The birds and bees talk with your son

[mumom95]

OK, I'm looking for what other people have done.

My son is almost 10 and will be in the fourth grade. My dh and I have been discussing whether or not it is time to have a birds and bees talk with him. The main reason we are thinking about it is because I've heard from other parents and kids (not my son, he doesn't tell me much) some things are being said on the bus and at school. And, we'd rather have him hear the specifics from us, rather than another fourth grader.

When he was younger and asked how do babies get in a womans tummy, we just said when a man and a woman love each other, GOD gives them a baby (he was like 4 when we told him this). But, we are thinking that it might be time to tell him how a baby is really made.

So, just wondering what other people have done. How old was your son when you had a talk with him? Did you use a book or video and if so, do you mind recommending it? Do you think I'm crazy for even bringing it up at this age? Honestly, if so, feel free to tell me. He is our oldest, and this is all new to me.

 

[AshleyW]

OK, I'm looking for what other people have done.

My son is almost 10 and will be in the fourth grade. My dh and I have been discussing whether or not it is time to have a birds and bees talk with him. The main reason we are thinking about it is because I've heard from other parents and kids (not my son, he doesn't tell me much) some things are being said on the bus and at school. And, we'd rather have him hear the specifics from us, rather than another fourth grader.

When he was younger and asked how do babies get in a womans tummy, we just said when a man and a woman love each other, GOD gives them a baby (he was like 4 when we told him this). But, we are thinking that it might be time to tell him how a baby is really made.

So, just wondering what other people have done. How old was your son when you had a talk with him? Did you use a book or video and if so, do you mind recommending it? Do you think I'm crazy for even bringing it up at this age? Honestly, if so, feel free to tell me. He is our oldest, and this is all new to me.

I'm not sure how his school does things, but we had an actual "growth & development" class during 4th grade where our teacher made us watch the movie and gave our class the sex talk. Honestly, I would have much preferred having my parents tell me that stuff first, before I got bombarded by it in school with a ton of other kids around.

 

[mumom95]

I'm not sure how his school does things, but we had an actual "growth & development" class during 4th grade where our teacher made us watch the movie and gave our class the sex talk. Honestly, I would have much preferred having my parents tell me that stuff first, before I got bombarded by it in school with a ton of other kids around.

Our school district does it in the 5th grade. We originally planned on waiting until the summer before 5th grade (next summer), but hearing some of the stuff that has been said at school by the kids, that's why we are considering doing it sooner.

My son has never said anything to me about what has been said, but he's a fairly quiet kid, so that doesn't mean he hasn't heard it.

 

[Laugh O. Grams]

My parents took the chicken exit on the whole "birds & bees" talk and gave me a book...that was it. Believe it or not, they didn't even have the guts to discuss the book with me. I turned out ok though...no STDs, no unwanted pregnancies, etc. All's well that ends well, I guess, but looking back, I sure would have loved to see my mom squirming while my dad explained the details!

 

[mtdevine615]

Darn DS is 23 I guess we need to have that talk.
But really I think now is a good time, I think we did it when he was around 10 or 12. What's important is to get him to start talking which may take a while.

 

[sbell111]

Perhaps a day trip to a working farm is in order.

 

[Liberty Belle]

We've never had one big talk with our sons, just little ones. Though, I do remember when my then 10 year old asked me what o.s. was. That was a bit uncomfortable for me, but he took it in stride.

If you've not had any kind of talk about sex with him, I'd definitely do it now. He's heard a lot from his friends, already, I'm sure of it.

 

[Pigeon]

I don't think of it as "the talk" so much as a series of ongoing conversations. We started with our kids when they were 6-7, and it continues. We read the books "It's So Amazing" and "It's Perfectly Normal" together. My kids can ask me anything, and they do.

My 11 year old had the "family life" class this year. She could have taught it. She actually corrected one of the diagrams on the exam.

Honestly, I think you are very late starting this. But better late than never.

 

[clarabelle]

we got our DDs books. We started when they were about 8 -with a really conservative one -and then got a more invovled one later.

I don't think it is too early at all. One thing I remember from my middle school years is feeling stupid -cause people were making dirty jokes and I didn't understand what was going on.

Amazon has some great titles -or you could ask your librarian -who probably has lots of suggestions

One book we liked was by Marc Brown (the guy that wrote the Authur books)

 

[JessicaR]

WE started talking to our kids when they were little and gradually added more age appropriate content as they got older.

We always ended it with telling them if they think of anything or they have a question about anything to just ask. Now they do.

I would start with the basics and don't make the first 'talk' too long. Give him a chance to absorb what was discussed. Have another talk in a couple of weeks. This way you can catch him up by the time school starts.

I always answered my kids questions truthfully but age appropriately also. If they are old enough to ask they are old enough to get the truth.

It is important to have your main discussion early enough that they form your child's basic attitude about sex. My kids have older cousins and friends and I wanted to make sure they were able to sort out fact from fiction. I was also concerned that they could hear things that werent true and fears could stem from that.

We raised them to have a healthy attitude about their bodies and sex. I have two boys.

My Mother never had the sex talk with my sisters or I and I always thought that was horrible.

This is a good book - It's So Amazing! Where Did I Come From? Is another good book.

Good luck, dont be nervous he will thank you for being so open when he gets older!

 

[nskjerven]

For us it's been on going for years too. Which is a good thing because our life conversations needed the facts as a point of reference. Towards the end of the school year there was alot of news on NPR radio (which we have on in the car for the daily drives, school/errands) about the Stem Cell debate and my DS wanted to understand what the issue was. It was really quiet comfortable explaining to him using the same kind of words I'd use with my friends. He suprised me and took a much more conservative side on this issue, opposite of mine. That in itself made me feel good, not only did he understand the bodily functions behind this conversation but is making judgements at his tender age of 9 about what is morally okay for him. To me that was BIG PICTURE

Now the delicacy of STD and OS etc... I'm hoping DH will man up and talk that talk this year, but I doubt he will unless I really press the issue. It's so much better to hear it from parents that love you IMHO than from a school movie or worse the school yard.

 

[Angelhalo]

I had sex ed class in 5th grade. My parents never had a talk with either myself or my brother. Thank goodness! The class was far less mortifying. I never had any fears or concerns or anything of that nature. I just watched the video in class and moved on with life. Thats just me though. Good luck OP in whatever method of lesson you choose

 

[princesshannahsmom]

So, someone said if they are old enough to ask they are old enough to know the truth. I have to respectfully disagree. My DD came to me when she was five (5) and asked me what sex was. She actually heard it on a commercial of all things. I DO NOT think she was old enough at five (5) to know what sex is.

With that said, she is now nine (9) and I am considering buying some books for her to read and then discussing those books over a short period of time.

My grandparents never had that talk with me. As far as I can tell I turned out fine. No STD's, no pre-marriage pregnancies or any of that. I will say though, with my first "encounter" I was like "You want me to do WHAT?" So, maybe a little talk would have eased me into the whole thing!

 

[pearlieq]

It's time! It's actually kinda beyond time. Kids mature a heck of a lot faster these days. There will be girls in his class who will start their cycle this year, if one or two haven't started already. He's probably already heard way more than you think.

Car trips are great for discussions like this, especially with boys. The fact that you're not face to face is less intimidating with them and helps encourage them to talk.

 

[Pigeon]

Car trips are great for discussions like this, especially with boys. The fact that you're not face to face is less intimidating with them and helps encourage them to talk.

Yeah, but be careful not to drive the car off the road!

 

[Liberty Belle]

So, someone said if they are old enough to ask they are old enough to know the truth. I have to respectfully disagree. My DD came to me when she was five (5) and asked me what sex was. She actually heard it on a commercial of all things. I DO NOT think she was old enough at five (5) to know what sex is.

With that said, she is now nine (9) and I am considering buying some books for her to read and then discussing those books over a short period of time.

My grandparents never had that talk with me. As far as I can tell I turned out fine. No STD's, no pre-marriage pregnancies or any of that. I will say though, with my first "encounter" I was like "You want me to do WHAT?" So, maybe a little talk would have eased me into the whole thing!

My son, at 6, asked me what sex was. I asked him what he thought it was and he said, "when two people makeout and they're naked." I told him he's right, that's pretty much it. If he needs to know more later, he'll ask. I have a feeling a school mate told him that much.

 

[Castlebound]

It is more than time for the talk. DH and I have been having talks about the differences in boys and girls bodies along with the changes that happen for several years now. My kids are almost 12 and 10. The true "sex talks" started when DS(12) was 9 they naturally went along with the talks about puberty. Talking about a girl's cycle and moving into pregnancy is a pretty easy transition.

 

[tazdev3225]

My DH and I started with our DS when he was a baby. I honestly told him as I was changing his diaper that when he got older I would buy him books and protection. I thought it was never to early to start. As my kids got older I answered any question they had because I wanted them to have the knowledge to make the right choices. My DS missed the point as he was a father at 16. His DS is almost 11 and DS has told DGS about that subject since he was about 4, DGS's mother let him watch some inappropriate movies. DGS knows what he needs to know and hopefully will make good decisions. He also knows he can come to my DS or me for answers to anything.

 

[marshallandcartersmo]

Don't feel bad OP, DS is 8 and we haven't had the discussion either. He knows the "proper" terms for all body parts, but other than that, he hasn't really had an interest in "where do babies come from".

I'm going to start the great hunt for that perfect book to go along w/our talk soon.

 

[missypie]

Sort of OT but this is really funny. When D was in about 5th grade, she asked some specifics about sex. (She'd seen "the movie" at school in 4th grade.) When I told her what happens to the guy when he is excited, she laughed...and laughed...and laughed...and laughed....and laughed...and laughed....I thought she'd never stop. Guys, don't let that be a blow to your egoes or anything.