the definition of pala can someone help me here??

I am dying...

the closest thing I can find is loaf...but I don't think that works....

unless steve likes my big melon loaf????

pala or RIPE in Hawaiian

If I join Chat I would get in WAY too much trouble!!! Someone would have to give me a place to sleep when I get kicked out of the house.

 

[vettechick99]

Okay VETTECHICK

Sign us up for the pole dancin' lessons.
Oh, and we got our goats all ready to go, Girl. But we seem to be havin' a lil' trouble with one of em.

http://www.rfaintingfarm.com/goat.mpeg

LaLa, I said mountain goats! Are you even serious about this class? Maybe you should take this weekend and really think if this is the right track for you. I dont have time for slackers. Pole dancing is serious business!

 

[LaLa]

Okay Vettechick

Sign us up for the pole dancin' lessons.



Me and Jamal are headed that way.

We'll meet Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch there cause from the looks of it, they've already got a jump on us. I'm sure Melons will show up if DH lets her out of his sight. Mel may be too busy stalkin' ZZUB to come but Grammy said she's bringin' dinner. Meatloaf I think. SNAP's stoppin' by just to get a refresher course for her upcoming pursuit of Jon Stewart. GeorgiaA can sew us up some skanky outfits. GADISNEYGIRL says she don't need no stinkin' outfit when she's got the lil' pink number. Paslea Pooh can take pictures and post them when we get back. Frickles has agreed to teach us all some Michael Jackson moves and Horsey will be there to slap us all back to our senses. The boys from the coffee shop can be the bouncers and Lil' Grumpy can keep them busy. Chapter 11 can watch all the action from his office window.


Oh, and we got our goats all ready to go, Girl. But we seem to be havin' a lil' trouble with one of em.

http://www.rfaintingfarm.com/goat.mpeg

You forgot ME. Hmmmph.


I turn my back for a minute to get some work done and I'm nuttin'..nada..zip.

Sadness.

SNAP!!! Baby.

What are you talkin' about? You're right there. In the middle. Of all the ackshun.

Silly you.

 

[GeorgiaAristocat]

Caught up, may I say
WELCOME!!! to the newcomers: HoneyBee and Mickman

We're glad you stopped in. We need to know your special talent and test you on the password (which is, frankly, not getting used much these days . . .)

and WELCOME BACK! to Ash - we missed you!

Ally - TG you cancelled class for today. I was getting stressed. I didn't think the Judge would understand when I told him that the kiddies would just have to wait, I needed to go learn how to strip. On the other hand, do we really know what those judges DO under those robes? Something to ponder.

Chris Sheridac - congrats on the closing yada yada. More importantly, did I gather that you got the oh-so-oh!ficial go ahead to come and party with us on Oct 2? I hope so.

Horsey - and what do we have to do to convince you that our world is going to end if you can't be there? I promise to cook homemade caramels if you come. And they are to die for. You might even be able to talk me into making you your very own Snow White dress.

PP and Grammy - good to see that the spice shop is up, running and making money. Maybe it can sponsor some of those that may not be able to make it in October. Either that or the sale of Grampy.

For everyone else - HELLLLLLLOOOOOO!!!!!! I am not excluding anyone. That is a collective hello. If you don't see your name here it is because you KNOW in your own mind that you are SOOOOOO VERY IMPORTANT to me that if I named you I would just make everyone else jealous and insecure. Right? 'kay. Just so we're clear. I'm really not apologizing today.

 

[paslea_pooh]

Here's the translation of Lil Grumpy's post......
Lil' Grumpy's post is in Bold and my attempt to translate it, well you know...


just stopping in for a quick bowl of chicken soup...[the older you get,the more nutrients needed... for maintaining body functions & quickies].speakin of..that poor chicken [in the pic...lookin like one too many...something i beleive most here can "sympathized" with?].

He stopped to have lunch with us here b/c he's constipated and needs to remain regular. Thanks Lil'Grumpy, we're glad we bring out the best in you. He thinks we all look like drunk chickens.


oh, my i'm sotty for not proof reading....i.e.,,, somethingyscame out asnot intended...oh,well..it sorta likedoing crosswords puzzles???

He's sorry for not proof reading and some snot came out while he was doing a crossword puzzle. Ick!

before i go any further & forget.....again..to all you birthday girls....her'sa pretty funny *****day joke [nd style].."liger or not, you're another yearolder,dudette!" so "happy"...to see some cuties catchin up to me! what'sanother butt {crackin joke} among friends? i aion't funny, but "made youthink?? not!!! i think you guys have been there for a long time! speakin, is any of you hotties naked under those things??? enquiring..well maybe justone like to know. ......you go girls!!

He's got a birthday joke for Mumbler..Liger or not..I think this is a reference to Lyger...Napolean Dynamite? I think he's happy we're getting older. He's cracking someone's butt and wants to know if the hotties are naked under their thongs?......Well, duh!!

icna't believe that the source of ..my...[excitment of sorts[] orginated from a southern belle..scratched that..precher' wifey phooh? oh,my times are changes. not! preachers are people too and actually should be in tune with human needs.....pay attention..and one can see my spirit'o life...and the apprication for recieving blessings. "i'm a lucky fella..just got to tell her..i'll love her endless..for my love goes..where my...wifey/poo." she light my up my life...melons girl...so fine...somtimes sexuality just happens...on ourlast cruise..[the cabins are tight for room/ gosh darn why do i see loubon"thebob/bon m'am & they called me mr. zzub..gititng all ziggley with thisdescription???]..my wifey poo pop out all wrapped in disney towel..and meholding the camers..next thingy..was click,click..though she imeediately ....but ahhhhh..let me brag..the pic came out beautiful and sexy....ding! every time i see it...oh,boy!! here's a secret for the male/stormers...knowing my wifey is on a new diet..i told her out of theblue ..oh, honey..you're looki real good!! don't turn sideways, iwon't be able to see you!..now that's a bonus baby!!!! ok, i have no idea if she lost even a pound..but i have "learned" the her expectations. speakin of..oh,boy are there really some fine women on this site...the pond islaoded with all kinds of trophies!! if i was single..i 'll be gitting my pole[fishin] out and start diggin nightcwrallers! lymi!!! her's another secrets fellas..chocolates..make some good-yie bait , napoleandynamite style.


He's excited with Rhonda and he thinks preachers are people too. He's a lucky guy and his love is endless....Not sure if he's still speaking about Rhonda here. Sorry Rhonda, I think Grumpy's moved on already. Apparently his new love lit up his life like Melons. I think he calls her wifey/poo. He went on a cruise with his new love and the cabin was too small, wifeypoo was dressed in one of the disney towel animals and Lil Grumpy got an eye full! So he took her picture ! Note to wifey/poo those towel animals aren't big enough for bathing. There just for show sweetie,k. Wifey/poo is on a diet and she turned sideways and Lil Grumpy lost her!! Since he couldn't find her he went pole fishin and diggin for some nightcrawlers. He's taking fishing lessons from Napolean Dynamite. Grumpy..you should have looked for her a bit longer.


special thanks to haley comet girl..i went to the site but my computercrashed....p.s..is it true..that tequila makes her clothes fall off? goota me some of that nightcwallers stuff,hey? do you think it would be appropriateto ask the malestoemers how many are flash gordan fans? here's a secret...squeak, squeak & the ways you gals made a few naughtyrefrerences....lett me fill u in on what i thought..and i'm not braggin butc'mom squeak,squeak -sounded like an endurance problem...p.s. hope yourexpectations are higher than that...it's a family affair, too me! ..no wondermy wifey poo knows heaven.. oh,oh,oh..why no guys on the list??? ok lil melly girl....i got it..devil went to georgia..not a good "egg"...but for fresh in bake..melons!

Apparently Haley made his computer crash when he went to the chat. He discovered tequila makes wifey/poo's clothes fall off but she turned sideways again and he lost her once again......so he did the only thing he knew....he went nightcrawlin. He wants to know if the Maelstromers flash? I could be wrong on this one BUT with the flashing chicken...I think it's a accurate translation. squeak,squeak...$%?{_(@:{?>_& dwats . Mel, you need to get down to Georgia, there's a devil impersonating you and cracking eggs on his melons !!


how ? many saleswomen and the type of produce being offered..i need my daily vitanmi to keep this...healthy .please do tell/confess..rwealy, nothin to do with a hot pursuit epsiode, just lil wish bout hotties and my dream comin true!!! and what better way to seek than from here, the city of angels!

I HAVE NO FLIPPIN IDEA. I'M AT A LOSS. PLUS I AM DEVELOPING A MIGRAINE.

 

[LaLa]

LaLa, I said mountain goats! Are you even serious about this class? Maybe you should take this weekend and really think if this is the right track for you. I dont have time for slackers. Pole dancing is serious business!

BOOYA

 

[GeorgiaAristocat]

PP - OMG! Is there a correspondence course? I might need to become a simultaneous translator.

LaLa - Why'd you steal my husband's goat?

 

[Grammyof2]

I am in need of serious help. Jamal, you might be the only one for this job. Pull me away. NOW!! This is a recap of my last hour:

Hubby is happy again even though he was on the internet and Ebay. I swear he says to me - "Honey, you need help pulling that pork" No I can do it. You go lie down for awhile. Big night and all, DH needs to rest.

I go in kitchen. All smug in myself. Nothing to this party crap. Busy pulling the pork off the bones, shredding it up, you have the pic. Mental checklist - Cake - done- ribs - done - pork - almost done - wings - done - potato salad -done, pasta salad - done - fruit salad - done - beans - done - dips -done - veggies -done - decorations - done. Ice , etc etc, etc all done. Run upstairs - Dh snug as a bug in a rug - Little nappy pooh for him ,Good.
Camera ready - candles, gift everything. Life is good. School bus pulls up out front. Hayley off the bus - check. Got time on my hands.

Hayley and I kick back in the sandbox. Cell phone is ringing. Run to grab it. Voice on other end - MOM? What are you doing? (Kids - I pretend I am real busy.) Oldest daughter, on the line. How's Dad. He's fine, lying down for awhile. She says I called my sister to wish her Happy B-day. Yeah that's nice. She says "Mom are you OK." Yeah I am great. Well, she says, you didn't invite us to the party. If I hadn't called my sister I wouldn't even know about it.

What?????? You were here for dinner last Sunday. I didn't print invites. "No, Mom, we weren't there for dinner. I had to work" OHHHHH. Didn't I talk to child #2 all week. Geez, I thought I did. Hold on, the house line is ringing. I answer. It's the dang Bakery. They close in 10 minutes and I forgot to pick up the rolls. Thank God I live in a samll town. I'll be right there. Back to cell phone. Look honey, I am really sorry, geez , you are coming right? Yes Mom, but next time you think you could let me know in advance? Sure love you honey, see ya in awhile. Darn kids, can't they just Dis so they would know what I am doing.

I am going to DIS AA right now.

 

[paslea_pooh]

PP - OMG! Is there a correspondence course? I might need to become a simultaneous translator.

Amy, I don't recommend it. I'm beginning to develop seizures from it. I'm off to get some oregano. DANG!! I'll never be able to wean myself off at this rate.

 

[SoNotAPrincess]

Last edited by Chapter 11 : Today at 01:51 PM. Reason: Or is that too complicated for you? HI MELONS!!

Umm...I think I've got it. Just needed a little guidance. I know you're not saying Hi to me cuz I haven't displayed my melons. But Hi back atcha anyway.

And thanks.

 

[GeorgiaAristocat]

Poor Grammy.

My Mom does this all the time. She can never remember which of us she has told something to. Doesn't help that all 3 of her girls live in dif't states (AZ, GA, and RI). She usually tells the same thing to at least one of us, and leaves another out of the loop entirely.

 

[AshClan]

PP - VERY impressive! I didn't realize how well you knew Grumpy-speak. Glad someone does

So, the pole dancing class was cancelled. When can we expect a reschedule, Ally? BTW, forgot to tell you, but I also LOVE your semi-new siggie pic. You look so GLAM with the straight hair thing going. Although I suspect the curls might work better when pole dancing??

Markymark, love your pole dancin pose! What did I miss with Rhonda and the thong? Will I have to read through almost 200 pages to find the details?

I have to get SOME work done. The DIS isn't the only thing I've missed in the past 2 weeks, y'know.......

 

[paslea_pooh]

I am in need of serious help. Jamal, you might be the only one for this job. Pull me away. NOW!! This is a recap of my last hour:

Hubby is happy again even though he was on the internet and Ebay. I swear he says to me - "Honey, you need help pulling that pork" No I can do it. You go lie down for awhile. Big night and all, DH needs to rest.

I go in kitchen. All smug in myself. Nothing to this party crap. Busy pulling the pork off the bones, shredding it up, you have the pic. Mental checklist - Cake - done- ribs - done - pork - almost done - wings - done - potato salad -done, pasta salad - done - fruit salad - done - beans - done - dips -done - veggies -done - decorations - done. Ice , etc etc, etc all done. Run upstairs - Dh snug as a bug in a rug - Little nappy pooh for him ,Good.
Camera ready - candles, gift everything. Life is good. School bus pulls up out front. Hayley off the bus - check. Got time on my hands.

Hayley and I kick back in the sandbox. Cell phone is ringing. Run to grab it. Voice on other end - MOM? What are you doing? (Kids - I pretend I am real busy.) Oldest daughter, on the line. How's Dad. He's fine, lying down for awhile. She says I called my sister to wish her Happy B-day. Yeah that's nice. She says "Mom are you OK." Yeah I am great. Well, she says, you didn't invite us to the party. If I hadn't called my sister I wouldn't even know about it.

What?????? You were here for dinner last Sunday. I didn't print invites. "No, Mom, we weren't there for dinner. I had to work" OHHHHH. Didn't I talk to child #2 all week. Geez, I thought I did. Hold on, the house line is ringing. I answer. It's the dang Bakery. They close in 10 minutes and I forgot to pick up the rolls. Thank God I live in a samll town. I'll be right there. Back to cell phone. Look honey, I am really sorry, geez , you are coming right? Yes Mom, but next time you think you could let me know in advance? Sure love you honey, see ya in awhile. Darn kids, can't they just Dis so they would know what I am doing.

I am going to DIS AA right now.

We've known about this party for two weeks! And you forgot to tell one of your daughters? Oh My Gosh.... There's no hope for you..... You should have let DH help with the pork pulling, it would have gone much faster !

 

[Mumbler]

Paslea pooh

That was the best job of translating I've ever seen!!! I'm sitting here in total admiration of your abilities. Way to go girl, gold star for you and all that good stuff!

Is that Grammy's good oregano you've got there? Are ya sharin'?

 

[Shelby5514]

PP!

At least several times a week I begin a conversation with, "Today, on the DIS..."

Kory mocks me by saying, "And this one time, at band camp..."



I can't help it you guys are so interesting!

Ditto! My DH does the same. Whenever I refer to something from the boards he starts "This one time, on the DIS boards...." Then I have to whack him.

 

[horsegirl]

If I join Chat I would get in WAY too much trouble!!! Someone would have to give me a place to sleep when I get kicked out of the house.

I am certain there would be more than a few offers to assist with alternative housing.

Lala-and pooh, for the love of all that is holy I can not take it anymore! My cheeks hurt! (from laughing people) ok, keep the pix coming!

Vettechick-thank god you finally got on board. My education is incomplete, clearly - now I need directions to cheetah's. I would love to wave to Chappie from there,

Where the Mell is Mel?

Ash- yo sista, that's what I'm doing with the vouchers, partly- oh please come hubbyless, be selfish like me, you too frickles

Frickles- I might be interested! Have to check my plans-

GCat-Read the maelstrom meet thread-Liberals Rock sista!

Jamal, Ash and Yak, I am editing my sympsoium and bumping it back up to include you.

 

[paslea_pooh]

Paslea pooh

That was the best job of translating I've ever seen!!! I'm sitting here in total admiration of your abilities. Way to go girl, gold star for you and all that good stuff!

Is that Grammy's good oregano you've got there? Are ya sharin'?

I can't share, I'm using it strictly for medicinal purposes. I've got a RX

 

[hooP]

From what I could gather, this is the poop, vomit and spice report board, so I would like to share my stories.

Let me start by introducing myself.

My name is hooP,

If ZzUB can spell his favorite character backwards for his name, so can I.

Before I start my poop report, you must know a little bit about my background and philosophies.

Poop can be good and bad, Vomit is always bad, and spice is always good (You go Grammy)

Lets start with Poop.

I am proud to be an American but I have an Italian heritage.

In an Italian family, there is not one family outing that goes by where poop and his ugly foul mouth cousin (Lets call him Farty) are not the main topics for discussion. And of course the best time to discuss these topics is at the dinner table. No matter what the topic of discussion all roads lead to Poop or his ugly cousin.

Here’s an example:

Aunt Carmela: Vinnie, you only had 3 meatballs. Whats the matter, you don’t like my cooking?

Vinnie: You know I love your cooking Aunt Carmela but I had those cookies with the nuts on them for breakfast and my stomach feels at little bloated.

Aunt Carmela: Did you go?

Vinnie: What do mean did I go? Go where?

Aunt Carmela: You know what I mean Vinnie. When’s the last time you went?

Vinnie: I went yesterday.

Aunt Carmela: Oh my poor boy. No wonder why you have no color in your face. Here. eat some more. Then you’ll go.

This goes on for about 15 minutes and of course every body has to add their 2 cents to feel like they took part in ritual.


Your duty as an Italian is to bring this topic up at least once during the meal. It’s almost like the sign of the cross in a Catholic church. If you don’t do it bad things will come. So please don’t take offense the next time you are in the presence of an Italian family and they bring this topic up. It’s a spiritual thing.

Why is this so important you ask? Because it’s the sign of life. You poop therefore you are! Lets face it, if your not poopin something’s wrong. Which goes back to my first statement. Poop can be good and bad. Just think about it. If you ever stayed in the Hospital, before you leave they have to make sure you pooped and tooted. The elimination of these two is critical so don’t be so judgmental the next time someone lets a little gas go.

I will never forget my little Italian grandmother. I must have been about 5 years old when I let one loose in front of her. I remember being so embarrassed. She turned to me, pinched my face cheek real hard and said “That’s a gooda boy” “You don wanna your tummy to hurt.”

Don’t get me wrong; I do not go around letting loose on people. As I grew up, I learned that this could be a bad thing. More on that later. I told you this philosophy because my heritage teaches that it is bad to hold these types of things in. This leads me to my brother’s poop story.

Have to go….. I will finish later.