The DIS Support Group

[floridaminnie]

I guess this is the place for me to vent. My DD's "wonderful" father decided back in April to screw me over. He decided that he just couldn't afford to pay for half of her pre-paid tuiton that he promised and he wasn't going to pay for her medical benefits anymore. Isn't that just nice. He couldn't afford it anymore, b/c he moved in with his girlfriend that is an hour away. Then he decides that he wants visitation changed. He currently has supervised visitation at my house (very long story) and he wants to get her overnights right away. He has a two bedroom apartment and he wants her to stay in a room with an 18 month old and an 11 year boy. Ah, I don't think so. He thought it was all going to happen just like that. . I retained a lawyer in May with the gracious help of my parents. According to our paperwork, we need to exchange financial information. I copied my whole life. As of right now, he's given my lawyer a written piece of paper of where he works and what he thinks. After several letters from my lawyer with basically no response other than "I'll provide it to you at my earliest convience" (my lawyer actually laughed at this), we sepouned (sp?) his places of employment that he told us he worked at. Would you believe it, they never heard of him. So where does he work? Your guess is as good as mine. My lawyer just sent him another letter yesterday stating that he had 15 days to summit the information to her otherwise we will be filing paperwork for contempt of court and we'll be going to court. This contempt of court will be on top of the other contempt of court for failure to pay medical and dental. He also doesn't pay his fair share of child support which will change. He sees it as him finanaincing my life. I'm the one living at home with my parents, b/c I have to pay everything and do everything for my child. Also Mr. Wonderful that wants to see his daughter more, has only called once this week. And last week he actually hung up on her and didn't call her back! He came over this past Monday and seemed very cold toward her. Ah!

 

[Dax]

Sorry I was MIA today guys.....VERY busy at work....


Hugs to everyone....I did read all your posts....if we stick together we can get through anything.....

Well I am off to go home....See ya all on Monday...off to spend 2 more days with the hubby....I really miss him this week, more than usual....


{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS EVERYONE}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Til Monday...........................

 

[chell]

Suzanne, sorry that he is giving you such a rough time. He sounds like a real jerk (no offense meant by that). Men!

 

[Rajah]

I'm sorry, Suzanne. *HUGS*

 

[Helopoh]

Hi all, I wanted to jump on and lend my support to those I missed over the last week.

A horrible strom on monday night left me and Dorian without power for 3 days and ruined almost my entire fridge of food. I started the new job on wed and it was ok. Ex DH has been nothing but annoying in almost all ways. He is just not making things easy at all and he has made me cry atleast once a night since sunday last. I just don't know what I am doing anymore. There is so much going on and I am just not prepared for any of it. I really feel so alone right now even with Dorian and my friends to talk too. I just need some comfort and nothing anyone says is helping to make me feel any better. Ex is supposed to be taking Dorian for the night tonight which for the first time leaves me alone in this house. I am trying to make plans to go out but noone has given me a solid confirmation so it looks like I just might be here alone. I know I should be thrilled but I am not. I want my life back..I don't like living like this. I didn't like living alone when I did for a few years before Dh and I don't like it now. I have never wanted to live alone not because it is scary but because its just boring. Noone to talk to. (sorry 6 year olds can old hold so much of a conversation) I love my son but he has his own friends and I can only be involved so long before I become a drag. I just don't know what to do. I am so depressed and mentally drained. I don't know where to start or where I am going..things just don't seem to be looking up even when they do!!

 

[Pooh93]

Without sounding trite, {{HUGS}} to all of you. I may not have posted on this thread, but know that I do think good thoughts for all of you. I think this is a wonderful thread that has been started and hope it continues. Never know when I might need it myself.

 

[Serena]

I've got a lot of catching up to do. {{{hugs}}} to all.

Tammi, how are you feeling, is your throat any better?

s&k, I'm glad the appointment went well with your son. For whatever reason I hope the meds help. How did the second interview go?

Jen, what you are feeling is totally normal. Totally post having a baby meltdown. You need a break, but it doesn't look like one is coming. So, you have to give yourself one. I wish I knew how. Do you have a friend or relative that can come over and help you at home. Having someone help you clean the house and to talk to will help you feel better. Even if just a little.
Your husband sounds like he doesn't know what to do for you so he's telling you to do what he does. It doesn't help you, so he doesn't know what to do and feels helpless to do anything. Or that's what my husband told me years later after my mom died and I needed help and he more or less told me to get over it. Years later he told me that's what was going through his head, but did he tell me that he wished he could help me but didn't know how, nooooo. I would have tried to understand that, he told me to "deal with it". back to you. lol
Is there anyway you can talk to your boss, it didn't sound like she would listen and do something to help you, but it's worth a try.
As for your BS, hang in there, don't say you won't finish, you will. But maybe putting it on hold until you can handle it would be a good idea. I don't know, would putting that on hold be more stressful than going ahead and doing it?

Edie, I'm glad you had a nice couple days, it sounds like you really needed them.

Jen, can you get a waiver for the LOA? If it was an internal screw up and no one said anything then maybe they'll let it go through.

Michelle, just send me a p/m if you want to talk too. I don't know what I can do besides listen, but I'll help all I can. Prayers, pixie dust, good thoughts and {{{hugs}}} for you.

Suzanne, did he really think that all he had to do is say so and it would be done? They don't limit visitation for the fun of it, they have a reason and that doesn't get changed without a lot of work.
I'm sorry to agree that he is acting like a jerk. What is it with men sometimes?

Dax, enjoy your time with your husband. I sure hope it works out for you.

Helopoh, {{{hugs}}}. I know this is my choice and I don't like being alone either. No matter how many people you talk to, there is no one to hold you and I miss that. My h wasn't good at that anyway, but that's beside the point.
From what all I've read and been told, you are going through a grieving process. Except instead of him dying and feeling like he never would have left other wise, he chose to leave. It's much more difficult to deal with. If you feel like going out, do it. Go to a funny movie, go roller skating, go do something that is fun and you won't be alone.
If you don't think you can handle that, rent some movies, funny ones, sad ones, whatever you want. Get some things to munch on and try not to think.
Another thing, have you been to a doctor yet? It took me forever to decide to do that, but I did finally get some drugs to help me. It seems that stress in itself is a good way to mess up the chemicals in your brain to make you even more depressed than you need to be.
I need to go, but I am glad this is here. {{hugs}}} to all, and try to have a good weekend. I'm off to work.

 

[rasnlms]

Prayers, Pixie Dust and Hugs to all that need.

 

[Rajah]

Good morning everyone *HUGS*

Helopooh -- I hope you find someone you can go out with tonight. I'd offer, but you'd have to come down here to Houston. I understand not wanting to be alone. I like some alone time, but when DH is gone for 10 days for his conferences, I'm always ready for him to be back. I hope a friend is available to go out with you.

Serena -- You know, I'd completely forgotten about that. LOL! So yes, it is better. I don't honestly know if it was a bug, allergies, or if my exercising is making a difference, but whatever the case, I'm feeliing a lot better now. Just can't wait for summer to pass and the weather to cool down to something reasonable.

 

[floridaminnie]

Just checking in to see how everyone is doing. DD's father isn't coming over tomorow b/c he caught strep after a visitation with his son. He used the same excuse last month. He must have forgotten.

 

[Helopoh]

Well I never did go out. DH called and left a message at 8am on Sat morning that he wanted me to get Dorian ready for him and I walked in the door at 9 from the store so I got him ready as asked. The man didn't show up til 3:30 and left me holding the ball all day. Poor Dorian was glued to the window and was asking almost every 10 secs if the phone was ringing. I had made plans to go out about noon so you know that got ruined and all I got from him was Im sorry.. I was furious. He then didn't keep Dorian he brought him home and told me he would be picking him up the next day. I woke up sunday and didn't wait for another call I called him at 10 am and ladies and gentlemen I lost it. I was literally screaming at him on the phone telling him he wasn't going to pull that I will call you when I am on my way line because I am not going to sit around until 3 again waiting. He showed up about half an hour later to get him. I was so mad at him and let loose all my anger. I felt aweful because Dorian was in the other room but honestly I couldn't control myself. I am not a yelling person but I am so emotional I can't even tell you where it came from. He took Dorian til 8 last night and even brought me dinner when they came back. (peace offering) I have not spoken to him since but I can tell you I am so upset I can't think straight. I am so glad it is monday so I can just go to work and not think for once. My life is a soap opera...Lord do I hate those shows..... See ya when I get home!


BTW

Rajah-- Dont tempt me I have car and will drive.....

 

[floridaminnie]

I swear sometimes they do that to show you who has the upper hand and to feel like they have the power. What they don't realize what it is doing to the child. I would be more understanding if there was an emergency, but not to even call when I set time was arranged (and aset time should always always be arranged). Then to say I'll call you when I'm on my way. With everything else that has happened in the past month, it was just building up. He deserved it. {{Hugs}} Hey, you can always come down to visit me, I'm only an hour away from WDW.

 

[JeniC]

Hello all:

I wasn't able to check in over the weekend because we had a mini-vacation. DH took us to his Grandma's house, she watched the kids while we went fishing, two days of sun and water and relaxation. I feel much better. DH and I made a deal that if we would work on the small tasks first then the large ones don't seem so large and overwhelming. I am really lucky to have him.

Helopoh and Sodane: ((((HUGS)))) If you ever need to talk more than you can here please let me know.

Hope Everyone has a Happy Monday.

 

[Serena]

Rajah, I really hate allergies. lol I'm glad you're feeling better with the yoga.

Suzanne, I'm sorry he forgot.

helopoh, I'm glad you went off on him. You probably needed it and it sounds like it may have actually got through to him. I sure hope so.

Jen, I'm glad you had a good weekend.

I spent my weekend working. My h took care of my girls when I couldn't and I haven't seen him in over a week. He did send me another email that sounded more like him and not a legal document. With the way he acted sometimes I thought he may have been rethinking some things and maybe, just maybe we could work things out afterall. Well, I don't know if he was just seeing if he could get me back or what, but I found out he has been waiting on the divorce only so I could be working full time and had insurance.
That first email he sent me told me he was making a few changes and if I didn't like them he would divorce me. That's why I called the lawyer. I'm calling again today to see what's going on.

 

[s&k'smom]

Hi guys, first sorry I jumped right to the end so I could post (I'll read later). Well the 2nd interview went well and I should hear something in about two weeks (people taking vacations) but where I work now I got called on the carper. My job performance well lets just say is lacking. I've come to realize that I cycle (good weeks, bad weeks) and left a message for the therapist this morning to also refer me to a psychiatrist as I think I am in need of some meds (for a short time). It left me in such a depressed mood all weekend. I couldn't get myself out of it and it made me realize that I need some serious help. It's like a blanket was pulled over me and I couldn't lift it. On the psoitive side my kids were in great moods this weekend and we did manage to have fun. Well gonna cofront head on my issues so wish me luck. I know I'll be fine, I feel better just letting it out.

Hugs to all and thank you for listening.

 

[Rajah]

Good morning everyone. I'm having a so-so day today. Went bowling on Saturday and I'm *still* so sore I can barely move. LOL! Then wasted my lunch hour trying to check out an aquarium shop I wanted to see, only to find out they were closed on Monday.

Biggest issue, though, is with DH's family. Dunno if y'all saw it, but I posted a separate post about it. DH's grandmother has been sick for a while -- I only last night found out that it's advanced parkinsons (sp?) with dimentia (sp?). She was put into a nursing home last week I think, and it's very close to where we live. *But*, we can't go see her due to a will/court order/some-other-legal-mumbo-jumbo that she put into place saying she did NOT want her grandkids to see her this way so they're not allowed to see her.

Well, DH's family I "affectionately" ( ) refer to as a family of Vulcans. They have emotions, but they'd rather you don't know that. So this is turning into a nightmare on the family trying to step around everyone's feelings. DH "doesn't care about seeing his grandmother, she won't know him anyway so *who cares*?" (Read: I'm afraid to see her this way). FIL calls to ask computer questions and "oh, btw, GMIL is in the nursing home but don't go see her and she's going to die soon" (yes, his wording was very similar to that). MIL calls for a shoulder and ends up discussing work, school, everything that is "safe" conversation and "oh, BTW, we're upset about GMIL". DH calls FIL and they discuss more computer stuff and "Oh, BTW, GFIL isn't handling GMIL's illness well at all and he's crashed his car twice and the family is concerned he's trying to commit suicide so he's not allowed to drive any more". DH wants to do everything he can to avoid MIL because "comforting her is FIL's job". Sorry, but I've been on the recieving end of what FIL considers compassion, and he stinks at it. To put it nicely. So, "okay, well, that's SIL's job then". *sigh*

I have very little patience with the IL's, but at this time I feel they need someone but of course I'm the outsider and I really need extra patience to deal with them because so often I want to knock some sense / heart into them. So if y'all could keep this situation in your prayers: comfort for the family, patience for me (I only met GMIL twice) I'd appreciate it.

Now that I have that rambling off my chest...

Helopoh -- sounds like he needed that chewing down, especially since it sounds like *maybe* you got through to him. At least for that weekend. *HUGS* (And come on down. Just not a word about the messy state of the house. LOL!)

Sdone -- LOL! How pathetic. I'm sorry he's doing that again, but I can't believe he'd be stupid enough to use the same excuse twice in a row! Doesn't he know women have memories like "elephants"? *HUGS* to you! Was it you whose DD conquered Splash Mountain and Thunder Mountain this weekend?

Jen -- glad to hear you got a weekend away! Sounds like you really needed it. Glad it helped, too. It's amazing how much help just a good weekend away can be, isn't it?

Serena -- Glad your H was able to care for the girls. I hope you're able to get all the divorce stuff going quickly and smoothly. I think you'll be better off once this whole thing is settled. In the meantime, *HUGS*

S&K -- Post away. Glad to hear the interview went well and I hope you get it!! I understand those "performance-lacking" slumps. I get them every once in a while. Luckily, so far I've been able to pull myself out before projects are actually *due* so I still meet the due dates and with good enough quality to get good reviews, but it's been a close call a number of times. I hope they can get you on some medicine that will help you out. Good luck. *HUGS*

And to everyone -- *HUGS*!!

 

[floridaminnie]

The wonderful father has struck again. I was served tonight and it was actually funny reading all through the paperwork. He claims that his income has decreased drastically, but the paperwork states his income has gone up. He claims he has tried to go to mediation twice, but I've refused. He's tried once and I asked for him to file paperwork stating what exactly he was seeking which of course he never did. He also wants me to pay his laywer costs, b/c he can't afford to and he thinks I have the means to. My monthly income is negative after the month is over. I couldn't even afford my lawyers fees, but my parents helped me out. Back to the lawyer tomorow. I think he waited for now, because I go back to work Wed. And I thought at the beginning of the summer that this would be over with before the school year began.

Rajah, yep that's what my daughter did this past weekend! My prayers are with you and your family. Hopefully you'll be blessed with patience that I would have a hard time having in the difficult situation you are in. My Great GF has dementia also and it's an ugly disease. He's in one of the last stages where he has to be sedated b/c he's so violent.

 

[Helopoh]

men are a strange breed is all I have to say. They claim women are hard to understand but they are down right impossible.

I wanted to give him some space. He claims that He needs it. OK so I didn't call or email or message him about anything yesterday. I pretty much felt the need to just leave him alone. Now he has to take Dorian to the Doc for a check up today so the new daycare can have there paperwork. I can not take him since I am training and can't miss anything. I figure get through monday with out any call or message to him and leave a quick note Today through IM about remembering the Doc and what he asked me to remind him about before I leave for work today. I know I have to see him later to get the info from him but it will be in passing or he can just leave me a message on the phone. Yesterday however was a fiasco. We just moved from an old apartment. Needless to say the items we need to put into storage are still in the old place. I am very good friends with my neighbor who still lives their and she asked me to drop by so our boys could play. I needed to get a few items left at the place so I come home from work, Change and drive over. Just as I am about 15 ft from the house DH pulls in the drive. Now where he is staying is no where near this old apartment. I groan for the simple fact he is around and I want no part of being near him. I think I should have left and not bothered to pull in but Dorian needs to see him as much as possible. We exchange brief words and I give him our refund check to deposit since I can't get to the bank until sat and he can. (atleast that is one thing we don't argue about) He asks me if I will be home later.(why didn't I say no) He wants something from the apartment that I only know where it is. (surprise surprise) We part ways. Now on to when he comes by last night. It is just about Dorians bedtime when he comes. He goes in his room and does the goodnight thing. Then he comes into my room and closes the door. (Oh lord he wants to talk) He wants me to tell him if I am ok I am alittle angry so I decide to humor him. Bad Idea. Well needless to say I get little comfort from him being there and he once again leaves me crying and I am crying.
I wish he would stop with this I don't know what I want crap and come home and let us try to work things out. I still love him. He tells me the same but because he thinks he is having some personal issues he can't come home. He wants me to know that he isn't dating or sleeping with anyone else. He says he doesn't have time. I want to be sarcastic cause I have no time either. I just don't know what to do. He is too proud to come crawlin back because he is just downright stubborn so his ego/pride and I am doing it no going back attitude keep him from his child. I am SO tired of saying I don't know what to do. but I dont. I want to work it out with him I still love him maybe I am a fool for that. I wish I knew. OMG I am ranting.. Sorry all.... Lemme go get ready for work and maybe I will come back and reread this before I go...

sdoane-- {{HUGS}}

 

[Serena]

Denise, {{{{hugs}}}} It sounds to me like he wants you to make his decision for him. I may be totally wrong.
I think if you were harder to get along with, it would make his decisions easier. If you yelled and screamed and make his life miserable it would be easy to walk away from you. And maybe if you were crying and begging him to stay, it would make him feel good. It doesn't mean he will stay, but it sure would be an ego boost for him.
I guess to give the guy the benefit of the doubt, he may be just as confused as you. But I have no idea.
Again, I am probably wrong, but that's my take on it.

 

[floridaminnie]

Denise {{Hugs}} It is a hard time for you. Just take it one baby step at a time. Don't rush anything and let him make his own choices. {{Hugs}}