Thanks GUYS!!!! For checkin' in and the mad props too!
I'm glad to see that ZZUB stopped by and rewrote the intro for Me(l). It was sweet. I think. And I guess the only better thing would be if he actually wrote the WHOLE entire trippie for me. I'm sure everyone else would enjoy it, too, in that case. So to thank him properly I'm attempting to ship him a lil flower arrangement of sorts. It's a member of the Drosera Rotundifolia family. Specially grown in the happyhaunt garden. It's carnivorous. And about 8 feet tall. I call it the Drosera Zzubisrotund.
I'm just having a little trouble getting it through Customs. In its cage.
But, ZZUB, if you do receive it... it's so pretty... you'll EAT YOUR HEART OUT!
Or else... it will.
Literally. And if all goes according to plan.
Now then... moving on to the trip:
Day 1 - Arrival Day
At about 7am on Saturday June 23 Mellyman's alarm went off. I had already been awake for about three hours. Just lying there. Trying to get back to sleep but that was impossible. I had Disney On the Brain. Along with a niggling bit of Fear of Flying.
And, NO, it wasn't a night of tossing and turning and stewing about our patriarcial society which is keeping me down.
NOEricaJong.
It was, literally, a fear of flying in a plane. Which was keeping me UP.
I guess I spent the early morning hours in search of the "zipless flight".
Whatever that is.
So when Mellyman's alarm went off I was relieved that I could officially get up and get on with it.
Mellyman told me he was getting up to cut the grass and go for a haircut. And then he'd be home and we'd better be ready to go. Because he was already stressed to the max from work. In addition to being away from the office for two whole weeks. And he wanted everything to go smoothly today. B/c his arm was already itching.
That's how Mellyman suffers from stress. He gets an itchy arm. And needs to put cream on it so he doesn't actually scratch his skin off. Down to the bone.
Some people get headaches from stress. Others get digestion issues. Some people fall prone to fits of rage.
Mellyman gets one really itchy arm.
Mellyman: "Well, Mel, at least we're all packed. I'm relieved about that. I was worried you'd be running around this morning in a panic."
Me(l): "Yeah. Well... about that...".
Mellyman: "WHAT???!!!!! You SAID you were all packed. LAST NIGHT YOU SAID WE WERE ALL PACKED!"
Me(l): "Yeah. Well... we're mostly packed. And I didn't want to stress you out any more. It's just...".
Mellyman: "WHAT?".
Me(l): "I'm not packed."
Mellyman: "Pardon?".
Me(l): "Well...mentally...I'm packed. I was lying here for the last couple of hours. Packing. In my head. And listening to you. Dude, you make some funny noises when you sleep. And not with your mouth, either! Anywho... I mentally packed my suitcases. And threw in some Gas-X for you, too."
Mellyman: "I'm getting up now. I'm leaving the house and when I get back you better be ready to go! I SWEAR MEL!!!! Don't make me crazy on our first day of vacation!"
He left.
And I got up. Leaving the kids to sleep in. I blasted through the shower and wandered over to the closet. Dripping wet. Wrapped in my towel.
I started pulling things out of drawers and down off of hangers. As I pulled a blouse down I knocked another one off its hanger into a big box underneath the rack. I pulled the box out to get to it and something caught my eye. It was a box of memories. Pictures, letters, birthday cards, little tiny shoes from when the kids were small, old stuffed animals, fishing tackle and trail mix.
Except for the trail mix.
So I started looking at the pictures and reading the cards. Laughing and crying. Sometimes at the same time.
And, YES, that is EXACTLY how Mellyman found me an hour and a half later.
Except that my hair was now dry.
He turned beet red and slapped me with his eyes. And his itchy gooey arm.
And he told me I had exactly 15 minutes to pack my suitcase or else HE WOULD DO IT FOR ME!!!
Yikes!
Everything would be navy, brown, tan, black and XXL!
I threw my stuff together. Fast and without thinking. I did the same with another suitcase of shoes. And a much smaller one of bikinis. It was very small. More like a large purse. And still I managed to bring 23 suits. Along.
Heh heh.
It was a record. I think.
Dragged the kids away from the T.V. and threw cereal at them. Literally. Three little packages of sugary goodness. Which they were instructed to make into Kell-Bowl-Pacs and eat with light cream.
B/c we were out of milk. I discovered.
YUM!!!!
The Breakfast of Champions!!!!
I expected three full-on sugar rushes leading to pre-departure fits of rage and fisticuffs.
And an even ITCHIER ARM for Mellyman.
But... all went well. Surprisingly. And we were out the door on schedule.
Heading to West Point. With the cat. And for a quick visit with The General prior to the airport in Buffalo. Along with a quick visit with our OLD cat, Lotus. Who now resides in the lap of luxury. And gets home-cooked liver for her meals.
The General had kindly offered to attempt to kill us with kindness when we got to her place.
What I mean by that is: My Mother was making us lunch.
And she surprised the three kids by giving them each $50. American money. For souveniers on our trip.
Calvin immediately misplaced his money. And we spent 20 minutes scouring her house to find it.
Say it with Me(l) NOW: ITCHY ARM!!!!
I finally found the money in her basement on the ping pong table.
Me(l): "CALLLLLLLLLVINNNNNNNNNN!!!! I found your MONEY!!!!"!
Calvin: "WHERE???!!!!"
Me(l): 'In the basement. COME HERE!".
Calvin: "Oh yeah. So that's where I left it!".
Me(l): "Now... Calvin... I KNOW you weren't playing ping pong. So why is your money down here?!".
Calvin: "Oh. I was just down here checking out the cat's litter box.".
Enough said.
He's nine.
We hugged The General goodbye. Well... the kids hugged The General. And kissed her. The General hugged Mellyman and told him to take care of us all. Mellyman hugged The General back and promised to.
Then it was my turn to hug The General.
That's when The General quickly looked at her watch and said, "OH! Look at the time! You better run!! Don't want to miss your flight! Chop chop!".
She approached me and I got the pump fake good-bye as she dodged around me to get out to the driveway.
Heh heh.
Some things never change.
We drove off and I called out "BYE MOM!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!"!
Mellyman honked the horn.
And she threw her arms up and turned and walked back to the house.
But... I know she heard me.
And that's all that matters.
Mellyman put the pedal down. And we were at the border crossing before you knew it.
Early enough to take a quick look in the Duty Free Store on the Canadian side. Before we crossed the border.
We split up. Beth and I heading for the perfumes and cosmetics with the boys going to look at Scotch and other manly products. Like premium tequila and beer.
As I was checking out $90 lip-plumping gloss...Beth appeared to be getting antsy.
Pantsy.
She was looking at her watch and figuring out how much time we'd have until our flight.
She finally said, "Mommy let's just get Daddy and go! I don't want to miss our plane!".
I said to relax. We had about 40 minutes to get to the airport. To be an hour early for our flight. Plenty of time.
"MOMMY! Let's GO! My arm is getting itchy too!".
I was DEAD! DED! (Amused and, even, severely amused)
TFI.
So we rounded up the boys and left. Buying nothing. Because The Boss had to GO!
And no one messes with The Boss. When she means bidness.
Not even Bruce Springsteen... the OTHER boss... could mess with her.
Oh... he could try. With depressing yet heartfelt blue-collar lyrics... and about a thousand facial expressions which most of us just feel comfortable making alone in the privacy of our own bathrooms.
Which brings me to this thought: Has anyone else ever wondered just WHAT KIND of expressions BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN makes in HIS own bathroom???!!!!
Ok.
We crossed the border. In our dirty new/old van. Yelling "GOODBYE CANADA!!! HELLO USA!!! HOME OF THE BIG FOOD PORTIONS!!!!"!!!!
As always.
And drove up to the border guard.
Which was EXACTLY the moment I remembered that I had, in my rush to pack, forgotten to check if I had our PASSPORTS with us.
I whispered this to Mellyman as we waited. Next in line to go through. And dug around in my Disney Obsessive Planner Kit. Like a mad woman.
And Mellyman scratched at his right arm with the intensity of Gollum with the Ring.
Cheers, Mel.
Stay tuned to see if we make it over the border.
Or if we have to go back home and spend two weeks in Build a Bear.
What!?! it's happyhaunt math!
Although....
You had me at could we be any homelier? I'm in! 
