The Dance Mom Thread

[dreamer17555]

Our company director is an ultra-organized perfectionist control freak and I say that in the nicest possible way. This drives the girls crazy sometimes, but the parents love her! DD's first year in company there was another director-We had no parent directory, no warm-ups or other team attire, etc. I was amazed that most of the people got to the competitions on time and in the right costumes.

I mean we have some organization. Its not a free for all but news is often passed down from one parent to another, instead of a group meeting. The Studio is moving to a new location and I am hoping all of us Mom's can get together and sort stuff out, especially for the young company kids.

BTW I woke up to a repeated thud sound this morning at 5:30. It was Cat. She had cleared all the furniture and toys from the living room and had pulled out her mats and was practicing back handsprings. We had to have a HUGE talk about that! She could have really hurt herself, especially since who know if she bothered to stretch and warm up!

-Becca-

 

[missypie]

You know, if one parent could volunteer to input all of the email addresses, then you could share the group (or groups-might be good to have a group distribution list for each company) and you could receive notices by email.

 

[jwsqrdplus2]

You know, if one parent could volunteer to input all of the email addresses, then you could share the group (or groups-might be good to have a group distribution list for each company) and you could receive notices by email.

We do something like that. We have a yahoo group established for company, and most of the information goes out over that group. I moderate the yahoogroup, so I send out the most messages next to the directors. All I do is send an e-mail to xyz@yahoogroups.com, and it goes to everyone in company. Signing up at the beginning of the season with an e-mail address that is cheked regularly is mandatory, and I tracked it with the directors until everyone was on board.

The nice this about the yahoo group (or something similar) is that all messages are also archived, so group members can search them if need be. You can also set up databases for people to sign up on. For example at the beginning of the year we had the sign ups for team warm ups and bags. And thoughout the year we used databases for various reasons. I don't know how to set one up (ours was established before I took over moderating duties), but it is an idea.

I also maintain separate e-mail lists in my outlook for each of my girls companies since company specific information does not need to go through the group.

 

[missypie]

Well, the company director has finally told us all that she can't go to Nationals due to the start of her cancer treatments. She is so disappointed and the girls are so disappointed.

On a practical level, there is a wild hairdo for one of the dances that only she can do. I guess each mom will need to work with her daughter's hair until we can all approximate the hairdo.

 

[dreamer17555]

Missy that is terrible. And yes hairdo's can be a pain. I really hope her treatment works. Its sounds like a tough time for everyone.

I forced Cat to skip gymnastic's privates. You would have thought I killed her. She was sobbing and sobbing but her hand needs to heal. I swear that child has more determination in her pinky then I do in my whole body.

Okay Dance Moms what sort of workouts do your children do?

It was recommended that the girls get ankle weights and also hand weights to help with their muscle tone. I picked up a set of 4lb (2lbs on each foot) wiehgts for my DD and two 3lbs hand weights but I am not sure what she is supposed to do. Every workout I give her she seems to breeze through- no effort at all. (She is obviously in so much better shape than me! )

Do I keep having her do them? Get heavier weights? What?

-Becca-

 

[jwsqrdplus2]

Becca-

I would be very careful when working with weights (even lighter ones) on a younger child. I can say this from experience. My swim coaches started me on weights before I hit my final growth spurt. As a result when I grew 6 inches in 15 months, all of my muscles had been tightened down by doing weights and all my joints (knees, shoulders, wrists, hips, etc) went haywire. I was well into my 20s before I mostly recovered from that. I'm still not fully recovered considering that I have had 3 surgeries on one of my knees.

At 9 1/2, DD1 does stretching and bar work (even at home) and basic calethenics. No weights, nor does our studio encourage that.

 

[Diamondintheruff]

As a massage therapist and fitness instructor I concur with jwsqrdplus2. Proceed with caution when doing any type of weight bearing exercise. Or better yet, don't do it.

If your studio is recommending you have your girls do something-perhaps your studio needs to give the parents exact and precise directions on an exercise program. I would think that the basic calistetics and stretching, plus lots of chances to participate in active play outdoors (biking, skipping, playing tag, swimming) would be more than enough to keep your DD's in shape.

If you are really desperate to do something for your DD, try some aquatic conditionning exercises. Most of them you can do in a waist high backyard pool.

 

[cabanafrau]

Our studio encourages focusing on core strength & recommends pilates.

 

[missypie]

One of the other dance teachers ordered a bunch of pink "We support you Miss X" bracelets. She has made them an official part of every costume for every company, so when the company director watches the dances via webcast, she will see the pink bracelets on everyone. Such a sweet idea!!!

 

[Diamondintheruff]

Such a sweet idea!!!

What a great idea!

 

[dreamer17555]

Okay I thought maybe I could vent a little here and get some advice. Our season is coming to an end with Nationals next week and everyone is getting ready for the new year. The girls have two weeks off before Company starts up again, but the girls doing solos have been in and out and the dances are really, really well done, (a different teacher is choreographing them).

I had toyed with the idea of allowing Cat to do a solo, but decided against it since normally they had the privates on Saturdays. I just couldn’t see giving up all of our Saturdays for her dance, enough of them get eaten by competitions but I just found out two of the teachers have slots open on Mondays. And now I am so torn.

Cat is a good dancer, but next year she will have four company dances, three technique classes, and a 90 min ballet class. All in all that is 9 hours a week, plus girl scouts, plus private gymnastics- so some 12 hours in total. She is doing very well in school but I know next year will be more like real school, with homework and all that.

I am worried about burn out but I so want to give her this. It seems like almost all of the girls in her age group are doing solos minus her and two others. I am friends with several moms who have kids in the same classes as Cat and I wonder why I am the only one worried about her handling so much.

To be honest (and trying not to be mean) most of the other kids don’t seem to be focused on schooling. Or at least their parents don’t. The girls are constantly run up to Cat to have her read this paper or that form, or to add their money, or read the clock. School is very important in our home. I work on extra stuff with Cat daily and she is ahead because of it.

Anyway my mind is so jumbled (that is pretty obvious) so should I let Cat do a solo or not? Is it crazy to worry so much about school at such a young age (6)? Or are these other moms just not paying enough attention?

-Becca-

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

Okay, you asked for honest opinions, so I'll give you mine--I would wait a year. It sounds like your DD does plenty and enjoys her current schedule. Let me offer my perspective, from a few years down the road. DD13 (yesterday!) has been dancing since she was 3. She would love to dance professionally as a career. My big problem with her is, she loves many, many activities, and has a tough time choosing, so she wants to do them all. They all have value (Scouts has service, Odyssey of the Mind is creativity, etc.). But it gets to be A LOT. Here are the things she did this past year: 7 dance classes, cross country, track, OM, scouting, NJHS, Advanced Math, Young Scholars (gifted program--one day per week, instead of her regular classes), newspaper, poetry pocket, trumpet (band and a solo), theater, and probably a couple things I've forgotten. Through the years she's dropped gymnastics, piano, karate, soccer, and again, probably a few other things.

She just finished 7th grade, and this is the first year I've seen her have to really work to keep up her grades. I think missing one day a week hurt her, plus all the after school stuff. She complains about not having free time, but won't drop anything! It can be difficult to help her find balance, but it's my job to oversee and make sure she doesn't get overwhelmed. You've got a long road ahead of you in dance, and pacing is wise. Especially in a field with so many potential injuries.

So, since she's not begging for a solo, I would skip it for now. If she asks and seems very interested, maybe it's something you can offer her "Well, if you do well in school and keep your grades up, we can do one next year." YOu also have to be careful of focusing every free second the family has, on just one child. I'm sure your little one doesn't have a ton of activities at this stage, but will, someday. I have 4, and Dh and I frequently feel like 2 cuckoos popping out of the same clock, with our running around! Sure, both my girls are dancers, but totally different classes, and DD5 isn't showing the same "thirst" for dance at this stage (begging for violin lessons, but that's a different thread!). So, beware of making the schedule and family focused only on the oldest--not saying you are, just that it can happen.

Anyway, sorry for the novel--I hope it helped. BTW, if she is begging for the solo, and if she keeps her grades up, I would let her do it next time, if she were my kid.

 

[dreamer17555]

Okay, you asked for honest opinions, so I'll give you mine--I would wait a year.

Anyway, sorry for the novel--I hope it helped. BTW, if she is begging for the solo, and if she keeps her grades up, I would let her do it next time, if she were my kid.

It helped a lot! We had Showstoppers East Coast Nationals this week and the more I thought about it the more I thought it would be best to wait. Its hard as a parent when you want to give them everything and she wants a solo so bad. But I think another year won't hurt her and all the technique classes will help make her a stronger dancer with a stronger solo for next year.



Oh and they had a group of tiny 6 year old girls in what looked like hot pink and black lingerie doing If You Got It, Flaunt It. So not appropriate. I kept wondering what sort of parents would okay that. The girls did well but some of the moves were very suggestive and with the song and clothing- Eek I don't get what some studios are thinking.

-Becca-

 

[Sleepy]

I too will give my honest opinion based on my own experience. Sorry if it is not the advice you are looking for.

I would also wait. Let her start this year of school and see how she handles the homework with her activity demands. If she is ok with it, then next year let her try more, with the understanding if she can't keep up, she must stop, or drop one of the other activities.

The other thing to consider is yourself. With a child adding more demands, can your handle the schedule, along with the demands of the schoolwork, etc? What about the event that your daughter sticks with this for the long haul? Can you financially handle the demands of the most advanced levels? Can you handle the demands of the schedule at the most advanced level?

Many times we put our kids in activities thinking they will never stick with it more than a year or 2. I was one of them. I did not consider the long term what ifs. What if he is really talented. What if he needs to change schools. What if he needs to add more classes. What if the next school is further away. I kept saying yes as long as he could handle the schedule.

I have found myself, 8 years later, in a foreign country, homeschooling, driving a far distance to get him to the pubic transportation, waiting around for him 5+hours a day (gas is $5.25 a gallon and too expensive for me to drive home to wait for him), 6 days a week, and spending more money than I care to admit. Luckily, I have been able to endure the damands, but honestly, I am very tired of it all. I was the one who kept saying yes. I could have chosen to keep him at the small school that would have gotten him nowhere, but I listened to the advice of others who said do more. I wanted to give him the best opportunities. Sadly, this year will only get worse and the next few years will have even more demands.

Figure out where your future "no" limitation is, communicate this with your child, and stick with it.

 

[AZMickeyfans]

Becca,

First of all How are Cat's fingers? I hope she is recovering well.

What you are thinking, we actually did. Meaning we kept Morgan from doing a solo last year in 1st grade so we could see how she did in school. She went from half day kindergarten to all day 1st grade and her dance schedule jumped from 5 hours to 9 hours a week.

I'm really happy we made that decision because not only did she have time (somewhere) in there for studies but she is also a more confident dancer and I think can handle the solo better this year. She will be 8 in August.

We always told her basically what you guys do that school is the most important thing. Its wonderful if Morgan can do fuete turns but if she cant read then where are we!

So after a tough year adjusting to the demands of school and dance she adjusted well but I'm glad we didnt have that extra pressure on her. This year the director made a deal to choreograph solos over the summer for a deal of $150 and they will just clean them up every couple weeks during the regular season. We jumped at that. Her dance schedule is up to 12 hours a week this fall plus gymnastics and tumbling at a gym and cheer at another place another night so we have a lot on our plate this up coming year.

We had to endure a lot of grumbling about how we were so mean last year but we held our ground and I believe she understands why we did it now.

She'll do great in whatever you decide of course. She sounds like a trooper.

 

[dreamer17555]

Sleepy- Thanks for the advice and me and He (DH) actually talked for awhile about where we draw the line with dance. I doubt Cat will be a professional dancer but that being said: We will not move (I think that is very brave of you but we couldn't even consider it), school work will come first and foremost and if she wants she can attend a local Arts High School and even a college if she so chooses but again school is first. More than that is more than we are willing to give. We have a young son to think about to.


AZMickey- Her fingers are so much better. It took her awhile to get her back handspring, last Saturday I swear she came down on her head a half a dozen times. We took the splints off on Tuesday and she was so happy. So it all worked out well.

I think we are going to follow your lead. School is the most important thing in our house, apparently a lot more than in other homes. I swear half the kids on her team cannot read, sure they can do a back handspring but what good is that if they can't read anything. Its aggravating. We do a ton of extra school work with Cat to keep her well ahead of the curve and as much as I want her to have a solo I would rather her have an education. Hopefully by next year we will have a good balance down and will be able to do it.

BTW that is a great deal on the solo. The fee for competitions (5 plus nationals) is $250, plus $250 for the choreography, plus $40 a week for a hour of privates and a hour and a half of groups (They solo girls dance in front of each other and help one another out) Plus costume which ends up being about $200. So like I said you had a steal!

 

[AZMickeyfans]

Sleepy- Thanks for the advice and me and He (DH) actually talked for awhile about where we draw the line with dance. I doubt Cat will be a professional dancer but that being said: We will not move (I think that is very brave of you but we couldn't even consider it), school work will come first and foremost and if she wants she can attend a local Arts High School and even a college if she so chooses but again school is first. More than that is more than we are willing to give. We have a young son to think about to.


AZMickey- Her fingers are so much better. It took her awhile to get her back handspring, last Saturday I swear she came down on her head a half a dozen times. We took the splints off on Tuesday and she was so happy. So it all worked out well.

I think we are going to follow your lead. School is the most important thing in our house, apparently a lot more than in other homes. I swear half the kids on her team cannot read, sure they can do a back handspring but what good is that if they can't read anything. Its aggravating. We do a ton of extra school work with Cat to keep her well ahead of the curve and as much as I want her to have a solo I would rather her have an education. Hopefully by next year we will have a good balance down and will be able to do it.

BTW that is a great deal on the solo. The fee for competitions (5 plus nationals) is $250, plus $250 for the choreography, plus $40 a week for a hour of privates and a hour and a half of groups (They solo girls dance in front of each other and help one another out) Plus costume which ends up being about $200. So like I said you had a steal!

I know! Since its a new studio she wanted to get some new girls to try solos so she set the choreography for $150 for the summer!!! I guess I should mention that we still have to pay for privates in the fall to clean and perfect the dance and the competition fees and the costume (I've seen the sketch she wants for this and I'm scared to see the bill from the seamstress!) BUT right now I'm focusing on the $150 steal!


Cat sounds like she is healing well. And I totally know what you mean about other kids putting dance first. Like what would they all do if at 5th grade the kid decided to drop it! Crazy!

I need to get back to your TR. Everyone is asleep now after swimming all day so I might get to do that tonight!

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

I'm glad you've made a decision you're comfortable with. The solo choice will be there next year. As a mom, I have the toughest time saying "No", especially to my oldest DD, because she's just such a sweet kid and doesn't ask for much.

I will tell you, the moms seeming to focus on the sports (whatever type) versus academics is really common. Up here, it happens to be soccer. My older two quit, because they couldn't keep up with the kids who play year-round in all the travel leagues, etc. They just wanted to play for fun. All the parents seem to think it'll be their kids' ticket to success, like all of them will get scholarships. I don't get it, but I see it a lot.

Anyway, I'm glad your DD's healing nicely.

 

[Sleepy]

All the parents seem to think it'll be their kids' ticket to success, like all of them will get scholarships. I don't get it, but I see it a lot.

That is a terrible amount of pressure to put on a child....to expect them to be good enough to get a free ticket through college by playing a sport. I don't expect any such thing for my kid. He dances because he likes it. End of story.

 

[dreamer17555]

Scholarships? Wow these parents need to be straightened out. Talk about pressure. Plus getting even a sports scholarship generally requires good grades. I don't get people sometimes.

-Becca=