The b list

[java]

We have a group of "friends" that live in our neighborhood. Kids similar ages, do various things throughout the year together. But we are clearly on the B list(financially chose not to keep up with the Jones one up man and I think that sealed our fate) I seem to be included in all the woman type events. But when it gets to couples we fall to B list.

Now I don't feel the need to be included in everything. But lately I have been feeling like why bother. We were not included in a party last night but are invited to one next weekend. I don't feel like going.

Am I being a baby? Should I just suck it up and go. Be grateful to be included?

I guess I am thinking we are being treated better by another group and feel like jumping ship.

I think new year time to clean house.

 

[portocall]

Personally, we are not on our neighborhoods gathering list except for Night Out Against Crime which us okay with me. I prefer it that way. Could be worse. Why try to keep up with the Joneses?

 

[A_Princess'_Daddy]

We have a group of "friends" that live in our neighborhood. Kids similar ages, do various things throughout the year together. But we are clearly on the B list(financially chose not to keep up with the Jones one up man and I think that sealed our fate) I seem to be included in all the woman type events. But when it gets to couples we fall to B list.

Now I don't feel the need to be included in everything. But lately I have been feeling like why bother. We were not included in a party last night but are invited to one next weekend. I don't feel like going.

Am I being a baby? Should I just suck it up and go. Be grateful to be included?

I guess I am thinking we are being treated better by another group and feel like jumping ship.

I think new year time to clean house.

Given that it sounds like you are generally included as an individual and you and your husband are often excluded as a couple, could it somehow be connected to how your husband fits in with the other men?

I ask that because my wife and I have a group of friends with whom we get along very well. We all belong to the same country club and live in the same small enclave, are in the same socioeconomic class and most of work in interrelated businesses, our kids are all friends and in school together, and we all do things as couples, both with and without our kids. Likewise, my wife frequently goes out with a group of just the women. But we rarely get together with the full group for parties, and the reason is that I don't really fit in with the group of men. They all play golf as often as possible and usually during these gatherings while I'd rather take a three wood to the head than play golf unless required to for business. They like to gather in their dens to drink expensive scotches and tequilas and smoke cigars and I'd rather hang out with the wives (I'd gladly take a glass of scotch with me, of course ). They are all very much in one political corner and like to talk politics and I'm firmly in the other camp and don't like to stir up controversies in fun social settings. It's not that they don't like me, it's not that I don't like them, I just don't fit in with them when they're all together, so we don't typically get together in a large group. As couples, we click, but as a group, I'm a misfit, and I accept that.

On the other hand, we have another group of friends with whom we rarely go out one-on-one but routinely gather for parties or larger gatherings. In that case, we don't actually have much in common with any couple individually, but the group is a lot of fun, plans enjoyable parties and outings, and we all click together.

I guess my point is that you don't necessarily need to wash your hands of this group, but rather expand your circle to find other people and other groups who fulfill unmet needs in your social lives...

 

[Hrhpd]

We have a group of "friends" that live in our neighborhood. Kids similar ages, do various things throughout the year together. But we are clearly on the B list(financially chose not to keep up with the Jones one up man and I think that sealed our fate) I seem to be included in all the woman type events. But when it gets to couples we fall to B list.

Now I don't feel the need to be included in everything. But lately I have been feeling like why bother. We were not included in a party last night but are invited to one next weekend. I don't feel like going.

Am I being a baby? Should I just suck it up and go. Be grateful to be included?

I guess I am thinking we are being treated better by another group and feel like jumping ship.

I think new year time to clean house.

Have you ever hosted a party yourself and invited the couples? I find when I wait around to be invited, it doesn't happen. I have to do the inviting first to get on the "list" for future invites.

If you have invited the group to your house a few times and have not had reciprocal invites, That hurts and no you are not being a baby.

 

[bellarella]

We have a group of "friends" that live in our neighborhood. Kids similar ages, do various things throughout the year together. But we are clearly on the B list(financially chose not to keep up with the Jones one up man and I think that sealed our fate) I seem to be included in all the woman type events. But when it gets to couples we fall to B list.

Now I don't feel the need to be included in everything. But lately I have been feeling like why bother. We were not included in a party last night but are invited to one next weekend. I don't feel like going.

Am I being a baby? Should I just suck it up and go. Be grateful to be included?

I guess I am thinking we are being treated better by another group and feel like jumping ship.

I think new year time to clean house.

if the bolded is how you feel about them, then why do you care? That statement sounds very judgmental. If they actually make snide comments about how you choose to spend your money, then I wouldn't care if I were on the B list. I wouldnt have much interest in spending time with them and would be happy to only go to an occasional event to be neighborly However, if they have simply made different choices about how they choose to spend their money then this defensive and "high horse" attitude might be the reason you've gotten bumped.

Also, I don't think not being invited to every single event means you are on the B list. Different parties have different guest lists. You are invited to an event next weekend. You are hardly being ignored.

 

[lizabu]

My first question is do you actually like these people? If not why do you care about going to their parties? If they are actually your friends I would go to the ones that had the party last night and tell them you felt left out when they invited everyone but you to the NYE party. If they aren't your friends or if you don't actually like these people then who cares? Just because you live in the same neighbourhood you don't have to hang out or be friends.

 

[mickeysgal]

Wait until you're downgraded to what I call the Tupperware list. Not good enough or popular enough or whatever enough to be invited to a neighborhood function but still good enough to bring a checkbook to a Tupperware party (or Pampered Chef, or Lia Sophia, or whatever is the current popular demonstrations at the moment). That's when you know how far down the list you've fallen...forget the B list, this is the C or D list.

Cliques and cliques within cliques will always exist. Be happy you're not included in everything...too much of any one thing is not good. It's too, too much. This week you're in, next week you're not. Too much internal drama - too much potential for hurt feelings. A healthy distance with just occasional social gatherings with neighbors is best, imho.

 

[shortbun]

It seems to me that you don't really like these people so do you really care about being invited to their parties. Maybe they sense your hostility. Also, I taught my son about not being invited to everything pre kindergarten. Find some other friends. B list is just fine, imho. I'd rather be on several B lists than on no lists or just one list all the time. I think you need an attitude adjustment to make your life seem more fun! I also want to know if you've had a party and invited this group.

 

[java]

To clarify a bit, I think we all got too close. Yes spending lots of time together, mostly going out vs at someone's house, but yes they have been here.

The keeping up with.. The group trip this year is over $20,000 a family. We can't afford that.

I agree I have the attitude which is why I am thinking of stepping back. My dh is a blue collar worker after years as a white collar one. He doesn't golf or gamble. So I'm thinking we are with the wrong crowd.

I like them. But think that it's better from afar.

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

Wait until you're downgraded to what I call the Tupperware list. Not good enough or popular enough or whatever enough to be invited to a neighborhood function but still good enough to bring a checkbook to a Tupperware party (or Pampered Chef, or Lia Sophia, or whatever is the current popular demonstrations at the moment). That's when you know how far down the list you've fallen...forget the B list, this is the C or D list.

Cliques and cliques within cliques will always exist. Be happy you're not included in everything...too much of any one thing is not good. It's too, too much. This week you're in, next week you're not. Too much internal drama - too much potential for hurt feelings. A healthy distance with just occasional social gatherings with neighbors is best, imho.

Oh this is funny!

 

[SaraJayne]

To clarify a bit, I think we all got too close. Yes spending lots of time together, mostly going out vs at someone's house, but yes they have been here.

The keeping up with.. The group trip this year is over $20,000 a family. We can't afford that.

I agree I have the attitude which is why I am thinking of stepping back. My dh is a blue collar worker after years as a white collar one. He doesn't golf or gamble. So I'm thinking we are with the wrong crowd.

I like them. But think that it's better from afar.

Life is much too short to be ok with the B list.

You've got the right attitude.

 

[mickeysgal]

To clarify a bit, I think we all got too close. Yes spending lots of time together, mostly going out vs at someone's house, but yes they have been here.

The keeping up with.. The group trip this year is over $20,000 a family. We can't afford that.

I agree I have the attitude which is why I am thinking of stepping back. My dh is a blue collar worker after years as a white collar one. He doesn't golf or gamble. So I'm thinking we are with the wrong crowd.

I like them. But think that it's better from afar.

$20,000? I gotta ask...where is this trip?

Oh this is funny!

It's funny, but oh, so very true.

 

[Stitchfans]

My first question is do you actually like these people? If not why do you care about going to their parties? If they are actually your friends I would go to the ones that had the party last night and tell them you felt left out when they invited everyone but you to the NYE party. If they aren't your friends or if you don't actually like these people then who cares? Just because you live in the same neighbourhood you don't have to hang out or be friends.

I agree.

 

[DeluxePrincess]

Ugh. Sounds too High School for me. If you really don't want to socialize with the group, then don't go. Just be prepared to not be invited to more events in the future.

 

[manning]

You're going to have a comfortable retirement.

Living beyond you're means does come with consequences, as we are finding out.

 

[Buckalew11]

I have never been in a group like this. It sounds scary! lol

Since I have been married, we have never lived in a subdivision or any type of "neighborhood." Guess I'm not missing much!

I'm not real social anyway so I am sure I would not enjoy trying to stay "with it" for the sake of others.

I do have my eye on living in a development when I retire and I'm a little afraid it might be like that in a place like that. I'm terrible at "keeping up with the Jones'" I just do not care enough to do that.

So my advice would be just to go about doing your own thing, doing what you want and not worrying about being a part of a group.
$20,000 for a family vacation isn't happening in my lifetime. I cannot even imagine that!