Texting etiquette- parent/child

[Squirlz]

This is how texting works. Concise and to the point.

 

[CarolAnn856]

OP, there is a difference between formal and informal communication that you seem to not understand. With informal communication, especially between close family and friends, background info and certain social niceties are assumed to be understood. By insisting on formal communication all the time, one fails to teach their kids that there are, indeed, different styles of communicating and when to use them. These skills are important, for example, when working with colleagues where constant formal communication would come across as stuffy, condescending, and/or as not willing to work as a team.

 

[disykat]

Believing a behavior is rude is not the same as indicting someone's entire character as rude.

This is a discussion about a specific behavior, texting using commands. I'm sort of flummoxed by how personally people are taking this. I'm definitely "siding" with the OP in this "fight," but not understanding why people feel it needs to be a fight. For me, it was the "now" in the original quote that made it seem rude.

I disagree that this is the difference between formal and informal communication.

I text with my young adult sons all the time, also with my siblings and close friends. It is informal and concise, but seldom involves commands. For example, If i want someone to call me or they want me to call we say "can you talk?" or "can I call?" "need to talk. Call?" or even the more gentle "command"of "Call when you can." I can't see us saying "call me now" unless we are responding to a specific question that requires that as an answer or there was some sort of emergency where I was showing urgency.


Having the opinion that talking, even by text, in commands is rude, doesn't mean I'm formal or that I'm characterizing all people who do this as rude overall. I think the specific behavior comes off as rude.

Instead of having this conversation, we seem to be having an "are you calling me fat?" disagreement. LOL!

 

[BrianL]

I think the issue here is the word "now." I kinda saw that as rude, but there are different ways to "hear" it.

"Come get me now." Sounds pretty rude.

"(You can) come get me now." Not so rude. I think some people hear it this way, with the "you can" omitted for text-message based brevity. I definitely heard the first version when I first read it though.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

Uh, no. I said no one had commented (on her post) that he seemed a little rude or demanding. Which is very different than me calling him rude. I did not comment on her post.
Between me and my kids, I would have asked for better manners. I was simply looking for input and discussion on whether people think brevity>polite when texting, particularly between parent/child.

The only difference between the two examples is one is thinly veiled and the other isn't veiled at all.

 

[EveDallas]

So, a friend of mine posted a text convo she had with her 12 year old on fb because she thought it was cute and funny. Part of the convo in the screenshot was her 12 year old son texting to her

“Come get me now, pull to the back and let me know when you get here”

Do people feel like texting is just casual, doesn’t need to include all the niceties and this is perfectly ok? Or should all communication be polite? Do you expect your kids to be polite to you?

I’ve taught my kids to be polite and respectful in all forms of communication. But maybe it’s just me, as my friend posted this without a second thought and no one has commented that he was a little rude or demanding. (My answer to the above text would have been “Try again and use some manners this time”)

Why is it rude? Because he didn't say please and thank you? It's a text, not a letter.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Nope, nothing wrong with what the kid said from where I'm sitting. Verbally sure you could tell if there was some sort of tone in it but the way it's written out it's fine by me

I think I need to go tell my mom she needs better manners. Just this past weekend she forgot to get a baby shower card and asked via text to sign mine (which I had already told her earlier in the week she could if she needed to as the gifts were joint gifts from her and I and my husband). She also didn't say any 'please' or 'thank you' when she asked to sign it and subsequently when I told her yes she AND after I told her yes she then responded with "K".



True story--though I kid with the telling her she needs better manners

 

[EveDallas]

Is this going to be one of those posts where you ask if people agree with you and then you get irritated when they don’t?

I think you hit the nail on the head.

 

[design_mom]

Like I said in my OP. I can't judge whether or not it's rude when it's taken out of context. If I told my child to let me know when they needed to get picked up and they texted that I wouldn't find it rude. If I had no idea that they needed a ride and they texted that out of nowhere then yes I would expect a more polite text.

This is how I feel, too... and without seeing the whole conversation, there's no way to know.

If my daughter misses the bus and I have to go retrieve her from the school unexpectedly, then I expect a very polite request. However, if we've already had the polite conversation in person, "Mom, could you please pick me up after school tomorrow, I need to stay to work on a group project. I don't know exactly how long it will take, but I'll text you when I'm done?" Then I'd be fine with a texted "I'm done. I'll be at the side doors. Let me know when you get here." I would not find that rude. And I'm pretty sure it would be followed with a "thanks" when she gets in the car.

 

[Kitty 34]

I think society needs to come up with the emoji that definitely represents the word please..........

 

[disykat]

The OP never stated she expected please and thank you. Just that she was surprised by the tone of that text.

To me, there is night/day difference between "come get me now" and "I'm ready" or something like that.

 

[Ed J]

People who are constancy on a quest to be offended will see the "rude" in the text, other than that text seemed srtrait to the point and I'd have .......zero problem dropping whatever important task I was currently engaged in to pick up little Johnny. I made up the part after..... cause the drama meter when's off the charts when I read that part LOL.

 

[Hrhpd]

The OP never stated she expected please and thank you. Just that she was surprised by the tone of that text.

To me, there is night/day difference between "come get me now" and "I'm ready" or something like that.

Yet she has no idea of what transpired before or after the text. Pretty strong commentary on how rude she thought the text when she stated that if her own children had sent that text, she would have told them to send a more polite one.

And since the mom had no problem with the text, even to the point of finding it cute, that there has to be more context behind the text. So, why is the OP so upset about it? Why is she so worried about somebody else's child and the way he texts his mom? I mean, she made it clear her children were properly prepared for the world and would never send anything like that. Was she afraid her children would read that text and all of a sudden throw out all her training and become rude savages.

I still say the down arrow button is something that she should utilize more often. If something between a mom and her child bothers her so much, hit the down arrow button 4 or 5 times and voila, you are at the next post on your feed.

 

[Hrhpd]

People who are constancy on a quest to be offended will see the "rude" in the text, other than that text seemed srtrait to the point and I'd have .......zero problem dropping whatever important task I was currently engaged in to pick up little Johnny. I made up the part after..... cause the drama meter when's off the charts when I read that part LOL.

 

[disykat]

Oh, yes. Politely ignore things that bug you on social media and certainly don't discuss them here on this anonymous forum. On this anonymous forum we would never dare to read and discuss things that bug us and we would certainly never allude to them in a negative way. Why would we waste our time worrying about what someone else is posting? Oh... wait.... um.???

 

[NHdisneylover]

Believing a behavior is rude is not the same as indicting someone's entire character as rude.

This is a discussion about a specific behavior, texting using commands. I'm sort of flummoxed by how personally people are taking this. I'm definitely "siding" with the OP in this "fight," but not understanding why people feel it needs to be a fight. For me, it was the "now" in the original quote that made it seem rude.

I disagree that this is the difference between formal and informal communication.

I text with my young adult sons all the time, also with my siblings and close friends. It is informal and concise, but seldom involves commands. For example, If i want someone to call me or they want me to call we say "can you talk?" or "can I call?" "need to talk. Call?" or even the more gentle "command"of "Call when you can." I can't see us saying "call me now" unless we are responding to a specific question that requires that as an answer or there was some sort of emergency where I was showing urgency.


Having the opinion that talking, even by text, in commands is rude, doesn't mean I'm formal or that I'm characterizing all people who do this as rude overall. I think the specific behavior comes off as rude.

Instead of having this conversation, we seem to be having an "are you calling me fat?" disagreement. LOL!

I see the " now" as less a command and more as if there were a conversation prior about when to pick up, the time was not known, so letting the person know they can come "now"

and actually, with my husband's insane work and travel schedule, if we need to/want to speak directly on the phone he'll often send a WhatsApp saying "call now" or "call 16:25" to let me know when he'll have a short window in which we can do so.


See, I look at the text in the OP, assume there must have been some conversation prior and think the kid is pretty on the ball with anticipating what all information the parent needs (timing is now not in half an hour---sometimes there is a beak and kids can text ahead to rides; where more speciically at the location kid can be found by driver, etc---all in the shortest, easiet for Mom to read or listen to while driving version possible-)---looks considerate and well managed to me

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Is it the "now" that's the problem?

Would "Done" have been less rude? Or "Come get me at 7:30"?

 

[Skellingtonj]

It really has nothing to do with you. Maybe just mind your business and move on with your life.

 

[Floridaman999]

Did somebody hire a defense attorney?

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

Is it the "now" that's the problem?

Would "Done" have been less rude? Or "Come get me at 7:30"?

Exactly. I didn’t read “now” as a command but more as a point in time. Like, “I’m finished eating now”.