Chapter Twelve
The Stunt Show ended and we continued wondering what the hype was about. We slithered down the stairs of the amphitheatre with 27,000 other people who were forced to exit through the same gate. It was madness. We were like Play Doh being squeezed through a tiny opening. Frankly, it was miserable. It was miserable then and it is miserable now more than five months later as I revisit it in my mind. I don't mean at the end of the day your another day older miserable, I mean MISERABLE. As in hot, sticky, touching total strangers who smell really bad and rub their sweaty arm against yours in line, miserable. This was nothing to sing about.
I paid how much for this?!
We finally oozed our way out of that hellish theatre and into the asphalt jungle where the strollers were parked.
Welcome to the seventh level of Hell.
I love cast members as much as the next guy. I don't give them pins or anything, but I occasionally engage them in conversation and I'm always careful to treat them with respect. But let's face facts. There are some CMs who have fun at our expense. To wit: the CMs who move our strollers the second our backs are turned. These people work for scarely more than minimum wage and are forced to wear polyester in the Florida Hot. I don't begrudge them a little fun. Stop rides for no good reason and force people to listen to That Infernal Song for 20 minutes straight. Flip the lights on inside Space Mountain. Cancel a show. Allege you're out of Mickey Ice Cream Bars. Stick it to the man, I say. Even if, at the moment, I am the man. But why must they mess around with our strollers?
They insist on hiding our strollers from us. I thought I was a step ahead of them. I tied a bright pink tag to the handle of our otherwise nondescript stroller so as to pick it out quickly in a crowd. It didn't help. I think they stole my tag.
All I know is, the relief I felt to finally be out of the Stunt show was quickly dampened by the reality that I was one of 27,000 people standing on a very hot ground looking for a needle in a stack of needles. We foolishly walked to where we had left our stroller only to discover that it hadnt been there for quite some time. So we began walking around like idiots looking at every stroller trying to figure out which one was ours.
Im not sure, but I think I saw a CM laugh at me.
We eventually found our stroller. It had been moved to EPCOT (Center).
Not really. It was just a joke. Like that whole plan to allow Dubai to run our ports.
Miraculously, we found our stroller and began our hunt for some meaningful air conditioning. Evidently, my dad is in charge of the thermostat at MGM. You see, growing up,
when my dad would consent to turn the air on, he would not turn it any lower than 78 degrees. Ever. 78 degrees is barely a notch below the temperature of grease at Kentucky Fried Chicken. No one has ever been cool in a 78 degree room. We found no cool place to hide.
We continued our walk until we arrived at Playhouse Disney. It was cool inside which was nice. Evidently they didnt get my dads temperature memo. Because I had the camcorder out and was filming, my daughter was nonplused by the show. If I didnt have the camera out, she would have been up on her feet singing and dancing. Im as certain of this as I am of anything. Shes toying with me. This is payback for all the years I called her Princess Pooh Pants. But I'll have my revenge. She'll be a teenager some day and boys will want to date her. Until they meet me.
After PHD, we crossed the court yard to see the Little Mermaid. This is one of my favorite Disney shows. Despite the fact that I think Ariel is a hooch who is so shallow she falls in love with a guy solely based on his looks and eventually leaves her smart, devoted and all around great guy father, this is a very good show. I remember the first time we saw it how surprised we were that it rained in the theatre. Its a great mix of special effects, live actors and puppets. The whole show is breathtaking.
Thats for you 1000thhappyhaunt. Figure it out.
After Little Mermaid we walked through the Walt Disney exhibit. I know this thing was just temporary and they keep it there because to remove it would leave MGM with only three attractions, but I still really enjoy it. I have great respect for Walt Disney and I really enjoy looking at the models in there. Our kids, on the other hand, were nearing the end of their very short ropes. We were on meltdown alert. China Syndrome ahead! Sensing there would be a
disturbance during the movie, we skipped it and headed to 50s Primetime for dinner.
I used to love this restaurant. It was always a must do on any trip. I just read a great trip report with a family who had a wonderful time there. It made me wax nostalgic for the other trips where we, too, had a great meal and a lot of fun. For whatever reason, on this trip not only was the food mediocre (it was almost as bad as the crap they serve up at
Disneyland), but there was no show. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. We arrived and checked in and were directed to the barely air conditioned lounge area. We parked ourselves on the uncomfortable couch and chairs and waited to be called. And waited. And waited. Eventually Godot showed up.
Finally, our name was called and they took us to our table. Next to the kitchen. Someone came and took our order but he refused to have any fun with us. No smiles. No jokes. Order. Thank you. Ill be back with your drinks. The service was prompt. Well by prompt I mean lightening speed. Waiter (he was not at our table long enough for us to learn his name) took our order and walked into the kitchen where he was handed a tray of food and he walked right back out with it. I put one forkful of chicken in my mouth and he was at the table with our dessert menus cleverly disguised as Viewmasters. It was
that fast.
The food was pretty bad. No one at our table got a good meal. Dessert, on the other hand, was excellent. I dont know what we had but it was like a sundae, only bigger, with lots of stuff on it. My daughter and I split it. There were two ladies sitting at the table next to us who were also on the Free Dining plan and they also were experiencing the lightening fast service. They didnt even get offered dessert. Waiter put the bill down with their meal. I kid you not.
It was anarchy.
Say it with me, cats and dogs living together.
We paid our bill. I laughed uncontrollably and we left into the night air.
Where we got mugged by humidity.
Oy vey.
It was Evening Extra Magic Hours so we had to get our wristbands. We walked over by what used to be Superstar Studios or something like that. Do you remember when MGM had those shows where audience members got to participate? Do you remember when MGM had more than 3 rides? Do you remember when MGM actually was a studio? Now that nothing is filmed there and they dont have the animators or the fakey audience participation shows, what is MGM anyway? What does Rockin Rollercoaster have to do with Hollywood of the 1930s?
We got our wristbands and then stood around like idiots without even a piece of cake. No one knew what they wanted to do. We were too full for RnR and the kids are too freaked out by Muppets 3D so we couldnt go there either. It was about 15 minutes before the park closed to those losers who arent resort guests so we headed to Honey I Have No Real Attractions But Heres a Playground. It was closed. I could tell our kids had had enough sitting and watching and needed to run around yell. But the playground was closed. Now what? We went to the bathroom. I think better around tile. Sure enough when we were all done I had a plan. Lets go to Streets of America and let the kids run around there, I said.
Streets of America was completely deserted when we got there. We walked down one of the side streets and just let the kids run. Why do I spend so much money to go to Disney World? When will I learn? Give my daughter time, give her space to run and lots of sugar and shes happy. My daughter, niece and nephew ran in circles screaming and having more fun than theyd had all day while we stood around watching them. We didnt even need a Fastpass.
My other nephew, however, was wondering what was behind those doors. He was wondering whether the gates in front of the buildings were locked. My wife, sister and I were talking and our attention was focused on the little ones. I faintly heard my nephew wonder out loud if the gate was unlocked. My ears perked up, however, when he shouted back to us, Hey! Its open!
We walked over to where he was now stepping down some stairs into the barber shop. I confidently told him there was no way the door was open.
Really? Then how come its open? he asked as he stepped inside the barber shop. My sister screamed because thats what my sister does when shes really happy. Next thing I know, were all inside the Barber shop checking out the props. We didnt take anything and although we touched everything, we didnt harm anything. That wasnt our intention. Wed just always wondered what it would be like to be inside one of those fake shops. This was our once in a lifetime chance.
Wheres the vaunted Disney security I keep hearing so much about? I asked out loud. Any minute now theyll be along to escort us out of here. Right? Wrong.
We left the Barber shop and made our way down the street checking gates and doors. All open. We went into the funeral parlor where I took this picture. Ive always wondered what was behind those buildings. Now I know. And so do you. We were hysterical laughing and having the time of our lives. It was the fulfillment of a long-held fantasy to be inside of the fake world of Disney and to see the other side of those buildings. It was really amazing.
It was the best part of Extra Magic Hours in MGM and it wasnt even listed on the Times Guide. Its almost as if Disney didnt
know this attraction was open for resort guests. After about a half hour of this, we decided to head towards RnR. As we got to the end of the street, a CM told us that Streets of America were actually closed during Extra Magic Hours. I told him we just figured that out.
Everybody was in Fantasmic so there was no wait for RnR. When we walked up, the CM told us it was down. She didnt know when it would be up again. My wife suggested we go do something else.
She doesnt read these Boards.
I said, Lets just sit here a minute. I knew there were only a few reasons why it was down and the CM wasnt telling people it was down for the night. So I reasoned it simply needed to be reset. I figured we could wait that out. After about 10 minutes, I detected movement amongst the CMs. Lots of walkie talkie action. So we got up and moved over to the front of the queue where, sure enough, the CM announced we could go on in. Woo freakin hoo!
We love RnR. We dont want to marry it or anything. Were not the Vettechicks. But it is one of the most fun rides weve ever been on. I love when youre just waiting to launch. Sitting there with your heart pounding, Steven Tyler screaming in your ear. Then whoosh. The beginning of that ride is the best. Its better than the swordfish at Mendys. The whole ride is good, but Im particularly fond of the powered launch. We got off with full intentions of getting back on, but by now there was a bit of a crowd. Also, there was a really scary line of people coming out of Fantasmic. We decided we should go find my sister and the kids.
They were in front of the Silly Hat. There was a band or a DJ (there was loud music, leave it at that) and people were dancing. My sister was sitting on one of the benches that line the street. Our kids were on the other side of a fence, on the grass. Was this the night when we were going to break every rule? Whats next, staying off site? Going to Universal? Eating at Olive Garden?
You know why theres music playing at MGM during Evening Extra Magic Hours? Because Playhouse Disney is one of the three attractions that were open. Yes, its that bad. There was a 45 minute wait for the Not So Great Movie Ride. I refused to wait 45 minutes for the movie ride so we went back to see the Little Mermaid. The show hadnt changed much since earlier in the day although it was a different Ariel. She was much more animated, if youll forgive the pun. You know who I feel sorry for? The poor schlub who plays Prince Eric. This guy comes on stage for all of a minute and lip-syncs his one line, Ariel. The best part of his job is kissing Ariel and that gets interrupted pretty quickly by an oversized dog. Im sure he had to audition for this role which most likely means that he beat out other people. In other words, right now, there are people who are all dejected and sad because they
didnt get cast as Prince Eric.
Instead they work at Maelstrom.
And leave random, completely incomprehensible posts on other people's trip reports. Squeak. Squeak.
Next time: Dinner at Bomas. Does another Dis sacred cow bite the dust?
Thanks ZZUB, I needed a laugh this morning.
) and managed to do almost everything in one day. We did plan on coming back for half a day but DS(5) decided he wanted a turn at the Disney Bug, so I was stuck back at CSR while DH and DS(11) sat out the monsoon waiting for Fantasmic. 
This reminds me of that song...
