Thank you notes

[DAISYDUCKRN]

I have been told that today's younger adults no longer send thank you notes. In June I went to my cousins daughters graduation from college, it is now March and no thank you. In June another cousins daughter had a christening for her baby, still no thank you note. This cousins baby turned one year in February and she wanted to have a party in a restaurant and wrote that gifts were optional. I was floored, no thank you for the christening gift and now she wants to have a birthday party. When I asked other family members they were also annoyed (maybe not the right word) but we were brought up to send thank you notes for gifts received. BTW no one went to the birthday party. I think cousins is mad. What is you opinion of this thanks

 

[southcarolinagirl]

This just makes me mad! I have a 9 year old son at home and I make sure he always sends thank you cards when he receives a gift. If you don't teach them, they won't learn. Just a courtesy like so many that is disappearing in our "me-me" world.

 

[NancyIL]

I also have not received thank you notes for graduation, wedding, and shower gifts. I went to a baby shower 3 weeks ago, and the mom-to-be didn't even SAY "thank you" to anyone as she opened the gifts, nor even one big "thank you" after all gifts were opened! Each guest was asked to address an envelope to herself so the shower-ee could mail thank you notes, but I haven't received one yet. (I'm surprised we weren't asked to provide our own stamp!) I won't be holding my breath on this one!

 

[MAGICX2]

I had a step mother who always made us write thanl you's. At the time I absolutely hated it, but now I am so thankful she made us do that. I make sure that not only do my DS8 and DD6 write a thank you, but that they understand why its important.

 

[DAISYDUCKRN]

when the cousin with the baby had her baby shower in november she said she had 6 months to send thank yous, funny, we received the thank you in june and exactly 2 days later received an invitation to the christening, but never got the thank you for our generous gift. this gets me so angry as i always had my children send a thank you (usually sent the next day or two). come to think of it she had a wedding shower in March 2007 and never sent a thank you but we did receive a wedding invite. wedding was in Vegas and no one sent a gift

 

[minniebeth]

I agree it seems like a growing trend...it definately is a learned ettiquette.
I don't always fault their parents, because they might have taught them, and they are just not doing it (if they are out on their own). I definately think the electronic world we live in has killed the dying art of handwritten "thank you"s, "thinking of you"s, "get well"s...It makes me sad personally, because I always put a lot of thought and effort into the gifts we choose and give.

I battle my kids constantly to send meaningful thank yous. But, come hec or high water, by gosh, they are getting it done, it's what I believe is the right thing. I hope one day, when my kids are out on their own, they are appreciative enough to do it on their own. We can only hope!

 

[donald&daisy]

I'm 26 and I always write thank you notes. It is polite and it is what my mother taught me.

 

[minniebeth]

I'm 26 and I always write thank you notes. It is polite and it is what my mother taught me.

I think that's great! I'm sure you are appreciated, and it makes your mom feel good too!

 

[maggiew]

I have always made my kids write thank you cards - from the time they could just sign their name on a card until they could write the cards for themselves. Now, my 18 year old wrote some beautiful thank you cards for her 18th birthday gifts on her own. They were very meaningful and heartfelt - not just "Thank you for the gift." I was very proud of her.

Maggie

 

[RetroMom]

I have taught my sons to write thank you notes. My oldest sons assure me that they still do on the rare occasion that a gift comes from outside the immediate family.

 

[okeydokey]

My kids write thank you notes also. They have to be taught to do it so they can teach their own to do it one day.

 

[delmar411]

I'm terrible about writing TY's. But fortunately my kiddos are not! Even the youngest will draw a picture as a form of TY note. I make sure to get those out in the mail asap to ppl.

But I did write a TY note for every single wedding shower gift, wedding gift and baby shower gift. And I didn't have anyone address the envelopes themselves.

 

[gymstx]

My mother always made us write thank you notes, and boy did we complain. We couldn't spend any money we received until the thank you was sent. A few years ago I thanked my mom for making us do that. It taught us such a valuable lesson of thanking people. Today I send gifts and never get a thank you, and it gets me upset. I still send thank you's and feel it's the least I can do. Besides who doesn't like to be thanked!

 

[mrsklamc]

I always send them. I could care less whether I receive them though. It's just going in the garbage anyway, and it really is meaningless to me as a measure of gratitude. I think it reflects how they were raised- which isn't their fault- rather than how grateful they are.

I give the gift with my good wishes and then forget about it. If I get a card, I think, "that's nice," and then throw it in the garbage. If not, I certainly don't stew about it.

 

[4luv2cdisney]

I don't think I could honestly remember who has or has not sent me a thank you note for anything. It's not something I think about or wait for. I believe proper etiquette for thank you notes is that you send a note if you did not receive the gift in person and / or thank them for it in person. This makes perfect sense to me.

I, personally, think it is overdone these days. Example: I never sent thank you notes after my chlildhood birthday parties, nor did I receive them (as far as I recall). I caught on after my older DD's 1st couple of Bday parties and have since had my children write them after their Bdays. I always make sure my kids say thank you after opening each gift, give a big general thank you to everyone after opening all gifts, and if possible thank the parents (when not in attendance) as they pick up their children.

I guess because I could care less if I receive one, I really dislike feeling like I have to make my kids write one. I do it because I don't want to be considered rude. Sometimes I have them write a little general thank you note before the party, stick it in the goodie bag, and call it a day.

I understand the OP is not talking about a child's bday. I guess if she was not thanked for the gift in person then a note is in order. If thanked in person, I don't understand why it would be rude not to send a note thanking the person a second time.

I did send thank you notes after my wedding. Whenever a gift is sent(mailed) to me or my children I either send a note or make a phone call. I prefer a phone call.

This is just one of those things that has always confused me.

 

[Derby4me]

Count me as one of those tacky people who are REALLY bad at thank you notes, but honestly I never look for one in return when purchasing a gift for another. I feel, if people want to judge me for not sending a thank you note, that's their issue and please do us both a favor and don't purchase me a gift next time. I think it's silly to say, here's something for you, now do something for me...sort of defeats the purpose of the gift. I think our society should focus on giving gifts without expecting anything in return. You can always tell how appreciative someone is when you see them open the gift.

 

[pilgrimage]

Thank you notes are much appreciated at our house. We often ship
gifts out of state and do not know for sure if they've arrived. One
bride never said thank you, but sent out Christmas cards with a wedding
photo of the couple. Her mom explained that is "the new way" to say thanks.
HUH?

 

[SOnotLayuh]

I kind of think that worrying about thank you notes so much is a bit hypocritical - though I promise, I mean NO OFFENSE!

My MIL gave me a really horrible taste in my mouth for thank you cards. I sent thank you's to people who gave us gifts at our wedding, and unfortunately made the mistake of sending them from my apartment instead of from the post office. We, at the time, lived in a town with a notoriously bad mail system, and about half of my thank you cards never made it to their destination.

When an IL called MIL and dished that she had never received a thank you card, MIL proceeded to call EVERY SINGLE MEMBER OF DH'S FAMILY to ask them if they had received one. She then emailed me a list and called, accusing us of not sending any.

I was so angry and embarrassed! There has to be something in the etiquette books about that.

 

[pilgrimage]

Oh SoNot, that is indeed unpleasant. Most relatives and friends want
to know that the gifts have arrived and hope that the young couple
like them! Of course you were upset.

 

[MickeysFans]

We do it in our family also. I admit, sometimes they are thank you emails nowadays. I do like getting them, but I am not offended when I don't.