The dreaded family vacation

[LilGMom]

We have done quite a few family trips (my four and various member of DH's extended family) with the most recent trip being the first week of December with three families and eleven people total - six adults and five children ages 3-8. We all stayed where we wanted to stay so we were at different resorts. We had seperate ADRs but got them for either the same time or very close to the same time (we had one meal with all of us and it was a disaster, but that was partly due to the less than good service). We had an idea of which park we would be at each day, based on our ADR, and we'd meet up with everyone. There were times when my four would go do our own thing while the other families would do their thing and then we'd meet up later.

Like others have said, you can't please everyone all the time. We went into it telling everyone that even though we were all going on vacation at the same time that it was each family's vacation so there would be time when we wouldn't be "attached at the hip". We didn't plan every little thing and went with the flow.

I won't get into my take on our vacation but I will say that for the most part everyone had a really good time and 82% of the group want to do another family vacation.

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

We did ten this year. We did not tie an anchor to my BIL and drop him into Bay Lake, which means it was successful.

We also did the "this is what we are doing" type of planning with a few shared meals. I HIGHLY recommend families having their own space when it comes to booking rooms. Even with lots of your own time and space, you are going to need to be willing to go with the flow and overlook at lot - people who are late, people who complain, people who change plans.

The year before we took friends - our family is four and their family was four. They attached themselves to our hips - and although they were troopers, it wasn't the best trip because I tried to keep them happy, even though their children had wildly different taste than mine.

Two years ago we invited our friends to WDW with us for a week. They booked through the travel agent, and I planned meals, tours, etc. I e-mailed them and asked for their input on EVERYTHING. They wanted to do everything I suggested, eat at every restaurant I suggested, stay at the resort I suggested, etc. What I didn't realize while I was planning was that they would refuse to split up with us AT ALL the ENTIRE week. It was brutal. They had the best time ever. I was suicidal by the fourth day.

It is incredibly hard to travel in a group. I would make it very clear that you will plan a few things (like a dinner or a character breakfast) that everyone can do together. Outside of those things everybody is on their own.

 

[duffy]

One little tidbit of advice from me....do not let your DH sit in the hot tub at BWV community pool and rant about his sisters's choice not to buy their children park passes while they(sisters) are on the balcony right above the hot tub! We had a great time in spite of a couple of these bumps!

Oh, how funny!! But seriously, they took their kids to Disney World, and didn't buy them park passes?? How could they be that cruel?? What did the kids do during the trip--sit in the room??

 

[roadtripper]

You can't make everyone happy. Don't try. You are responsible for your happiness. Other people are responsible for their happiness.

Book the rooms, send everyone good information and suggestions, then wash your hand of it. Plan a few (and I mean a few!) group events, but otherwise tell people they are on their own. If you can't let go, if you have to organize everything, if you feel you must make everyone happy, cancel the trip now. You'll just drive yourself crazy.

Oh, and if it's me (with all proper respect to folks who don't want to partake) having a lot of very good wine around is a must at family gatherings.

Great advice here--especially about happiness (and wine). My bro in law seemed like a wet blanket the whole time, and announced the last night it was the best family vacation they ever had. Go figure. If I had worried about him, I would have wasted a lot of energy for nothing!

I like to plan a theme, and pick one meal that we will all share, wear our Tshirts, and get a pic taken. I also like to have gift bags ready for every family at arrival, with T shirts, a Disney CD, a personal note, and some goodies for the room. Other than that, I give tips about best parks/ best days, and tell them which parks we (my family) will be going to when, and let everyone do as they will. I also recommend OKW--as the host, we got a 1 BR so we could have everyone over for drinks and snacks, and everyone else had a studio, so they could get away from everyone else for a while. Have fun!

 

[becca-becca]

I did not read through this whole thread, so I may be repeating what others have said. We just got back from Christmast at Disney with 14 family members ranging in age from 6 weeks to 68 years. We had a total of 6 kids, including the infant. This was our 2nd group trip with the exception of my DBIL's first trip. I am the planner and organizer of everything and with my "DIS" knowledge, the one everyone turns to for answers. My DH helps out quite a bit and knows a lot too. Therefore, we make the plans for what we (our immediate family of 5) wants to do while still considering what is best for others. We make it clear up front that we are basically sticking to our plan, others are free to follow it or to go on their own. We almost always meet up for dinner (everyone was on DDP). We communicate with cell phones. The older members of our party keep with us for a day or two then start doing their own thing and meeting us for dinner, etc. My DSIL and her family (5 of them) are quite content to follow us around (this was their 3rd trip to Disney, but they did have the 6 week old and she broke off whenever she needed to feed the baby, etc.) Everyone in our family was happy with this arrangement.

I think the biggest thing is communication and that you do not have to walk around in a group the whole trip. There is no way all 12 will want to do the same things at the same time. Make sure no one gets their feelings hurt if all don't stick together. We had a great time and hope we can do this again before our parents get too old. We were just happy to be with our family and at Disney simultaneously!

I hope this helped and that is wasn't all a repeat of another post.

 

[becca-becca]

Another thing about our trips, we went on 2 with our families. One with just DSIL and her immediate and one with the whole group (13 on that trip-3 of my kids grandparents). Then, last year, my DH and I took our three kids and no one else went. We had experienced some of the indecisiveness, slowing up to wait for others, etc. on previous trips and while it was never really a problem, we kind of looked forward to being there with no one but us. Well, what do you know, we got to Disney and then we felt sort of lost, enough that while I know we will go to Disney alone again, I will always try to encourage DSIL and family to come with us. That whole trip, I thinked either I called her or she called me (she had wanted to go, but it didn't work out) to find out where we were at that moment probably about 3-5 times each day! That truly wonderful feeling of being alone never seemed to come about and at times, I felt like we actually were less organized than when we had the group. Go Figure!

 

[EllaM]

Family trips are like deaths in the family. You go into it with the best of intentions thinking you know how everyone will behave. Then you find out the petty jealousies and bitter rivalries that have existed beneath the surface. Rational people turn into harpies.

Know who you're inviting.

Plan for your own happiness first.

Insulate yourself from that one person who annoys you the most.

And share your travel planning obsession only with those who can appreciate your blood and tears. The rest will annoy you with their inattentiveness or turn you homocidal with their criticism.

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

Has anyone ever planned a large family vacation (12 members - all types of personallities) and have it work out? I'm excited and dreading it at the same time! What is the key to making everyone happy? Do you have an agreement/plan ahead of time?

Yes, several times.

The biggest was around 16, smallest around 8.

1. You can't make everyone happy. Just table that idea right now, because if you don't, you'll guarantee that YOU will be miserable.

2. The slackers will make the commandos miserable, and vice versa, if you try and keep them all on the same schedule.

3. Never, ever set something up where you're waiting for people. It's guaranteed to piss somebody off at some point.

What we do is the "head" planner, usually me, will create an itinerary on where we will be every day. And by "we" I mean my immediate family of 4.

Then the rest of the family/friends can follow it and meet up with us as they wish, or not. That way we're never waiting for people. If they are there, great, if not, we'll see them later.

What we do try to do is to meet up for meals that have reservations. Once a day. Usually we do Chef Mickey because it can accomodate a table of 12 people.

We also like to do the Hawaii show at the Poly. Long bench tables so we can all sit together.

The meals are great because you know you will meet up and get to talk about your day and what you saw/didn't see, etc. And people usually will make it mostly on time to the meals.

Since everyone is different, it's much easier to plan around people's differences rather than try and make everyone fit into one style of vacationing. We, for instance, are VERY early risers and we leave the park in the afternoon to nap and go to the pool, then head back into the parks later. A lot of our family will get into the park around 10 am, stay until 8 or so, and then konk out. So we just meet them at certain points during the day to go on certain rides together or just hang out. They'd hate our style of vacationing, and vice versa...