The Mad Chatters thread Part 14

[Grumpy's Wife]

Hi Sarah, hi Nic. I'm in and out.

 

[harleyquinn]

Hi T!

Man I am going to fall asleep at my desk...it's been snowing here all day and the library is dead as a doornail. Course the kids are just getting out of school...

 

[Grumpy's Wife]

I guess the weather does keep people away. That's good news for you.....more DIS time.

 

[paigevz]

DIS time? Did someone mention DIS time?????

 

[harleyquinn]

I guess the weather does keep people away. That's good news for you.....more DIS time.

Yeah, except its pretty boring here right now too!

 

[paigevz]

How can it be boring if I'm here??????

I have a story for you. Hold on, I'll go get it.

 

[paigevz]

The Three Bears

It's a sunny morning in the Big Forest and the Bear family is just waking up.Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?" he squeaks. Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl. It is also empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?" he roars. Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, "For Pete's sake, how many times do we have to go through this? It was Mummy Bear who go up first. It was Mummy Bear who woke everybody else in the house up. It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away. It was Mummy Bear who went out into the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper. It was Mummy Bear who set the table. It was Mummy Bear who put the cat out, cleaned the litter box and filled the cat's water & food dish. And now that you've decided to come down stairs and grace me with your presence.... listen good because I'm only going to say this one more time....... I haven't made the flippin' porridge yet!!

 

[Grumpy's Wife]

Hey Paige. Too cute! Oh what Mommy's do around the house.

 

[willis37862]

The Three Bears

It's a sunny morning in the Big Forest and the Bear family is just waking up.Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?" he squeaks. Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl. It is also empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?" he roars. Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, "For Pete's sake, how many times do we have to go through this? It was Mummy Bear who go up first. It was Mummy Bear who woke everybody else in the house up. It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away. It was Mummy Bear who went out into the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper. It was Mummy Bear who set the table. It was Mummy Bear who put the cat out, cleaned the litter box and filled the cat's water & food dish. And now that you've decided to come down stairs and grace me with your presence.... listen good because I'm only going to say this one more time....... I haven't made the flippin' porridge yet!!

 

[paigevz]

Oh you like that one? Hey Joker, check your email babe. I have another hold on.............

 

[paigevz]

Different genre, but I like it:

The Top 10 Things NOT to say to a Police Officer
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!

5. Are You Andy or Barney?

6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

8. I pay your salary!

9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

10. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

 

[Grumpy's Wife]

Another good one Paige.

 

[harleyquinn]

Thank you Paige those are great!

Sorry, I'm messing around on the cruise critic message boards.

 

[Grumpy's Wife]

Bye ladies. Two of my kids just got home from school. Gotta run.

 

[willis37862]

Bye ladies. Two of my kids just got home from school. Gotta run.

Bye Tricia

 

[paigevz]

The Man Etiquette Test
Here's a chance for you men to find out how compassionate and sensitive you are to women. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Simple Duties

You make the bed. (+1)
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows. (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets. (-1)
You leave the toilet seat up. (-5)
You replace the toilet-paper roll when it's empty. (0)
When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex. (-1)
When the Kleenex runs out you shuffle slowly to the next bathroom. (-2)
You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with wings. (+5)
But return with beer. (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night. (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing. (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it's something. (+5)
You pummel it with a six iron. (+10)
It's her father. (-10)


Social Engagements

You stay by her side the entire party. (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy. (-2)
Named Tiffany. (-4)
Tiffany is a dancer. (-6)

Her Birthday

You take her out to dinner. (0)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar. (+1)
It is a sports bar. (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night. (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team. (-10)


A Night Out With The Boys

And the pal is happily married. (-4)
Or frighteningly single. (-7)
And he drives a Mustang. (-10)

A Night Out

You take her to a movie. (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes. (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate. (+6)
You take her to a movie you like. (-2)
It's called Death Cop 3. (-3)
Which features cyborgs (-9)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans. (-15)


Your Physique

You develop a noticeable potbelly. (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it. (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts. (-30)
You say "I don't give a damn because you have one too." (-800)


The Big Question

She asks, "Do I look fat?". (-5)
You hesitate in responding. (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)


Communication

When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression. (0)
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes. (+5)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV. (+10)
She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep. (-20)



Scoring

Start with 50 points and add your score to it. If you ended up with +15 then your score would be 65 for the 65th percentile. If you got -15 then your score would be 35 for the 35th percentile.

 

[Toot Sweet]

Hello, Mad Chatters!! It feels great to be home. I am working on report cards so I may not be on too much this week. We'll see how many I get done at school.

Is anyone around?

 

[paigevz]

Hellllllooooo sweet thang! I'm around for about one more post........and then off to see if any kids stuck around for tutoring. After that it's either home or not.

 

[Toot Sweet]

Hellllllooooo sweet thang! I'm around for about one more post........and then off to see if any kids stuck around for tutoring. After that it's either home or not.

Hello, Paige! I think you've been hanging around Kar too long!

I hope you won't have to tutor and can head home. Fingers crossed for you, lady!!

 

[Disneyland1084]

Hi Mad Chatters! I know I haven't been on much lately. I've absolutely SWAMPED at work the past two weeks. I'm only on for a couple of minutes now. Just wanted to say hi and that I've been thinking about you all.