The Duggers. Why the Animosity?

[shortbun]

I saw parts of the show on Discovery for the first time last night. What I saw was a smiling, well behaved children, who were clean, neatly dressed and appeared happy. The teenage daughters seemed comfortable in front of the camera, did not appear self conscious or awkward, took on responsibility seamlessly and all the children were adorable. Not my life style but I don't see all of the negativity.

Would you want one of your sons to marry one of those seemlessly efficient girls? Now I know you and I don't see eye to eye on issues of war but I'd fight just as hard to keep my child out of that family as I would to keep him from a military career. Actually, harder, and that should say something.

 

[TeresaNJ]

My 23yo daughter watched a few episodes with me a couple of weeks ago. While she was amazed at the size of the family, and opposed to certain things such as girls not wearing pants, etc., she was also impressed with the closeness, comraderie, support, and respect the family gives to each other. She also thought it was commendable that the oldest Duggar son, Josh, showed such respect for his then fiance, and stated that she wished the majority of dating age boys/men would follow this example.

What I always find amazing is the level of hatred and vicousness directed toward this family, who seem to really love and care about each other, yet there is very rarely outrage regarding the clear disintegration of the family unit going on, which is fueled by the MTV type trash that is aired 24/7, parents never being home, the entitlement mentality kids have today, etc. Yeah, let's bash the Duggars all the while our daughters are running around with the butts and ****s hanging out, rubbing up on every guy they can at their all night booze-fests. Of course, I'm slightly exaggerating here to make a point, but after hearing stories from my HS teacher brother-in-law, and others, it's not far off the mark.

How dare those Duggars wanting to instill good values in their children! Off with their heads!!!

 

[TheZue]

I am so far from jelous of them it isn't funny. I think I'd honestly run away if I woke up and found myself in that family. Anyways, my problems are others that previous posters have mentioned...I find their set up very sexist and I'm not a fan of their buddy system. That's nice that they are all well behaved, but you should still be allowed to have a childhood and not raise your younger siblings...and the youngests should still have most of their parenting from their parents instead of a buddy. And I too am a stay at home mom in charge of the inside work; but that was my choice, I did get to go to university, and most importantly my voice is just as important as my husbands in all of our decisions. I can't imagine raising girls the way they are.

 

[DawnCt1]

Would you want one of your sons to marry one of those seemlessly efficient girls? Now I know you and I don't see eye to eye on issues of war but I'd fight just as hard to keep my child out of that family as I would to keep him from a military career. Actually, harder, and that should say something.

I don't know. Like any girl from any family, it depends upon what they are like as individuals. Just because someone has a highly structured family life, doesn't mean that they won't emerge into productive, independent individuals. If you consider the way that families were raised decades ago, it was not unlike this family sans the modern conveniences. Our own history has produced the likes of Martha Washington, Betsy Ross, Abigail Adams, Susan B Anthony, Clara Barton,Amelia Earhart and even Calamity Jane. What is common among successful women and men, is self discipline.

 

[daisax]

What is common among successful women and men, is self discipline.

I certainly agree with that, though I'd say ambition is the flip side of that coin.

I'm not sure that blind obedience to such a rigid code of behavior is teaching self discipline. Avoidance of negative consequences, certainly.

 

[DawnCt1]

My 23yo daughter watched a few episodes with me a couple of weeks ago. While she was amazed at the size of the family, and opposed to certain things such as girls not wearing pants, etc., she was also impressed with the closeness, comraderie, support, and respect the family gives to each other. She also thought it was commendable that the oldest Duggar son, Josh, showed such respect for his then fiance, and stated that she wished the majority of dating age boys/men would follow this example.

What I always find amazing is the level of hatred and vicousness directed toward this family, who seem to really love and care about each other, yet there is very rarely outrage regarding the clear disintegration of the family unit going on, which is fueled by the MTV type trash that is aired 24/7, parents never being home, the entitlement mentality kids have today, etc. Yeah, let's bash the Duggars all the while our daughters are running around with the butts and ****s hanging out, rubbing up on every guy they can at their all night booze-fests. Of course, I'm slightly exaggerating here to make a point, but after hearing stories from my HS teacher brother-in-law, and others, it's not far off the mark.

How dare those Duggars wanting to instill good values in their children! Off with their heads!!!

Its nice to hear the perspective of your DD. Lets not forget however, ALL OF THOSE GIRLS, with everything hanging out are just expressing their "individuality". Ironic, isn't it.

 

[Stacerita]

I don't get why the Dugger hate either. I have seen only bits of the shows here and there though. But who cares if they have so many kids and that they choose to raise them a certain way. It doesn't impact my life.

 

[Mr Man]

All I know of the Duggers is what I have seen on the TLC commercials and the comments that I have read here. I saw the commercial today, and I saw 17 beautiful children. They look happy, well cared for and so I don't get the animosity that I often see on this board. I would never chose to have 18 children or even 8 children but they look like they are nice kids. Can someone explain the 'attitude'? or is there an 'attitude?"

Possibly this family's obvious reluctance to consider abortion because of their faith?

As I recall, this same reluctance caused a "rash" of panty-wadding for Palin haters during the election........

The Dad kinda creeps me out......his toothy grin reminds me of Jimmy Carter (shuddering).....other than that, they are fine with me.

 

[GoldieSaysMeep]

I can't wrap my mind around wanting any kids, let alone that many but whatever they or anyone else does, it's up to them. It's not any of my business what they do in their home as long as they aren't absuing the children or breaking any laws. Don't see any evidence that they are.

 

[LucyDingo]

Some page 1 responses...(because that's all I've read so far.)

I really find the reference to her as a 'clown car' as distasteful and disrespectful. I haven't participated in the most recent thread but there are several things I find troubling about the way they operate -

I hate that the kids are on public display. How can the youngest ones consent to something like that? I have the same problem with Jon and Kate.

I dislike that the older kids have SO much responsibility. That isn't healthy, in my opinion. Yes, helping out should be expected in all families no matter what the size, but the fact that the kids do most of the dirty work bothers me.

I really dislike that futures of the girls seems to be limited simply because they are girls. That is a tragic waste of human potential, in my opinion.

I don't care how many kids they have as long as they actively parent them and don't foist them on their siblings just because they can.

Are you saying that girls wanting to grow up and be stay at home moms is a tragic waste of human potential? Or did you mean something else?

Serioulsy!

But, you couldn't PAY most people to have that many kids. I barely have enough patience as it is. 18 kids would send me straight to the cuckoo's nest.

Michelle seems to just be GOOD at it. She doesn't seem like she flusters easily, and she takes all the noise/mess/etc. in stride. I admire her soft voice, even when she's admonishing one of the kids. And they seem pretty well-behaved.

I like that she lets the kids be kids. Unlike another mom on TLC that shall remain nameless...haha. Michelle lets the kids play and get dirty and stuff. It's nice to see.

I don't concern myself with 'carbon footprints', etc. I don't care what they do to minimize their tax burden. There are certain cultures that are beyond "criticism" that also have a lot of children, with multiple wives. I don't see where they are hurting anyone. If they were abusing their children, they would be arrested. Certainly there is enough scrutiny. Again, not my choice, but their kids are breaking and entering, being arrested for shoplifting or vandalism. There was a time in our history where adolescents took on family responsibilities.

I agree with everything you said.

Personally, I would never have that many children. I couldn't handle that at all. I used to think the Duggars seemed super insane. But the more I see of them, the more "normal" they become to me. Sure, I think their religious beliefs are a bit strange. But really no stranger than I find a lot of religions.

Yes, the older children have to help with the kids a lot. But some of them seem to enjoy it. And it's really no different than a family with 4 or 5 kids...especially if there's a large age gap between oldest and youngest.

Overall, the kids seem happy. They aren't being abused or anything. If you think the Duggar children are mistreated....you really should educate yourself on some of the awful things that happen to other kids on a daily basis. There are far worse things then having a lot of siblings or being forced to do housework.

One thing about the Duggars that I do disagree with is home schooling. But that's not a specific thing to the Duggars. I'm just not a fan of home schooling, in general.

 

[LucyDingo]

Well, I only have three so no puppy mill here, and I don't know why anyone would have an issue in teaching their kids self control, it is like using a play pen without the walls. But hey maybe that is why there are so many rotten kids in this world, parents are afraid to teach self control.

I think there are a lot of rotten kids because a lot of parents don't discipline at all. They spoil their kids. They never get punished when they do something wrong. Too many kids are treated like "precious little snow flakes." They have no boundaries and are allowed to do whatever they want all the time.

 

[LucyDingo]

I do have a problem to an extent with the Duggars...

The world is overpopulated - how about adopting some kids?

They constantly talk on the show about teaching their children to think for themselves, being accepting, etc... but the kids are NEVER exposed to anything outside of their comfort zone. The one cousin that's been on the show lately is definitely more mainstream, and the kids say stuff like, "She's way different but we still love her."

Some other people pointed out that the kids are not allowed to watch TV yet they have been part of several television specials and now the show... I feel that's somewhat hypocritical.

I do have to say, I have enjoyed seeing some level of "normalcy" in the family because of the show (chaos, tantrums, etc...).

so are you saying everyone should adopt kids and not have their own? Or just Michelle?

I think the kids can watch some t.v. but it's limited and their parents have to approve.

 

[LucyDingo]

I have an "archaic" marriage. I do the laundry, cooking and cleaning and my husband does all outdoor work and fix ups around the house. I just don't know what I'm missing out on.....cutting the grass, changing oil and tires on the cars, building a fence and cleaning the gutters and chimney sound like so much FUN!!! Darn, it sucks to be a woman...

I'm with you on this one!

I am assuming you are an adult.

But I think (hope) the difference is that you CHOSE your path in life. It was not thrust upon you, without a care as to what you wanted.

Did you choose this lifestyle yourself or was it drilled into you at an early age what your proper place in the world was. Were you allowed to make these choices yourself? Big difference.

I think a lot of people end up wanting to do whatever it was their parents did. My mom, for example, stayed home with us when we were kids. When were were all school aged, she went to work in a school system so she was off on holidays and summers, just like us. And because THAT is what I knew....that is also what I wanted to do.

The Duggar girls grew up in a house with a stay at home mom, to me...it's pretty natural that they would end up wanting to do the same. Do I think their parents are forcing them to want to do certain things? Not from what I can tell. If the girls wanted to do something else...I'm sure their parents would support it.

 

[LucyDingo]

*sorry I have so many separate responses

I have the same, but I *chose* that arrangement as an adult confident in my ability to change the oil, cut the grass, cook dinner and pay the bills. My problem with the Duggars is that they're raising girls with the attitude that they don't need to know how to do "man's work" or be able to support themselves/their families should the need arise.

I've never mowed a lawn in all my 27 years. I've checked my own oil...but I've never changed my own oil. I've never changed a tire. I'm sure there are a number of "mens" things that I've never done. And in reality, I'll probably live my entire life without ever doing them.

Do I feel deprived of something because of that? Nope. I'm quite happy to never do those things.

 

[freckles and boo]

Are you saying that girls wanting to grow up and be stay at home moms is a tragic waste of human potential? Or did you mean something else?

.

I am a stay at home mom. If you read past page one you will probably understand what I meant.

 

[Disney Ella]

I think the kids can watch some t.v. but it's limited and their parents have to approve.

Michelle has said that the kids only watch TV if there is religious programming on that they would like the children to see.

If you follow their teachings, all types of careers are not open to women. Their jobs are to take care of the home and family. That's it.

Plenty of us had stay at home moms but have chosen to pursue careers AND have families. I cook and clean and have changed diapers, but I am capable of a lot more and luckily I was able to go to college (a real college, not some online religious school approved by Bill Gotherd.), get a job and find a husband who did not think my place in life was to be subordinate to him.

(And I am also saying there is nothing wrong with being a SAHM or SAHD if that is what you freely choose.)

 

[Planogirl]

I see nothing wrong with being a stay at home Mom or really doing whatever feels right, period. However, I personally believe in exposing kids to a lot of different things so that they have a good understand of their options. I question whether the Duggar kids really get a chance to learn much beyond their rather limited environment.

 

[LucyDingo]

I am a stay at home mom. If you read past page one you will probably understand what I meant.

I've read it now. I was responding to posts as I went through the thread.

 

[chobie]

so are you saying everyone should adopt kids and not have their own? Or just Michelle?

I think the kids can watch some t.v. but it's limited and their parents have to approve.

If she'd adopt than maybe she would actually be worthy of admiration. Just popping out as many kids as uterus can handle is not admirable. And that is what is keeping this show going - her continuing to breed.

As for the kids looking happy. So do those kids at the polygamous compounds -- that is when they are not being taken from their parents. They are taught to look happy all the time.

 

[C.Ann]

My 23yo daughter watched a few episodes with me a couple of weeks ago. While she was amazed at the size of the family, and opposed to certain things such as girls not wearing pants, etc., she was also impressed with the closeness, comraderie, support, and respect the family gives to each other. She also thought it was commendable that the oldest Duggar son, Josh, showed such respect for his then fiance, and stated that she wished the majority of dating age boys/men would follow this example.

What I always find amazing is the level of hatred and vicousness directed toward this family, who seem to really love and care about each other, yet there is very rarely outrage regarding the clear disintegration of the family unit going on, which is fueled by the MTV type trash that is aired 24/7, parents never being home, the entitlement mentality kids have today, etc. Yeah, let's bash the Duggars all the while our daughters are running around with the butts and ****s hanging out, rubbing up on every guy they can at their all night booze-fests. Of course, I'm slightly exaggerating here to make a point, but after hearing stories from my HS teacher brother-in-law, and others, it's not far off the mark.

How dare those Duggars wanting to instill good values in their children! Off with their heads!!!

----------------

I agree with you 100%.. They are doing an amazing job with all of those children.. In so many ways they are no different than the Mormons - and somehow that entire segment of the population has managed to live happy, productive lives - without the need to be exposed to everything and anything under the sun.. Just because the Duggars choose to have "different" morals, values, and expectations out of what will make their lives happy and fulfilling, certainly does not make them "bad" people or "bad" parents - just "different".. I've never seen one of those children appear to be "unhappy" in any way, shape, or form - nor do they appear to "fear" their parents - they simply have the utmost respect for them (as well as their siblings).. When they need guidance or have a problem they are struggling to resolve, who do they go to? Their parents - the two people that they trust the most.. How can this be a "bad" thing?