The Dreaded Ex-Husband Question

[EthansMom]

I'm kinda on the fence about this one... I'm not divorced, but DH and I are both the adult children of divorced parents.

Is there a reason you feel that you should (or even want) to invite the ex?

Personally, I think there's nothing wrong with taking your kids on vacation and enjoying your time alone with them. And I don't think you should feel that it's necessary (out of guilt/pity/etc..) to invite the ex. Soon enough, your kids will be older and off to college. I say, make the best of your time alone with them and don't feel guilty about it.

Your ex can spend quality time with your kids without it having to be "on vacation"... There's no telling how much fun they could have just around home.

 

[mwatson011]

I am happily married , so I don't know if my opinion is a valid one. That being said, I would invite him. DH and I see these horror story divorces in people we know, and have lost some friends that way. They treat their children as possessions and ammunition, and it is really disgusting.

It sounds like you and your ex have a great relationship, and you are putting your kiddos first. Kudos to you! DH and I talk about it every time our friends split up, that we don't think we would ever....but if it happened... and we always come to the same conclusion, that we would want our kids to be happy. We got to make our decisions in life, and deciding to have children is deciding to devote yourselves to them. We went thru a VERY rough patch that lasted a long time before our first dd was even conceived, so I am thinking if we survived that one, life should be a breeze from here on out.

It sounds like your kiddos are well adjusted to the divorce, so as long as you are all willing to have a great time, I don't see a reason not to invite him. I wouldn't invite out of pity though, invite because you truly want him as part of the vacation. Keep us posted!

 

[Sgt Mickey]

I say go for it you feel comfortable. It isn't like you have to be around him 24/7 you can give him time with the kids and you can take time with the kids.
I think it shows you are a big enough person.

 

[abrantley]

I think you are making a wonderful gesture, and it's a great idea. Very unselfish. Your kids sound mature enough to have a great time with BOTH of you!

 

[Mom2m&k]

I am the product of divorced parents. They divorced when I was 3. When I was 18 I sat at the same dinner table with the two of them for the first time in my life and it was strange at first but as the years went on and we had weddings and grandchildren for them it has been a wonderful, wonderful thing that my parents can both share in it at the same time. We have had family dinners and vacations all together! I think you should ask him!

 

[tgrundy]

I think you have the type of relationship that you can get along for that long together, than I think it is good for the kids to see that you can still be friends. It would make wonderful memories for you and the kids as a family, even if you are not married, you are still family. I applaud you.

 

[~Kristina~]

I think that is a really kind offer on your part.
As long as you get along and having him there wouldn't ruin your trip, I think you should do it. Your children would probably really love it.

I agree.

 

[Tinka_Belle]

Well I think it would depend on how well you guys get along. I think that I could stand doing that with my ex, but definitely not in the same room. We get along and still joke like friends though. I know that my DD would enjoy taking her dad on a trip with her. She has been twice and he has never been.

 

[nicolemomof4cuties]

I would say that this is a personal decision that you will have to make. Personally, we were somewhat in the same boat and decided to ask the EX to come along with us. Not only did she say "no" she couldn't afford it, now she won't let us take the kids either. "The kids shouldn't get to do those kinds of things if she isn't there with them" Of course, that was just our experience. Your ex may be completely reasonable and not a selfish jerk. lol

Your poor kids! She is not a very nice Mom! My ex and I get along quite well and I have thought about asking if I could take his 2.5 year old with us in September because I don't want her to feel left out. I can't imagine a parent denying a child something just to be a poop!

 

[Tinka_Belle]

Your poor kids! She is not a very nice Mom! My ex and I get along quite well and I have thought about asking if I could take his 2.5 year old with us in September because I don't want her to feel left out. I can't imagine a parent denying a child something just to be a poop!

That is the right way to be. I sew for my ex's little girl all the time. I have even made my DD and his matching clothes. Even if there was a reason why a couple couldn't stay together the child needs to see that his/her parents are friends. It goes a long way when a child is developing their self esteem.

 

[santa's surpriz]

I have been divorced for almost four years and during that time have been to WDW 2x. Now I love WDW, it is my vacation spot. While he can take it leave it. I did feel a little bad like you and invited the ex 35 days prior to the trip. Even though I had planned it for 7 months. I wanted to nice enough to extend the offer, however I wanted a little insurance that he would not come. He is control freak, not the planning the part but do as I say type. He is just like his dad, the expectation is when he says he ready to go everyone is supposed jump and go. (Yeah that was a real marriage buster!) He did this to me twice before during a trip to WDW. He was too tired and wanted to leave. So I let him leave while I had fun at MK by myself!

I should also add that once he knew, his parents tried to plan a trip two weeks before I was going. This blew me away bc when we were still married I tried to then into a Disney vaca and the said that refused bc they had no desire to go. Needless to say I was really ticked, they can write a check any day of the week to go, I not receiving child support live on a budget and saved every penny to make the trip happen. I put my foot and down said that she was not going. Their trip never happened and since then I never admit we are at WDW until we are actually there.

IMO, you need to evaluate why you got divorced, bc if he will "spoil" your trip or inhibit your fun---leave him home. You put way to much effort and mula into it.

 

[timzagain]

OK, divorced for 4 years now....went on a HUGE Disney vacation right after that with the boys. Going back this August and taking advantage of Free Dining.

So, here is the big question of the day. Do we ask the Dad/Ex-Husband if he would like to go along and all he has to pay would be his portion of the Disney part and his food on way down and home. I will cover the original charges w/o him, the gas down, the hotels etc. Anything that I normally would have paid anyways.

Reason I am doing this crazy thing....he may loose his job and will have to take a "staycation" with the boys this summer. I figure max cost to him would be about $400. Not bad for a week and half vacation right?

So any thoughts........Yeah we get along ok, I am sure he will say no but......

In a word....NO! It's great that you get along with your ex, but I can tell you from what I have observed, it's kind of situation that confuses the children (and sometimes one or more of the adults involved) and gives them a false sense of hope!

Buy him a souvenir, let the kids e-mail or talk to him every day, whatever...but don't include your ex in your vacation

 

[Tinka_Belle]

In a word....NO! It's great that you get along with your ex, but I can tell you from what I have observed, it's kind of situation that confuses the children (and sometimes one or more of the adults involved) and gives them a false sense of hope!

Buy him a souvenir, let the kids e-mail or talk to him every day, whatever...but don't include your ex in your vacation

This is a very valid point!!

 

[enlmomma]

As an adult of divorced parent, I think it is wonderful that you are making an effort to get along with you ex. You have no idea how stressful it is to plan major events in your life while tiptoeing through everyones ego. I wish more parents were like you.

 

[sk!mom]

In our situation, it would have been completely separate rooms to stay in. We both got remarried after the divorce and have happily been married to the new spouses for 7-10 years now. There would have been no confusion on that part. BTW my babies that couldn't go on a trip without their mother are 18, 16, and 13 yr old boys. We wanted to take them on one last big family trip together before the oldest goes off to college in the fall.

I don't understand--Why do you need your ex's permission? Plan the vacation during yur visitation time and go whether she likes it or not. Divorced as long as you have been don't you both have blocks of time in the custody agreement for vacation. Common in the custody arrangements that I'm aware of is that both parents are allowed two weeks to one month in the Summer.

 

[KARAJ]

I am on the yes, ask him side. I am going to DisneyWorld in July it is a trip with my hubby and kids and my mother and her boyfriend my father and his wife were also invited, they could not attend because of work but my mother is flying my stepmom's daughter out with her (we live in a different state) so she did not have to miss out.

It means so much to me that I can plan a birthday party for my kids at one of their houses and never worry that the other one will not be welcome to attend! It also means that when we come back in state for just a couple of days both sides of my family can go out to dinner together.

If you and your ex can be together occasionaly and have a good relaitonship. I think it will mean a lot to your children and probably your grandchildren someday.

PS it goes for extended family also. My Dad's mother invites my mom to gatherings that are large and has her come over for Christmas etc so we do not have to choose where to go.

 

[Minnie]

Not just NO - but HE "double hockey sticks" NO

Seriously it's great that you guys get along - but this just takes it wayyyyyy to far. Stick with your plans and the kids can enjoy time with their dad at home