Thank you notes

[Grumpy's Gal]

I have been told that today's younger adults no longer send thank you notes.

Not true for everyone. I ALWAYS send a thank you immediately. And my kids do too. That's the way I was raised and that's the way I raised them. We always made a fun outing of going to the Hallmark store or Target to buy thank you's. I always let them pick what kind and then we had them on hand for when we needed them.

There are no good excuses to me not to write them.

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

If I have taken the time and expense of selecting what I feel to be just the right gift for someone, then I expect the recipient to take a few moments and spend a few cents on paper and ink for a note to show appreciation.

I feel them same. We once ordered a china place setting to give as a wedding gift. It was expensive! We never heard from the bride and groom ................ so after several months, I begin to wonder if maybe the very expensive company from where we purchased it had not delivered it -- maybe a problem with the order -- whatever could have happened. I finally broke down and asked the groom's mother if she knew if it had arrived and to let me know if it had not -- I would be able to check in with the company. She said it had arrived and they may not write thank you's as "they both have jobs" and are "quite busy."

Hmmmmmmm. I was thinking DH and I "both had jobs" and were "quite busy." although we found time to shop for a gift and had time to buy plane tickets and fly half way across the united states to attend a wedding........

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

But I would rather NOT receive a thank you note instead of this generic one a friend of mine sent out for her wedding. It's like, all they did was write "Thank you for the wedding gift. Good to see you at the wedding". And I didn't make the wedding because I was 9 months pregnant and was on semi-bed rest at the time.

OH MY GOSH -- That reminds me of a story -- something that happened to us years ago.....

We had gotten the couple something they had registered for -- an engraved letter opener.

We received a thank you from them for the gift. In the grooms handwriting IN BLACK INK, "Dear X and X, Thank you for the very nice wedding gift" (and then it said in BLUE INK) letter opener. (Then in black ink again)Love X and X


We laughed for many years. I appreciate that he had been trying to get a head start on the thank you's and had written the first part of the thank you and after opening gifts (or maybe while opening gifts) had jotted down what we gave them.

It's a running joke in our family to always start and end a thank you note in the same color of ink.

 

[hipchickie]

I have to say, the "not raised that way" doesn't hold much water with me. I was not raised that way, but it is really not that hard a thing to learn!

My kids are not allowed to use/spend gifts until they write a thank you. Personally, I don't care if I get a personal thank you or a written one - but my IL's certainly care For them, it has to be written. I would like to at least get a verbal one from my nieces and nephews for any present, but it hasn't happened yet.

 

[MG3G]

I am 32 so I suppose I fall in the middle generation
I send thank yous for bigger events - Showers, Wedding etc. I was raised to try and get them out within 3 months. With a new baby that has sometimes been hard - I had my 3rd son and had emergency surgery when he was a month old so it was harder to get those out! I don't not and NEVER will send thank you cards for birthday presents, Christmas gifts etc. If the person giving the gift is not there I will call them to thank them and I will thank everyone at once at the event. However I also do not give birthday or other greeting cards - I believe that it is a waste of resources and money to buy cards. I would rather do something nice like help around my mom's house or take my grandma for lunch then spend $6 on a card

 

[taximomfor4]

I have to say, the "not raised that way" doesn't hold much water with me. I was not raised that way, but it is really not that hard a thing to learn!

I suppose this is aimed at me, as I mentioned I was not raised this way. I did my darnedest as a young adult to observe my friends' manners and habits, and try to emulate them. Honestly, I had so so SO little growing up (except difficulties and heartache) that I could very well be the very MOST grateful person ever. I just have been teaching myself, through my adult life. I did send Thank You's after my wedding...I learned calligraphy, and penned them carefully. Each one personal. I got insulted, slammed, and made fun of. In fact, family war broke out over it and never resolved to this day. Apparently, many people consider handwritten Thank You's cheap and tacky.

It somewhat makes me sad, that so many on here are actually insulting those who don't write Thank You's. Some of us have been learning, and overcoming, for years. Nice to know that until we get it completely right, we've just been wasting our time.

I don't equate a lack of Thank You Note to ungratefulness, I have been moved to actual tears at generosity,a few times in my life. Sadly, it was before I'd heard of Thank You notes. I am so glad those people are not lashing out at me, for my "ungratefulness."

Really, I don't even know where I intended to go with this. Just wanted to mention that although my manners are apparently deplorable, my heart is good...and always has been. I don't send Thank You notes, but I do hold doors, say Please and Thank You, RSVP to parties, and try to never EVER arrive anywhere late. When invited to someone's home, I never arrive empty-handed, leave the leftovers when I leave....am I wasting my time with all those attempts at manners?

But when my friend threw my baby shower, I didn't send her a Thank You for doing so. Hopelessly mannerless.

 

[hipchickie]

I suppose this is aimed at me, as I mentioned I was not raised this way.

actually no, I saw it mentioned more than once....based on your post it appears you have taken it very personally based on some issue in your own family.

 

[taximomfor4]

actually no, I saw it mentioned more than once....based on your post it appears you have taken it very personally based on some issue in your own family.

I suppose I did. Probably because learning manners has been a late lesson for me, and one that hasn't been easy. To realize that people actually think that JUST the lack of Thank YOu notes means that I am automatically ungrateful just stinks. I hope my real friends realize that I am awkward in some of the finer manners, but that my heart is, and always has been, in the right place. I guess I just think it's rather cruel to make people out to be bad people, just because they don't exhibit the same manners as you (general you).

 

[ohlas]

no one has an answer for my question of why do you give a gift and EXPECT/GET MAD when someone isnt extremely happy and writing and calling and basicly kissing a@@ over it.. yes it makes me grumpy..I personally think that it is more rude then not sending a ty note...

When i give someone a gift, I do it because i want too not because i except something in return,,,

How many of us have written ty notes but hated the gift... lol

 

[cm8]

I always send Thank You notes, that is how you let them know you really appreciated their effort whether it be for a gift or showing up to support you.