The DDA Trouble Free Zone Part 3

[KMH1]

I do remember that i was a little distracted b/c I was watching Ace sing on AI - sigh!!!

I didn't really care for Ace's performance last night...actually I found AI pretty boring this week, until Chris rocked the house at the end of the guys' show. Kevin didn't even vote for anyone this week!

I hope Nick managed to sleep through the night without his pillow and that he's feeling better today.

My mom used to use cloth diapers and she would soak the poopy ones in the toilet. I remember my sister dropped her favorite bunny in the toilet once and oh the trauma! This bunny had a music box in it, so my mom had to cut bunny open, take out the box, sew it back up, wash and dry it, then sew the music box back in. My sister was sobbing the entire time, crying "bunny, bunny!" This is the same sister who just took the bar exam last week.

Alyssa doesn't have a favorite blanket, pillow, or stuffed animal...yet!

Amy

 

[marcij]

Deb -- I'm not sure what I would do -- I think I would lean towards following your strategy. That is such a hard age, and I do think they can be traumatized by things like that. We, too, always have our boys finish what they started, but I think this falls in to a different category. It's school, and not something he started on his own. I mean really, the Can-Can for boys? No wonder he doesn't want to do it.

PD and prayers to your son -- I hope a teacher can help make it more fun for the boys so that they don't mind their time in dance!

I can sympathize, as we are going through something too. My oldest son Andrew, who is 10, has been having problems in school with Brett -- someone who used to be a good friend. Brett started giving Andrew's best friend Kelton, a really hard time every day -- being mean, saying hurtful things etc. Kelton has MD, and has recently gotten a motorized wheelchair. I think Brett's problem is that Kelton is getting a lot of attention, plus everyone loves Kelton and Brett is jealous. I know it sounds crazy, because Kelton has such a lot of obstacles to overcome eacy day, but I do think that is part of the problem. Well, Andrew started taking up for Kelton, and now is one of Brett's targets. I've had all the usual discussions with Andrew -- tell Brett it's not nice, you're hurting people's feelings etc. but it has been getting worse, so I e-mailed his teacher last night. I'm hoping she can pay more attention to what is going on there (there are only 10 kids in the class) and try to get Brett to stop being so mean.

 

[julia & nicks mom]

Love, Julia & Nick

 

[julia & nicks mom]

Today is Matt's birthday (Marti's and Paul's son), so I created a thread for him. Here's the link: http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1045598

Amy

oops - I guess I should have read before I posted

 

[babytrees]

Congrats to Cassidy! And congrats to you, as well! For some reason, I kind of think that you are going to be going through this with her. So, what does this program entail? What kind of diploma will she get other than her high school one? It sounds really cool!

The IB program is a international program started by some muckety muck in the 70's so that when his kids had to change schools every three months they could go from school to school and the curriculum would be the same. Cassidy will have 5 classes already determined for her. A math, science, language, language arts and some other odd one I can't think of right now. She will have to take 5 tests in total her junior and senior years to receive the curriculum "points" for those 5 areas. She will also have to write a senior thesis basically. Cassidy will graduate with a HS diploma and an IB diploma. The IB diploma has helped many incoming college student go in as either a second semester freshman or sophmore. Less college to pay for!!

 

[babytrees]

Okay - DDA

I need pixie dust - this is so queer but believe me it is a HUGE deal here
Nick just came down stairs saying pillow wet - bed wet - and something else that I was not sure what he was saying - I got upstairs and realized he was saying poop wet - poor little guy has diarhea - and it got on his pillow -

no big deal EXCEPT - Nick has a pillow that he uses all the time - it goes everywhere with him - it is like his favorite stuffed animal - it is a regular pillow but no pillowcase - he takes one off if I try to put it on - I have tried to substitute another pillow in before and he gets mad - so this is the pillow that the poop got on - and I had to go put it in the washer - he came downstair so sad and see pillow mommy? so I showed him it in the washer and you can not believe the sad little look he got on his face - pillow bye bye? I seriously do not believe he will be able to go to sleep without it - this could be a long night!!!!!

Poor sweetie....feel better soon!!

 

[julia & nicks mom]

Thank you all for the good wishes - Nick fell asleep but would wake up and give out little sobs "pillow, pillow" and fall back asleep - so I waited until it was done in the dryer and took it up to him at 3 in the morning - I had a load in that I threw it in with and it seemed to take FOREVER to dry!!!! When I gave ti to him he said - "Pillow - mommy cleaned my pillow?!?!" and then he just hugged and hugged it -

Amy - this just started since thanksgiving - for some reason he latched on to this pillow and he will not let it go - so Alyssa still has time!!!! Julia however has never latched onto anything

and I think the diarhea was a one time thing - he has been fine since then

 

[julia & nicks mom]

DEB -

I had a nervous stomach growing up - it was at its worse when I was a senior in high school - I could barely eat and threw up when I did - everytime I went on a date - it was HORRIBLE - I weighed 110 pounds and lost 7 pounds in a month - trust me - not a good thing when you are that skinny (now if only I could get that darn nervous inability to eat back - now I eat when I am stressed!! )

Everyone thought I was bulimic or anorexic - the doctor ran tests and we could not find anything beyond I have a nervous stomach. My mom never told me that my friends parents called her and told her they thought I was bulimic - she knew I wasn't -I never hid from her what was going on - and now I know that they full support of my parents was the best thing they could have given me - she stood by me and supported me and that meant the world to me

I eventually outgrew it but it took time - I like the idea of telling him that he should learn the dance during school if he does not want to perform you will not make him - or do you think that even learning it is too stressful for him?

I am not a fan of letting kids quit activities - but if it is causing a health concern then that is a different story - I do not think that would make you a bad mom

speaking as a person who went through this - I can tell you the best thing you can give him is his mom and dad on his side - to me that is the best gift a parent can give their child

 

[Glynis]

OH, how sad! My DS 17 months had his first real bout with a stomach bug this week. (Both ends! ) But last night I got 5 1/2 hours of sleep! (Not normally enough for me, but more than I've been getting. )

Just have to say that the pictures of your family in your siggy are adorable! More cute kids to add to the DDA family!

I'm sorry that your son is ill. No fun at all! Congrats on the 5 1/2 hours of sleep. Sometimes we have to cheer when we can. It's amazing how little sleep a mom can function on, right?

 

[Glynis]

I am having a very stressful morning and could use a little advice from my DDA family. Nick and Hunter's Elementary School has invited in a lady that teaches dance. They have broke the student body into groups and she is working with each group to teach them a dance that they are apparently expected to perform in front of the entire student body and an evening performance for the parents. The lessons started yesterday. Nick has been talking about how much he didn't want to do this for days now. We told him that he had to do it as it is part of his school day. He came home yesterday so upset. He had obviously been talking to Hunter on the bus as he was trying to come up with ways to not have to go to dance. Hunter said he was planning to go to the nurse sick. I need to give you a little background before I go further. Nick is a very nervous child and stressful situations make him physically sick to his stomach. We went through the entire school year last year going back and forth to the doctor's trying to figure out what was causing him to be sick everyday, including weekends and vacations. The stress stayed with him as he knew that he would be going back to school in a few days. We discussed everything with him and could not put our finger on what was causing him to be sick. I even got the guidance counselor involved and she was absolutely certain that it was nothing that was caused by school. Fast forward to this year, no stomach aches, not fighting us to stay home. It has been an amazing year for him. After the first couple of days of school he made a comment to my Mom that he really likes his new teachers. It turns out that while he liked last year's teacher she was his stress point. She was a younger teacher with no children of her own and lacked the nurturing that he needs. He has 2 teachers this year, one in the morning and a different one in the afternoon. One is a mother, the other is a grandmother. Their teaching styles work for Nick and all his issues disappeared. Until this week that is. He is a 4th grade boy dealing with the issues of peer pressure and puberty. He is very confident and will get up in front of his class or the school to perform on his drum, tell jokes and even do oral presentations. He has no difficulty in doing so, but for some reason he is paralysed by this dance thing. He is sick to his stomach, doesn't want to go to school and it is last year all over again for him. Our policy has always been to stick with whatever you start, but I really don't feel that dance is an important part of his education. I don't want him to revert to all the issues that we had last year. Apparently his group is being taught the Can Can. The hoopdee doo comes to mind. I don't think that the choice was a great one for 4th grade boys to begin with. I have talked with other parents and the 4th boys are pretty much opposed across the board. So I called the principal this morning to discuss my concerns. She turned the whole conversation around into how short minded I was as it was only the first day and I need to make him do it a few more days before I have the right to make an opinion. I then talked with his teacher who wants him to continue as if he doesn't have to do it none of the boys will want to and it will become a real issue for her. I am encouraging his behavior that if he doesn't want to do something he can just "pretend" to be sick and I won't make him do it. My stand is that I know what we went through last year and never want to put him or us through that again. I normally do not let him "drop out" of anything (this will be the very first time). I am really afraid that if he has to do this it could effect him acamdemically for the remainder of the year. I need him to know that I am on his side and will stand up for him. So DDA. What would you do? I am letting (making) him participate today and will reevaluate tonight, but do you think that I am making a big deal out of nothing? By the way, Chris, as well as my Mom, Dad and SIL all agree that we should not make him do this as they already see the stomach aches and not wanting to go to school as a problem that could persist. I really need your advice.

Thank you for reading my rantings.

Deb

Deb - first of all big hugs to you and your son. This is a tough thing. I just want to clarify something. Does the principal know what happened with him last year? Do his teachers? What about school counselors? If not (and I'm pretty sure that they do), that would be my first step. Really sit down with all of them and explain what happened.

Personally, I just wouldn't make him do it. At 4th grade, he's still got the hardest years of school before him, and making him dread and even hate school is going to come back to bite you in the future if you're not careful. I would probably see how things go today, and then sit down with all involved from the principal, to his teachers, to the dance teacher, and see if there's an alternate assignment that could be given so he won't lose out academically on this. Perhaps he could play his drums for the dancers, or something. It's just not worth getting him all worked up.

I hope this resolves quickly! And I totally agree with you on the can-can thing. What an inappropriate dance for boys to have to do. Traditionally, the can-can was only for women of "low moral character". It was introduced in strip clubs in Paris as a shocking dance designed to "please" a man. I don't think I'd want my son learning it either.

Good luck!

 

[rosiejo]

Now I see it! I had been looking for it to face right when I saw the pic in the AllEars newsletter originally.

That's where I got the picture from - the allears newsletter - and I couldn't see it either - so I posted it here. Now thanks to Marti I get it It's like one of those magic pictures that were around a lot in the early 90s. Once you know how to look at it you can see it!

 

[my3princes]

Deb -- I'm not sure what I would do -- I think I would lean towards following your strategy. That is such a hard age, and I do think they can be traumatized by things like that. We, too, always have our boys finish what they started, but I think this falls in to a different category. It's school, and not something he started on his own. I mean really, the Can-Can for boys? No wonder he doesn't want to do it.

PD and prayers to your son -- I hope a teacher can help make it more fun for the boys so that they don't mind their time in dance!

I can sympathize, as we are going through something too. My oldest son Andrew, who is 10, has been having problems in school with Brett -- someone who used to be a good friend. Brett started giving Andrew's best friend Kelton, a really hard time every day -- being mean, saying hurtful things etc. Kelton has MD, and has recently gotten a motorized wheelchair. I think Brett's problem is that Kelton is getting a lot of attention, plus everyone loves Kelton and Brett is jealous. I know it sounds crazy, because Kelton has such a lot of obstacles to overcome eacy day, but I do think that is part of the problem. Well, Andrew started taking up for Kelton, and now is one of Brett's targets. I've had all the usual discussions with Andrew -- tell Brett it's not nice, you're hurting people's feelings etc. but it has been getting worse, so I e-mailed his teacher last night. I'm hoping she can pay more attention to what is going on there (there are only 10 kids in the class) and try to get Brett to stop being so mean.

I agree Marci, 10 is a hard age. Nick had a classmate (female) move away last year and she moved back over the Christmas break. We gave Nick the lecture about giving her a chance, maybe she changed while she was away. Nick took the high road and made an effort with her. He said hello to her on the bus the first morning to which she responded "loser". Since then she has target many of Nick's friends and done a lot of name calling. For some reason she has left him alone. Nick is being an advocate for his friends and when she calls them names or picks on them he tells her that it isn't nice. It hasn't slowed her down, but at least his friends know that he is behind them. It is important to teach them the right way to handle these types of situations. The teachers as well as the guidance counselor and other parents are away of what's going on, but she is a tough case. Her mom is 26 years old and she is the oldest of 5 girls. Dad is in the military so the move a lot. Praise Andrew for doing the right thing and explain that Brett is acting primarily out of jealousy. Hopefully Brett will find a better outlet for his energy. Maybe he'll find a new friend that he can give positive attention to.

Deb

 

[tmfranlk]

In the midst of the "thin" around here lately we got some great news(at least for Cassidy)....Cassidy has been accepted into the International Baccalaureate program at the HS she will be attending next year. (I am WAAAY too young to have a high schooler !)

The IB is something Cass has worked hard for since 6th grade and if she makes it through all 4 years of the program she will be graduating with 2 diplomas in her hand!! I have some misgivings about the lack of freedom in the program but she is thrilled, so I am too!!!

That's great news! Congratulations, Cassidy!! Lots of pixie dust for a successful (and not overly stressful) four years.

 

[my3princes]

Deb - first of all big hugs to you and your son. This is a tough thing. I just want to clarify something. Does the principal know what happened with him last year? Do his teachers? What about school counselors? If not (and I'm pretty sure that they do), that would be my first step. Really sit down with all of them and explain what happened.

Personally, I just wouldn't make him do it. At 4th grade, he's still got the hardest years of school before him, and making him dread and even hate school is going to come back to bite you in the future if you're not careful. I would probably see how things go today, and then sit down with all involved from the principal, to his teachers, to the dance teacher, and see if there's an alternate assignment that could be given so he won't lose out academically on this. Perhaps he could play his drums for the dancers, or something. It's just not worth getting him all worked up.

I hope this resolves quickly! And I totally agree with you on the can-can thing. What an inappropriate dance for boys to have to do. Traditionally, the can-can was only for women of "low moral character". It was introduced in strip clubs in Paris as a shocking dance designed to "please" a man. I don't think I'd want my son learning it either.

Good luck!

Glynis. Everyone involved does know the history. It is documented in his school record. I explored every avenue last year to find a solution to the problem. I didn't realize until this year what the problem was, but now know to look for a nuturing teacher for future grades. I cannot tell you how enjoyable this year has been for Nick and for us. He grades have improved too.

Thank you all for your advice. I plan to explore this further with him this afternoon. I need him to know that I am his advocate and that I take his physical concerns seriously. If this was an educational issue I might take a different approach and would even consider tutoring, but dance is only being pushed because they need to meet a standard to get state funding. What really bothers me is the way that both the principal and the teacher turned the situation around to make it my problem. This will not effect his grade in anyway so why should I make him ill over it? I am all for trying everything at least once, but certain things are not for certain people and I can see that this is not for him. My younger son Hunter is also involved, but he is in 2nd grade, very coordinated and loves it. It is also a much more hip hop dance that his group is learning. If he is still sick about this I will not have him participate for the remainder of the lessons. His health and his current enjoyment of school is much more important. I think that his teacher's concern that if Nick doesn't have to do it then all of the boys will not want to, is an issue that the school needs to look at as far as the appropriateness of the program. If no one wants to do it, then why not try something else?

Thanks again for your input, it means more than you will know.

Kate. Thanks for giving me your personal perspective. It really means a lot to know that I am taking the right stand behind my son and giving him the support that he needs to get through this. I don't think that I am "babying" him, just supporting his needs. My mother has had a nervous stomach her entire life and I see a lot of her in him. I never struggled with this, but can see the effects.

Deb

 

[tmfranlk]

I came to read the big announcement and I saw this. As Amy said my Dr. visits have gone well. I've had ultrasounds both times and they said everything looked perfect. This pregnancy has been much harder than my first and I've been really drained. This Sunday I officially enter the 2nd trimester, so hopefully everything will be better.

Thanks for thinking of me and I hope everyone here is doing well. I miss y'all.

Welcome back, Dawn! The signature is so cute. It looks like you had a great party!

 

[julia & nicks mom]

I agree Marci, 10 is a hard age. Nick had a classmate (female) move away last year and she moved back over the Christmas break. We gave Nick the lecture about giving her a chance, maybe she changed while she was away. Nick took the high road and made an effort with her. He said hello to her on the bus the first morning to which she responded "loser". Since then she has target many of Nick's friends and done a lot of name calling. For some reason she has left him alone. Nick is being an advocate for his friends and when she calls them names or picks on them he tells her that it isn't nice. It hasn't slowed her down, but at least his friends know that he is behind them. It is important to teach them the right way to handle these types of situations. The teachers as well as the guidance counselor and other parents are away of what's going on, but she is a tough case. Her mom is 26 years old and she is the oldest of 5 girls. Dad is in the military so the move a lot. Praise Andrew for doing the right thing and explain that Brett is acting primarily out of jealousy. Hopefully Brett will find a better outlet for his energy. Maybe he'll find a new friend that he can give positive attention to.

Deb

Wow - so her mom had her at 16 - sounds like maybe when she should have been teaching her daughter the proper way too treat others - she might have been too young to know how to and if she just kept having kids - the oldest one might be looking for attention and negative attention is better than no attention at all!!

Julia has a little girl in her class who is a huge problem - Julia could get along with brick wall - but not this girl - two weeks ago they got in trouble for pushing each other in line and I followed up on it at home and the next day at school she had to be last in line all day long - her teacher was SHOCKED I did any follow up at home so obviously the other parents did not - then a couple of days later this little girl came up to julia on the playground (who was happily playing with her best friends - who ironically are not in her class) and said to them - "Don't play with Julia - she is mean!" Julia was crushed by this and was very sad about it for a few days - then a couple of days later when they sat down in circle the little girl said to Julia - "I am glad you aren't sitting by me!" so Julia stuck her tongue out at her - the teacher only saw that and Julia was the one who got disciplined - when she got home Julia told me the whole story -

her teacher has told me this other student is a problem (and I know this from the time I have spent in the classroom) so I have tried to teach Julia just to say - "that hurt my feelings" and walk away - but that is a hard lesson for a 4 year old to learn - I have only met the other mom once - but she seemed very self important and way too involved in her career - which might be why this little girl is looking for this kind of attention at school

 

[tmfranlk]

Okay - DDA

I need pixie dust - this is so queer but believe me it is a HUGE deal here
Nick just came down stairs saying pillow wet - bed wet - and something else that I was not sure what he was saying - I got upstairs and realized he was saying poop wet - poor little guy has diarhea - and it got on his pillow -

no big deal EXCEPT - Nick has a pillow that he uses all the time - it goes everywhere with him - it is like his favorite stuffed animal - it is a regular pillow but no pillowcase - he takes one off if I try to put it on - I have tried to substitute another pillow in before and he gets mad - so this is the pillow that the poop got on - and I had to go put it in the washer - he came downstair so sad and see pillow mommy? so I showed him it in the washer and you can not believe the sad little look he got on his face - pillow bye bye? I seriously do not believe he will be able to go to sleep without it - this could be a long night!!!!!

I hope the night went okay and that Nick is feeling better this morning. Poor, sweetie. Hopefully the pillow came clean successfully and to Nick's liking.

 

[tmfranlk]

Good night DDA. I don't know if I'll check in tomorrow or not. I have autograph pages to finish. Got quite a bit more done tonight. Also packing, etc. because we leave Friday afternoon. I have to go pick up Katrina from college tomorrow night as well. I will probably pop in once or twice before I leave (if I pop in more than that, remind me I should be doing something to get ready).

Marti & Paul, I will have a dole whip float in your honor. I have some graduation ears to look for and some Fairy Godmailer postcards to send? Anyone else need anything while I'm there? If so, send me a PM. Vicki

Have a great time!!! We can't wait to hear all about it.

 

[rosiejo]

Stockard Channing (Grease & the West Wing) is on a tv chat show I'm watching... I didn't realise she was in her mid 30s in Grease - knew she wasn't 16! But that makes her 62!!! She's looking good on it.

 

[kc10family]

I am having a very stressful morning and could use a little advice from my DDA family. Nick and Hunter's Elementary School has invited in a lady that teaches dance.

Deb,

I had problems with stuff at school when I was little and to this day I have issues. I would try a few things…. See if he can be in the back of the group (out of sight) this could help with his anxiety. Also let the teacher know about last year and how this “could” bring back the problems you had last year. Then ask her if they could all make some kind of “deal”. She doesn’t push him about this in front of the class (that could bring on the anxiety), puts him in the back of the group and you take him to get something or his favorite food after the evening performance. I know you can find a compromise with him where he will do the dance and feel ok about it.

If he gets to the point that it is really changing the school year again, then you might need to do something else. I would even go so far as to try a psychology evaluation. Why? Because sometimes we as parents are to close and emotional involved (and that is a good thing) to help our children through issues. If he is prone to anxiety at this young of an age, then later could bring on problems beyond what you can handle and he could get labeled a “problem kid”.

One last thing… I know this sounds a bit out there, but, you might even think about hypnosis to find the problem. Most (not all) problems such as anxiety started with something that could have been fixed had we have known. So if you can get in and find the problem, you might be able to correct it for the future.

I hope I don’t sound crazy, I am just trying to think of what could have helped me.

Good luck and let us know what happens.