Thank you notes

[couponclary]

I am 29 and was raised to send thank you notes when someone went out of their way to do something nice for me (birthday gift, wedding gift, baby gift, made a meal when I was sick, etc.). I do think that it is an important way to show someone that you appreciate what they did for you. I have been to showers where they have a "drawing" for a prize after the guests self-address envelopes and I think that is SO tacky! At one shower where they did this, the mom-to-be couldn't be bothered to take the time to actually write the notes (and she had a very early shower and had plenty of time to take care of this task)! I took over an hour out of my time to drive to the store she had registered at, spent at least $75 on a present, and she couldn't take three minutes & the cost of a stamp to say thank you??? RUDE! I guess I am one of those people who "keep score" of who sends thank you notes and those who do not send them get crossed off my gift giving list.

 

[joliesmom]

I sent thank you noted after my showers, wedding, etc, but I have to say I never send thank you cards after my daughters birthday parties. I have big birthday parties every year and I kinda think the party is thank you enough. My husband, daughter and I always say thank you for coming but I'm not writing out thank you cards for 100 people. In return I don't expect thank you cards from people after birthday parties (quite honestly I don't care about getting thank you cards after showers or christenings). I guess I'm one of the people that doesn't keep score.

 

[PrincessPeyton]

Count me in as one of those that stinks at sending Thank You Cards and doesn't keep track of receiving one. I always have the best intentions of getting them out but somewhere along the line lose track of it! It's not because I don't appreciate people's generosity and I would be very upset to hear my relationship with a friend or family depended on it.

 

[**eeyore**]

Thank you notes are much appreciated at our house. We often ship
gifts out of state and do not know for sure if they've arrived.

I completely agree on this one. I think in the situation of gifts mailed to an out-of-town recipient, there should always be some sort of acknowledgement (preferably a written thank you note). Otherwise, how does the sender know the gift was received?

My out-of-town BIL & SIL (my DH's brother & his wife) had a baby. MY mother handknit a very nice baby cashmere blanket for the baby. Sent it to BIL & SIL. No thank you was made, in any form. Fortunately I was able to find out that they did receive the blanket, which I was able to relay to my mom, but it is still totally cheesy to have not acknowledged the gift. My mom isn't mad, but she is kind of disappointed & sad that there was no acknowledgement. She put a lot of time, thought & effort into the gift, and it comes across as though BIL & SIL don't recognize or care about that at all.

What is this world coming too?

 

[tommya60]

I write thank you notes, and so does my daughter. Since she was little the rule has been you can't play with the gifts if you can't write the thank you, especially for those gifts that are sent.

So frustrating when you send a gift and you don't receive a thank you....how are you supposed to know the gift arrived? When DH and I were married, one guest called MIL to say she hadn't received a note---MIL knew I had mailed them asap, so we were able to track down the missing gift (store didn't deliver it). If the guest hadn't followed up she would have been out the money for a gift we didn't receive. Write a note, it's not an essay....a few lines will do!

 

[abcboys]

I'm not real big on writing thank you notes out either. Now, I did for things like my wedding and baby shower but I don't usually make my kids write them for birthdays especially if they already thanked the person in person. I also don't care if I receive them or not and like another poster said I usually just toss them in the trash anyway.

Now, if a gift was received for my childs birthday either thru the mail or sent with somebody else I either make my kids write the note but most of the time I will just call the person up and have my kids give them a quick thank you over the phone. I just don't see the point in thanking them in person AND sending a note thru the mail. I think one or the other is fine.

 

[CTdiznymom]

I've always sent them myself and insisted my 2DDs send them when growing up. Now they are both in the teaching field and they are always sending thankyou notes to parents etc. It's second nature to them now.

Not to hijack the thread, but I just recieved an e-vite for a baby shower. I guess I'm prehistoric as it was my first e-vite. If another family member didn't mention the party I would have never known as it went to spam and was deleted. I guess if I didn't respond, no one would have cared if I got it or not. I thought the whole process was cold and disingenuous. If you can't take the time to personally invite someone then why bother? (I guess I'm dating myself here huh!)

 

[2Eskiedogs]

My boys have been writing thank you cards for quite a while. Now, I don't even watch them do it, and they come up with some wonderful thank you notes.

I wrote a thank you for each shower/wedding gift acknowleding gift given. As of late I haven't received a thank you for a number of bridal shower, weddings and baby showers gifts. I've asked a family member if my gift was received, many of them didn't even keep track of what they got, from who. And yes, a verbal thank you means a lot. I've gotten several photo postcards signed by the bride and groom, with nothing else written on it, so I'm assuming that was their thank you card. An acknowledgment of receiving the gift does make you feel, that yes they did receive it, and being grateful of receiving the item(even if if is the most tacky item you have ever seen-talking from experience).

 

[Gigi22]

Agreed that the absence of a thank you note appears to indicate that the receiver of the present does not appreciate the present, or even worse, feels somehow entitled. If they have better things to do than to send thank you notes, I have better things to do than send presents.

 

[Justsyd2]

It seems that some people are confused regarding thank you notes. Here's a little help...

Always send notes in the following situations:

* Wedding gifts.
* For sympathy letters, flowers, or mass cards.
* To the hostess after a party that was hosted in your honor.
* For bridal or baby shower gifts.
* For gifts that were received by mail.
* After being entertained by your boss.
* Gifts received during a hospital stay.
* After being hosted as a house guest for one or more nights (unless it's a close relative or friend who is doing the hosting).
* For notes or gifts of congratulations.

Thank you notes are not required in the following situations, but would still be a nice gesture:

* After being a guest at a dinner party.
* After a job interview (not required, but definitely a smart idea).
* For birthday gifts that were received and opened in person, and you already thanked the giver personally.
* When a friend has helped you out with a special favor such as babysitting, a meal when you were sick, running errands for you when you are incapable.
* To the sales representative who has entertained you personally as part of a business relationship.

 

[disykat]

I also notice when I don't get thank you notes. I have better things to do with my time than sending gifts and wondering if they were ever received. It's like feeding a black hole.

I'd be happy as a clam if I never received another gift or had to write another thank you note in my life. But if someone sends me something, I'm going to let them know it was received and thank them for thinking of me!

 

[pampam]

If I have taken the time and expense of selecting what I feel to be just the right gift for someone, then I expect the recipient to take a few moments and spend a few cents on paper and ink for a note to show appreciation. It can be hand delivered to save on postage, and it can be written on a scrap piece of paper, but I want a note of thanks. Saying thank you to all at the shower after the gifts are all opened will not cut it. Furthermore, if I do not recieve a thankyou note for a wedding shower gift I will not be giving a wedding gift, baby shower gift etc to the recipients. Once after a year of waiting for a card, I took the bride and groom aside just to let them know I hadn't recieved a thank you card- I hope there was no problem with the gift, sometimes the mail is sooo slow etc. I figured if the bride couldn't send one then maybe the groom would, or at least remind his wife about it. A year later we got the card, right before their twins were born.

 

[Swimalie]

I was taught to always send a thank you note and I will teach my son to do so as well. Right now, at 4, I still do them for him but soon I will start making him sign his name and then writing them himself. He knows I send them as the first step.

But... my husband has a niece and nephew who are now 21 and 18 and I have been their aunt for 14 years. In that time we have sent them things for Christmas and birthday every year until recently. We NEVER got even a phone call thank you. So we stopped sending gifts. Why bother to spend money on them if they can't even appreciate it enough to thank us. We never get any type of thanks from their mom (my sister-in-law), either. And when she sends things to our son, they are usually 4-6 weeks late. No respect for my family. I send them thank you notes. I even send my mother in law a thank you note for letting us stay with her when we do. We don't get jack from that side of the family.

I just remember, I was taught properly and my husband was not. Now I'm having to teach a 46 year old man manners.

 

[drcmk]

I must live in an old-fashioned part of the country (east coast). My children always get thank-you notes from their friends after attending a birthday party. I hardly remember attending a family gifting event without getting a thank you note. Sometimes the thank you notes are obviously pre-prepared and rote, but that's okay.

Ever since my kids and their friends have been old enough to make their own phone calls, we've been doing very well with RSVPS, too. I rarely have to track people down to know if they are coming to a party.

 

[mjkacmom]

I, personally, think it is overdone these days. Example: I never sent thank you notes after my chlildhood birthday parties, nor did I receive them (as far as I recall). I caught on after my older DD's 1st couple of Bday parties and have since had my children write them after their Bdays. I always make sure my kids say thank you after opening each gift, give a big general thank you to everyone after opening all gifts, and if possible thank the parents (when not in attendance) as they pick up their children.
.

I was raised with the knowledge that I sent a thank you note if I did not open the gift in front of the giver. The exception to this rule was if it was a formal gift-giving event, like a shower. My kids don't open gifts at their birthday parties (regional thing), so they sent a thank you note to everyone who attended. However, if they open gifts in front of the grandparents, and thank them, they don't need to send a note.

 

[PinkRhombus]

when the cousin with the baby had her baby shower in november she said she had 6 months to send thank yous, funny, we received the thank you in june and exactly 2 days later received an invitation to the christening, but never got the thank you for our generous gift. this gets me so angry as i always had my children send a thank you (usually sent the next day or two). come to think of it she had a wedding shower in March 2007 and never sent a thank you but we did receive a wedding invite. wedding was in Vegas and no one sent a gift

I think she has that confused...a gift GIVER has 6 months or so to send a gift, say, for a wedding...but thank you notes should be written and sent as soon as possible.


But I would rather NOT receive a thank you note instead of this generic one a friend of mine sent out for her wedding. It's like, all they did was write "Thank you for the wedding gift. Good to see you at the wedding". And I didn't make the wedding because I was 9 months pregnant and was on semi-bed rest at the time.

 

[SFD]

I use the phone more than a note to say thank you.

 

[acomasdiaz]

I always send thank you cards for gifts received. My daughter will be turning 5 next month and she will be helping me with the cards this year. I think it is very important to let people know how much you appreciate their gifts.

I have always been annoyed when I don't get a thank you card. I have been to weddings where I haven't received a thank you card. It has always left me wondering if they even got my gift.

It's funny though because my sister is the complete opposite. She never sends thank you gifts. She lets her kids open the gifts and half the time they remove the card and she doesn't even know who the gifts are from. I usually end up leaving her parties before the gifts are open and end up calling later that night to ask if her kids liked the gift. Unfortunately, she has started them down the same path since they rarely even say thank you when you give them something.

 

[taximomfor4]

we were brought up to send thank you notes for gifts received.

Not everyone was brought up to send Thank You's. DH was taught to say Thanks at the time (if gift given in person)...OR send Thank You notes. But it was never very well enforced, so he usually forgets.

I had never even HEARD of sending Thank You notes, growing up. It doesn't even cross my mind. Well, since the DISboards, it does.

Then again, I don't feel obligated to attend every party I'm invited to...and if I RSVP no, I do NOT necessarily send a gift. And I honestly can't say who has sent Thank You cards, and who hasn't, for the gifts we have given. Every once in a while, one comes in the mail. I open it, read it, think "How nice." and then I throw it away. I totally don't remember who sent and who didn't, nor do I care.

 

[clanmcculloch]

I don't get upset over the lack of a thank you note. I do think that there is a social expectation in our society of written thank you notes for formal events such as weddings, showers, etc but for birthdays it seems to vary regionally. Anywhere I've lived, it seems that for birthdays, as long as the person has been thanked in person or by phone then that's sufficient.

I don't get upset over the lack of thank you notes unless I don't get any kind of acknowledgement at all. I've sent gifts (weddings, birthdays) where the only way I even knew that the gifts had even arrived was to call. I find that to be extremely rude. If I've gone to the trouble to ship a package then the least the recipient can do is to let me know that it's arrived, even if it's just a short email or phone call.