Teenagers...UGH...

[kellyg403]

I thought I would survive it..don't think I can. Well, I know I can but this is one of those times where it is totally overwhelming to deal with the drama and the attitude and the eye rolling and the I am right you are always wrong attitudes.

Good gravy. I am starting to wonder if these are my real children. Possibly they were switched at birth and my perfect wonderful teenagers are living in someone else's house?

So today said teen girl is not speaking to me because I am always picking on her and you know I am just the meanest person in the world. I hate the first 7 days of the month with this child..literally. Who knew that a simple please stop being rude to everyone around you would erupt into a nightmare of drama.

Kelly

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Oh you will make it. My dd's are 13 and 18.

 

[kellyg403]

The three older teens were pretty much a breeze...but there is always one in the crowd I suppose.

But, its all dh's fault anyway.

Kelly

 

[golfgal]

We have 3 teenagers and usually they aren't too bad. DD14 was starting to cop an attitude and we reminded her that that kind of behavior isn't allowed here and if she wanted to keep it up she could keep it up from the privacy of her own bedroom-without her phone, Ipod, etc. oh and more importantly ANY OF HER FRIENDS. It is AMAZING how fast she shaped up .

 

[RitaZ.]

Remember to be patient with her... it must be quite difficult to carry the burden of knowing everything all the time.

 

[Tantor]

no advice....I have a DD whonis turning 14 in January....never know what each day will bring...she can be so sweet and then @%&%&....I just try to deal with it day to day and not worry abou the little things. I find praising her on her good choices does help.
Good luck I'm right there with ya...

 

[kellyg403]

Remember to be patient with her... it must be quite difficult to carry the burden of knowing everything all the time.

You know I never thought of that...it has to be extremely difficult to be so perfect. Since I can't relate I imagine at this point I will have to add that in the equation when I am thinking bad thoughts!

Yeah..today is definitely one of those days where I need to find the humor in the attitude!

You guys are making me realize it IS ME!

Kelly

 

[golfgal]

You know I never thought of that...it has to be extremely difficult to be so perfect. Since I can't relate I imagine at this point I will have to add that in the equation when I am thinking bad thoughts!

Yeah..today is definitely one of those days where I need to find the humor in the attitude!

You guys are making me realize it IS ME!

Kelly

Ya, well teenagers suck out your brain cells pretty quickly and they don't regenerate until they have kids of their own .

 

[kellyg403]

no advice....I have a DD whonis turning 14 in January....never know what each day will bring...she can be so sweet and then @%&%&....I just try to deal with it day to day and not worry abou the little things. I find praising her on her good choices does help.
Good luck I'm right there with ya...

This particular dd is very sensitive. We have tried the praising route and it seems to make her MORE sensitive. But, she can't seem to apply that same to others.

I have spoken to her a few times in the past two months that she can't be upset with someone being rude/unkind/sarcastic/whatever to her if she is being the same to them. Everyday is some kind of drama with this friend or that. I am not trying to upset her, just help her understand that if she finds it ok to tell her friend or sibling something in a rude manner that she shouldn't be surprised so much when they are rude back.

I am sure it is a maturity issue...she just turned 16. But at this rate one of us might not make it to 17.

Kelly

 

[Christine]

This particular dd is very sensitive. We have tried the praising route and it seems to make her MORE sensitive. But, she can't seem to apply that same to others.

I have spoken to her a few times in the past two months that she can't be upset with someone being rude/unkind/sarcastic/whatever to her if she is being the same to them. Everyday is some kind of drama with this friend or that. I am not trying to upset her, just help her understand that if she finds it ok to tell her friend or sibling something in a rude manner that she shouldn't be surprised so much when they are rude back.

I am sure it is a maturity issue...she just turned 16. But at this rate one of us might not make it to 17.

Kelly

My best friend's 13 y/o daughter is this way (her older DD was not like this). She has been like this for a LONG time and seems to take after her father. She (and he) can be quite mean and ruthless but, God forbid you turn it back on them. FWIW, my friend does not think she will change at all.

 

[kellyg403]

My best friend's 13 y/o daughter is this way (her older DD was not like this). She has been like this for a LONG time and seems to take after her father. She (and he) can be quite mean and ruthless but, God forbid you turn it back on them. FWIW, my friend does not think she will change at all.

Yes, sometimes I 'do' think this is a quality she will carry for awhile. When I first noticed it, I didn't say much buuuut...lately it is almost out of control. For no reason, if she think someone is implying anything negative to her she totally freaks out. Yesterday I came home and found a mess because someone fed the dogs table food. DS said something about he didn't do it and she piped up and started freaking out and said "my dad told me it was ok'. I didn't even know she was the person who gave them anything. She started yelling that ds knew she was the one and he was trying to get her in trouble and blah blah...trust me I hope to never relive the experience.

This morning I said goodbye, she rolled her eyes and said please don't speak to me. I said, well that is rude and you need to be careful. At which point she stomped to her room and got her stuff and left...the whole while mumbling under her breath about not being able to wait to get out into own apartment.

Me, being me, said yeah..I am sure it will be a wonderful experience for us both. I need to learn to shut up too! I just need to learn self control but I can't take the disrespectful thing.

Kelly

 

[Christine]

Me, being me, said yeah..I am sure it will be a wonderful experience for us both. I need to learn to shut up too! I just need to learn self control but I can't take the disrespectful thing.

Kelly

I don't agree with that though. I think too many parents, in an attempt to be "nice" and not wreck their poor baby's self-esteem don't say enough to their kids when they act up. I agree not letting things get into a knock down drag out, but a teen needs to know that they cannot talk to their parents or other people without the realization that it could come back on them.

 

[golfgal]

Yes, sometimes I 'do' think this is a quality she will carry for awhile. When I first noticed it, I didn't say much buuuut...lately it is almost out of control. For no reason, if she think someone is implying anything negative to her she totally freaks out. Yesterday I came home and found a mess because someone fed the dogs table food. DS said something about he didn't do it and she piped up and started freaking out and said "my dad told me it was ok'. I didn't even know she was the person who gave them anything. She started yelling that ds knew she was the one and he was trying to get her in trouble and blah blah...trust me I hope to never relive the experience.

This morning I said goodbye, she rolled her eyes and said please don't speak to me. I said, well that is rude and you need to be careful. At which point she stomped to her room and got her stuff and left...the whole while mumbling under her breath about not being able to wait to get out into own apartment.

Me, being me, said yeah..I am sure it will be a wonderful experience for us both. I need to learn to shut up too! I just need to learn self control but I can't take the disrespectful thing.

Kelly

You REALLY need to nip this in the bud and stop tap dancing around her. Tell her what behavior is expected and that she will NOT treat you or anyone in the house like that. If she wants to stomp to her bedroom like a 3 year old then you treat her like a 3 year old. If she wants her own apartment, then pretend her bedroom is an apartment and start charging her rent, a portion of the utilities, an extra fee for use of the kitchen, she can buy her own groceries, etc. Just because teenagers are moody doesn't mean we HAVE to put with their behavior.

When she said "MY Dad" is this a remarriage situation?

 

[Shmily1]

I love your comment, Kelly!!

When DD18 was going through all the mood swings (well, she still does sometimes just not as bad), I would say, "honey, do you need a hug" and she would just shake her head yeah, come hug me,and start crying. Then I felt bad for picking on her!!

 

[The Princess]

I'm right there with you!!!! Sometimes I feel like I have to walk on pins and needles and watch what I say!!! I have 2 dd's 17 and 14 so usually once a month (if you know what I mean)its like that other than that they are a dream and I love being around them!! lol

 

[RitaZ.]

This morning I said goodbye, she rolled her eyes and said please don't speak to me. I said, well that is rude and you need to be careful. At which point she stomped to her room and got her stuff and left...the whole while mumbling under her breath about not being able to wait to get out into own apartment.

Kelly

Well, I remember saying the same thing to my mom when I was about her age. The good news is that I matured and have a great relationship with my mom. So, there is hope!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Yes, sometimes I 'do' think this is a quality she will carry for awhile. When I first noticed it, I didn't say much buuuut...lately it is almost out of control. For no reason, if she think someone is implying anything negative to her she totally freaks out. Yesterday I came home and found a mess because someone fed the dogs table food. DS said something about he didn't do it and she piped up and started freaking out and said "my dad told me it was ok'. I didn't even know she was the person who gave them anything. She started yelling that ds knew she was the one and he was trying to get her in trouble and blah blah...trust me I hope to never relive the experience.

This morning I said goodbye, she rolled her eyes and said please don't speak to me. I said, well that is rude and you need to be careful. At which point she stomped to her room and got her stuff and left...the whole while mumbling under her breath about not being able to wait to get out into own apartment.

Me, being me, said yeah..I am sure it will be a wonderful experience for us both. I need to learn to shut up too! I just need to learn self control but I can't take the disrespectful thing.

Kelly

That is when I break out my secret weapon called.....HUGS! And I am not joking. I hug, hug, hug....chase them down if I have to.

So now they know if they start complaining the hugs are coming. And to be honest, they actually like them now. Who knew?

 

[kellyg403]

You REALLY need to nip this in the bud and stop tap dancing around her. Tell her what behavior is expected and that she will NOT treat you or anyone in the house like that. If she wants to stomp to her bedroom like a 3 year old then you treat her like a 3 year old. If she wants her own apartment, then pretend her bedroom is an apartment and start charging her rent, a portion of the utilities, an extra fee for use of the kitchen, she can buy her own groceries, etc. Just because teenagers are moody doesn't mean we HAVE to put with their behavior.

When she said "MY Dad" is this a remarriage situation?

Yes, it is a remarriage situation but she has been living with me since she was 7. I think I tap dance a little more with her because I don't want her to feel differently, but trust me I 'do' treat her a differently because of it. I do think as she gets older there are trust issues because of her bio mom but sometimes I feel badly because there are events associated with mom that start one of these cycles. I feel badly for her and try to give her slack, but ultimately in the end being disrespectful is not the way to go.

She is quite old enough to know, that how we treat others is a VERY important of our relationship with others. It is hard for her because of the above and how she is treated by certain people she loves. But sometimes, I get the brunt of it I feel because I am a constant, it blows over, and things are o.k. She knows I am not going to abuse her or leave her so she doesn't have to walk on eggshells with me like with some others. So, I do take that in to consideration.

But today, while I feel bad for her, I also want to let her know its not OK at all!

Kelly

 

[catycatcat4]

My parents where saying last night that pain killer they gave me for my wisdom teeth getting out taken is also a cure for teenage additude! try getting your kids wisdom teeth taken out it might work!

 

[kellyg403]

I'm right there with you!!!! Sometimes I feel like I have to walk on pins and needles and watch what I say!!! I have 2 dd's 17 and 14 so usually once a month (if you know what I mean)its like that other than that they are a dream and I love being around them!! lol

Ditto...with this dd it appears to be the same. I have tried talking to dh about 'maybe' there being an issue with prementrual syndrome or something hormonal but he seems to feel it is more an issue of being a teen.

All I can say is that somedays I want to move in an apartment! She is not a bad kid, 85 percent of the time she is a doll. But the 15% she isn't...well its like Chucky takes over her body!

Kelly