Teens, parties and drinking

[azgal81]

Alcohol was everywhere when I was in high school. I thought it was pretty common. Maybe it's just because I grew up in a small town there wasn't a whole lot to do there!

 

[noseybuddy]

Drinking at these parties is very common, but the parents letting it happen in their own home, to me just isn't right. I guess I am not the cool mom. There is no way I would have teens drinking in my home, having to be responsible for everyone of them. I am talking about teens, the ages of 14 - 17.

 

[DawnCt1]

Do my teens go to parties where booze is snuck in? Probably.While I'm not condoning it, I'm surprised that you're surprised. I think this has been going on for decades. I know we used to do it while in high school. My Dad used to laugh about the time he and friends dumped some vodka into a punch bowl at a sock hop. I've always considered testing boundries and doing stupid things without thinking of the concequences in teenagers as age appropriate behavior.

I am afraid your right. Its a teen's "job" to test the boundaries. That is why I think it is so important that parents be parents and set firm boundaries so the "rebellion" stays within limits. For those parents who supply their kids with booze, coolers and a cool place to party, what is left for their kids to rebel against?

 

[Mickey1122]

I COMPLETELY disagree with the "thats just what teens do" mentality. There are many teenagers who are simply responsible enough to recognize the consequences of that kind of behavior. They abstain, and there is absolutely no problem with that.

 

[DawnCt1]

I COMPLETELY disagree with the "thats just what teens do" mentality. There are many teenagers who are simply responsible enough to recognize the consequences of that kind of behavior. They abstain, and there is absolutely no problem with that.

I don't think that anyone is saying that is what ALL teens do, I think they are saying that is what many teens do and unfortunately many of those teens are aided and abetted by their parents who want to be buddies instead of parents.
Parents that capitulate to that behavior only encourage worse behavior. Most reasonable teens respond to consequences and they need to know that the parents will be parents and enforce them. I have seen too many graduation parties where the "keg" is put around the corner in an unsupervised area so the admonition not to drink comes with a wink and a nod.

 

[Saxsoon]

I really disagree with this. I myself have never been drunk and never took a sip of alcohol until I was 21. There are many people/teens out there who do not do this.

Still in High School, but I don't have a problem avoiding them, because I don't hang out with those people. The rest of my friends don't like alcohol either and we spend our weekends being dorks playing card and video games.

It doesn't help the teens in my area with the desert and the border near us. At least once a week I hear mention of people getting drunk and some bragging about how wasted they got. One girl asked my English teacher if we could take it easy since she had a Hangover! There's your sign.

 

[Tom Servo]

I'm not gunna lie, we just brought a full bottle to the party when I was their age. Hiding the booze never seems to be enough.

Kids will be kids. You were interested in things you can't do as a child too.

 

[Planogirl]

This went on all the time even back when I was a teen. Some kids drank and some refused. I hope that I can raise DS to refuse.

 

[JVL1018]

Well we didnt sneak alcohol into parties when the parents were home, everyone had parties when their parents were away, so sneaking was not necessary..

There was at least one party a month my jr and sr years of high school-I graduated in 1989(and we had only 100 kids in our class) and there was always a keg-I hated beer but I drank it anyway, as did almost everyone in my class, it was just what we did.

I never had a party myself,-I didnt trust anyone. LOL
My brother did though--OMG we had all the windows open the whole night to get rid of the cigarette smell after the party, it was FREEEZING-I think it was November.And yes, my parents found out and he got in SO much trouble!

The police used to come if they were called for all our parties, but no one EVER was arrested, I never even heard of a minor in possession charge until like last year--the cops used to just walk in the house and tell us all to leave--and that was that.

My husband drank often in high school as well--and neither of us drink now, except maybe 1-2 times a year--we got ot all out of our system early.

My kids, I sort of expect them to drink when they are 17, 18 and older, but I do not condone it, I will not allow it and if I find out they will be in BIG trouble!

 

[MrsPete]

I'm also surprised you're surprised....you never went to parties in high school where drinking was involved?? I graduated in 1974 and there was drinking (and more) at parties then.

I graduated in 1984, and I never attended parties where drinking was involved. I also didn't drink heavily in college.

As a high school teacher, I can tell you that SOME kids today would still say the same thing. They may be in the minority, but they are a sizable group.

I think entirely too many parents today have just given up the fight, saying "Everybody does it", or "They're going to do it anyway, so I might as well let them do it at home". If you EXPECT it's going to happen, you're probably right! This is a defeatist attitude. On the other hand, if you teach them WHY it's dangerous at a young age, WHY you disapprove of them drinking at a young age, there's a very good chance that they'll make a better decision.

 

[sPaRkLeSpAz]

Well, I'm 18 and I drink sometimes. I agreed to only drink when I'm somewhere with my parents or out with my older cousins, like on New Years or something...

 

[Luv'sTink]

I COMPLETELY disagree with the "thats just what teens do" mentality. There are many teenagers who are simply responsible enough to recognize the consequences of that kind of behavior. They abstain, and there is absolutely no problem with that.

I never drank in high school, I have never been "drunk" or to this day ever take an illegal drug. I went to an alternative high school. I was surrounded by "bad" kids, I went there because at the time it was the only high school that allowed 9th graders in with the higher level classes.

 

[horseshowmom]

I graduated in 1984, and I never attended parties where drinking was involved. I also didn't drink heavily in college.

As a high school teacher, I can tell you that SOME kids today would still say the same thing. They may be in the minority, but they are a sizable group.

I think entirely too many parents today have just given up the fight, saying "Everybody does it", or "They're going to do it anyway, so I might as well let them do it at home". If you EXPECT it's going to happen, you're probably right! This is a defeatist attitude. On the other hand, if you teach them WHY it's dangerous at a young age, WHY you disapprove of them drinking at a young age, there's a very good chance that they'll make a better decision.

I totally agree. My DD is 19 and at a university. She doesn't drink now and never has. She gets really disgusted with how pathetic some of the people are at school. She's had people come into morning classes still reeking of alcohol. She's seen students who started out as good students drop down lower and lower due to the partying. She talks about what a waste it is. She's in a Facebook group called something like "I can have a good time without drinking alcohol."

She has quite a few friends who feel the same way she does.

Her boyfriend is 23 and also doesn't drink. He will admit that he has on the rare occasion (while he was still in college) but will follow that up with saying that he hasn't spend $25 on tobacco or alcohol put together in his whole life. In fact, he commented the other day (when discussing some trouble someone he knew was in) that he'd never heard of anybody who got old and said they wished they'd drank more alcohol (but that it sure has ruined a lot of lives).

 

[PrincessTiff]

I did all the time when I was a teenager. I hope my kids don't but you know how that goes!.

Same here. It's not as appealing in college.

So what would you think about a teen who refused to drink (21 or not) and chose to abstain from sex until marriage?

I know this question wasn't adressed to me but i'd say that their 1 in a million.

 

[horseshowmom]

Same here. It's not as appealing in college.



I know this question wasn't adressed to me but i'd say that their 1 in a million.

I'm not sure I'd agree with those statistics either. I would agree that the individuals would be in the minority, but I don't believe that they're one in a million.

My DD would agree with abstaining from sex until marriage. Her three best friends at school feel the same way. Some of these girls have long term boyfriends, but they have chosen to abstain.

In fact, one of them has just asked her current roommate (they were best friends all through high school) to move out at the end of the semester due to the girl having her boyfriend over to spend the night from time to time. What the roommate chooses to do is her business, but the other girl doesn't care to be involved in it.

 

[DisneyStar006]

I drank as a teenager (but not a whole lot) and I did/still do at college. My parents will also admit that they bought us alcohol to drink at the occasional party (legally - we were over 18 and living in England) I also tell my parents exactly how much I'm drinking and when I'm doing it (my sister does the same) not because I want my them to be my buddies rather than parents, but because we believe in keeping in the lines of communication open.

 

[kaler27]

Well, I'm 18 and I drink sometimes. I agreed to only drink when I'm somewhere with my parents or out with my older cousins, like on New Years or something...

This is the way it was with me too. I'm 22 now but starting when I was probably 16 my parents would let me have the occasional drink during family parties, wedding receptions, New Years Eve, etc. Always when they were around to keep an eye on me. Since I was allowed to experiment with alcohol under the eye of my parents I never felt the need to go to those kinds of parties in high school.

I'm sure that kind of thing wouldn't work for every teen, but I was glad of it when I went to college. I knew how much alcohol I could handle and I knew how to handle the situation if one of my friends had too much to drink. My sophomore year in college one of my friends knocked on my door at 2 in the morning because another friend of ours was drunk and was going to be sick and she didn't know what to do. I hadn't been drinking and I stayed up with them until she was sober again. They were glad that someone was there that knew how to handle the situation. Because I had experience with responsible drinking as a teenager I'm usually the one who ends up taking care of my friends when we're all drinking together, and I've never been too drunk to take care of myself.

I think people drink either to have fun or to "be cool." Those who drink to have fun usually are able to drink responsibly (it's pretty obviously not fun anymore when you're hugging a toilet). I think those who drink to be cool (and most of the parties the OP is talking about are probably this type) are those who can get out of control more easily, trying to keep up with their friends. I think if parents want to let their older teens drink at home responsibly for fun there's nothing wrong with it. But I don't think it's ever okay to provide other people's underage children with alcohol or allow your underage child to go to a party with friends if you know they will be drinking.

 

[SandraVB79]

In Belgium, I don't even think there's an age limit regarding drinking alcohol. We grow up with it, and me know how to handle it. My parents learned me not to drink and drive and to not drive with someone who is drunk.
Also, when you've bene sick once from drinking at a young age, there's a high chance they won't drink anymore

Teach them how to handle alcohol. I know for myself when to stop in order to a) not make a fool of myself and b) still be able to drive safely.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

I know this question wasn't adressed to me but i'd say that their 1 in a million.

Wow!! I am one in a million? That made my day!!

ETA: My husband is, too!!

 

[Kath2003]

I totally agree. My DD is 19 and at a university. She doesn't drink now and never has. She gets really disgusted with how pathetic some of the people are at school. She's had people come into morning classes still reeking of alcohol. She's seen students who started out as good students drop down lower and lower due to the partying. She talks about what a waste it is. She's in a Facebook group called something like "I can have a good time without drinking alcohol."

That's nice, but she needs to realise that, like her as a non-drinker, excessive drinkers are in the minority. The majority of college students can enjoy alcohol without getting into a state over it. I've drunk (legally) for the entire four years of my degree - not once have I gone to class "reeking of alcohol", not once have my grades dropped. I don't know of anyone who HAS done those things - and yes, I get drunk probably once a week. The difference is, I plan my social life around my studies, as opposed to excessive drinkers who plan their studies around their social life.

You don't have to be tee-total to dislike the excessive mentality some people have towards alcohol. People who drink and get drunk on a regular basis dislike those who act out and give the rest of us a bad name. Alcohol can be part of a great social life and it can cause you no trouble whatsoever if you know your limits and drink responsibly.

Of course, if someone's idea of socializing was say, playing soccer, and they planned their studies around their social life; and their grades dropped because of it, and they came to class covered in mud, no one would bat an eyelid because there's no taboo or self-righteousness about playing soccer.

Alcohol can be part of an active, healthy lifestyle. It is recommended that certain drinks are part of a healthy lifestyle (red wine, for example, in moderation can have cancer-cause-fighting properties).