The bride at every wedding, the corpse at every funeral....my mother in law!!!

[crisi]

I guess we will have to agree to disagree a little
I just get fired up with these kinds of discussions about family, I guess.
I didn't just "lose" my dad-He commited suicide and ever since then the rest of the family is really tight because we know in a really tragic,scary way what it means to be without that person that we love.
I just wonder, was it really that big of a deal to go along with her? Also,
from the sound of it, he kinda knew she was like this before, so couldn't they just roll with it? What good does it do anyone to stew over something like this? Things could be way worse, trust me.
Anyway, thanks for the ear

I'm sorry about your Dad.

Its interesting how different people react to events. My mother lost her mother to suicide when she was 21 - her youngest sibling was 8. Her family is close, but my mother - in fact, nearly her whole family - is almost obsessive about making sure everyone gets their space - and I suspect it has to do with living with someone with a mental illness (her grandmother was no picnic either). There are NEVER invitations where anyone has obligations - which create stress and conflict (other than to RSVP so my mother knows how much hamburger to buy). So my mother, familiar with being without a person she loves, has a nearly opposite perspective.

My mother, on a trip to Disney World with us, is happy to follow us, give us space, or plan on her own. We are doing a bigger family trip - creating the logistics problem of having people 1,3, 9, 10, 36, 40, 42, 43, 46, 63, and 65 - and my mother has immediately recognized splitting up will be more pleasant for everyone.

 

[kkevcamsmom]

This post cracked me up. I can feel you pain!

I would love to go to WDW with my family, about 25 of us total. My brothers and sisters and I, we always have a great time together. My parents are super!

I would love to take a WDW trip with my DH's dad and step mom, they remind me of my parents.

I would love to take a WDW trip with my DH's brothers and sister.

My DH's mom...HECK NO!!! She would make the OP's grandma look like Mary Poppins...lol For example: When we flew to Utah to visit family (my M and D and B and S's all live there along with is M and B's and S) We drove from the airport to her house, stayed for a little bit then went to my parents house, since we were staying there. Apparently she thought we should have called her at 7 pm and we didn't so she didn't talk to us for 2 days, cancelled a family photo session she'd set up and cried about how mean and selfish I was to keep her son from her. This was all my fault because I had turned her son away from her and brainwashed him. Yes folks, I am the devil....lol Oh and on another note... we have been married 16 years(as of today! 7/13) and she will still occasionally ask when we are ending our marriage**.... not any time soon...

She's a wonderful peron and it should show as my DH, her son, perferrers to spend most of our vacations with my family then his mom. Now when we go we stay with her the first few days(2-3 days tops), and my family the remaining days(5-10 days), so we can end the trip on a happy, fun note.


Got to love the in-laws....

I hope you were able to enjoy some of your trip though!

Lori


**A side note on why she thinks our marriage shouldn't work: We met and were married within a 3 week time frame...

 

[momimouse27]

I think some folks are being a little too hard on the OP. I see that some have lost their loved ones, so they feel that you should cherish every moment. I am in total agreement with that except....maybe not so much at Disney. We have been several times with my ddad and dmom(now divorced, but friendly) and everything was OK,except my dm is a little controlling...But last year we went with myself, dh, dd12,dd9, ds 3, db, SIL, dmom and ddad. Okay, as much as I love and cherish them all, it is very hard to expect that many people to stay together for 7 days straight and not get on each other's nerves!

I don't think that is unloving, its just a fact. I can love my relatives on a trip to Disney and not be with them every waking moment My dh and I made sure to let everyone know before we left that we didn't expect everyone to stay together all the time-I think you have to do that before you even leave so that there isn't that expectation-makes everyone's trip happier!

 

[cindarella]

LOL I feel your pain. MIL is evil

 

[Sandi12404]

There are 10 of us going in October. My mom, dad, brother, sister, brother-in-law, their daughter, me, my husband and our 2 kids. We have our itenerary set but we all agreed that it's not set in stone for anyone. We will more then likely spend the majority of our time together (we're a pretty close family) but it's nice knowing we don't have to. My husband and my brother in law like to sleep in, my mom, my sister and I will probably be to excited to sleep so we told them to sleep in all they want. We'll have our cell phones. Call us when you get moving and we'll tell you where we are. Oh, and my parents are paying for this trip, My dad calls it his last big expense before he retires.

 

[dznygurl]

I love this thread!
I thought I was all alone on this matter....We have been to WDW 3 times since 2000 and each time we have brought "others" with us. In 2000, my parents came and brought along my 4 year old niece who whined and cried at EVERY attraction, "I'm scared!!!! It's dark!!! Get me outta here!!!". My kids were 5 and 2 and sat quietly and patiently and enjoyed EVERYTHING!!!

Sooo, my DH and I decided to go to WDW in 2002. My mom decides she wants to go too. After our 2000 trip, my dad swore he'd never go back. My sweet mom is not mean, rude, or bossy. She goes along with anything, but sometimes that's just as bad. She had no input on where to eat or what she wanted to do. She walks a lot slower that us also, so we were constantly looking back to make sure she was coming.

Okay, now it's 2006. We have waited 4 years to return to the world. Guess who wants to go? Mom, Dad, niece, AND my brother, who HATES traveling. Well, my niece was much better this time around, but my brother made up for it. He complained about EVERYTHING! Everyone just followed me around and waited for me to tell them what to do. I had to organize FP tickets and which way to tour the park and when to eat. When I asked for their opinions, they would answer "whatever you want is fine" or "we're following you, just go wherever"
Oh, lets not forget that i was the designated clutter-holder. I had the stroller for my 2 year old, which turned into a huge mass of jackets, snacks, drinks, souvenirs, etc. My poor baby could barely sit in there!
I am so afraid to mention to my mom that we are planning a trip in 2008. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but my DH and I would love to go alone with our kids.
Well, i'm done venting. Wow! I didn't realize how much this bothered me until now. I love this board

 

[TBGOES2DISNEY]

There must be some language/communication barrier when it comes to Disney.

We say, "Hey, we're going to Disney World."
Family/relatives hear, "Why don't you come along?"

 

[disneyohana]

Although my husband & I have gone to WDW w/my sisters, mom, aunt, & uncle, we've have never gone to Disney w/my in-laws. Going with your own family is hard enough. We're all really close but we don't all want to do the same thing at the same time. I can't say that I've ever had a bad Disney vacation though. Now we have an 18 month old daughter, so if we go anywhere w/family I will make sure I get some time w/just our immediate family.

 

[sara74]

Hey, don't you guys know that gifts come with strings attached?
Hee hee... yeah, wouldn't you love to have Marie for your MIL?

Marie IS my MIL. I swear it, people who have never met her tell me that she is! Controlling, demanding, you name it. And FIL is just the same. There are so many instances that I can't list the whole ten years worth here! Let's just say it started with us having to go where they told us to at our honeymoon and has ended this year with us returning a several thousand dollar check to them uncashed as they presented it as a gift and then told us that we had to use it to 'improve' something in our home that 1) isn't broken and 2) doesn't bother us! They don't like hearths on fireplaces and felt we should have ours removed. No reason, just that THEY don't like it. They have taught us many useful things, to be sure. Sadly the most useful is that we no longer accept anything from them. Thankfully, we are in a position to live the lives we do without their 'help'

And Thankfully they would never go to WDW! Think the Barone's on their worst day and we wouldn't even be there yet!

I, too, lost my dad very suddenly and recently. What made it all the more painful was that DH and I had talked about how he was our only 'normal' parent in the whole family. He was the only one that recognized our family as our own and yet was still able to enjoy being a grandparent, and a fine one at that, without being overbearing or overly needy. I am so glad that I actually was able to express these feelings to him while he was alive! He died in an accident so there was no saying goodbye, but I know that he knew how we felt about him and what a great man he was.

 

[bctripp]

sara74, I know how you feel, I lost my dad about 4 years ago, and he was one of the only "normal" parents we had left, it was horrible. My mother is overbearing, my MIL is about the same way, although she's getting easier to get along with. She gave up on trying to cause trouble (she's like "monster in law").
I've told hubby that next time we do Disney, we're going alone! No kids, no grandma's, no Sisters, no nieces or nephews!!!

 

[luvpoohbear]

It's awesome to know that so many others go through the same things I do!

Last May, MIL paid for us to go to WDW for a couple of days. All she did the entire time was yell at my kids and tell them what to do. DH spent the entire time arguing with her about yelling at the kids! At one point I actually walked out of a restaurant because I was so embarrassed about the way they were acting!!

The first time we got to go for longer than a couple of days (Dec.02) she told DH that she was going with us! Luckily, DH is the type to say what is on his mind, especially when it comes to her, and he flat out told her NO WAY!!! This was his vacation with his family and we were going by ourselves!! WHEW!!

So, now we have planned a trip for Sept. and guess who said she wanted to go?!?! Well, the good part is that FIL and second wife are going to meet us there, and MIL and her ex don't get along at all!! She still wants to go!!! Can you believe it?!?!? She said she would take the kids and go do their own thing! Does she not get it? She lives down the street from us, FIL lives in Miami and hasn't seen the kids for about 3 years. Anyway, I'm rambling.

We are staying a full week in Sept. The in-laws are staying 4 days. Recently, DH decided that maybe we should leave the same time they were. I was not too happy. I don't mind spending time with them, but I still want some time to ourselves. DH's step mom is a wonderful person and lots of fun but likes to control everything. She decides where we go and what we do, so it will be nice to have a few days to do what we want. I put my foot down!!! So we are still going for the full week.

Family is wonderful, and being blessed enough to be able to spend time with family is a Godsend, however as others have said, just because they are your family, does not mean you HAVE to spend all of your time with them. There is nothing wrong with wanting some alone time.

 

[Kanga1]

Wow...my sympathies certainly go out to those of you with unruly, bossy in-laws. Let me share my story:

After our trip in 2005, my BIL and MIL expressed an interest in going with us the next time we went. Well, we planned a trip for this past June and contemplated and stewed if we were going to invite them. My 50ish BIL is sometimes moody and my MIL is 79. Yes...79. I did NOT know how this would work out. (Even posted on DIS back in Oct. or Nov. seeking for advice...most of you said "NO!")

Long story short, we invited them and they in turn (with our permission) invited my 12 year-old niece to go along. While making our itinerary, I kept asking them what "they" wanted to do and they always replied, "You just plan it, we're just going along for the ride." So, I tried to plan for all the ages that spanned from 5 to 79.

It was...are you ready?...WONDERFUL!!!!! Yes, we spent every waking moment together, but they were only there 5 out of the 11 days of our trip, so I knew we would have some "family" time. They completely went along with our plans...never ONCE complained about anything. 12 year-old was magnificent...never complained...was always very appreciative...and my 79 year-old MIL was FANTASTIC!!!!! She was AMAZING!!!! We were always sensitive to her getting tired and tried to slow down some...but she kept right up with us...no wheelchair or scooter or anything!!! And she was always eager to watch DD5 while the rest of us went on thrill rides. (I will say that she's in really good shape.) It was a fabulous trip and I'd do it again in a hearbeat!

So..for those of you with future trips with in-laws...you CAN have a wonderful vacation!

 

[PrincessMo]

OK, I have to join in this thread. Just don't tell my husband

Last December I had a Disney Fairy Tale Wedding at Walt Disney World. There were only 15 of us. Roll Call was:
-me
-fiance
-my mom
-my dad
-my 3 brothers
-mother in law
-hubby's neice
-his best man
-his best man's girlfriend
-my aunt & uncle
-close friends of the family who live in Cleamont,FL

Now, my hubby's father had passed before I met him and so his mother lives alone. Although she has a wonderful heart and can be very generous...she is 100% a constant complainer. Everything is dramatic and not in a good way. She hates to miss out on anything and only talks about herself. So, that is backstory.

Also, the best mans girlfriend...she loves Disney "apparently" but is also a complainer and only points out the negative things in life...never has a nice word.

Anyways, we went to FLA 2 days before the wedding. Some people were already there. The group who went with us met at our house at 4 am to get the 4:30 am limo to the airport. In the limo was, me, fiance, MIL, neice, best man & GF. So, as you can imagine they are complaining how early boo hoo...I am there the bride, going on no sleep listening to them complain while my brain is going through everything we need and making sure we aren't forgetting anything and making sure no one else is either....Well, we go to get into the limo and our key breaks in the door. So, not a good sign. We get in the limo and the whole ride I hear them complain about no water...it's too hot, too cold......I am a nice calm person and am usually too nice to say anything so I kept my mouth shut but I was furious

Now, more backstory...the best man did not like Disney...was only going because it was michael & me. He wouldn't do it for anyone else. Also, michael's mom is not a big disney person either.

Well, needless to say...they complained the entire trip. We told them flat out before we left that we move at a good pace and wanted to make sure these people got to see everything. Well, instead of them politely saying I can't walk that fast anymore so we will split off and meet you later they complained and wouldn't go off on their own.

The best man's girlfriend was absolutely rude and miserable. I wanted to trip her. If it wasn't for us she would have never gotten her boyfriend down there and you would think she'd been tickled pink cuz you know what....HE LOVED IT!!! He also said he'd only go with us again so we must have done something right.

So, several months ago we told my MIL while my parents were here that we were going again in December in general conversation.........my family goes in December every year since I was about 11 and I am 24. She acted all surprised and then quick called a friend of hers in CA to come join her she wanted to go with us...you can imagine my excitement. Then while I was not around she had the audacity to tell my father she did not have a fun time on the wedding trip because all she saw was the back of our heads WHAT??? I went through so much trouble planning events, meals, getting them all discounts.....oh yeah, they complained about how much I changed around the reservations while guess what THEY DID NOTHING!!! I wanted to say fine pay rack rates then I don't give a..you know what! Well, my MIL can't afford to go and sorry to say I am happy about that.

She also made a big fuss that she wouldn't be with Michael before the wedding so I made arrangements for her to me there with all the guys for the pre wedding photos and she hates the pictures of herself and told me oh she hates having her picture taken........WHAT? Then why did I go through that? I wanted it to be a special 'guys' time before the wedding. Oh, well...also, she complains everytime I see her that there wasn't room for the mother of the groom in Cinderella's Carriage. That was something I paid for which wasn't cheap and it is for the brides parents. She...being a non disney person......makes it like it has been some life long dream she's never mentioned. She just has a wrong way of saying things like she is owed something all the time.

Anyways, I know there is more but I will stop there for now. Just thought I would share my wedding trip.......although, the wedding day.......Magical!

Have A Magical Day!

 

[madcat]

I can feel your pain, last year our trip consisted of myself, dh,ds3 and ds5 my parents and MIL and FIL. my inlaws live several states away, about 2wks before our trip my MIL and I got into a very heated argument over my BIL who was staying with us at the time(34yrs old and didnt want to contribute to the house at all, all the while coming and going anytime he wanted too). needless to say the trip was really stressfull and I have limited my contact with her since then.

 

[Jobie]

My step-mother told me I should read this thread, becuase of my up-comming trip in August......... I'm scared

Last summer I really wanted to go on a family vacation with my mother, step-father, and my little brother (what was I thinking?). It had been many years since I have been on a family vacation with my mom and I thouhgt it would be a good time, becuase my wife and I no longer lives in the same state as my mother. Well our plan was to go to USF (I know I am evil, but this is before I caught the Disney bug). I first brought up the idea to my mother and family in March of '05, figuring that this would give them plenty of time to decide if they could go becuase my wife and I uaually go on vacation in late September - October. Well I kept asking her, asking her, and asking her if they decided if they could go. Well July rolls around and she finally says that they are not going to be able to go. We said fine, found out about the free dinning plan, and went to WDW that August and had a wonderful time. My father and step-mother ended up going down there the same time and we had a good time meeting up with during dinner and such.

Fast forward to March '06...........

I wake up to my cell phone going off, and guess who it is. It is my mother. Guess what she asks me...... She wants to go on vacation with me this year! Now I do not know about ya'll, but I am only 23, still in school, and well I don't make a whole lot of money. A disney trip two years in a row is a stretch for us. So well I told her that my wife and I would talk it over and see if we could afford it this year.

A few weeks later I am talking to my sister about the trip (I'm not even going to get into the drama about my sister not being officially invited ) and told her that I was not for sure if I was going to go becuase of money issues. Well she was talking to mom, and my mother was talking about how it was set in stone that we were going to WDW this year. Sis, tells mom that I was not for sure about going and well all He!! breaks loose. Mom calls me saying how I have been misleading her about going to WDW and such; she even says that I had given my word about the trip to my 17 year-old brother! Ummm no. She goes on talking about how she has been putting all kinds of money to the side for this trip and was arranging every thing financialy so they could go. Blah blah blah blah. Then she says that she wants to go on this trip to make up for last year.

Well after this back and forth bickering, my wife and I talked it out some. And I came to the conclusion that I was in a bad spot. If I decided not to go on the trip I would never hear the end of it. I would be the worlds most terrible son and probaly be the blame for pushing my brother off into a major depression. Or I can suck it up, cross my fingers, go on this trip and hope for the best. Oh yeah, did I mention that my mother still treats me like I am 13? Oh joy! Well I took a six shooter, loaded in five bullets, and started to play Russian Roulette (odds don't look good do they?); Satan's version. Yup that's right, I am going to Disney World!

So we booked our trip and are getting ready to go. Talk to my mom the other day, asked her if she was looking forward to the trip, and she says no not really!!!! I ask why? "Becuase I am feeling guilty about your sister and the finances. Money is realy tight right now.." BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH! But I thought she said that she put all kinds of money away already! I am the college student here, needing to pay off my debts and get on with my life with my wife! My wife and I had made a concious (sp?) descsion of not to think about what the money could have went torwards (we paid out trip in full due to giving the government an interest free loan this past year) and to just have a fun time. And now my mother has to complain about her money!?!?!?!?!? The money that she said was ALL set aside? HMMMMM? Thanks for the guilt trip mom. And guess what you should have invited your daughter, or at least had enough b***s to tell her why you didn;t want her to go!

If she one time complains about the money while she is there I am goining to ____ ___ ___ ___ ___ _____ [edit: took out words so the FBI would have no evidenece]

So I am getting ready to send her a little "love" package with all of the ground rules of the trip. She can either follow us around and take our lead, becuase she wanted nothing to do with the planning part of the trip, or they can go off and do their own thing. This is my wife's and my vacation darn it!

We will have a good time though! I really fo love my mother. Trip report coming soon!



And besides it could be worst. I could be going with my MIL, who the first time I talked to her on the phone (before my wife and I was dating) called me a tool of the devil. Yup, gotta love my family!

 

[sammielynn]

The only trip I have taken with my parents as an adult was to the beach with my two DS's and my brother's son. We went to the beach for a week and really had a good time. Both of my parents were not feeling the best, Dad had a bad cold and Mom had been battling cancer for 13 years. I knew from the start that my parents health would dictate the trip so I was ready. Glad we went because my Mom died two week after we returned home. Her cancer went critical over night. So that trip was her last time with her grandsons. Glad we did what we did.
That said I also went to the beach with my sons and two of my best friends one year. Never again!!!!!!! It was the trip from you know where. One friend had to sit in the front of the car the whold time because she got car sick in the back(she hates to drive so would not help with that). The other wanted to sit in the back of the van so she could smoke and use the back window. But sitting in the back she could not hear what we were saying in the front of the van and got all mad. While we were at the beach my friends did not want to do some of the things the boys and I did because it cost so much. Now I am a single parent paying for two boys and myself so everything cost me three times as much as them but they did not want to spend the money. Why go on vacation if you refuse to spend money. We made it through the week. On the way home I got tired and one of my friends said she would drive. I was in the middle seat of the van and started smelling something burning My dear friend had not released the parking brake and they nearly caught fire Then she tried to blame it on me because she never uses her parking brake??? It cost me a brake job when we got home Never again
Did go to Disney with my Dbrother and his wife and grandchild once. They stayed on-site and we stayed off-site. Best decision I ever made. We were together some and went on our own some. It was great to have the option, and to be able to get far away at night.
Now that my DS's are teens we travel solo. Teenage boys are a trip unto themselves.

 

[tatooed goofy]

Oh, I feel so sorry for you. You should start saving for your OWN family vacation. I don't know how you bit your tongue but, good for you!! I don't think I could have kept it inside. I give you credit. GOD BLESS YOU!!!

 

[Nanajo1]

Well, I’m the DM/DMIL.I remember my MIL horning in on a lot of my children’s firsts and I vowed not to do it. ( although it is hard) We have taken our family now numbering 20 to WDW every other year since 1999. I plan one restaurant /get together meal a day and make the ADRs. Each family gives input as to where their family wants to eat, I plan accordingly. They can decide to come or not. Each family decides which park they want to go each day. Sometimes they team up sometimes not. But we usually get together at some point. Last trip we had a GV we used as a staging area. I trade off going with each family. But DH has decided that he wants to have some individual time with each family so this Feb each family is coming for 5days/4nights.
So our Nana and Pop Only Winter trip will be a little different this time.

 

[MayMom]

I went once with my MIL and I have to say - NEVER AGAIN! She got up at 6am to walk -for exercise - at Disney -
I guess the 75 miles that we walked every day wasn't enough.
This is the same woman that bought me a SCALE for my first Christmas with DH family - I swear!

 

[Jobie]

I went once with my MIL and I have to say - NEVER AGAIN! She got up at 6am to walk -for exercise - at Disney -
I guess the 75 miles that we walked every day wasn't enough.
This is the same woman that bought me a SCALE for my first Christmas with DH family - I swear!

WOW!, she bought you a scale for Christmas? LOL. Sorry I just had to laugh about that one. Too funny.

My in-laws bought me a lovely winter hat and gloves for my first christmas. I guess they thought that I was going cold or something.