Teenagers!

[Melbourne5]

All I wish to say on this matter is my 3 boys (14,12,6) rough house behaviour is looking better and better each post I read !

 

[Andona]

I remember the first night, we were sharing the room with her, and because of the time difference, her phone was going off all night - even though it was on silent, it still buzzed, - I took it off her and therefore it didnt charge - and she had a total meltdown "my friends, my friends" - she was also sick and jetlagged at this point. We were going to Typhoon Lagoon that day, and she was moaning "I dont feel well"

I was not going to spend all day fighting with her, so she stayed in the room all day, and everyone was happy!!

The next night she swapped with one of her brothers in the other room, "cause Dad snores" - and probably spent all night on the phone.

We are all in the one room for 9nights in Japan - but there isnt a time difference - so they have got to sleep sometime right? I will just make sure her bed is furthest from mine.....

I could talk on this subject for hours.

lol! One of the reasons the our DD stopped travelling with us was the " dad snores" problem luckily DS could sleep through a hurricane and I'm used to it!

Also re the "friends" , their friends are SO important to them at that Age! Can you get her a sim with unlimited data in Japan? She will probably be a much happier girl if she's constantly in touch and if she's happy, you'll all be happy!

All I wish to say on this matter is my 3 boys (14,12,6) rough house behaviour is looking better and better each post I read !

I agree, I've found my boys to be a lot less complicated! The only worries with them has been the " getting them to study!!" issue and, to a lesser extent, the alcohol issue.

Ain't it great being a parent!!
P.s. I'd love to hear Karens take on this but I think she's on her cruise now...

Andona

 

[battymum]

Yes, Melb5,

I have twin boys that will be 15 next month - they are so easy going - but a little noisy, which drives their sister mad.

 

[battymum]

lol! Also re the "friends" , their friends are SO important to them at that Age! Can you get her a sim with unlimited data in Japan? She will probably be a much happier girl if she's constantly in touch and if she's happy, you'll all be happy!

Andona

Yes, that is one of the most important things in my planning - we will get local sims with data (not unlimited, I can get unlimited with slow speed and doesnt support skype or viber or 1g with faster speed, which should be enough for 2 weeks)
This will serve to keep us in touch with each other as well as the friends.

 

[Ms. Shuttergirl]

Gosh,

Thanks everybody for your thoughts - I do believe what we are going through is pretty normal - and I do realise that mostly I am pretty lucky, and she is definitely getting better -

I have found with her, once I let her make her own decisions, she usually made the right ones - she just doesnt like being "bossed around" - this has been true, from the time she could talk.

As for the holiday, last year when we went to the US - she had the t-mobile sim on her phone -so spent a lot of time texting, facebooking - it drove me mad, but if I fought her on it, it would only make the trip worse - and it was really only annoying me -

I remember the first night, we were sharing the room with her, and because of the time difference, her phone was going off all night - even though it was on silent, it still buzzed, - I took it off her and therefore it didnt charge - and she had a total meltdown "my friends, my friends" - she was also sick and jetlagged at this point. We were going to Typhoon Lagoon that day, and she was moaning "I dont feel well"

I was not going to spend all day fighting with her, so she stayed in the room all day, and everyone was happy!!

The next night she swapped with one of her brothers in the other room, "cause Dad snores" - and probably spent all night on the phone.

We are all in the one room for 9nights in Japan - but there isnt a time difference - so they have got to sleep sometime right? I will just make sure her bed is furthest from mine.....

I could talk on this subject for hours.

This is a very relevant post for me and a little scary.

With our upcoming 5 week trip I had no intention of getting out daughter a sim card for her phone. I was just going to let her check in on Facebook at night on my laptop or on the ipad.

I may need to discuss this with her and manage her expectations because I don't know whether she's thought about not having a phone with her as yet.

Hmmmm, lots to think about.

 

[Travel Mum]

This is a very relevant post for me and a little scary.

With our upcoming 5 week trip I had no intention of getting out daughter a sim card for her phone. I was just going to let her check in on Facebook at night on my laptop or on the ipad.

I may need to discuss this with her and manage her expectations because I don't know whether she's thought about not having a phone with her as yet.

Hmmmm, lots to think about.

That is also a good point for me with our upcoming trip to Hawaii too. I'd probably have more chance of having a happy DD14 (and let's be honest, a happy DD14 gives more chance of having a happy family ) if she has access to her Facebook aka friends! Better try and broach that with DH because not sure he will agree to her being on FB during our family holiday and us providing data for her to do it.

 

[battymum]

That is also a good point for me with our upcoming trip to Hawaii too. I'd probably have more chance of having a happy DD14 (and let's be honest, a happy DD14 gives more chance of having a happy family ) if she has access to her Facebook aka friends! Better try and broach that with DH because not sure he will agree to her being on FB during our family holiday and us providing data for her to do it.

Thats the way I saw it - but she had already come to me and asked what we could do about it.

At that time, she was the only one in our family with a smartphone - as data/phone wasnt that important to us, it made sense to get only one simcard and put it in her phone - we used that to make any calls we needed to, when we could pry it from her hands.

We managed with only one phone in our party.

Actually, now I remember, I made her pay for it.

 

[cola]

A girl that my daughter is friends with recently went to a co-ed party and came home to tell the mother that there was alcohol there, girls kissing to impress the boys and spin the bottle. Now at 14 I would expect spin the bottle, perhaps some kissing although I wouldn't have thought "to impress others" kissing and I definitely wouldn't have thought alcohol. This really floored me. I can't believe this is where things are up to

Hopefully I am getting way too far ahead of where they are, but 'girls kissing to impress the boys' to me sounds like girls kissing, as in a girl kissing a girl, not because the girls are interested in kissing each other, just that it does get attention from the boys.
The even more pervasive thing is along the lines of Bill Clinton's "I did not have sexual relations with that woman" statement - that type of activity doesn't count.
It's all fairly scary stuff trying to keep up with what is 'acceptable'.

 

[frangipanisam]

I've been wanting to reply to this but waited until I was at a pc rather then off my phone

Now I'm 23 so it was not too long ago that I was a silly teenage girl and I tell you there were times I was a b!t(h to my parents they were not too often but they did happened.

I was a very well behaved child with for the most part well behaved friends. I went to a coed Catholic high school and I do think this made a difference in how I chose to do things along with my parents strictish expectations. I think I'm really "normal" and don't tend to go out a lot now because I work all day Saturdays still so I very rarely drink. Most of my current friends are quite similar to me and the one that is the most different went to a public high school and is still extremely spoilt so she really has no idea about the real world (IMO).

I only ever went to my friends birthday parties and do not regret never going to a grade party throughout school. When I was in year 10 thats when I was allowed to bus it to the local shopping center with friends (Mt Druitt ) and every so often one parent would drop us off at the Plaza. We'd shop or see a movie and act like normal people who actually wore real clothes One girl caused problems quite often and by the end of year 11 we no longer spoke to her, she was a downright cow.

I really don't understand what it is about teenage girls and their attitude. I think its getting worse because kids are growing up so much quicker these days and my younger sister is one of them. Her attitude is quite disgusting at times and she is 14 today was apparently quite bad as her best friend was over and she was being rude so my sister followed suit, mum was going to ball her out when the friend went home so will report back

Example yesterday mum got a block of Cadbury choc to share between four of us...her and her friend had demolished it when I went in and asked for some around 9pm last night. Mum went off considering they had the discussion in woolies and she still did her own thing

ohh actually the most recent one that got me was about a fortnight ago. I drove both my siblings home from school as I had been doing a causal day at the primary school where mum works which is down the road from their high school. Mum tells my brother "help take the washing off when you get home before the rain sets in". We get home, he refuses to help and she takes off into the house. So I proceed to get two loads of washing off myself in the pouring rain neither of them bothered to even unlock the back door for me so I then walked back around the front and went in through the garage. Now common sense tells me oh its raining I'll help Sam get the washing off...nope couldn't do that

All in all I hope your DD gets out of her attitude phase sooner rather then later because its horrible for all involved we've got it going on here aswell so your not in it alone

My advice is similar to everyone else, set the boundaries early and then ignore her as she stews about them because she probably will if she thinks they are unfair I tended to stew more then go off as a teen because I knew that would get me into trouble

 

[Ms. Shuttergirl]

Hopefully I am getting way too far ahead of where they are, but 'girls kissing to impress the boys' to me sounds like girls kissing, as in a girl kissing a girl, not because the girls are interested in kissing each other, just that it does get attention from the boys.
The even more pervasive thing is along the lines of Bill Clinton's "I did not have sexual relations with that woman" statement - that type of activity doesn't count.
It's all fairly scary stuff trying to keep up with what is 'acceptable'.

Cola - I absolutely knew it was the girls only kissing each other purely to impress the boys. That is what bothered me that they were doing that to impress boys, I'd like to think they had more self esteem than that.

If a girl had been kissing another girl because she is gay and was attracted to her that wouldn't have bothered me at all. It's the showing off for the boys thing that saddened me.

 

[Ms. Shuttergirl]

Battymum - I think you have nothing to worry about for this trip. You and your daughter have spoken, you have things in place to manage everyone's need for space, tiredness etc. so I feel you have handled the situation beautifully.

 

[marvel]

So i start reading out some of this post to the DW because we have a DD14 who so far is good, but of course exhibits some of the mood swings mentioned by others earlier. So she enters the room and by the time I have read out a few more of the interesting posts we have all had a big blow up due to DD saying that she does not want to wake up every day at 7am on our pending trip next year.

Well that sent us off, start talking about appreciating the holiday etc etc and that if she wanted to sleep in till 11am every day then this trip is not for her and she is old enough to stay with her grandparents. So apparently we are overeacting and that holidays are about relaxing and storms off!

Now she knows that we have plenty of time for breaks on our holidays and on the upcoming one we are going for over 30 days just for California so will have plenty of time to relax.

I find it hard to sleep in on any US holidays, i figure i can sleep in at home, why sleep when I can be in Disney or New York etc etc. I forget the teenagers loves of sleep !!

Really enjoying the thread, it's great to see such concerned and well thought out responses. Totally agree with the facebook and texting, it is crazy but you can't stop it with this generation, they have grown up with technology and it is such a part of their lives, the sad thing is that nothing much positive comes out of facebook and the like. Much of it is mindless blabbering which is time they could have spent doing something constructive.

I think many of us are coming to the last few trips that we can take together as a family, when kids start uni and working and even don't want to travel with family any more. Once that happens we will probably still be on DIS talking about our childless holidays! Maybe we will have time to arrange for DISMEETS in the US then!

 

[cola]

Cola - I absolutely knew it was the girls only kissing each other purely to impress the boys.

Oh dear, that's great you know what it meant, but it is very sad they are doing that It really is true youth is wasted on the young, so much time is spent doing really silly things, and worrying about really silly things, it wastes sooooooo much time, but hopefully they come out of it with a balanced set of priorities.
Travel can help with priorities, experiencing life beyond 'friends' has to be a plus!

 

[Ms. Shuttergirl]

So i start reading out some of this post to the DW because we have a DD14 who so far is good, but of course exhibits some of the mood swings mentioned by others earlier. So she enters the room and by the time I have read out a few more of the interesting posts we have all had a big blow up due to DD saying that she does not want to wake up every day at 7am on our pending trip next year.

Well that sent us off, start talking about appreciating the holiday etc etc and that if she wanted to sleep in till 11am every day then this trip is not for her and she is old enough to stay with her grandparents. So apparently we are overeacting and that holidays are about relaxing and storms off!

Now she knows that we have plenty of time for breaks on our holidays and on the upcoming one we are going for over 30 days just for California so will have plenty of time to relax.

I find it hard to sleep in on any US holidays, i figure i can sleep in at home, why sleep when I can be in Disney or New York etc etc. I forget the teenagers loves of sleep !!

Really enjoying the thread, it's great to see such concerned and well thought out responses. Totally agree with the facebook and texting, it is crazy but you can't stop it with this generation, they have grown up with technology and it is such a part of their lives, the sad thing is that nothing much positive comes out of facebook and the like. Much of it is mindless blabbering which is time they could have spent doing something constructive.

I think many of us are coming to the last few trips that we can take together as a family, when kids start uni and working and even don't want to travel with family any more. Once that happens we will probably still be on DIS talking about our childless holidays! Maybe we will have time to arrange for DISMEETS in the US then!

I 100% agree that these overseas trips are not for sleeping in. I always consider them trips rather than holidays. Holidays are for going somewhere warm to laze around, relax, swim, eat, sleep. These trips most of us are planning are go go go, trying to see lots of wonderful and unique things, experiencing different cultures and cities, seeing landmarks and history, etc.

I always have that line "you snooze you lose" running through my head on these holidays because I always want to be out the door early to avoid the crowds which can only make our time away together as a family better, more action packed, less stressful, etc.

My daughter isn't mad for sleeping in all that much yet but slowly and surely it's creeping later and later. I will have to remind her that won't be the case on this upcoming trip

 

[JennyN]

I have been reading this thread and you all have me starting to worry. We have been travelling with our now almost 18 year old DD all her life with almost none of these problems, however this trip we have 12 teenage girls aged between 15 and 18 years. I'm not sure how I will manage if some of them refuse to get out of bed or refuse to leave the room or more worrisome, storm off alone. Oh heavens now I'm really starting to panic.

 

[alicia1506]

I have been reading this thread and you all have me starting to worry. We have been travelling with our now almost 18 year old DD all her life with almost none of these problems, however this trip we have 12 teenage girls aged between 15 and 18 years. I'm not sure how I will manage if some of them refuse to get out of bed or refuse to leave the room or more worrisome, storm off alone. Oh heavens now I'm really starting to panic.

jenny i think you just need to talk with them prior to the trip and just lay out some ground rules and expectations and that your expectation is that the girls all agree to abide by those rules. i've found that clear communication and laying out your expectations for both their behaviour and your own typically leads to less stress on the trip and less miscommunications etc.

 

[battymum]

Actually, I think they will be better because their mother is not there. There seems to be a common theme here, that they just unload on their families.

I have been contemplating offering for her to bring a friend along - our accomodation will take another person, as long as they pay their own airfare - and spending money. The one I was thinking will already be 18, so not a child and we know the family well. Just not sure they would have the cash, and if I put the offer out there and they dont take it, then DD might not want to come at all. Yeah, probably not going to happen.

I was talking to DD last night - and she said "you know sometimes your friends get annoying and you just stop hanging out with that one for a while, well you guys are always there and sometimes I just need a change" - makes sense I guess.

I am really grateful for all the input, especially from those whose teenage years werent that long ago. I am sure we will survive.

I was thinking about the party thing, and was asking myself, surely she has been to a party, and I remember last year after her Year 10 formal, someone organised an after party - They lived a long way from school - (think 45mins, way out past Silverdale, for those that know the area, she had been to a party there before, but I picked up at 9:00pm when everyone else, boys and girls were staying over )

They had organised a bus to pick up from the formal and drive them out to this property, - DD had no interest in going - "'I'll have my fun at the formal " so she and her girlfriend slept here. (lucky break for me there!, obviously it would be an all nighter as they wouldnt get there till after midnight)

As it was a midweek function, noone had any intention of going to school the next day, and the teachers probably didnt expect anyone. DD's rebellion was to go to school and demand that those teachers, "teach us something!"

 

[frangipanisam]

I was thinking about the party thing, and was asking myself, surely she has been to a party, and I remember last year after her Year 10 formal, someone organised an after party - They lived a long way from school - (think 45mins, way out past Silverdale, for those that know the area, she had been to a party there before, but I picked up at 9:00pm when everyone else, boys and girls were staying over )

They had organised a bus to pick up from the formal and drive them out to this property, - DD had no interest in going - "'I'll have my fun at the formal " so she and her girlfriend slept here. (lucky break for me there!, obviously it would be an all nighter as they wouldnt get there till after midnight)

As it was a midweek function, noone had any intention of going to school the next day, and the teachers probably didnt expect anyone. DD's rebellion was to go to school and demand that those teachers, "teach us something!"

None of my friends went to any Year 10 After parties and while we had finished school alot of our grade had peer support training for Year 11 the next day (on purpose because we had organised our formal ourselves, no school involvement!) so we behaved and slept so we didn't look too stupid to the teachers

Then in Year 12 we went out to lunch instead of going to the graduation house party between the school graduation assembley and the evening Mass and dinner. Just imagine what our teachers thought when a large percentage turned up extremely happy at the Church, some with hip flasks

Then our grade organised a cruise after party on the Harbour because we had our Year 12 formal in at Le Montage and you had to wear a wrist band if you were over 18 to be able to purchase drinks ect and if anyone was caught with a drink who didn't have a wrist band the cruise would end. That being said most of our group were underage myself included so we didn't bother and I don't remember if anyone else had any parties but who cares!

I love your DD's attitude to just have a sleepover with a friend and demand her teachers teach her something the next day

Little off topic, Is your DD at the Catholic co-ed with the blue, red & white school colours or red, grey & yellow just curious because we were always mistaken for the blue, red & white school if we went to Penrith in uniform as ours was almost identical but they changed it now and its and one of my favourite teachers moved down to that school after I graduated

 

[Andona]

I find it hard to sleep in on any US holidays, i figure i can sleep in at home, why sleep when I can be in Disney or New York etc etc. I forget the teenagers loves of sleep !!

My DH and I are just the same! It's cost us a lot of money to be here so we want to see as much as possible, if we want relaxation we go to Queensland

However we still have a 15 year old with us and he just needs to sleep ( what IS it with teenagers and sleep?!). Anyway, this road trip is turning out ideal for our separate needs, DS sleeps in while DH and I go to breakfast, I bring him back muffins and fruit which he eats in the car.

And then hes catching up on his extra sleep in the car, he slept through most of Louisiana! We've started calling him Nap-boy
Andona

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