Thank you Kathy: re pet pev's

[katscradle]

Thank you Kathy!
Your little discussion regarding manners was much appreciated as this happens to be one of mine as well.
I have taught my children their manners and I expect them to use them.
When I take them out on halloween they know they must use their please and thank you's.
When they started I told them if they don't use their manners they were not going to be allowed to keep the candy. It did not take them long to catch on.
It seems like such a little thing, but like a snowball it grows.
If parents don't teach their children when they are young what are they going to be like when they are older.
I do not get many children at our door as we live on a street that only has homes on one side of the street. On average we get about 2 dozen children at our door. So we hand out the full size chocolate bars!! Needless to say most know to say thank you!
I take the boys the same route each year, and they usually wind up with about 6-8 full size chocolate bars and a whole lot of snack size candy.
In the block that we did they usually get enough candy to last them till almost the end of the school year.
This only happens b/c I take it go through it, then I put it away and they are rewarded with a cereal bowl full of candy each day after school.

 

[safetymom]

We must be the only two people that feel this way.

 

[Dsmurf16]

you guys are not the only ones haha! I am 27 and feel like I am one of a few that still say YES Sir No Sir.... I was raised in Birmingham Alabama and am now in Denver Co and very few have manners. Most of the people let the door slam you in your face before they would hold it open for you and saying please and thank you is un heard of. I have also been told that calling someone Sir is rude crazy if you ask me! So thank you for making your children have and use thier manners!!!

 

[Lease]

You are certainly not alone. I think manners are very important to start teaching as early as possible. In fact I like the idea of not letting kids have candy if they don't say thank you for it. They get a good lesson in manners and bonus candy for me and DH

 

[robind]

I agree too, as much as I recall most of the younger kids do say thank you. However, it amazes me the number of older teens that come around. I am not doing trick or treating this year, I'm turning the lights off.

It's kind of sad, but last year we had a lot of older teens later in the evening and one of them was a kid in the neighborhood that came back less than 2 weeks later and broke into our house and stole about $4000 worth of computers and electronics. I don't feel I can take that chance again.

 

[katcarter]

You all are not the only people who are very discouraged this time of year. I live in a very small town and my neighborhood is one that 'everyone' in town brings their children to trick or treat. I spend at least $100 every year so that their kids can be impolite and ask for extra candy for 'the sick brother/sister' in the car. The baby that is 6 months or less that comes to the door with a trick or treat bag. The kids that do not even bother with a costume!!! I love to brag on the kids that go all out with beautiful and creative costumes. But, every year more and more kids do not great you at the door or even say thank-you when they leave ----the just look at the candy and give you the look that you do not give enough or do not have 'name brand' candy. How sad that something (trick or treating) that was once treasured by all kids is now an event that is expected or a given and that they should not have to say Thank-you!!!!

 

[TheTXTaylors5]

The kids that do not even bother with a costume!!!

You gave me a great idea for this year. I want to put a sign up that reads, "No Costume ... No Treat". However, we might be picking toilet paper out of our trees on Monday!

We didn't start taking our kids trick or treating until they were old enough to walk to the door and say "Trick or Treat" and of course "Thank you". From the time they could speak, when someone did something for them or gave them something I would say "Now, what do you say?" and they would say "Thank you." As they have gotten older, in my mind I am saying "Now, what do you say?" and on their own they reply "Thank you." It warms a Momma's heart.

Trick or treating story ... I remember one year when I was younger and we were trick or treating. We came to this old man and he said "Trick". We all looked at each other because this was odd to us. We just wanted candy. Look cute, get candy. However, I think he was the same old man that gave out pennies. There's always one in the neighborhood!

Jennifer

 

[katscradle]

You gave me a great idea for this year. I want to put a sign up that reads, "No Costume ... No Treat". However, we might be picking toilet paper out of our trees on Monday!

We didn't start taking our kids trick or treating until they were old enough to walk to the door and say "Trick or Treat" and of course "Thank you". From the time they could speak, when someone did something for them or gave them something I would say "Now, what do you say?" and they would say "Thank you." As they have gotten older, in my mind I am saying "Now, what do you say?" and on their own they reply "Thank you." It warms a Momma's heart.

Trick or treating story ... I remember one year when I was younger and we were trick or treating. We came to this old man and he said "Trick". We all looked at each other because this was odd to us. We just wanted candy. Look cute, get candy. However, I think he was the same old man that gave out pennies. There's always one in the neighborhood!

Jennifer

Jen you are right it does warm a momma's heart, makes me very proud!

We have a man in the neighborhood who does the same thing.
I remember the first year he did that to kenny he was 4 year's old
He looked at me and I said say please.
He looked at the man said please and the man raised an eyebrow , said (that is something I don't hear often) Then Kenny said thank you and the man chuckled. He then gave Kenny and extra little bit of candy and Kenny gave him a hug. Well the man lives near the end of our road and only gets about four kids a year, but he always has something special for the boys. I think he has taken joy in watching them grow.

 

[SamSam]

I'm another one that believes in good manners. My kids are grown and gone, but growing up , please and thank you, were always required. So was writing thank you notes, holding doors for people, etc.

Along the same lines as not letting them keep their candy if they didn't say thank you; when they graduated high school and received many gifts, I wouldn't let them have any of what they received until they had written the thank you notes.

 

[klam_chowder]

We must be the only two people that feel this way.

No, you're not!

I find that many don't even bother to say 'trick or treat' - they just look at you and open their candy sack, especially the older teens.

It's kind of sad, but last year we had a lot of older teens later in the evening and one of them was a kid in the neighborhood that came back less than 2 weeks later and broke into our house and stole about $4000 worth of computers and electronics. I don't feel I can take that chance again.

Robin, that is absolutely terrible. Sorry you had to go through that

I'm another one that believes in good manners.
Along the same lines as not letting them keep their candy if they didn't say thank you; when they graduated high school and received many gifts, I wouldn't let them have any of what they received until they had written the thank you notes.

Don't get me started on thank you notes! I never rec'd thank you notes for the gifts I gave to the last 2 weddings that I went to, for which I also travelled to the other coast or overseas. Obviously I love these girls to have made the effort to attend but it sure would have been nice to hear they received the gifts, especially since both were cash. It's been over 2 years for both of these, so I'm pretty sure it's not coming. Unfortunately I hate to think I've joined the other group, when I say, "kids these days". It's lovely that you had them write graduation gift thank you notes!

We're not soured by this tho. It's a great way to meet some of the neighbors who come to the door with their young ones. The few who have manners keep us going and even tho we'll be out that day, and won't have time to carve a Jack, we're planning to be home early so we can have the lights on and the candy ready! Reminds me that I need to put up our Halloween decorations this week...

cheers,

 

[jpeka65844]

DH and DS5 are about to head to DL for their H'ween party. Without me, I might add, but that's another story......

We were talking about trick or treating last night and I asked DS what he does when someone gives him candy. He's going to be a pirate and his first instinct was to say "AARRRRR, MATEY!" After that chuckle, he admitted that he needed to say "Thank you"

 

[Fantasmic23]

Along the same lines as not letting them keep their candy if they didn't say thank you; when they graduated high school and received many gifts, I wouldn't let them have any of what they received until they had written the thank you notes.

I am a BIG fan of writing Thank You notes. Growing up, my mother always made sure that I sat down and wrote a Thank You note and now I make sure that my children write them, too. However, it truly boggles me that some people (In my husband's family in particular) actually make fun of the idea of writing Thank You notes. I guess in our instant gratification world of email, text-messaging and Facebook, some people find that hand-written Thank You notes (And "snail mail" in general) are no longer necessary, but I personally don't agree.

It also amazes me how many children do not say "Thank You" for anything, especially the 8 - 12 year old crowd. I do a lot of driving (picking my kids friends up and dropping them off, taking them to the mall, movies, school activities, etc.) and just one of their friends says "Thank You" when I drop them off. Now, they're all good kids but the not-saying-thank-you is just a pet-peeve of mine. I'm like a broken record before my kids go anywhere: "Good manners. Good behavior. Be polite. Say please and thank you." Sometimes the parents will be outside when I drop these kids off and they really have to coax them to say "Thank You".

 

[TheTXTaylors5]

It also amazes me how many children do not say "Thank You" for anything, especially the 8 - 12 year old crowd. I do a lot of driving (picking my kids friends up and dropping them off, taking them to the mall, movies, school activities, etc.) and just one of their friends says "Thank You" when I drop them off. Now, they're all good kids but the not-saying-thank-you is just a pet-peeve of mine.

OMG! That is a big pet peeve of mine too. This past Friday, our kids got out of school at 1 PM because of Parent/Teacher Conferences all week. DS10 and DD8 each had a classmate over after school because their parent's couldn't pick them up early. I felt like a bus driver with five kids in the minivan. It was a nice day. So, I decided to treat all the kids to ice cream before heading home. After each of my children were handed their ice cream, they told the worker "Thank You". Their friends said nothing. Then after everyone had their ice cream, I sat down with the kids when my children said "Thank You Mommy". I guess prompted by their thanks, DD8's friend said "Thank You". But, DS10's friend didn't say a word. I won't be taking that kid for ice cream again!

Also, once we were back at our house, that same boy brazenly opened up our refrigerator looking for a drink without asking. My children know better than opening someone's refrigerator. You politely ask for something. Manners is something that is taught from early childhood. This kid was either not taught proper etiquette or just didn't care. Either way, I don't want to see him when he is older. He'll be the entitled man pushing his way past women and children. It honestly frustrates me, because we have taken the time to teach our children how to be polite and cordial. Don't get me wrong, they are not angels 100% of the time. But, they have been given the tools and knowledge to be civil in the real world without me standing next to them reminding them right from wrong.

I am a person that if I hold the door for someone and they don't say "Thank You", I do loudly say "Your Welcome". Of course I get the dirty glare. Maybe, a little embarrassment is what they need to be polite in the future. I feel bad for DS10 because he is a gentleman in training. He holds the door for people and rarely does anyone say "Thank You". He even stood holding the door going into the mall one day for about TEN people (this is not an exaggeration!). People just kept walking through the door without taking it from him. Guess how many of the people said "Thank You"??????? Just one lady probably in her mid 50's. From the elderly to twenty year olds, they didn't say "Thank You". I finally told him we had to get going and he followed me handing the door off to someone entering. However, if I hadn't said anything, he could still be standing there ...

Jennifer

 

[jpeka65844]

OMG! I am a person that if I hold the door for someone and they don't say "Thank You", I do loudly say "Your Welcome". Of course I get the dirty glare. Maybe, a little embarrassment is what they need to be polite in the future. I feel bad for DS10 because he is a gentleman in training. He holds the door for people and rarely does anyone say "Thank You". He even stood holding the door going into the mall one day for about TEN people (this is not an exaggeration!). People just kept walking through the door without taking it from him. Guess how many of the people said "Thank You"??????? Just one lady probably in her mid 50's. From the elderly to twenty year olds, they didn't say "Thank You". I finally told him we had to get going and he followed me handing the door off to someone entering. However, if I hadn't said anything, he could still be standing there ...

Jennifer

Ellen DeGeneres does a hilarious riff on this: "WELL YOU'RE WELCOME YOUR MAJESTY!!!!"

 

[safetymom]

I am glad to see that this bothers other people. My kids always had to write thank you notes for anything that got. They got to be pretty good at it.

Maybe I am old school but don't parents teach manners anymore?

 

[chaoscent]

My mom's pet peeve was the word "what?" when she called our name. We weren't allowed to say it. We were expected to say, Maam?, Sir? Yes? or Can I help you with something?. We also weren't allowed to say yes or no without a Maam or Sir after it. (my dad also made us wear shoes before sitting down to a meal). Anyway, I am 62 years old and still don't say "what" by itself and always add a sir or maam, even to those younger. Please & thank you are big in my family and my niece who is now a Mom of 4 is instilling the same manners in her children.

Another family expectation is that you hug/kiss walking in the door, leaving the house and if you are sleeping in the house, before going to bed. We don't have children but DH and I follow this tradition. It is one I treasure. Penny

 

[Wonder_117]

This is something that really bothers me too so I'm going to weigh in here with my two penneth. I'm 28 now and was always brought up with good manners, always say please and thank you, always call my friends parents Mr or Mrs XXX as opposed to using their first name, whenever I was at a party at a friends house or over for a meal I would always make a point of saying to my friends parents "Thank you for having me" before I left... at 28 this is something I still do, I always tell people "Thank you for having me".

Other parents used to tell my Mum she had such polite kids and that she was so lucky, this always used to bother her as she wasn't lucky at all. It's hard work to instill good manners in your children and she worked hard, always reminding and correcting us when we were very young to ensure she had polite respectful kids.

If I meet the parents of well mannered well behaved kids I always make a point of telling them they have lovely polite children, and that they are a credit to them- parents work hard to have nice kids, and I think that is something that should be recognised, because I think all too often these days parents just dont bother enforcing manners.

 

[Cherinva]

Manners are something that seems to be going away....and it's really a shame.....my DBF son NEVER thanks me for dinner whenever he is over and I'm the one that cooks....it bothers me, but his father doesn't say anything either unless I ask him if he liked dinner....

At my house at Halloween last year, some kids (who were too old to be trick or treating) had the nerve to come to my door and want candy....they weren't in costume and they were surprised when I said NO....the candy is for those in costume.