Texting etiquette- parent/child

[traviesojmt]

When my son was 12, I would have known that I was going to pick him up that day. I am sure that I would have said to let me know when and where to pick him up. That text exchange seems pretty normal and exactly what I would have expected if I was was expecting that info. Now, if this was a spur of the moment thing and unexpected, my son would have asked in a different way.
I do not consider texting a way to have substantive communication. It is way to easy to misinterpret attitude. Just because you read "Mom, can you please pick me up" in a sweetly said tone, it just as easily could have been written in a snarky way. Lol.
I think his text is a complete non-issue. The real question is why is she posting private conversations publicly.

 

[Southernmiss]

Nope, not really the same. I don't share intimate details of my life on this board or a minute by minute conversation.

Primarily internet or cellular phone based applications and tools to share information among people. Social media includes popular networking websites, like Facebook and Twitter; as well as bookmarking sites like Reddit. It involves blogging and forums and any aspect of an interactive presence which allows individuals the ability to engage in conversations with one another,

Read more: http://www.businessdictionary.com/definition/social-media.html

 

[fauna74]

I'm confused. Isn't that exactly what you said?

Uh, no. I said no one had commented (on her post) that he seemed a little rude or demanding. Which is very different than me calling him rude. I did not comment on her post.
Between me and my kids, I would have asked for better manners. I was simply looking for input and discussion on whether people think brevity>polite when texting, particularly between parent/child.

 

[Skellingtonj]

Is this going to be one of those posts where you ask if people agree with you and then you get irritated when they don’t?

Yep.

 

[BadPinkTink]

@fauna74
it seems to me that you are experiencing the digital generation gap. Times have moved on, text speak is the new norm. Even my 66 year old mom and my 70 year old aunts communicate by WhatsAp an internet text messaging service.

this is 2018, ppl shorten words, have 2 word conversations, (translation - speak in emojs) use a phone ONLY for Aps, never using it to actually make phone call , dont have landlines, dont even have TVs, rarely listen to the radio, use the internet for most parts of their lives, from work, to paying bills, to watching TV, listening to music, reading books and so much more.

With all these new forms of communications, language is evolving and people are using it in different ways. Some parts of language being used in 2018 may not seem polite or proper to people born before the year 2000.

You have 2 choices, understand that the world is changing and change with it OR stick to the old ways and get left behind

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I did not comment on her post.

Oh, well, see, I didn't think you said on Facebook that the child was rude. But you did indicate you thought they were rude right here in your first post. Although I wouldn't consider it "trashing" like somebody said earlier in the thread.

 

[Turn the Page]

So I guess I’m the only one out there telling my kids that when they would like me to drop whatever I’m doing and pick them up because they’re done with whatever activity they have been enjoying, they can at least throw a “please” or even a “pls” in there? Because I’m neither their chauffeur nor their servant? Ok.

I’m fine with brevity, I’m not fine with commands or disrespect.

And yes, the convo my friend posted on fb was not particularly cute or funny. Yes, she shares a lot.

I'm right there with you. I may not be upset to get a text like that but DD12 would get the side eye for it. I don't even necessarily need a please. Just something along the lines of "I'm done with practice can you come get me?" would be fine. "Come get me now" comes across as demanding I think but to each their own.

 

[Hrhpd]

Nope, not really the same. I don't share intimate details of my life on this board or a minute by minute conversation.

I bet if someone combed through your 7993 posts, they would be able to pick up a bit here and a bit there that you shared about your life. And that you have shared more than you think you have about your personal life.

 

[fauna74]

@fauna74
it seems to me that you are experiencing the digital generation gap. Times have moved on, text speak is the new norm. Even my 66 year old mom and my 70 year old aunts communicate by WhatsAp an internet text messaging service.

this is 2018, ppl shorten words, have 2 word conversations, (translation - speak in emojs) use a phone ONLY for Aps, never using it to actually make phone call , dont have landlines, dont even have TVs, rarely listen to the radio, use the internet for most parts of their lives, from work, to paying bills, to watching TV, listening to music, reading books and so much more.

With all these new forms of communications, language is evolving and people are using it in different ways. Some parts of language being used in 2018 may not seem polite or proper to people born before the year 2000.

You have 2 choices, understand that the world is changing and change with it OR stick to the old ways and get left behind

The assumptions made here are baffling and ridiculous.

 

[Hrhpd]

Oh, well, see, I didn't think you said on Facebook that the child was rude. But you did indicate you thought they were rude right here in your first post. Although I wouldn't consider it "trashing" like somebody said earlier in the thread.

I think anyone who goes out of their way to create a thread to point out how rude a 12 year old child is and that their children would never be that impolite because the OP has taught them well falls into the category of trashing.

 

[Hrhpd]

The assumptions made here are baffling and ridiculous.

Would you please share what your assumptions are of what happened when Mom showed up to pick up the 12 year old? Was he polite, did he thank his mother profusely, or was he a surly brat who got into his mom's car with no conversation? What is your assumption of the parent/child text agreement, especially since the mother thought the text was cute enough to post, obviously not having a problem with the way her child asked to be picked up?

 

[Hikergirl]

Isn't it part of your job as an adult to pick your child from whatever event he or she is at? Like, it's band practice, and they need a ride home. Is a please necessary? Isn't a ride expected?

In this situation, maybe the child went somewhere with friends. I would assume the child asked politely ahead of time to go to wherever and ask for a ride home.

Exactly.
I have experience in this area as I am the one who transports my youngest everywhere.
A face to face conversation, or even some texts would have taken place prior to the "event" for example when he recently stayed after school to watch a soccer game. He texted me while at school to ask if he could stay for a soccer game. I asked him what time it would end and he said he didn't know. I said OK let me know when its over and I'll pick you up.
Hours later he texted me, it was a simple- "it's done pick me up at the student drop off lot. My response was "K"

I can't imagine texting him back and saying try again with some manners. That to me is a bit off the rocker.

 

[indimom]

But do you really text to any and everybody like that, or simply close family or a close friend you're possibly picking up or meeting for a specific purpose? Such clipped messages are for very specific purposes, not any and all texting at all times.

I was responding to this scenario. Parent and child conversation about pickup.

That said, I do use the thumbs up a lot while driving cause it's short. That's why my son told me that it could be taken as rude. I just use it when I need the texted to know I got their message and am in agreement, if it will be a long time until I can respond. I drive a lot for work and get a lot of messages from family and coworkers.

 

[amberpi]

Can this kid teach my dh? He’s very...verbose and his texts are known for being novels.

 

[lanejudy]

I consider such texts the the modern equivalent to what we did as teens when we were ready for a ride home after____ (sports practice, music lesson, drama club, etc.). Put your dime in the payphone and dial home, let it ring once then hang up. Mom knew to come pick us up. Sometimes several of us would use the same dime -- it could last all year.

 

[disykat]

I agree with the OP that "come and get me now." sounds like a command.

I also agree with others that context is everything. If "let me know when to come and get you" was said previously, it becomes a simple answer to a question.

Along with context, there's also a matter of norms. If commands are always used, I would think there is a rudeness issue. If one text comes off sounding like a command, no big deal, but as a general norm I would expect kids to be watchful of not coming across rudely, just like I would adults so I'd be discussing the issue with them and giving suggestions of something they could say that wouldn't get my hackles up. Perhaps "I'm ready" if you'd already agreed to pick them up or "can you come get me now?" if it hadn't been discussed prior.

There are certainly ways to text briefly that don't involve commands.

 

[disykat]

AND I just have to add that I can't stand the "your topic is too stupid for a message board" posts. OP, clearly they took the time to respond, so it wasn't unworthy.

 

[NHdisneylover]

We are a “please and thank you” kind of family however, it can bog down an ongoing communication. If we went through all the niceties for every single text when my DD was doing competitions we’d have been late for everything. You said this was a snip of the conversation so you have no idea the context. Mom could have said “Text me when you’re ready and let me know where to pick you up.” She could be driving. She could have requested that he be short and to the point. Both could have been in the middle of something and only able to text the bare minimum. This could simply be their routine. Judging how other people do things never ends well. Don’t worry about what her kid is doing. You do you.

Or the messages above it could have been things like:

Danny wants to stay a lot longer than I do, would you please come get me when I'm done so I don't have to wait for Danny?

Mom: sure, no problem, let me know when

Kid: thanks! You're the best. I love you.

and an hour later the text in the OP



(seriously have dozens of similar to the above, with OP like at the end) with DS19 (except is is usually him wanting to stay later than the trains run)

 

[soccerdad72]

Took a little while to get there, but now it's a fun thread.

 

[Nancyg56]

No, when I point out to my kids they are being rude, they change their behavior. They’re certainly not going to stop talking to me because I’m teaching them how to be in the world. They are better people than that.

Please show me where I “trashed” anybody? I was looking for a discussion on texting vs etiquette. And really, I was curious as to what other people find appropriate or acceptable. It’s certainly been eye opening but not surprising considering the tenor of the discourse I see everyday.

You are missing a point. You have determined that in YOUR life with YOUR children, they need to communicate via text is a specific manner or you will deem them to be rude. That is your right. However, it is a stretch to indicate that YOUR children are "better" people because of it. As I pointed out upthread, my DGD is a short and sweet communicator, as is my DD. In text messages, if I am picking one of them up I text "Here" as do they. We are not rude, and I call her Cinder KAdy" because of all the chores she picks up to help her Mom. I think you have a rather grandiose idea about how teens should or should not be communicating and then erroneously equating a different style with character.

I just thought this would maybe be an interesting discussion in this day and age where texting is probably the most commonI am as well. form of communication. It’s certainly been eye opening, but in the end not surprising.
And, honestly, the day I require validation from the Disboards is the day you can take me out back and shoot me.

It would be interesting if anyone was allowed to share a differing opinion without being chastised for their opinion.