Tell me what you really think when you see an unwed mom?

[tc]

Please don't judge me; you don't know where I am right now. I just really need to know what the majority of people think.

Do you feel sorry for her? Think she sleeps around? Want to support her? Look down on her? Wonder what her parents did wrong? Have compassion, pity, love?

 

[Pembo]

I'm just glad it's not me! It is so hard to be a mom. I can't imagine having to parent without my dh!

I have a lot of respect for unwed mothers. That's a very hard place to be.

 

[Bob Slydell]

How would you know she's unwed just by looking at her??

Single mothers (or fathers, for that matter) can range from brave, tough, independent people to immature, not ready to be adults type people. You can lump all of them into one category.

 

[browneyes]

Originally posted by tc
Please don't judge me; you don't know where I am right now. I just really need to know what the majority of people think.

Babies are blessings to have. Unwed mom or not, the mom is very lucky to have the child. She has a rough road ahead as a single parent, but she shouldn't be looked upon in a harsh light.

 

[Danauk]

Personally it's not something I think about judging as you don't know the situation. I work with children who mostly just live with their mums, they have great kids and most of them are great mums. I do however have a lot of respect for single mums. I don't think I could cope with raising a child (and I have a wonderful DH) let alone coping with raising a child on my own.

 

[poohbears5]

I hope for the best that they are a good parent.

 

[CEDmom]

I actually just wonder how she does it. I don't know how I'd manage without my DH. I know I could if I had to but it would be really hard.

 

[kasar]

Without prying, could you be more specific? There are many reasons why women become unwed mothers which may affect the way people perceive them. My SIL adopted her DD as a single mother, some older women become unwed mothers intentionally and others are left by the fathers who promised to help them while others were just plain careless with birth control.

I can't say one way or another how I feel about unwed moms because I wouldn't want to stereotype anyone. Sorry that's not much help.

I have respect for anyone who parents well, whether or not they are married.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

Well no, it never occurs to me that she sleeps around. I would be in no position to judge there, I had sex before becoming married so "There but for the Grace of God Go I."

I do feel sorry for her if I know the father doesn't contribute. Raising children takes so much time and energy. I think trying to do it on your own must be exhausting. I do try to help out, sometimes just by inviting the kids over to our house to play often, so the Single parent can get a break.

My only other issue is that so many single and divorced parents have child support issues and fight so much. It makes me sad to see bitterness and fighting between what should be the two most important people in the child's life. I think many children from single parent households are very scarred from that situation.

 

[tidoublegger]

First of all, not every person who is married wears a wedding ring, so it can be difficult to tell who's an unwed or married mom! I had my 1st child at the ripe old age of 19. We did get married, but there were still people out there who asked me questions about my "little brother"...who was actually my son. Married or unmarried...it doesn't make a person a better parent. I don't judge people by a ring. I wouldn't worry about what people think...if they are judgemental, it's their own problem! Just be the best mom you can be! I know great single moms and terrible married ones! It's who *you* are, not your marital status that makes you the kind of mom you are. DON'T get caught up worrying about what others may think...chances are they're not judging you! Good luck!!!!!!!!!

 

[Kimickey]

I don't judge anyone. I don't think of a single mom or dad as anything. I look at them as myself & DH, just trying to make it everyday and keep our children and ourselves healthy and happy.

 

[Bbgrizzle]

Do you mean when I see a lady with kids at a restaurant without a husband? I don't assume she's a single mom just because there isn't a man with her.

If you mean what do I think when I actually KNOW she is a single mom, hmmm, I never really thought about it. I guess it depends on how many kids she has. If its just one, I really don't think much about it. Maybe a little sorry for her and sorry for the child. If she has more than two and I know she is unmarried (not divorced) I might think she should have learned about the consequences of not using birth control from the first child. And I would feel sorry for the kids for not being given the traditional family. Seriously, though, I don't think much about it either way. It seems to be very common in todays world.

 

[binny]

I wouldnt dream of judging anyone for that. I think these things happen and I hope that everyone involved is loving and willing to care for the baby no matter if the mother is wed or not.


I dont think anyone can lump all unwed mothers into a category. I know of women who have adopted babies and they were not married, they didnt feel like they were making "progress" in the dating world and wanted to be a mom! I also know of girls who have gotten pregnant who were NOT ready to be moms and were not mature enough to handle the responsibility.

I think its very individual. When I see a mom who is loving, caring, kind, and has a genuine interest in her child the first thing I think is " What a LUCKY child!" not "gee... where is her husband?"

(((hugs)))

 

[monkeyboy]

Originally posted by Bob Slydell
How would you know she's unwed just by looking at her??

Single mothers (or fathers, for that matter) can range from brave, tough, independent people to immature, not ready to be adults type people. You can lump all of them into one category.

Good point there Bob!

 

[bubie2.5]

I got nothing but admiration for a woman who decides to raise a child by herself.

 

[piglet too]

I never bother to even think if they are single or not. My sister is a single mom, and has done a great job at it.
The only single mom that I have ever judged was a former neighbor who had three kids with three different dads all under 5.

 

[Serena]

My feelings have nothing to do with if she has a child or not, whether she is married or not.

It has to do with the person. I try very hard not to judge anyone, but I tend to avoid them if they act like they would feel at home on Jerry Springer.

Now if it were my business and I found out someone had a child and wasn't married, I would hope they have a support system, because they would really need it.
And especially if that unwed mom was a teenager. I know if it were someone I knew, I'd try to be there for her whenever possible.
If it were my daughter, besides getting over being furious that she wasn't careful enough, I'd do my absolute best for her and her baby. I wouldn't want her to marry someone that she didn't love.

 

[Sandy V.]

I try and remember "Never judge a person until you've walked a mile in their moccasins." I would never presume to know what a person's "story" is unless they chose to tell me.

I respect people who can raise their children in a responsible manner, whether they are married or not.

Now if a person has MULTIPLE children while being unwed (maybe with different fathers, or even not), I would look upon the situation more harshly, since my tax dollars would probably be used in some way to support this family through welfare and other programs. (I realize this is not the question that you originally asked).

 

[minniecarousel]

Gosh - the only situation that I even question "what what she thinking?" is, like piglet too said, if she's got a bunch of kids by different men.
If I know the situation - and I have - where a young woman has a child and doesn't marry the dad - she is in no way diminished or thought less of because of it. People don't get married for many reasons - I figure it's NOMB!
(One of my best, dearest and oldest friends didn't marry the father of her child & her daughter is now a college freshman and the two of them seem to have the BEST relationship! The girls' father has been in her life all along too.)

 

[gina2000]

A baby is a blessing. Don't ever forget it.