Tell me about adopting a child

You either use an attorney or an agency - not both. The agency will have their own in house legal counsel.

We used an agency and had to have an attorney. They didn't have in house legal counsel, they did have attorneys they recommended, but they didn't work for the agency. The attorney was at the very end to finalize the adoption and going to the courthouse to face the judge. It was around $600.
 
We used an agency and had to have an attorney. They didn't have in house legal counsel, they did have attorneys they recommended, but they didn't work for the agency. The attorney was at the very end to finalize the adoption and going to the courthouse to face the judge. It was around $600.

Sorry! :upsidedow It must be different in Michigan.
 
Could someone PM me some of the costs and fee-schedules that they've had going through the adoption process. My DH & I would love to adopt and while we realize you can get quite a bit back through tax credits, we're not sure we could handle all the costs up front
 
Could someone PM me some of the costs and fee-schedules that they've had going through the adoption process. My DH & I would love to adopt and while we realize you can get quite a bit back through tax credits, we're not sure we could handle all the costs up front

What I'm finding in my research is that there are lots of places out there to help with grants and loans for adopting. Only thing is in order to apply for any of them you have to have an approved home study. So you gotta figure on about 2,000 out of pocket expenses right up front.

I think that's our next discussion. We actually arethisclose to going ahead with it. Just have to find who we want to go through. But if anybody is willing I'll also take a pm of expenses or even ballpark expenses.

Hopefully it won't be long b4 i can let y'all know one way or another about our plans.
 

Small update here.

i have sent emails to a few ppl on the reference sheet for the adoption agency and have decided its very much like a blind date. Have heard back from 1 couple who have actually invited us to dinner. Quite nice and unexpected. Just have to get a date that works for everyone as they leave on vacation shortly. Also got an info packet from the adoption Law center with a phone conference set up for monday night. So we'll see how that goes.

And I've asked a friend about about local attorneys doing adoption here. So we'll see where that goes. I'm not crazy about doing it that way, but I don't think we should entirely discount that avenue until we've learned more about it.

The past couple of months have been so entirely crazy in the house with a lot of traveling, but now things are calming down and I'm getting out the standstill mode. If this month goes the way I hope, then with luck we can have an actual decision on adopting in Sept. if not earlier.
Please proceed with extreme caution on the Adoption Law Center. My husband and I had a conference call with them and they are very hard sell (or at least our experience was). I have also done research on-line after our experience and found a lot of negative experiences from birth mothers that used them.

Please let me know how things go for you on Monday.
 
Please proceed with extreme caution on the Adoption Law Center. My husband and I had a conference call with them and they are very hard sell (or at least our experience was). I have also done research on-line after our experience and found a lot of negative experiences from birth mothers that used them.

Please let me know how things go for you on Monday.

Where did you find your Birthmom info for ANLC? Honestly, for something this big its going with extreme caution all the way around no matter who we go with. But happy Birthmoms are important to me, or at least as happy as 1 can be when giving up their baby.
 
Where did you find your Birthmom info for ANLC? Honestly, for something this big its going with extreme caution all the way around no matter who we go with. But happy Birthmoms are important to me, or at least as happy as 1 can be when giving up their baby.
Hi,

This is the website I went to: http://www.adoptionagencyratings.com/adoption-network.htm

I hope it is okay for me to post this. If for any reason the link gets deleted, I will PM it to you. This site only shows the one complaint from the birth mother. My mom had done some research as well and she found additional complaints, but I will have to call and see if she can tell me where. I checked the BBB and they do not have very many complaints. If you do go with them, please keep me updated as I beginning to lose my mind with the wait that we have for China and I am ready to explore other options. The meeting just scared me because of how hard it felt like a sales meeting.
 
/
Hi,

This is the website I went to: http://www.adoptionagencyratings.com/adoption-network.htm

I hope it is okay for me to post this. If for any reason the link gets deleted, I will PM it to you. This site only shows the one complaint from the birth mother. My mom had done some research as well and she found additional complaints, but I will have to call and see if she can tell me where. I checked the BBB and they do not have very many complaints. If you do go with them, please keep me updated as I beginning to lose my mind with the wait that we have for China and I am ready to explore other options. The meeting just scared me because of how hard it felt like a sales meeting.

OK, looked through the site. Went for reviews on both agencies I'm looking at and I have to say, i don't really care for the website in general. Somewhat helpful, but many of the the Top 20 agencies are also in the Bottom 20 agencies. So I'm thinking that ppl with bad experiences are finding this board more than those with good experiences. We will be asking questions about birthmoms and everything. We're not going to be jumping into anything.

Thanks for the link.

I wish you luck with adopting in China. We would never dare go there. I have heard a minimum of 6yrs waiting time for a child, and 8 is not uncommon. Ppl who go that route must be very dedicated and beyond patient. We will definitely be traveling the domestic route. Who are you using for that adoption? if you don't mind my asking
 
OK, looked through the site. Went for reviews on both agencies I'm looking at and I have to say, i don't really care for the website in general. Somewhat helpful, but many of the the Top 20 agencies are also in the Bottom 20 agencies. So I'm thinking that ppl with bad experiences are finding this board more than those with good experiences. We will be asking questions about birthmoms and everything. We're not going to be jumping into anything.

Thanks for the link.

I wish you luck with adopting in China. We would never dare go there. I have heard a minimum of 6yrs waiting time for a child, and 8 is not uncommon. Ppl who go that route must be very dedicated and beyond patient. We will definitely be traveling the domestic route. Who are you using for that adoption? if you don't mind my asking
We are using Chinese Children International. When we first started the process, the wait was 18 months to a year. Well on October 27 of this year, it will be 3 years. We still have 7 months of people logged in before us and they are referring anywhere from 2 days to 1 week at a time....The math does not work in our favor.

I agree you are probably right that the people who need to complain about a company would seek out a web site more so than a person who has a good experience. I just felt like I was being told whatever I wanted to hear in order for me to sign up. I hope that is not the case in your experience and that it may have changed. This was about a year ago that we met with them when I realized how slow the adoption with China was coming along.

Can't wait to hear back from you after your meetings. Good luck!
 
Anyone on here know anything about Building Blocks Adoption Agency in Medina, OH?? I know it's probably a long shot, but it IS a small world after all....;)

I break out in a cold sweat when I hear about anyone considering using BBAS. Dear lord, save yourself and run from them. :eek: BTW, this is not the agency I used and had a bad experience with. They make that agency look like a bunch of angels. IMHO, BBAS is hands down, the most cringeworthy adoption agency on the face of the planet. I have heard horror stories you would not believe. The worst of these involved a critically ill Russian baby being placed with a family (and yes, the family kept asking, "Are you sure this baby is okay?" and was assured it was fine) and the baby literally died in their arms while they were still in Russia. The agency's attitude was heartless. Their complete lack of sensitivity regarding the death of the baby and the trauma suffered by the new parents was astounding and very telling as to their true colors.
 
I break out in a cold sweat when I hear about anyone considering using BBAS. Dear lord, save yourself and run from them. :eek: BTW, this is not the agency I used and had a bad experience with. They make that agency look like a bunch of angels. IMHO, BBAS is hands down, the most cringeworthy adoption agency on the face of the planet. I have heard horror stories you would not believe. The worst of these involved a critically ill Russian baby being placed with a family (and yes, the family kept asking, "Are you sure this baby is okay?" and was assured it was fine) and the baby literally died in their arms while they were still in Russia. The agency's attitude was heartless. Their complete lack of sensitivity regarding the death of the baby and the trauma suffered by the new parents was astounding and very telling as to their true colors.

:eek::eek::eek::eek: OH DEAR!! I talked to a woman on the phone from BBAS...Denise ...I think? She sounded so professional and convincing. However, I looked them up and came across the story that you are referring too....HOW AWFUL!! I threw my "info packet" from them in the trash! :sad2:

My husband and I are really going to be careful with which agency we choose. Have you heard anything about Family Adoption Consultants? They have offices in Ohio and Michigan. They work with a New York based agency called Spence Chapin. Also, they only do international adoption, which I think that is the route we are going to take. We are afraid the problems we might run into with the Birthmother if we go Domestic. We really DO NOT want an open adoption and we were told that open adoptions are encouraged more in Domestic. :confused3 We just don't want to have to feel controlled by the birthmother in ANY way....
 
I'm glad I found this thread. DH and I have been TTC for almost 7yrs with no luck and our next step is adoption. I am like other posters, I have no idea where to start. I know there is a LOT of info on the net and at times I feel overwhelmed by it all. Thanks for starting this thread!
 
:eek::eek::eek::eek: OH DEAR!! I talked to a woman on the phone from BBAS...Denise ...I think? She sounded so professional and convincing. However, I looked them up and came across the story that you are referring too....HOW AWFUL!! I threw my "info packet" from them in the trash! :sad2:

My husband and I are really going to be careful with which agency we choose. Have you heard anything about Family Adoption Consultants? They have offices in Ohio and Michigan. They work with a New York based agency called Spence Chapin. Also, they only do international adoption, which I think that is the route we are going to take. We are afraid the problems we might run into with the Birthmother if we go Domestic. We really DO NOT want an open adoption and we were told that open adoptions are encouraged more in Domestic. :confused3 We just don't want to have to feel controlled by the birthmother in ANY way....

I just THOUGHT we had a bad experience until I came across that "incident" with BBAS! Shortly after it happened, I was in contact with the mother of the baby that died and she and I corresponded. My heart broke for them, but one thing that never was far from my mind was that had I stayed with the original agency we'd signed with, I could have imagined something similar happening to us. Not that the baby we adopted would have died, but so many of the things the woman at BBAS did were exactly the same as what the people at our agency did. Same m.o. Same lines, same pitch, same lies, same everything. She was just worse, that's all. Yes, the mother in question has become something of a crusader, but I swear, if I had watched my baby die in my arms, I'd be on a crusade too. She has made it her mission to warn others and I can't blame her.

That is one thing I learned when adopting. Whether it be domestic or international, agency or private, open or closed.......It is a business. And like any other business, you have some unscrupulous parties. In this case, they are dealing with couples who are often desperate, because they want a baby so much. And the shady ones will prey on that and take full advantage. Sadly, adoptive parents are easy targets. So we have to go into it with our heads first and not our hearts. Once you get that child, your heart can lead the way. Until then, use your head. No one will look out for your interests better than YOU will. Granted, there are many ethical, decent people who are involved in helping couples adopt. But I've seen too many that will wear that little Christian fish pin, smile a sweet smile and lie to your face while they cash your nonrefundable check as fast as they can. Listen to any inner voice that says, "That just doesn't sound right...." We did that, got ourselves out of a pickle, and managed to adopt a very healthy, happy, loving infant daughter from Russia.

It's been several years since I adopted and that name isn't ringing a bell right now. What countries are you considering adopting from? If it's any country in Eastern Europe, I'd visit the FRUA website. You can ask for feedback about an agency there, but make it clear that people can respond to you privately. And don't use a name that clearly identifies you as YOU. Let me explain why. Agencies troll sites like those. Some will stop your adoption in its tracks if they find you posting on those sites. So you don't want to be easily identifiable. If your name is Jane, don't use "Jane" or your initials, birthdate, hometown, college team, etc. as your name. It might not hurt to create a whole new email account just for that sort of website, that is also not tied to your "identity." So if someone responds to you, and it's really an agency troll, they can't figure out who you are. But if they are just a concerned adoptive parent who wants to warn you to stay away from XYZ Adoption Co., they may not want to post publicly for fear of the agency putting the brakes on THEIR adoption. That's why you let them respond to you privately.

I learned that lesson too late. When I asked for feedback, I seemed to get neutral or positive feedback about the agency we eventually chose (and left.) Once we started having trouble, I got the bright idea to tell people they could respond privately and boy, did the "run, don't walk" stories come out of the woodwork. Had I known about those BEFORE we signed with the agency, we would never had signed with them. Lesson learned.

An example: The first referral they sent us was of a beautiful little girl, just a bit older than our requested limit. Oddly, she looked just like DH. :rolleyes: We watched the video and even without getting a medical evaluation, I could tell that baby had medical issues that were beyond what we were willing or able to accept. We don't really have family members to help us or take a special needs child if we die, so we had been very clear that we needed a reasonably healthy child. Still, I paid for an international adoption doctor to evaulate the tape and medical report. The doctor verified my suspicion that the child had serious problems. So we declined the referral. The agency told us that no one had ever said anything negative about that baby before and the doctor was just being alarmist and covering her rear. They essentially said we had been offered a near perfect baby and were fools for passing her up....What were we holding out for??? After I got wise to them and got private responses, I found out they had "shopped" that poor baby around for MONTHS before showing us her video. Many couples had declined to adopt her for the very reasons we gave. And the agency knew that IA specialists had diagnosed her with serious medical problems, yet the told us no one had ever made any remarks about such issues. One family had even MET the baby and said she seemed worse in person than on the video....that something was terribly wrong with her. God knows how many people they kept showing that video to until someone adopted her, accepting their story that she was just fine. :headache:

No agency is perfect. All have some adoptions that fail. That's life. For me, the test is, how do they react and try to "make it right" when things go bad? Do they walk away and keep your money? Do you blame you? Or do they do whatever it takes to make sure you get a child? Because ANY agency can be a "GREAT" agency when things go smoothly. The true test is, are they there for you when things go bad and you need someone to fight for you?

Don't get me wrong....I'm an advocate on international adoption. I just want people to go in with their eyes open, so the outcome will be as positive as possible. As for me and DH, the only thing better would have been to have been able to adopt again. DD is a dream come true. :love:
 
I posted at the beginning of this thread that we used an adoption agency and we really loved them. They are adoptcasi.org. They also resourced out to other agencies and the agency that contacted them that had more birthmoms than prospective adoptive parents was Adoption Access out of Dallas TX. This is where we got our son. Now I looked at Adoption Access website recently and their prices are much higher now than when we adopted, so only look them up if you have alot money. I have nothing but positive things to say about Casi. They are a nonprofit and do humanitarian work. I also talked to several people who used Casi before we went with them. Adoption Access was great too and they provide counseling for birthmoms, pay their rent if they need, etc. But that is probably part of the reason they are so expensive. They had alot of babies though. The day we picked up our son they had 4 birthmoms call from the hospital, 2 that had never called them before but always knew they would be choosing adoption and 2 that they had lost contact with. They said it wasn't uncommon at all because alot of their birthmoms don't want to think about it until they have to. Adoption is scary when you are just starting out, but in the end, it was soooo much easier than the years of tests, shots and heartaches!
 
i know this is an old thread, i just wanted to wish everyone good luck in their adoption process! i went to high school with a girl who's family adopted a baby boy from ethiopia, and my ex boss adopted a baby girl from china.
 
:eek::eek::eek::eek: OH DEAR!! I talked to a woman on the phone from BBAS...Denise ...I think? She sounded so professional and convincing. However, I looked them up and came across the story that you are referring too....HOW AWFUL!! I threw my "info packet" from them in the trash! :sad2:

My husband and I are really going to be careful with which agency we choose. Have you heard anything about Family Adoption Consultants? They have offices in Ohio and Michigan. They work with a New York based agency called Spence Chapin. Also, they only do international adoption, which I think that is the route we are going to take. We are afraid the problems we might run into with the Birthmother if we go Domestic. We really DO NOT want an open adoption and we were told that open adoptions are encouraged more in Domestic. :confused3 We just don't want to have to feel controlled by the birthmother in ANY way....

My late husband and I adopted our son through Family Adoption Consultants in 1987. I cannot say enough good things about this Agency. In addition, I have a good friend who adopted two children through FAC. My friend's experience is more recent, as her children are now six and four. Again, a wonderful experience. I can HIGHLY recommend Family Adoption Consultants. We adopted our son from South Korea. My friend and her husband adopted their children from Guatemala.

If you have any questions, I will try to answer or pm me.
 
I just THOUGHT we had a bad experience until I came across that "incident" with BBAS! Shortly after it happened, I was in contact with the mother of the baby that died and she and I corresponded. My heart broke for them, but one thing that never was far from my mind was that had I stayed with the original agency we'd signed with, I could have imagined something similar happening to us. Not that the baby we adopted would have died, but so many of the things the woman at BBAS did were exactly the same as what the people at our agency did. Same m.o. Same lines, same pitch, same lies, same everything. She was just worse, that's all. Yes, the mother in question has become something of a crusader, but I swear, if I had watched my baby die in my arms, I'd be on a crusade too. She has made it her mission to warn others and I can't blame her.

That is one thing I learned when adopting. Whether it be domestic or international, agency or private, open or closed.......It is a business. And like any other business, you have some unscrupulous parties. In this case, they are dealing with couples who are often desperate, because they want a baby so much. And the shady ones will prey on that and take full advantage. Sadly, adoptive parents are easy targets. So we have to go into it with our heads first and not our hearts. Once you get that child, your heart can lead the way. Until then, use your head. No one will look out for your interests better than YOU will. Granted, there are many ethical, decent people who are involved in helping couples adopt. But I've seen too many that will wear that little Christian fish pin, smile a sweet smile and lie to your face while they cash your nonrefundable check as fast as they can. Listen to any inner voice that says, "That just doesn't sound right...." We did that, got ourselves out of a pickle, and managed to adopt a very healthy, happy, loving infant daughter from Russia.

It's been several years since I adopted and that name isn't ringing a bell right now. What countries are you considering adopting from? If it's any country in Eastern Europe, I'd visit the FRUA website. You can ask for feedback about an agency there, but make it clear that people can respond to you privately. And don't use a name that clearly identifies you as YOU. Let me explain why. Agencies troll sites like those. Some will stop your adoption in its tracks if they find you posting on those sites. So you don't want to be easily identifiable. If your name is Jane, don't use "Jane" or your initials, birthdate, hometown, college team, etc. as your name. It might not hurt to create a whole new email account just for that sort of website, that is also not tied to your "identity." So if someone responds to you, and it's really an agency troll, they can't figure out who you are. But if they are just a concerned adoptive parent who wants to warn you to stay away from XYZ Adoption Co., they may not want to post publicly for fear of the agency putting the brakes on THEIR adoption. That's why you let them respond to you privately.

I learned that lesson too late. When I asked for feedback, I seemed to get neutral or positive feedback about the agency we eventually chose (and left.) Once we started having trouble, I got the bright idea to tell people they could respond privately and boy, did the "run, don't walk" stories come out of the woodwork. Had I known about those BEFORE we signed with the agency, we would never had signed with them. Lesson learned.

An example: The first referral they sent us was of a beautiful little girl, just a bit older than our requested limit. Oddly, she looked just like DH. :rolleyes: We watched the video and even without getting a medical evaluation, I could tell that baby had medical issues that were beyond what we were willing or able to accept. We don't really have family members to help us or take a special needs child if we die, so we had been very clear that we needed a reasonably healthy child. Still, I paid for an international adoption doctor to evaulate the tape and medical report. The doctor verified my suspicion that the child had serious problems. So we declined the referral. The agency told us that no one had ever said anything negative about that baby before and the doctor was just being alarmist and covering her rear. They essentially said we had been offered a near perfect baby and were fools for passing her up....What were we holding out for??? After I got wise to them and got private responses, I found out they had "shopped" that poor baby around for MONTHS before showing us her video. Many couples had declined to adopt her for the very reasons we gave. And the agency knew that IA specialists had diagnosed her with serious medical problems, yet the told us no one had ever made any remarks about such issues. One family had even MET the baby and said she seemed worse in person than on the video....that something was terribly wrong with her. God knows how many people they kept showing that video to until someone adopted her, accepting their story that she was just fine. :headache:

No agency is perfect. All have some adoptions that fail. That's life. For me, the test is, how do they react and try to "make it right" when things go bad? Do they walk away and keep your money? Do you blame you? Or do they do whatever it takes to make sure you get a child? Because ANY agency can be a "GREAT" agency when things go smoothly. The true test is, are they there for you when things go bad and you need someone to fight for you?

Don't get me wrong....I'm an advocate on international adoption. I just want people to go in with their eyes open, so the outcome will be as positive as possible. As for me and DH, the only thing better would have been to have been able to adopt again. DD is a dream come true. :love:

EMOM- Thank you for your insight!! :) Sometimes I do feel like that WE HAVE to be our own advocates when it comes to adoption. It's sad that there are so many out there that prey on these poor couples. Husband and I will definitely go into this with our eyes wide open!! Thanks again!! :flower3:
 
I found an agency!! European Adoption Consultants! Several people at my husband's company went through them and all were very POSITIVE experiences!!

Now we have to figure out what country......Ukraine, Russia, or Kahsakstan....we have our application almost finished!!!:thumbsup2
 
Okay, you got a lurker on the Dis to register! Actually, I've never visited the Community Board before, so it was very interesting that I found your thread!

Our older daughter came to us with the help of Adoptions from the Heart four years ago. They are a fabulous agency; I have only wonderful things to say about them. We would have used them for our second child, too, but we ending up with a surprise and got her the "old fashioned" way!

I see this is an older post, but if I can answer any questions for you, I'm more than willing to help!

Lori
 
I found an agency!! European Adoption Consultants! Several people at my husband's company went through them and all were very POSITIVE experiences!!

Now we have to figure out what country......Ukraine, Russia, or Kahsakstan....we have our application almost finished!!!:thumbsup2



Glad to hear it. We are nearly decided as well. Just working out numbers. I heard to stay away from Ukraine. Records are terrible and they will lie to get you to take a child. Don't know about Kahsakstan. Good luck:thumbsup2
 

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