The DDA Trouble Free Zone Part 9

[tinknme]

Have fun Vicki!

In case I forget to say this tomorrow, I will be gone from tomorrow late morning until Tuesday evening. I'll be going to my mothers. I may be able to get online (she has dialup) but I probably won't. My sister and her two kids with her boyfriend and his four kids are visiting my mother. They were to arrive tonight. Becky is there now and Chuck and I will be joining them. So this is my official notice that I'll probably be gone for two days!!!!!

 

[UP Disney]

Wow! You figured that out fast! I love this picture! You have very handsome boys!

 

[tinknme]

Christi love the pictures, you have a beautiful family

 

[UP Disney]

And this is Caleb. Sorry don't know how to downsize it or adjust them so they're the right side up.

In photobucket, click the edit button above the thumbnail picture you want to change. There are then options to resize or rotate. If you do it after you have posted it, they will automatically change if people press F5 to refresh their screen.

 

[Blueeyes101817]

FEEL FREE TO IGNORE THE REST OF THIS POST EVERYONE - IT'S MY THERAPY

Actually - I think it goes deeper than that... I've been thinking about it since yesterday and since I trust you guys I'm going to share this - like therapy!

It's a trust issue... my dad was in the army so we travelled a lot when I was a kid and I found it hard to make friends, I was bullied a couple of times, but worse than that had a few so called friends turn against me. When I got to uni I met a girl who became my first proper friend, kind of like a soul mate I suppose, over the years she managed to get me to share everything with her. At the time I knew in my heart there was somthing wrong with her, she would hide in her room for days at a time, lie to me about things etc and then when I would beg her to come out of her room she would be back to her normal self. She didn't just lie to me, to her family too, she failed a year and had to go back but she didn't tell her parents. I should have done something but I wasn't brave enough to rock the boat. Then in my final year she went MIA again. I assumed she was in her room as the TV was on so just left it for a couple of days. Then I got a letter through the post, she was in hospital, at her parents, having just attempted suicide.

I know it was a cry for help - because she did it in her parent's house. I had nightmares for days after because what if she'd done it in her room in our halls, and no one had looked for her?? It turns out she had depression and they started treating her. I went up to visit her a few months later, but once again wasn't brave enough to ask her all the questions I had... still have... about why she did it... and why if we were such good friends she didn't ask for my help. I've not seen or spoken to her since... (6 years) I just can't do it, it was a very stressful time for me those months after, and I nearly messed up my degree, I'm not sure I can go through stress like that again.
Sometimes I want to ring her up -to tell her how well I'm doing and that I'm married, but part of me knows that I won't find out about the real things that are happening in her life...

So there you go... if the new couple next door had been in their forties or older I would have stopped to chat and been the pleasant neighbour... but they are our age, and that freaks me out because I'd love to have some "friends" living next door, but I'm still too scared to make proper friends and am keeping everyone at arm's length.

Ok now I'm crying. I don't expect anyone to respond to this, but I've bottled it up for so long it feels good to have it down on "paper" and I'd like to post it for that same reason...

 

[tink2020]

Jen,

You have had way more than your share of stuff to deal with. I really admire you for how you have managed to handle events that cripple people my age....

You vent all you want. You are a very strong woman and I'm not even going to add for someone your age. You are a very strong woman period.

Between Alyssa's death, the wonderful things you did in her memory.. the marathon your brother raced in, your brother making fireman and then the fireman's accident.. all within a few months. WOW. That is overwhelming just to write about it.

You're been a rock to all of your friends and family. You need a place to vent, and you have us. I admire you a lot. Hang in there.

Jen --

what she said! it's all very true

 

[Blueeyes101817]

Jen --

what she said! it's all very true

Thanks everyone! it definitely does feel like a family here, thats why i love it!

 

[UP Disney]

I'm going to have to keep a beady eye out for matching tees and tie dye crocs...

Thanks for the compliment! It's actually something I have on my development plan at work so I should be doing something about it. If I tell people I know that I'm shy they just laugh because I'm obviously not around them... I just squirm when I have to talk to strangers!

First off, and

Clare, I'm so sorry that you had to deal with this. However, I wanted to address this from someone who has depression themselves. Not anywhere near bad enough to harm myself but enough that I've hidden from others. I want you to know that this did not necessarily mean that she did not care about you or think you were a good friend.

I was brought up that I should just "snap out of it". I finally got help when my dad realized that I was acting the same way my mother did when she had tried to get help when she was in her late 20's and early 30's. They told her it was in her head so he basically handled it that way with her. It really upset him to realize that all those years she probably was depressed and he had not supported her.
He took me for a drive when I was exhibiting the same signs and told me to go see a doctor and keep going until they found out what was wrong. I thank him very much for that. I got meds and was back to my normal self.

Over the years, I will go off the meds thinking that I'm fine and I can handle it myself. In the summer time, I can be off of it and I'm fine. However, if I don't get back on it before too far into the fall, I'm hiding again. Most people have no idea when I go through these periods. When I have to be in public, I seem fine. The only ones that do notice are the ones that talk with me on a personal level daily because I won't answer the phone or respond to their e-mails. Even my best friend would not know because we don't talk daily. It takes Chuck & the girls awhile to realize since they are here with me all the time so I can't really hide from them. People at work don't know because I handle what has to be handled but nothing more.

For years, I was still ashamed. Being depressed isn't treated the same way as other illnesses. It is getting better but still has a long way to go. There is a stigma attached to it for some reason. I've started to be more public about it because I am concerned that my girls will have the same problem. I think that both my grandmothers, my father (though not as severe as my mother), my mother, my brother, & my sister all suffered from depression. Some were treated while others were not. I want my girls to know that it is no different than taking meds for diabetes, arthritis, high blood pressure, or any other medical condition.

I wanted to tell you this so you understand what she might have been feeling. I did not tell anyone outside my parents & Chuck until a couple of years ago. I was ashamed (and still carry a little of that though I know it is a medical condition). Though, I shared everything in my life with a couple of close friends, I did not share my depression with them. I was embarassed and did not want them feeling sorry for me or even more importantly "turning away from me".

If you ever decide to contact her, I think you would find out that she was happy to hear from you. I totally understand your feelings and support them whatever you decide. However, I wanted to try to explain what could be her side of things.

 

[UP Disney]

I always thought any piercing was ok as it ISN'T permanent, the hole will heal over... now tatoos, they're permanent!

I agree. My husband wouldn't though!

 

[my3princes]

The parent gifts I learned from a friend who also gave the bridesmaides hankies with a beautiful poem about friendship.
I made strawberry jam and put it in those sample size jars with a sticker on the bottom with our FYI on it. I have gotten everything from little bells, fridge magnets, candy and even the almonds.

SO Vicki what is the favor going to be? Have you had a meeting with Minnie yet?

For our wedding we did the little plastic champagne glasses filled with either pastel almonds or pastel M&M's in them, wrapped in tulle. They were very pretty. I also made chocolate lollipops in pastel colors and put lollipop bouquets on the tables instead of flowers. I had a hearts theme so they were heart shaped. Everyone loved them and thought they were so unique. Each bouquet had enough lollipops for each person to take one pop home. You could make Mickey (or minnie) head lollipops as party favors for your wedding. Easy to do and very cute. Is there a color or theme for the wedding?

I know that you are making bracelets for them instead of rings, I'm working on another idea, but I'm not sure it will work out. If it does it will be a surprise for Vicki and the wedding party.

Deb

 

[UP Disney]

ooo that's a GREAT idea... I was thinking a bottle of wine, but then DH and I don't drink so that would be really awkward straight away if they offered to crack it open for us all to drink... now my infamous dairy free brownies... that's a much better plan!

Thanks Glynis

They also may not drink and that might set the impression that you are serious drinkers. We had someone bring a bottle for our open house. I finally threw it out after 10 years.

 

[marcij]

Have a migraine so I will be heading to bed and letting DH watch Effie.
and for everyone who needs them. Goodnight.

Very cute pictures of your kids! I hope you are feeling better today!

 

[my3princes]

Pounce....

Wholly Crap. Paul is still lurking.....Good to see you Skunka. We've all missed you. I was beginning to think you were gone forever Please stop by more often.

Deb

 

[UP Disney]

For our wedding we did the little plastic champagne glasses filled with either pastel almonds or pastel M&M's in them, wrapped in tulle. They were very pretty. I also made chocolate lollipops in pastel colors and put lollipop bouquets on the tables instead of flowers. I had a hearts theme so they were heart shaped. Everyone loved them and thought they were so unique. Each bouquet had enough lollipops for each person to take one pop home. You could make Mickey (or minnie) head lollipops as party favors for your wedding. Easy to do and very cute. Is there a color or theme for the wedding?

I know that you are making bracelets for them instead of rings, I'm working on another idea, but I'm not sure it will work out. If it does it will be a surprise for Vicki and the wedding party.

Deb

OMG! Now I have to help Minnie pick out a color or theme for the wedding??!!! You guys are absolutely nuts!!!! I'll talk to Minnie and Mickey about it while we are at my mom's. Mickey is already there and Minnie is coming with me to meet my sisters kids. I think it will probably be Christmas colors. Minnie's coat is a burgundy color and her going away dress has a dark green ribbon. I'll take a picture of her in her outfit and post.

 

[tinker1bell]

I'm going to have to keep a beady eye out for matching tees and tie dye crocs...

Thanks for the compliment! It's actually something I have on my development plan at work so I should be doing something about it. If I tell people I know that I'm shy they just laugh because I'm obviously not around them... I just squirm when I have to talk to strangers!

FEEL FREE TO IGNORE THE REST OF THIS POST EVERYONE - IT'S MY THERAPY

Actually - I think it goes deeper than that... I've been thinking about it since yesterday and since I trust you guys I'm going to share this - like therapy!

It's a trust issue... my dad was in the army so we travelled a lot when I was a kid and I found it hard to make friends, I was bullied a couple of times, but worse than that had a few so called friends turn against me. When I got to uni I met a girl who became my first proper friend, kind of like a soul mate I suppose, over the years she managed to get me to share everything with her. At the time I knew in my heart there was somthing wrong with her, she would hide in her room for days at a time, lie to me about things etc and then when I would beg her to come out of her room she would be back to her normal self. She didn't just lie to me, to her family too, she failed a year and had to go back but she didn't tell her parents. I should have done something but I wasn't brave enough to rock the boat. Then in my final year she went MIA again. I assumed she was in her room as the TV was on so just left it for a couple of days. Then I got a letter through the post, she was in hospital, at her parents, having just attempted suicide.

I know it was a cry for help - because she did it in her parent's house. I had nightmares for days after because what if she'd done it in her room in our halls, and no one had looked for her?? It turns out she had depression and they started treating her. I went up to visit her a few months later, but once again wasn't brave enough to ask her all the questions I had... still have... about why she did it... and why if we were such good friends she didn't ask for my help. I've not seen or spoken to her since... (6 years) I just can't do it, it was a very stressful time for me those months after, and I nearly messed up my degree, I'm not sure I can go through stress like that again.
Sometimes I want to ring her up -to tell her how well I'm doing and that I'm married, but part of me knows that I won't find out about the real things that are happening in her life...

So there you go... if the new couple next door had been in their forties or older I would have stopped to chat and been the pleasant neighbour... but they are our age, and that freaks me out because I'd love to have some "friends" living next door, but I'm still too scared to make proper friends and am keeping everyone at arm's length.

Ok now I'm crying. I don't expect anyone to respond to this, but I've bottled it up for so long it feels good to have it down on "paper" and I'd like to post it for that same reason...

Claire,

I can relate to the moving around thing. My Mom divorced when I was about 7, then we moved and after a while she married a Navy man. That started our moving around a lot. I always felt like the fifth wheel. You would make friends and then have to move. There was always someone who would pick on me and so I would just try to stay by myself and not get involved in anything at school. When we got to San Diego, Ca I was in High School and so desperately wanted to go all three years and graduate with friends. I was so ready to run away when the idiot SF wanted to transfer again before my Senior year.
It was easier when my DH was in the Navy because there were some friends who got transferred to the same duty stations we did and it was easier to make friends with the neighbors because even though you knew they would move, you could have a good time with them while they were there. But I would start off slow, because I didn't want the neighbor who would just come in without knocking and overstay their welcome.
As for your friend, there would have been no way you could have known and nothing you could have done but what you did in being a friend. There are things that we all hide and are afraid to tell. You did what you could.

 

[yellowfish78]

Jo - Where you able to sign up for the GG? I just wanted to see if anyone had trouble...
Christi - How about you?

 

[yellowfish78]

Jen and Claire - and more

 

[UP Disney]

Wholly Crap. Paul is still lurking.....Good to see you Skunka. We've all missed you. I was beginning to think you were gone forever Please stop by more often.

Deb

Wasn't that a nice surprise! It's nice to know he is still out there!!!! Paul.

 

[UP Disney]

Well, I should probably start packing for our trip. We don't really have a set plan yet because it depends on how Chuck is feeling. We'll be driving the long way through Marquette. We'll get some beautiful views of Lake Superior along the way. We'll probably get out and walk the beach so Chuck can stretch. How awful! I'll take my camera so we can get pictures if we do. To me, there is nothing more beautiful than Lake Superior or Lake Michigan (at least in the U.P. - too many people, boats, & houses along the shore downstate and in Wisconsin).

We are going to take our car to Marquette so that Katrina has a car for the month. She was not comfortable driving the standard in Marquette because there are lots of hills so she and Chuck are trying to figure out what she should buy. In the mean time, Becky & I don't need the other car because we'll be going to Girl Scout camp in a couple of weeks so we'll let Katrina borrow it. We take our suburban to camp.

 

[marcij]

I'm going to have to keep a beady eye out for matching tees and tie dye crocs...

Thanks for the compliment! It's actually something I have on my development plan at work so I should be doing something about it. If I tell people I know that I'm shy they just laugh because I'm obviously not around them... I just squirm when I have to talk to strangers!

FEEL FREE TO IGNORE THE REST OF THIS POST EVERYONE - IT'S MY THERAPY

Actually - I think it goes deeper than that... I've been thinking about it since yesterday and since I trust you guys I'm going to share this - like therapy!

It's a trust issue... my dad was in the army so we travelled a lot when I was a kid and I found it hard to make friends, I was bullied a couple of times, but worse than that had a few so called friends turn against me. When I got to uni I met a girl who became my first proper friend, kind of like a soul mate I suppose, over the years she managed to get me to share everything with her. At the time I knew in my heart there was somthing wrong with her, she would hide in her room for days at a time, lie to me about things etc and then when I would beg her to come out of her room she would be back to her normal self. She didn't just lie to me, to her family too, she failed a year and had to go back but she didn't tell her parents. I should have done something but I wasn't brave enough to rock the boat. Then in my final year she went MIA again. I assumed she was in her room as the TV was on so just left it for a couple of days. Then I got a letter through the post, she was in hospital, at her parents, having just attempted suicide.

I know it was a cry for help - because she did it in her parent's house. I had nightmares for days after because what if she'd done it in her room in our halls, and no one had looked for her?? It turns out she had depression and they started treating her. I went up to visit her a few months later, but once again wasn't brave enough to ask her all the questions I had... still have... about why she did it... and why if we were such good friends she didn't ask for my help. I've not seen or spoken to her since... (6 years) I just can't do it, it was a very stressful time for me those months after, and I nearly messed up my degree, I'm not sure I can go through stress like that again.
Sometimes I want to ring her up -to tell her how well I'm doing and that I'm married, but part of me knows that I won't find out about the real things that are happening in her life...

So there you go... if the new couple next door had been in their forties or older I would have stopped to chat and been the pleasant neighbour... but they are our age, and that freaks me out because I'd love to have some "friends" living next door, but I'm still too scared to make proper friends and am keeping everyone at arm's length.

Ok now I'm crying. I don't expect anyone to respond to this, but I've bottled it up for so long it feels good to have it down on "paper" and I'd like to post it for that same reason...

Clare -- Hugs to you! It's no wonder you are concerned about similar aged relationships. I hope your post helped you work through some things and you can reach out to your neighbors when the time is right.