The Battle For My Wallet V: Beyond the Number IV (Chapter Eighteen, p.75, 5/18)

[TarzansKat]

Alright, that wedgie was just too much visualization for me.

I love that ZZUBY got picked as the child who was "perfect." What a boost to her day, and how proud you must have been.

I've loved reading your trip report, and have read the others. Thanks for brining some of that Disney Magic back with that special ZZUB humor. I look forward to your new installments, and now subject my DH to them as well. I believe you are one of the only trip reports he enjoys as much as I do.

Keep the installments coming...I still think one of my favorites was "I've got gum."

 

[Brenle]

ZZUB,

OMG! Just found your TR. I laughed so hard reading your last installment. Witty writing style with just a pinch of sarcasm.

I hope your talent isn't spent writing only on dis boards.

 

[New England Eeyore]

How great for ZZUBY!! My youngest was chosen to participate in the "kid parade" on her first trip. She's 15 now and still remembers it.

 

[blue_river]

We disdain Animal Kingdom almost as much as The Disney Studios starring The Guy From Love Boat. So we didn't plan to be there at rope drop.

I'm so surprised at how many people aren't that fussy on AK.

As we moved along the Safari queue, we took a brief respite to ditch our strollers when THE RUDEST PEOPLE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD (that day) pushed their way past us. It wasn’t just that they impatiently shoved past us. I don’t fault them for wanting to move on. It was the way they did it. And it was the nasty scowls on their faces.

Was this in October?

This one was particularly ferocious. In an oh pwease, just wub my bewwy aweady kind of way:

Awww

There is much to complain about Animal Kingdom. As you may have noticed.

I have a friend who lives in Montana. He’s slowly balding but not at all bitter about it and something of a Disney fan. He loves this place. Evidently he and his family had a great meal here. Bully for them.

I probably would have enjoyed my food if I wasn’t sweating like a Democratic pollster on the day after the Jeremiah Wright story broke. There wasn’t a scrap of air conditioning to be had.

Should have went to Pizzafari

Whoever he is. The DNA testing has been inconclusive thus far.

It is not like her to strike up conversations with other kids in the real world. But drop her down in Walt’s World and she’ll talk to a rock.

Which was about 18 kinds of awkward.

Ugh.

I probably shouldn’t use it.

But you did

(now in the face of one of the coldest, longest winters in history, it has been conveniently re-branded global climate change).

We still have 3 feet of snow covering our property and getting another 2-4 cm tomorrow

As I was watching ZZUBY, I was thinking she was doing a very good job following directions, stepping in time, and not touching herself inappropriately. Like the girl standing next to her whom we can assume needed to go potty. Or wants to be a Spears Sister when she turns 13. As the parade of little kids made its way around the stage, the performers sent them all back to their seats.

Except ZZUBY. The performer with her held her back at the edge of the stage. Timon told all the kids they did a great job. And then bending down towards ZZUBY he said, “Except for you. YOU were perfect!” and he shook her hand.

Aww...what a wonderful moment for your daughter

 

[LegoMom3]

Ok, Monday morning is a most inconvenient time for these TRs of yours to be posted, Zzub! (I realize you are actually posting Sunday night but here on the right side of the US, some of us have put our ourselves and our computers to sleep by then.... ).

So I've read all I can right now but I have to stop - STOP! - half way through! It's a choice between finishing it and providing food for my children before they start their day.

And so it sits. Mocking me. Tantalizing me with every word.

And I've gotta wait 5 hours before I can come back to it!!!!!!!!!!! (no it doesn't take 5 hours to have breakfast in our house but I also have go out and make a dollar or two).

Great installment so far! ITA about AK being the hottest place on this side of eternity. NOtenoughac!



.

 

[alldiz]

"heat induced wedgie" Spit my coffee on that one.

Another great installment......Your right(betcha love that )Animal Kingdom
is hotter than hell, and getting around is a nightmare.

Never did eat at flametree....cause it's too freakin hot...always went to the
Tusker House because of the blessed A/C....but of course they closed that place.
DD was lucky enough to be "in" the Lion King....but she wasn't "perfect"
Glad your finally back.
Kerri

 

[AshClan]

Happy Monday Morning, Z!! Thanks for the new installment. I was beginning to think we'd be dissed again. Happy to see you found the time for us

AK is a short day for us, but always a rope drop one. Honestly, we hit EE three times or so before breakfast, do a loop on the safari (with no huge sweaty obnoxious folks...they're all over riding Kali by then), and maybe hit FOLK and/or Nemo, then head back to the hotel pool. I will say, although I agree that FOLK is good, it's not at the top of my list anymore. We're kind of been there/done that. Nemo is still new enough to us that I prefer it, at the moment. That will probably change after a few more viewings. But it will always be 1,000 times better than the lame-o Nemo ride in Epicot.....

A "You Go Girl" to ZZUBy. This is really turning out to be an awesome trip for her, huh? Love that she was the "perfect" one! (As if we didn't already know that.....)

Glad you got to see so many animals (NORudePeople) on the safari. Next time, try going in the rain. It's phenomenal!!

Oh, one more thing. Please tell me the Schpup has something in his mouth in that picture. Otherwise, I'm having trouble figuring out why the bottom half of his jaw seems to be humungously larger than the top.......NORichardNixon.

Have a great couple of weeks. Try to be on schedule next time, k? I'd like to see one more chapter before we head out to the World on the 17th

 

[whogirl'smom]

Great update! I got used to not posting much back when you didn't post much....so....I haven't been posting much. But I have been reading!

I think Beauty and the Beast show is SOOOO much better than Nemo. Yes, I actually slept with my eyes open during the last half of Nemo...

And thank you for not whipping up on Hillary this update--I'll join you in the quest for the NOBAMA sticker.

 

[Frickles]

If I was the kind of person who quoted Hanson, I would have asked them, “Where’s the Love?”

No, silly. That is the Black Eyed Peas. You would have said "Mmmmmm Bop".

As the parade of little kids made its way around the stage, the performers sent them all back to their seats.

Except ZZUBY. The performer with her held her back at the edge of the stage. Timon told all the kids they did a great job. And then bending down towards ZZUBY he said, “Except for you. YOU were perfect!” and he shook her hand.

And then she came running back to her daddy who gave her a monster size hug and told her how proud he was.

Now this is so super sweet! I'm happy for her!

I don't get excited about Animal Kingdom either and frankly I didn't get too jazzed when I saw that your day - and my Monday morning - was about to be spent there. I felt your pain on the long bus ride, I sat here and thought 'could I be any hotter?', I felt 19 kinds of awkward for you at the FN show and I now have a wedgie. But, you did bring the funny. And you said turd. So it is all good.

Glad you've come back to crank out another great read!

 

[CRSNDSNY]

Instead I took some comfort by observing that as hot as I was, they were both sweating through their two-sizes-larger-than-any-size-I’ve-seen-in-a- store t-shirts. And appeared to be suffering from heat-induced wedgies.

I guess that gives new meaning to getting your pannies in a bunch!

If I was the kind of person who quoted Hanson, I would have asked them, “Where’s the Love?”

Didn't you mean Black Eyed Peas? Perhaps I'm wrong and my Hanson knowledge is lame. If that's the case I'm not the least bit embarassed.

Great TR as usual! Thanks for the entertainment!

 

[CJsMom]

Instead I took some comfort by observing that as hot as I was, they were both sweating through their two-sizes-larger-than-any-size-I’ve-seen-in-a- store t-shirts. And appeared to be suffering from heat-induced wedgies.

Which in my mind made us even Steven.

This one was particularly ferocious. In an oh pwease, just wub my bewwy aweady kind of way:

Awww - what a cutie!

ZZUBY was pretty excited about getting picked and we were very proud of her for not only going out on stage but doing as well as she did. We enjoyed Legend of the Lion King before ZZUBY’s star turn. But that was the Cool Whip on top of the pie.

Absolutely - it's that little extra pixie dust that makes the trip so memorable!


Thanks for another fun chapter!

 

[LaLa]

I dreamed I was being chauffered around in a new Mustang by Bono from U2. Which was weird.

Considering he seems more like a hybrid kind of guy.

Apparently I've been listening to too much of a certain group lately. And no, that would NOT be Hanson. NOZZUB. Whose song Where's the Love is NOT on my iPod. Ditto MmmBop. Or is it?

Embarassing confessions aside, back to the dream.

In between giving me parenting advice and informing me that he was ALSO 37 and graduated in '89 (NOFRICK/KIMMIE), Bono told me that Old Man ZZUB had finally stopped splitting his time between the pharmacy and Puppet Show/Spaghetti Night at the old folks' home and decided to post another installment to his trip report.

Okay, I made that last part up.

He didn't really tell me that. Because although ZZUB's guns are legendary stateside, Bono's never once heard of him. Anyway, I'm glad to see you've got another installment up, ZZUB. Like everyone else, I really look forward to reading your funny take on a visit to the World. And this one did not disappoint.

Instead I took some comfort by observing that as hot as I was, they were both sweating through their two-sizes-larger-than-any-size-I’ve-seen-in-a- store t-shirts. And appeared to be suffering from heat-induced wedgies.

That's one phrase that's bound to make the stomach heave.

It was 9:00 in the morning and the official temperature for Orlando that morning was 78 degrees.

That's quite an impressive memory you've got there, Z. It's almost like there's a reason you went to a school with an elephant as its mascot.

But inside the Animal Kingdom, it was 295 degrees with 8,000% humidity. The wheels on our stroller melted into the cement sidewalk, itself now soft and mushy like CNN's coverage of Barack Obama.

DED. Love that political humor.

That’s right, I put the turd in their pocket.

Reason number 26 why I wouldn't want ZZUB standing next to me in line. The unleashing of the power thing being the first, of course. Random Dole Whip licking being the second. But for future reference, I don't stud turds in the pocket. There's just not enough Purell in the world to clean up after that. In fact, the only thing worse than cleaning up after turds in the pocket is cleaning up after an all night puke fest. After everyone's eaten Manwich and corn for supper. But we won't get into that.

ZZUB, I loved this installment. Besides the fact that I felt hot and sticky just reading it. How awesome is it that ZZUBy was picked out of the crowd to participate in FOTLK, and then was given the perfect props by Timon?! I'm sure that's something she'll always remember. Having the moment preserved on video will help that cause along, so mad props to you for whipping out the camcorder in record time as well. Apparently not only do you have massive upper body strength, but cat like reflexes as well. And not just when it comes to potato salad. What is it with AK being so dadgum hot? I agreee, they have to be pumping heat into that park. There's simply no other explanation for it. Sorry the Rudey McButtinlinesters put a damper on the Safari experience for yall (what is it with people butting in line in Disneyworld?! Didn't they learn the rules in elementary school?) but at least you got some BBQ at Flametree. We thought the food there was pretty good, if not a touch heavy for AK. Considering the heat being pumped in from the earth's core. Thanks for the update, ZZUB. The funny in this one was definitely worth the wait.

Please tell me the Schpup has something in his mouth in that picture.

ZZUB's toupe?

 

[ZZUB]

OH, how special for ZZUBY!

This was an extra fun trip for her. Where is this "tired hospital' of which you speak?

I even read it to my DH while he plays World of Warcrack!

I have no clue what "World of Warcrack" is but I hope my TR didn't cause your husband to fall into it.

But, then again, I know that the ZZUB family has some couth.

You only say that b/c you've never met us.

Without a doubt! August doesn't help.

I've been there in April and it was just as hot. The place is just hot!

http://www.nobama.com $4.50 each.

Now you're doing something useful.

Alright, that wedgie was just too much visualization for me.

Then it's a good thing I didn't post the pictures. Yes, I took pictures.

I hope your talent isn't spent writing only on dis boards.

Welcome, Brenie! To the extent I have any talent, it does creep its way into the arguments and briefs I submit to the court. More often, in correspondence to clients. I pick my moments. I have a novel I started writing 21 years ago on the shelf. One day I may finish it.

Should have went to Pizzafari

We tried Pizzafari in 2004. That was enough for me. Although I think it did have a/c.

So I've read all I can right now but I have to stop - STOP! - half way through! It's a choice between finishing it and providing food for my children before they start their day.

I think your priorities are out of whack. Don't you kids know how to open a box of Corn Pops?

And so it sits. Mocking me. Tantalizing me with every word.

I know you feel. It mocks me too. But for other reasons.

And I've gotta wait 5 hours before I can come back to it!!!!!!!!!!! . . . but I also have go out and make a dollar or two.

Don't you have a computer on your desk?!

"heat induced wedgie" Spit my coffee on that one.

But you knew EXACTLY what I was describing, didn't you?

Happy to see you found the time for us

Happy to see you found the time to read this entirely-too-long chapter.

A "You Go Girl" to ZZUBy. This is really turning out to be an awesome trip for her, huh? Love that she was the "perfect" one! (As if we didn't already know that.....)

In many ways, this was an extra special trip for her. I brag a lot about ZZUBY; she is a great little kid. I don't mean to imply that she's perfect (NOTimon), she's not. But she is one fantastic little girl with a heart the size of Montana. NOMDF. She is a very thoughtful little girl and very witty too. Her sense of humor (humour?) is impressive for 6 years old.

Oh, one more thing. Please tell me the Schpup has something in his mouth in that picture. Otherwise, I'm having trouble figuring out why the bottom half of his jaw seems to be humungously larger than the top.......NOBillClinton.

Look at the picture again. You can't even see his lower jaw. His jowels are splayed on his paws which spread them out. That's his woe is me face. One of about 29 he has. Dang dog of death.

And thank you for not whipping up on Hillary this update--I'll join you in the quest for the NOBAMA sticker.

Obama's great contribution to this campaign has been to make Hillary! look reasonable and moderate.

I felt 19 kinds of awkward for you at the FN show and I now have a wedgie. But, you did bring the funny. And you said turd. So it is all good.

That is just full on funny. I love the word turd. It's one of the words that ALWAYS makes me laugh. And putting the turd in someone else's pocket? That's just good times.

 

[Brenle]

Welcome, Brenie! To the extent I have any talent, it does creep its way into the arguments and briefs I submit to the court. More often, in correspondence to clients. I pick my moments. I have a novel I started writing 21 years ago on the shelf. One day I may finish it.

Thanks. Two comments. Finish the novel - for yourself. And I bet you take really interesting depos.

 

[ncseric]

Joe Rohde (NOJoeRhode) is an evil genius. I was in South Africa for a week on a mission trip a few years ago, and Animal Kingdom is far hotter than it was there. I'm not sure if it's the combination of narrow paths, heavy tree cover, or liquid hot magma (NO Dr. Evil and Mini Me) pumped up from the depths, but it's ludicrously hot.

World of Warcrack is more commonly known as World of Warcraft, btw. It has nothing to do with anyone's cracks or other bodily orifices. It just tends to be as addictive as crack, sorta like a Crackberry. Which I don't have.

Great post, as usual.

 

[HeyIt'sMe]

.....
“I don’t know sweetie, we’ll have to see where we end up,” I said.
“Maybe. Let’s see,” the other dad said.
.....

Our DD has finally figured out that "let's see" = NO

That’s right, I put the turd in their pocket.

 

[Montana Disney Fan]

Do I get a prize for having the longest response?

I had lots of time once Kyle Bush was knocked from the race.

 

[ZZUB]

I dreamed I was being chauffered around in a new Mustang by Bono from U2. Which was weird.

Not as weird as you telling a bunch of strangers what you dream about. At least it was Bono in your dream and not Sonny Bono. That would have been REALLY weird.

Embarassing confessions aside, back to the dream.

FYI: the dream was the embarrasing confession.

In between giving me parenting advice and informing me that he was ALSO 37 and graduated in '89

What is this, Frickles math? No way Bono graduted 3 years after me when we were listening to his music in high school. Did you hit your head recently?

I really look forward to reading your funny take on a visit to the World. And this one did not disappoint.

Sorry, LaLa. I'll try harder next time.

Joe Rohde (NOJoeRhode) is an evil genius.

You're half right. Thanks for the correct spelling. I thought to google him yesterday but I got sidetracked by my day-long effort to print new bumperstickers: "Warcrack is not the answer!" and "Get us out of Warcrack now!"

Do I get a prize for having the longest response?

You'd like to think so, wouldn't you? Certainly we can make you king of the World of Warcrack.

 

[Montana Disney Fan]

I think that's ncseric. Not Buzz. I am addicted to Guitar Hero though. I'm all rocker man.

 

[Frickles]

Please tell me the Schpup has something in his mouth in that picture.

ZZUB's toupe?

La you kill me!

AND, since you want to be just like our buddy, here ya go!

ZZUB?!?! You mean I brought the Full on Funny this time! Sweet. I guess I need to pull a Castanza and hightail it on outta here.