The Duggars family TV show premieres this Sat.

[Albertan mom]

I think the above quote is one of the smartest insights on this family.

I am very surprised at the self-righteous under tones that are abundant in this thread. Generally DIS'ers have a kind, open, "live-and-let-live" outlook on life. Sure, the Duggars do open themselves for criticism by being so public. Yet there are many people in the public eye who have downright rotten behavior, and I have not read nor seen such resentment.

Do people such as the Duggars deserve respect?

I will admit that I am sensitive to this topic because I was raised in a Mennonite church. There was a time in my childhood where we outwardly looked very much like the Duggars. Even the teaching is very similar. I have faced rejection, taunting, and even hostility simply because I looked different. I was raised to show all people respect, but often faced ridicule.

Sure you may disagree with the parenting methods. But let's be more tolerant and kind. The external does not matter, only the heart.

Good post.

 

[nuke]

I was home with a cold the other night so I watched both shows. While I think they are definately different and definately living a lifestyle I have no interest in, I certainly don't think the kids are abused. They all seem pretty happy and well adjusted to me.

We all have different ideas about how to raise our children and how we lead our lives. It's a very personal thing and a very sensitive issue for some people. I've read on this board that I'm a bad mom that doesn't love her child enough because he has a TV and a GameCube in his room. Whatever.

The thing that I can't get past is mom's hair. She really needs a makeover. Her friend had a nice haircut.

 

[chobie]

I think the above quote is one of the smartest insights on this family.

I am very surprised at the self-righteous under tones that are abundant in this thread. Generally DIS'ers have a kind, open, "live-and-let-live" outlook on life. Sure, the Duggars do open themselves for criticism by being so public. Yet there are many people in the public eye who have downright rotten behavior, and I have not read nor seen such resentment.

Do people such as the Duggars deserve respect?

You're kidding about the DISer live and let live outlook right? The parenting threads are the some of the ugliest on this board. People on this board have accused others on this board for being bad parents for such things as:

Breastfeeding past 1 year.
Co-sleeping
Putting your kids on non-scoring sports teams
Spanking; or not spanking
Taking small children to Dinsey Signature restaurants

The list goes on and on. The Duggars, as they show themsleves on TV, may been laughed at, but not ONE person has suggested they should not be allowed to do this or they are abusive.

And for respect? No I personally do not find fecundity something to respect. If they had adopted a half a dozen or so of those kids I would have respect for them.

 

[blowinbubbles]

Jenn, I could not agree with you more! It seems like there is such a wonderful "live and let live" attitude here, *unless* Christianity or conservatism is involved, then the boards are innundated with critical and judgemental posts.

My husband has worked with several Mennonite families, and I can say that they were the most fine, moral, hard-working and upstanding people that I know. The women stayed home and had 10+ kids (all born at home!), they had their own school, and yes, I saw some pretty young kids working on the jobsites! I admired them so much!

I think the above quote is one of the smartest insights on this family.

I am very surprised at the self-righteous under tones that are abundant in this thread. Generally DIS'ers have a kind, open, "live-and-let-live" outlook on life. Sure, the Duggars do open themselves for criticism by being so public. Yet there are many people in the public eye who have downright rotten behavior, and I have not read nor seen such resentment.

Do people such as the Duggars deserve respect?

I will admit that I am sensitive to this topic because I was raised in a Mennonite church. There was a time in my childhood where we outwardly looked very much like the Duggars. Even the teaching is very similar. I have faced rejection, taunting, and even hostility simply because I looked different. I was raised to show all people respect, but often faced ridicule.

Sure you may disagree with the parenting methods. But let's be more tolerant and kind. The external does not matter, only the heart.

 

[Chicago526]

Jenn, I could not agree with you more! It seems like there is such a wonderful "live and let live" attitude here, *unless* Christianity or conservatism is involved, then the boards are innundated with critical and judgemental posts.

My husband has worked with several Mennonite families, and I can say that they were the most fine, moral, hard-working and upstanding people that I know. The women stayed home and had 10+ kids (all born at home!), they had their own school, and yes, I saw some pretty young kids working on the jobsites! I admired them so much!

I can only speak for myself, but my problem with the Duggers isn't that they are conservative and/or Christian. If a liberal athiest family were doing the same things as the Duggers, I'd have the exact same concerns, nothing would change. Also, while I didn't read all the posts in this thread, I didn't recall seeing one that said the parents didn't have the right to do what they are doing, even though they didn't like it.

 

[DWDreams]

Give me your tots!

Nooo way, like get your own tots!

P.S. Vote for Pedro

 

[DWDreams]

This thread caught my eye as I happened to catch the tale end of this tonight. Probably the last 1/2 hour or so. I remember the prior one also.

I agree with those that find the whole lifestyle odd. Not foreign, though it is to me, just odd. But that's okay I guess. Odd isn't illegal. I do wonder how happy the children really are, or how happy they will be if they want to strike out on their own. Given the co-dependency being bred and fostered, I don't see independence in the future for any of them though.

The only issue I would ever have, and I didn't see enough of the episode to know if its the case, is if they spoke out against the way others live their lives. I accept when those want to live differently according to their own beliefs, but don't like when those expecting tolerance are intolerant themselves. There are those that who represent good and bad (for lack of better terms) in every walk of life and culture.

 

[Brier Rose]

Guess what we had for dinner tonight!

 

[MagicalMom]

I guess I'm in the minority. They seemed like a really neat family to me. I found the show fascinating.

Keep in mind that I have also spent the past year reading Beverly Lewis books causing me to have become overly fascinated with the Amish. I mean to the point that if one is in line in front of me I will try to figure out if their dress is held together by safety pins or buttons to attempt to determine how stict their ordnung is! Then I'll check out the items in their cart. Then if they are looking at a magazine I have to walk by to see what they are reading. Yep, ignore my opinions, I'm obviously an Amish Stalker!

 

[graygables]

At least the Amish are given the opportunity to go outside the sect and see if anything appeals to them before being in it for life. We visit Amish country frequently and while I have my own issues about that (still can't figure out why some can use cell phones/power tools/cars when doing business w/ the English ), I have seen many families together and they don't have the same level of tension. I think the Duggar kids KNOW they are a side show, but are powerless to do anything about it.

 

[glass slipper girl]

The dating thing...in the last special didn't they talk about that the oldest boy would soon be allowed to have supervised and fully chaperoned "dates?" I seem to recall them saying that the kids would have any time alone with anyone they were dating though...everything would be chaperoned. I can not imagine NEVER having spent time alone with someone before marriage. I can get the no sex before marriage thing but it just baffles me that you would not even be allowed to sit and chat in your parents living room alone with your future spouse.

A lot of things baffle me about them though. I don't think the kids are being abused at all but I also don't think they are doing the kids any favors by not exposing them to more of the world. You can still monitor what they are exposed to and make sure that it is appropriate but allow them to be exposed to more out there. It bothered me that the girls didn't seem to realize that they had options beyond repeating their mother's life choices. If they are aware of other options and know that Mom and Dad will support them if they want to be a doctor etc. but they still choose to be a SAHM and pop out 10+ kids, then that's fine. It just seemed like they weren't really given options beyond wife and mother. I'm a SAHM myself and for years swore up and down I would never do this! I have a masters degree and left a professional career for this...but I did it because it was my choice, not because anyone, my husband included, expected me to.

As for the hugs thing...they did show some affection, the Mom reading to the girls, she said, very sincerely, "I love you!" to the kids as she turned out the light, they were kissing the baby goodnight etc. They may not be a very physically affectionate family though. I know a few fundamentalist families who do not "do the hug thing" as they find it inappropriate but they are loving families. That may be where the Duggar's are. That's one of those vastly different from my family where hugs and kisses are given freely all the time and DH I show affection not just to the kids but to each other in front of the kids but if that is what the kids are used to, chances are they don't find it odd. That would definitely be the case if they are only socialized with other families who are of the same mindset. They wouldn't necissarily be aware that other families are more physically affectionate. Of course there is equal chance that hugs are freely given but they weren't shown on camera. Even if they have a strange (by my way of thinking) way of showing it, I do think they love all the kids.

Their life is definitely a bit odd (again, by my way of thinking) and not something I would choose for myself or my kids (as in I would find it odd if one of my kids decided to marry in to that family) but I guess the way I see it is that it's not my place to judge them. There are things I think are legit concerns with a family that size not the least of which is each child getting quality individual attention/time with Mom and Dad. That is something I am struggling with here as we were recently surprised to find out baby #3 is on the way to our home. I have no doubt in our ability to love another but I worry how the new division of time and attention will affect the 2 we love so much already. I can't even begin to fathom that with 16 children!

DH watched part of the show with me and said "with 10+ kids, how on earth do the find the time and energy to make more???" I pointed out their schedule and extreeme organization and said I'm sure it's scheduled just like everything else! Penciled in after 9 PM Bible time w/ Dad and before Mom gets up to change out the laundry.

 

[jenfur]

I just saw his special tonight and can't believe all of the post that are so negative towards this family. When the thread started, I had just seen the first special. There was nothing remotely offensive in this one at all! I saw hugs and affection, I saw kids goofing off...I saw WAY more GV wal-mart products than all of the free charity everyone is harping on. I also saw them socializing various times. If people are so darned interested in these people, then they deserve the money and products they get for these specials. Just the judgemental comments on this board alone earns them at least that. 1 million dollars is fine for the guy/girl who can stay on a stupid island for 39 days but curse these people for getting pepperidge farm bread!!!

Also, the article on God not wanting us to have 16 kids - I think if you aren't very religious, you have no idea what God wants and even if you are, you have no idea what God wants for other people. If God REALLY didn't want her to have that many kids, she would be like several women I know who can't have them anymore. I think Michele must be VERY mentally stable to handle the household the way she does, especially since a few on this thread have admitted they can't do as well. I know I certainly don't.

 

[chobie]

I can only speak for myself, but my problem with the Duggers isn't that they are conservative and/or Christian. If a liberal athiest family were doing the same things as the Duggers, I'd have the exact same concerns, nothing would change. Also, while I didn't read all the posts in this thread, I didn't recall seeing one that said the parents didn't have the right to do what they are doing, even though they didn't like it.

No one did say they should not be allowed raise their kids this way, but some people want to make this look like a Christian bashing issue, which it isn't. But if this is the closest they can get to "proving" that Christians are persecuted in this nation -- then they have a long way to go.

And if this family was an ultra-liberal, Goddess worshipping, insular family commune, I would also have the same concerns, but I'm willing to to bet the same people who think the Duggars are being "judged" would not be so quick to defend the practices of a liberal, hippie family raising thier kids like the Duggars in all the other respects.

 

[chobie]

Also, the article on God not wanting us to have 16 kids - I think if you aren't very religious, you have no idea what God wants and even if you are, you have no idea what God wants for other people. If God REALLY didn't want her to have that many kids, she would be like several women I know who can't have them anymore.

So, no one has any idea what God wants for other people? Does mean that no one knows if God doesn't want women to have abortions, or gays to get married, or children to pray in public schools?

And God doesn't want women to have fertility treatment?

And when you say you have no idea what God wants unless you are "very religious" do you mean very religious in ANY religion? Or do only some very religious people from some very select religions know what God wants?

 

[pamlet]

I think the above quote is one of the smartest insights on this family.

I am very surprised at the self-righteous under tones that are abundant in this thread. Generally DIS'ers have a kind, open, "live-and-let-live" outlook on life. Sure, the Duggars do open themselves for criticism by being so public. Yet there are many people in the public eye who have downright rotten behavior, and I have not read nor seen such resentment.

Do people such as the Duggars deserve respect?

I will admit that I am sensitive to this topic because I was raised in a Mennonite church. There was a time in my childhood where we outwardly looked very much like the Duggars. Even the teaching is very similar. I have faced rejection, taunting, and even hostility simply because I looked different. I was raised to show all people respect, but often faced ridicule.

Sure you may disagree with the parenting methods. But let's be more tolerant and kind. The external does not matter, only the heart.

Great Post!!

I attended a university that had very stringent dress code requirements. When we went off campus we were often subjected to rude comments, etc. It teaches you a lot about being understanding about never judging people on their "outward" appearance!

 

[chobie]

Great Post!!

I attended a university that had very stringent dress code requirements. When we went off campus we were often subjected to rude comments, etc. It teaches you a lot about being understanding about never judging people on their "outward" appearance!

Really, so you never judge women who wear skimpy, tight-fitting, flesh-baring clothes? That is so liberal minded of you.

 

[pixiemomma]

We all have different ideas about how to raise our children and how we lead our lives. It's a very personal thing and a very sensitive issue for some people. I've read on this board that I'm a bad mom that doesn't love her child enough because he has a TV and a GameCube in his room. Whatever.

Hey you too? I got one of those comments too. I replied with a series of these and pressed ignore.

 

[pamlet]

Really, so you never judge women who wear skimpy, tight-fitting, flesh-baring clothes? That is so liberal minded of you.

Well I never said I was perfect - I KNOW I'm not perfect ... I do know that OVERALL my outlook is very different... there are time's I'm sure I do judge... EVERYONE judges in some way shape or form now don't they?

Or maybe you don't?

 

[chobie]

Well I never said I was perfect - I KNOW I'm not perfect ... I do know that OVERALL my outlook is very different... there are time's I'm sure I do judge... EVERYONE judges in some way shape or form now don't they?

Or maybe you don't?

Oh, I judge. But then again, I don't subscribe to a religion that tells me not to

 

[ducklite]

I don't care about how they dress, although I will say that IMHO the choice of swimwear is a bit odd--there are plenty of "modest" bathing suits that don't look like uncomfortable flour sacks. But that's not a concern, frankly it's their business and nobody else's.

I don't care about their haircuts, I've seen worse in my local Target. Heck take a look around WDW the next time you are there if you want to see some fashion disasters.

A lot of people have criticized the way they feed their kids. Frankly I doubt their diets are much different than a huge population segment in this country--kids who eat a steady diet of fast foods because they are too busy with after school lessons, teams and activities to have time for a nutritious home cooked meal every night. I don't see the hundreds of soccer mom's on these boards who might not admit it, but are doing the same thing being ripped apart.

My concern is that the children are being forced to grow up and assume too much responsibility too quickly. A huge part of cognitive development is being allowed to play and imagine and not be forced to mature faster then their brain wants to. (Read Piaget, Berk, Newman, Willats, or any other of hundreds of child development experts.) I think that too much emphasis is being put on chores and helping to raise the younger children, and they aren't being given the time to develop as children themselves.

My concern is over some safety issues that I saw on TV--watching welding without goggles is a biggie!

My concern is that the children, particularly the females, are being oppressed into sterotypical gender roles, and every aspect of their lives is being controlled by someone who almost appears to be a megalomaniac to me.

I don't care about their religion except that because they practice outside of the mainstream, there is again the megalomaniac concern.

I think that my concerns are valid and not based on their appearance, but rather the social and cognitive development, and safety of the children and family unit.

Anne