Tell me about your most entertaining office meeting

[kdonnel]

In the theme of the craziest thing you have seen at work thread, let's talk about epic office meetings.

I have one that really sticks out in my memory.

We had a department wide all hands meeting called with just one days notice. Those are not usually goog meetings, this one however was delightful.

The Engineering Director was hosting the meeting and had not included an agenda in the meeting invite. It was not until the meeting started that we learned it was an apology meeting. HR had received a number of complaints about his potty mouth and he was required to apologize and set forth a policy of minimal profanity for all.

The great part was his defiance. He would alternate between what sounded like a sincere apology and a spiteful explanation about how studies showed a correlation between high intelligence and profanity. It was like Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde were both in the meeting.

I worked out of a remote office so there were only five of us sitting in a conference room listening to the meeting. The Director would say something ridiculous is a very serious way and we would all just bust out laughing.

The meeting lasted almost two hours with half of it being a Q and A session where people would ask questions like: Can you tell us the words we are not allowed to use? And he would answer with a string of 20-30 words spoken like he was Chevy Chase in Christmas Vacation describing his boss but not trying to keep the movie rated PG-13.

Any good meeting stories?

 

[RUDisney]

I wasn't at this dinner meeting. It was in Chicago at a fancy steakhouse. Our CIO (only for about 6 months because the man was 46 going on 12) asks the people at the next table if he could take a picture of their dessert. Weird at a dinner meeting.

When they were served, he proceeds to take pictures of his steak and of his coworkers dinners for Insta. When it came time for dessert, he wanted what the other table had, so he ordered them for the table.

The news and storytelling of that meeting has kept us entertained for years since he was escorted out of the building by security.

 

[Mysterian]

The craziest was before I came on board here. The manager was a tyrant. Very strict about everything, even office organization, to prohibiting others from taking your call (everyone's scheduled to take call).

Anyhow, the whole department couldn't stand him, and invited the boss's boss to a meeting to show him how bad this guy was. The boss lunged at an employee in a fit of anger, but instead of being fired, he was demoted.

He's still around, total hypocrite, still a negative cloud in this place. He also has the messiest, cluttered office, and always asks someone else to take his call. Spends most of this time socializing and complaining.

Therefore we still have a high chance for a future crazy meeting.

 

[1420Elexismc]

The time we had to have a company wide meeting about not drinking after hours and hiding the empty bottles in people's offices.

 

[China Expat]

Faculty Meeting Bingo! A group of us created Bingo cards with silly squares containig items such as "Dave F falls asleep," "May says unbounded thinking," "Bill says like like over and over," and so on. If you covered your entire Bingo card, you stood up, walked to the table and grabbed a cookie, and continued walking clockwise back to your seat. This was the cue forthe players that you had BINGO> It was so much fun!

 

[Travel60]

Not entertaining then but I get great milage out of it now.

When DH and I married, I moved ~500 miles to live with him. Found a new job in my field. Three months later, HR approached me about position opening up in company's largest division. They wanted me to apply even though I felt like I was just getting traction in current position. They set up interview with head of division.

First question: "this job may require travel. How will your husband feel about that?" Me: "he's had no problem with my travel, don't know why he would."

Second question: "will your husband object to you traveling with men?" Me: "I'm a female in a male dominated profession. Again, no problem."

Mumbles half to himself, half to me: "You see, the issue is that most of our decisions are made in the men's room." By this time, I'm ahead of him (and furious) and I reply "That won't bother me if it doesn't bother you."

And I got up and left.

Later when HR contacted me to see how meeting went I told them about it. They were horrified and mostly afraid I'd sue.

A few weeks later that division head was running a warehouse in rural Illinois.

 

[Jasper07]

The time we had to have a company wide meeting about not drinking after hours and hiding the empty bottles in people's offices.

I work for a Spirits company known world wide...we have meetings just to drink...or I should say try new products in a "responsible" manner. We don't hide our bottles LOL.

 

[RogueX]

Two come to mind, one I was at and one someone at work called me to vent about.

When I first started at my agency, I had to sit in on a department wide meeting about change and how to cope because apparently I was coming on when there had recently been a reorg. Well, the Regional Administrator stands up and tells everyone to raise their hand if their afraid of change. I was the only one who didn't. He looked like he was going to spit fire, his face was red. Suddenly he demands to know how I could say I wasn't afraid of change. I listed off in a very stern voice the number of jobs I'd had, the number of times I'd moved and my age. Then I bluntly stated if I was afraid of change, I would have killed myself a long time ago and walked out of the room.

The second one I wasn't at, but a coworker called me to vent about the reception after a meeting. It was being held at a casino and the waitstaff serving people were dressed in bikinis, fishnet stocking, high heels, etc. That must have been quite the sight.

 

[VandVsmama]

We had a new 'head honcho' who got hired in my part of the company. And at our next department meeting, Head Honcho wanted to do an ice breaker/get-to-know-you activity at the start of the meeting. So we all had to go around the room and say what your favorite book was.

Everybody took turns and everything was fine. Until we got to my direct supervisor (different person than Head Honcho). Direct Supervisor said, "Well, I think that reading fiction is a ridiculous waste of time so I only read the Bible." He also said that whenever he DID read fiction in the past, he'd first read the end of the book to see if it would be "worth his time" to read it.

Everybody else in the room said that their favorite book was a fiction book.

I got to go next. So I said that my favorite book is the Count of Monte Cristo, by Alexandre Dumas. Head Honcho asked me to summarize what the book was about, so I said it's about a guy who spends years in prison because he was falsely accused of a crime he didn't commit...then spent AGES once out of prison enacting his vengeance.

After that, Direct Supervisor couldn't stand me. He thankfully left a couple of yr later.

 

[1420Elexismc]

I work for a Spirits company known world wide...we have meetings just to drink...or I should say try new products in a "responsible" manner. We don't hide our bottles LOL.

Well...the bottles were "hidden" in particular person's office that seemed to have an issue with everyone else in the office...lol

 

[kymom99]

We used to have “ POETS” meetings after work on Fridays. It’s an acronym ending with ….tomorrow’s Saturday.

 

[easyas123]

HR had received a number of complaints about his potty mouth and he was required to apologize and set forth a policy of minimal profanity for all

He'd have loved our office, we let fly with a lot of profanity around here.

We have a woman of, shall we say substantial size in our office who, unfortunately has some very bad bathroom hygiene and it's looking more and more like I'm going to have to have a discussion with her about it. Obviously, it's a job for our HR gal, but they are buddy-buddy and it would turn into a gossip fest - another thing I think I'm going to have to address here in the office. As we've grown, so have the number of people in the office. And I'll say it - the more women in here the more gossipy it's become & I find it highly annoying and more school room than office.

 

[BlueStarryHat]

The first time I had to appear at a design meeting to show my sketches to the people in charge of commissioning art work, I showed up early as I was asked to set up my work on some easels before the meeting started so that the bosses could come in and see it before the meeting. I did this, then stood around awkwardly. I didn't want to sit at the big table because I didn't want to take anyone's seat and I was full of nervous energy.

A group of men came in,talking and laughing with each other and one of them immediately noticed me and said, "hey honey-get us some coffee, would you?" I was too intimidated to tell them who I was, so I left the room and found the coffee machine and poured out some coffees. I remember putting packets of sugar and all in my jacket pocket and then making my way back to the meeting room.

By this time everyone was there, including the boss who I had always dealt with, and the Big Boss. I walked in with something like 6 coffees in my hands. The boss says to me, "you're late, and what the h are you doing with all that coffee?" I stammered that I was asked to get it, and then he laughed and introduced me to everyone as a new freelancer attached to the company. I wanted to fall through the floor straight to the Earth's core and die. Everyone laughed and the guy who asked me to get the coffee apologized and the meeting began.

I was the first female artist ever commissioned by this company, and at 22,the youngest. I conducted myself well and everything I designed was commissioned for final production, probably because everyone could see me absolutely plotzing with nerves. It got easier after that, hahaha.

 

[Uncle Coaster]

Our largest client at the time was coming in to discus what would essentially be a merger of his operations with our firm. He was a nice guy but very formal and intimidating. We were all on edge preparing for the meeting.

The plan was for a group of about five managers from my firm and him to all start together and then the five of us have one on ones with him to discuss our specific roles in this potential merger.

The day before the meeting wrestling legend Captain Lou Albano passed away. If you are unfamiliar, he was famous for wearing rubber bands on his face and in his beard. So I wore a rubber band around my wrist that day as a memorial.

We start the meeting and our team is nervous. I made sure my sleeve was long enough to cover the rubber band. Our owner welcomed everyone and then the big client interrupts, looks at me and says, “before we start I wanted to send my condolences for the loss of Captain Lou.” I pulled up my sleeve to show him the rubber band, which he loved. The next day we spent a solid chunk of the day with him messaging me YouTube links to Captain’s matches and we’d discuss them.

The merger eventually went through.

 

[tvguy]

No immediately, but over the long term afterwards, highly amusing. Our Department Head called a meeting telling us to stop complaining about not getting our meal breaks. Some missed meal breaks are unavoidable, and some of us worked 8 straight and were scheduled as such by choice. We didn't want a break. So that got one of the older workers got fired up and he did some research. A few weeks later he went to HR and pointed out that under California law, the company HAS to pay a penalty if you don't get a meal break. And in California, you can't waive a meal break, or tack it onto the start or end of your shift on your time sheet and come in late or leave early. Your break can't be earlier than 3 hours after your shift started, or later than 5 yours. And it has to be at least 30 minutes long, without interuptions. The penalty is one hours straight time pay. And if missing your lunch meant you worked more than 8 hours in a day, they had to pay you overtime of time and a half for that.
They had to go back 3 years in the time sheets for 100+ employees, and employees that no longer worked there. They calculated the missed meal penalties. I had only been there a little over the year but I got over 300 hours pay in back penalties.
The bad thing was, I could no longer work eight straight without a break like I had for 25+ years at two previous employers, I HAD to take an hour break and be away from my wife and kids an extra hour a day. They finally allowed those of us who wanted a shorter meal break to cut that to 30 minutes.

 

[sunshine1178]

He'd have loved our office, we let fly with a lot of profanity around here.

We have a woman of, shall we say substantial size in our office who, unfortunately has some very bad bathroom hygiene and it's looking more and more like I'm going to have to have a discussion with her about it. Obviously, it's a job for our HR gal, but they are buddy-buddy and it would turn into a gossip fest - another thing I think I'm going to have to address here in the office. As we've grown, so have the number of people in the office. And I'll say it - the more women in here the more gossipy it's become & I find it highly annoying and more school room than office.

How is her size related to her hygiene habits? We have a very thin employee who leaves fecal matter and menstrual fluid on the stall walls. The best part is that she is *in* HR. The whole company is a circus but that department is absolutely the clowns.

 

[easyas123]

How is her size related to her hygiene habits? We have a very thin employee who leaves fecal matter and menstrual fluid on the stall walls. The best part is that she is *in* HR. The whole company is a circus but that department is absolutely the clowns.

Because she’s a over sharer and admitted to having issues in that department due to her size.

 

[tcufrog]

And I'll say it - the more women in here the more gossipy it's become & I find it highly annoying and more school room than office.

My husband co-owns a company that operates in a very male-dominated industry. It's a real sausage fest but my husband and his partner aren't like that. Currently, most of the people in administration/middle management are women and they are great. I like them because my husband needs employees who will tell him when his ideas are bad or a no go and they will do it. He usually does whatever they say.

They do have fun though. My husband will randomly say that it's time for a Friday party so they will order food or have a potluck. The company DJ brings his equipment to work and alcohol mysteriously appears in the warehouse. My husband also bought the company a Nerf gun arsenal, an air hockey table, a table tennis table, and a giant Jenga. The engineers like to get drunk and play Jenga. It's pretty funny to watch. For Christmas, the employees bought my husband a custom bobblehead that looks like him.

 

[disykat]

Many years ago, 1983 or 84, I worked temporarily for ATT not long after divestiture of the phone companies. As people no longer had to rent their telephone equipment, the customer service agent's job when they called in was to explain the situation and all their options as well to try to get a "sale" by either getting people to continue renting their phones, purchase the equipment that was already in their homes at a reduced rate, or buy new phone equipment from us.

Since it was quite the confusing mess, the meetings were very "rah rah rah" to encourage everyone and also to encourage the idea of sales quotas etc. to a bunch of employees who were new to the idea. One particular meeting, two of the managers dressed up as Ike and Tina Turner and sang "What's sales got to do with it?" I was disgusted but entertained, and really glad it was a temp job all at the same time!

 

[Kathryn Merteuil]

You guys have much more interesting meetings than I have ever seen.

Here I was thinking that the time we had a department-wide meeting where we played "2 Truths and a Lie" was wild.

I really need to start hanging around more interesting people.