Teens, parties and drinking

[LindsayDunn228]

What about your friends?

Nope, at least none that I knew of.

I'd be MORE worried if someone went off to college having NOT experienced alcohol.

Seriously?? That's an odd thing to say, IMO. I was working too hard in college to worry about drinking. Why would you be worried about that?? In the grand scheme of things, why would you worry about a teen/college student who chose not to indulge? Frankly, I'd be proud of a kid who decided they didn't want to drink.

And FWIW, it doesn't matter. Just putting it out there that not everyone experimented with alcohol as a teen.

 

[DMickey28]

I didn't. I graduated in 1996.

I didn't either and I graduated in 1996. However I have come to realize that we just aren't the norm. At the time I don't think I realized or even cared that this stuff was going on, but I am not surprised. I was in the marching band and had an active lifestyle but never was drinking involved in the activities I went to.

Even in college I didn't party and drink. That's just not my style. (Honestly I am too much of a control freak and drinking would take away my control!!)

As far as going off to college having not experienced partying in high school, everyone is different. DH was a heavy partier in high school and college. I found that the kids that partied hard in college had been doing it for years in high school before that. Every teen is different. I went to a LARGE state school for my first semester and hated it. Having not partied in High School, I still did not get involved in the frats and party scene that was available every night. After that I lived at home for the next three and half years going to college. I waitressed, studied and hung out with my friends. We didn't drink, we didn't party. I back to the LARGE state School for the last year and lived on my own in an apartment and commuted home on the weekends to the same job and friends and still no partying.

Again everyone is different. Some teens will party and test limits, some won't. I honestly think there is a tiny percentage of that, that is a result of upbringing but mostly I think it's the personality of the child that is inate. My brother and I were brought up exactly the same until we were in our late teens. We are as polar opposite as can be ....

 

[LindsayDunn228]

I didn't either and I graduated in 1996. However I have come to realize that we just aren't the norm. At the time I don't think I realized or even cared that this stuff was going on, but I am not surprised. I was in the marching band and had an active lifestyle but never was drinking involved in the activities I went to.

Even in college I didn't party and drink. That's just not my style. (Honestly I am too much of a control freak and drinking would take away my control!!)

Thanks. I don't feel like the DIS freak anymore

 

[Kath2003]

Seriously?? That's an odd thing to say, IMO. I was working too hard in college to worry about drinking. Why would you be worried about that?? In the grand scheme of things, why would you worry about a teen/college student who chose not to indulge? Frankly, I'd be proud of a kid who decided they didn't want to drink.

I didn't say I'd be worried about a child who chose not to drink. I said I'd be worried sending my child off to college with NO idea of what the effects of alcohol felt like and when to recognise when to stop through FORBIDDING them to drink even if they wanted to experiment.

I suspect that there are VERY few kids who make it through college without drinking. If a child chooses not to, that would be fine, but I don't think sending them out there with no experience of the effects of alcohol knowing that there is an extremely high chance they will participate in drinking is overly wise. I think allowing kids to drink even at home in moderation is a good educational technique, if they want to try it out.

 

[DMickey28]

Thanks. I don't feel like the DIS freak anymore

Nope not the freak! However, I grew up in a 1/2 immigrant family where alcohol was not forbidden and was allowed to taste my parents drinks and even have some champagne at New Years. Never enough to learn the effects of alcohol though... I just personally had better things to do in HS.

I have still never even had a shot!!! What's the point ...

 

[Karel]

At 22, I have never met anyone like this: even those who are now tee-total I guess they obviously don't go to the same colleges as those who do drink or have drunk in the past.

I never drank in high school. I expect my children to do the same. I don't agree with the 'that's what kids do' mentality.

My oldest is 16 and I'm pretty sure that he and his friends don't have beer bashes. I'm a little more worried about my younger son because of the people he chooses as friends. My daughter is the pickest eater in the world and has very specific tastes. It'll be a long time before she likes drinking.

 

[Bonnie40]

Thanks. I don't feel like the DIS freak anymore

I don't think anyone was calling you a freak, but just because you didn't experience teenage drinking, doesn't negate the worry and frustration of probably 80% of parents out there.

It's a huge concern and I go back and forth on how I feel about it. Did I drink when I was a teenager? Yup! Went on a school trip to Spain, drank wine to the point of being so sick that I don't touch alcohol at all (except to politely toast with a little wine once in a while). Teachers condoned it and when I look back, we could have gotten ourselves in alot of trouble! My teachers should have gotten in alot of trouble! My folks still have no idea...

My oldest didn't really experiment and we've had no problems. She's of age now, and drinks responsibly. My son (17) is a bit of a different story. I know he and his friends have drank, but he always is home at night and I've never seen him impaired. Hopefully, that's as far as it goes. He certainly knows how we feel about it, but as parents we'd be fools to not realize that it's a prevalent problem with teenagers.

 

[freckles and boo]

Thanks. I don't feel like the DIS freak anymore

You aren't the only one. I didn't drink in high school at all and very rarely in college. I never got "drunk" until after I was legal and I can probably count on both hands how many times I have had "too much". There are probably lots of reasons for this, but the biggest one was that my parents made it very, very clear that it wasn't going to happen! I just didn't want to disappoint them. They didn't drink to excess and never glamorized drinking. It just wasn't a big part of how we lived our lives.

 

[Andy B]

A couple of things, the OP said teens, what age of teen makes a difference, at 13 not I would not want my child beinh involved in this activity, at 19 I would expect them to be old enough to make some informed choices.

Is it illegal in the US to drink alcohol under the age of 21 or is it illegal to buy ar drink in licenced premises, as in the UK under 18s (16+) can drink in a restaurant with food and It is noe illegal to give 16yr olds drink at home. I give my son a glass of wine with dinner or a beer with a curry occasionally. I think it is better for him to get the start of his education with drink with us at home rather than in secret. That way I can educate him about drink being about taste and a little social lubricant not being legless.

 

[DaisyD]

I have an 18 y/o whose friends are all 21 and slightly older. There is always beer when he goes over their houses. He knows he isn't allowed to have any. Going by my own personal experiences as a teenager I can only hope and pray he behaves. I think my wild teen years are being paid back to me by my son!

 

[LindsayDunn228]

I don't think anyone was calling you a freak, but just because you didn't experience teenage drinking, doesn't negate the worry and frustration of probably 80% of parents out there.

I never said it did. I thought it might be encouraging to know that not every teenager is a partier.

 

[luvflorida]

I don't agree with the 'that's what kids do' mentality.

Neither do I. Another one here who did not drink alcohol as a teenager, and neither did my three kids. I was never a partier, and none of my kids were ever partiers.

I agree, though. The majority of older teens probably do drink, and get drunk, at some point.

I do get tired, though, of hearing the argument that if they don't cut loose at home, or while in high school, you better watch out when they go off to college. That just isn't true for all teens.

 

[Acklander]

So what would you think about a teen who refused to drink (21 or not) and chose to abstain from sex until marriage?

I would think that just fine, as each person is an individual and makes their own choices. But that doesn't mean I'd think that person a "better" person just because they choose to abstain from alchohol or sex until marriage.
I look at it this way - why does a person choose to drink/have premarital sex? Is it to follow the crowd??? That's being a sheep and a sign of immaturity. Same question with the person who chooses not to drink/not have premarital sex - are they doing it to march to their own drummer and they have a bigger vision of themself, even though everyone else is drinking and having sex or are they doing it to be self righteous and petty? Usually you can tell the difference and I've ALWAYS had great respect for those who have the guts to follow their own heart, and not concern themselves with what others are thinking about them.
Personally, I don't think you should even put the two (underage drinking/premarital sex) While I don't condone underage drinking (though am a realist in believing that it happens quite often), I truly believe that abstaining from sex until marriage is a bad idea. Keep in mind there is a BIG difference between teens having sex (which, again, I don't condone, but am a realist here as well) and adults choosing a loving relationship outside of marriage. But that's just me - If someone else chooses otherwise, more power to them - it's there life, I'm busy enough leading my own, I don't have time to lead anyone elses.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

How does this not surprise anyone?
They are teenagers!
I remember my teen years- good and bad,

I remember some of my teen years...

I have 4 kids...as far as I know, my DD went off to college and had not experienced one of these parties. I could be totally wrong, but I did try to keep my eyes open. My main concern was her driving after drinking or being in a car with someone who had. However, alcohol has never been taboo around our house and she has always been allowed sips of our drink (same with her brothers). It was taboo for me growing up and it held a big appeal. As far as I know my 16yo has not gone to a party like this, either. He tends to be very vocal about stuff, but I really would not have any way of knowing for sure and I don't pretend to.

I try to pay attention to what my kids are doing, ask questions about where they are going, keep the lines of communication open, and teach my values. Other than that, I need to trust that they are going to make the right decisions. I can't micro-manage every move they make. If I think they are making the wrong decisions I will come down on them, but I will give them some leeway in high school...I don't want them going to college being totally sheltered. I think those are the kids who go tend to go crazy with freedom once they don't have all the parental restrictions.

 

[freckles and boo]

My kids are still very young, but I do have a serious question for those of you with teens. How would you handle (or have you already handled) your child being arrested and charged with a offense like underage drinking or possession of alcohol by a minor?

I ask because my niece was arrested at sixteen and she was still allowed to go on a ski trip a week later because "it was already paid for". I bit my tongue so hard it nearly bled. As I said in my previous post, my parents made it very clear that life as I knew it would end if that were to happen to me. Every privilege and every freedom I enjoyed would be rescinded if they had to pick me up from the police station. To their credit, they also told me if I ever needed to get picked up from a party or if I was in a tough situation, they would come get me - no questions asked.

 

[noseybuddy]

Do my teens go to parties where booze is snuck in? Probably.While I'm not condoning it, I'm surprised that you're surprised. I think this has been going on for decades. I know we used to do it while in high school. My Dad used to laugh about the time he and friends dumped some vodka into a punch bowl at a sock hop. I've always considered testing boundries and doing stupid things without thinking of the concequences in teenagers as age appropriate behavior.

No, I am not surprised that it is snuck into the home, I just can't believe that after the parents find out about it, they let it continue in their home. They are minors, most from 15 - 17 and I can't believe they would want to be responsible for this. With the drinking laws today, it just doesn't make sense. It's one thing if you let your own kid have a drink in your home, but others, I don't think that is right.

 

[monarchsfan16]

I'm 20, and a sophomore in college. The only alcohol I've had has been small amounts at family functions (right or wrong, I'm from an Italian family...). I'm not the party type, and I don't see a point in getting drunk (never have been drunk, and never plan to get drunk). I'm in my fourth semester of college and have never set foot at a party here (and I'm at a party school). I was kept on a very tight leash at home (although I don't see any problems with the restrictions I had), and have not gone wild here. That being said the vast majority of my graduating class in high school would not only throw parties, basically every weekend but had no problem "pregaming" for most school events-from football games to the semi formal. Nothing quite as wonderful as being all dressed up and having to step gingerly around piles of vomit on the school gymnasium floor And yes, there are parents that condone the parties. They know their kids are going to drink so they'd rather have the kids drinking at home than out in a field somewhere where they still have to drive home. Does that make it right? No, but that's the way it is. And then of course there are plenty of parents who simply have no clue it's going on. Or they leave the kids home alone for the weekend, and the kid throws a party. I'm almost positive that more often than not, the parents have no clue what's gone on.

My sister's 16, and we're dealing with this now. We suspect that she does have access to alcohol at some of her friends' houses, and we're positive she's not as innocent in the alcohol department as she says she is. Believe me, I worry about her every day. Yes, there are tons of rules she's supposed to abide by but she has proven before that she doesn't always do what she's supposed to. I just hope that she has the common sense that if she does drink, she calls home and either asks for a ride or asks to spend the night where she is. I've lost classmates to drinking and driving; I'd prefer to not lose my sister in the same manner. My mom has made it very clear that she does not condone underage drinking (or getting drunk at any age), but she has also made it clear that if we ever do decide to drink she's only a phone call away, and judgement will be reserved for after both she and us have had the chance to sleep and think about things.

 

[Sherri]

I would imagine that things have not changed much since I was a teenager. This sort of thing happend every weekend at somones house. There was always a party and there were always drinking. I must say kids though have become very brazen to do this while the family is home. The parties we used to go to or have would be when the parents were out.
I hope my kids have more sense then me when it comes to that.

 

[sha_lyn]

I must say kids though have become very brazen to do this while the family is home. The parties we used to go to or have would be when the parents were out.

a lot of the time the parents are providing the alcohol.

 

[Kimberly]

We did the very same thing in high school, and my friend down the street had parents that started providing it to us. When you're under 21 it is the "cool" thing to drink, and his parents figured that if we're going to do it, better under the watchful eye of them than in the woods or some field (which we did once or twice). When I was in high school, I thought these parents were cool for letting us do this, but when my parents found out they were fuming. I could hardly blame them, even though I only lived a few football fields away I still drove over there when I easily could have walked. I also was the only girl in a house full of drunken guys. Looking back, it was pretty stupid... but at least his parents made sure none of us ever drove home until the next morning.