teen with bad eating habits

[ez]

I would appreciate any suggestions on how to get a teenage girl to eat healthier. Not only will she not eat healthy, but I think there is a bit of compulsive eating going on too. She is 25-30 lbs overweight, easily, maybe more. She will never eat what I make for dinner, maybe only like 1 out of 20 times. I try to buy healthier choices for her...this is also extremely expensive like she wont eat what we eat cause she doesnt like it and I have to but all this stuff for her, and then she will go thru the whole thing in a day...for ex, whole wheat waffles are good, but what if you eat half a box loaded with butter and sugar. Like she'll eat lean pockets but again a whole box in a day. We dont get alot of snack food at all but if we do get chips or something I will find the empty bag in her room. I don't criticize her or hound her about her weight, but I do tell her she should try to make healthier choices.
She tells me she eats when she is stressed. I have tried to say that life will always be stressful, so she needs to find healthier ways of dealing with it. She has gained alot of weight this past year (just turned 16) and Im afraid its just getting worse, she is really looking quite bloated cause she actually is short and petite in frame. Thank you for any suggestions you may have

 

[Christine]

First of all, a 16-year-old with eating issues is not equipped to handle this herself. You say to her "I have tried to say that life will always be stressful, so she needs to find healthier ways of dealing with it." but realistically, how can she do this. Most mature adults know in their head that they should do this but are unable. She probably hasn't even started to grasp that she has an addiction to food.

An addiction it is. I wish I could remember the name of the book I read last year about why we overeat, compulsively eat, what have you. It was kind of a dry read, but it did a good job of explaining how all the processed foods and foods in restaurants such as Chili's, Olive Garden, and the like, manufacture their food to be a combo of fat/salty/sweet that creates an addiction for many people and makes "real" food taste bad to us. It was a real eye opener. Some people are way more susceptible to it than others, just as some or more susceptible to alcohol or cigarettes.

So my advice would be that, at this point, your daughter needs to see someone who specializes in "overeating" disorders so that she can at least learn the "why" of what she's doing and then can make some choices on her own of how to handle it. I can guarantee you that no 16 year old who is 30 lbs overweight is happy with their size.

 

[mjkacmom]

Most of my kids are blessed with a great metabolism, but dd13 can be a binger (you would never know it by looking at her). Years ago, I had her read food labels, and this has helped a lot. Now she eats much healthier (with some teen moments, of course). She also rides her bike to the track to walk with her gf's. Do you have any weight to lose? Weight Watchers is great - I've signed up many times (freshman 15, 5 kids, etc.), and it really shows you how easy it is to over-eat, and what portions are.

Now is the time, because it's just going to get harder and harder (we all remember how much we were able to eat as teens - I probably eat 1/2 of what I did then, and weight more).

 

[minkydog]

Well, two things jump right out at me. Your daughter says she eats when she is stressed and you say she has gained a lot of weight this year. Seems to me that the two go together. This is how eating disorders begin. Lots of things can kick it off, but all of them involve anxiety. People who binge, purge or restrict their eating will do almost anything to hide their problem. That's why she doesn't want to eat with you--she doesn't want you to SEE and KNOW exactly what she's doing. And this may not be entirely conscious on her part.

Okay, take a deep breath. I'm not saying your daughter has an eating disorder. Only a psychiatrist can determine that. But you're daughter is sending up flares left and right and you'd do well by her to heed her warnings. A few sessions with someone who specializes in eating disorders would be money in the bank. You want to nip this in the bud right now!

 

[SandrA9810]

wow... Maybe locks on the pantry???

maybe trying to prepare several small meals a day will help her. Dinner served should be her only choice. I always picked out what i didn't like, but never did something get made specifically for any one person. And if she doesn't eat whats there she shouldn't have access to anything else.

At 16 for me, i managed to loose a lot of weight and become skinny minny. And i ate like a horse. Always had dinner with my family, but at midnight, i was in the kitchen fixing a whole meal... Usually pasta too.

Is there a veggie she likes to munch on? I could eat a whole bag of carrets in one sitting. That way she's indulging on something good, but without the ranch dressing. Just plain fresh produce is going to help a lot more than chips.
And pack her a lunch for school, full of things she can nibble on between classes, like apple slices. And again, small meal for lunch, with another small meal after she gets home from school.

 

[kirbsam]

she needs to see a professional to help her deal with this. that is the answer and you probably know it.

 

[RitaZ.]

I would appreciate any suggestions on how to get a teenage girl to eat healthier. Not only will she not eat healthy, but I think there is a bit of compulsive eating going on too. She is 25-30 lbs overweight, easily, maybe more. She will never eat what I make for dinner, maybe only like 1 out of 20 times. I try to buy healthier choices for her...this is also extremely expensive like she wont eat what we eat cause she doesnt like it and I have to but all this stuff for her, and then she will go thru the whole thing in a day...for ex, whole wheat waffles are good, but what if you eat half a box loaded with butter and sugar. Like she'll eat lean pockets but again a whole box in a day. We dont get alot of snack food at all but if we do get chips or something I will find the empty bag in her room. I don't criticize her or hound her about her weight, but I do tell her she should try to make healthier choices.
She tells me she eats when she is stressed. I have tried to say that life will always be stressful, so she needs to find healthier ways of dealing with it. She has gained alot of weight this past year (just turned 16) and Im afraid its just getting worse, she is really looking quite bloated cause she actually is short and petite in frame. Thank you for any suggestions you may have

There is no mention of exercise or physical activity in your post. Does she get regular exercise? I would start there.

 

[Minniemama350]

I have a child that will binge on processed food. I have had to make the decision to not bring it into the house and say no to eating out. I am not saying this is your answer, just trying to express that you are not alone.

 

[Pancakes]

Join a gym! Gym is a good de-stresser. Yesterday I was really upset over a grade I got on my report card and I was terrified of my mom's reaction. So I went to the gym and worked out for 45 minutes, and I felt much better. Maybe she could work out some of that stress. And maybe you could stop buying the junk food? Just buy the healthy stuff, so she has no choice but to munch on that stuff. I'm a teen who is struggling with my weight as well, and I lost a lot of weight by going to the gym for an hour 3-4 days and cutting ALOT of my snacks. I used to snack out of boredom, but I now have a snacking schedule and I think it helps cut down the snacking.

 

[Pixiedust34]

I agree with having her get more exercise. But, 16 yos are sensitive about weight. Don't make this a project that focuses on just her. Make it a family project for everyone to kick it up a notch with exercising. You can all join a gym, go on walks together, toss a frisbee or football around the yard, etc. Have the whole family focus on getting more exercise. It's spring, and a great time of year to do this.

Also make it a family project with everyone on board for healthier eating. Try not to buy snacks like chips. If it's not in the house, she can't eat it. As a family, make some healthy snacks (homemade hummus, homemade salsa, fruit and veggies, etc.) and have those on hand. What is she drinking? If she's drinking a lot of high calorie Cokes, it's time to buy the family new water bottles and try to get into the habit of drinking more water.

Good luck! It isn't easy to turn around eating habits.

 

[goofy4tink]

My dd, 16, has horrible eating habits. And it is, to a large degree, my fault. I have allowed it to happen...just easier. She doesn't eat much meat (no pork, or ham). Fresh veggies are 'yuck', frest fruits are limited to apples and grapes. She will eat a small amount of prepared dinner but then, later at night, grab a bowl of pretzel sticks and a pudding cup. She isn't a big sweet eater, thank heavens. But, she gets little exercise and has developed a 'pooch' even though she's pretty slim everywhere else. So...I know what you're dealing with.
Short and simple?? Don't buy anything you don't want her eating. Most prepared foods are high in salt and other crappy stuff. You say she will eat a box of wheat waffles? Then, stop buying them. It's up to you to buy stuff that is good for her, and the rest of the family. If it isn't in the house, she can't eat it.
It's a hard thing to do....teen girls can be so nasty to their moms, even when we only want what is best for them. Hang in there and have patience.

 

[wenrob]

My dd, 16, has horrible eating habits. And it is, to a large degree, my fault. I have allowed it to happen...just easier. She doesn't eat much meat (no pork, or ham). Fresh veggies are 'yuck', frest fruits are limited to apples and grapes. She will eat a small amount of prepared dinner but then, later at night, grab a bowl of pretzel sticks and a pudding cup. She isn't a big sweet eater, thank heavens. But, she gets little exercise and has developed a 'pooch' even though she's pretty slim everywhere else. So...I know what you're dealing with.
Short and simple?? Don't buy anything you don't want her eating. Most prepared foods are high in salt and other crappy stuff. You say she will eat a box of wheat waffles? Then, stop buying them. It's up to you to buy stuff that is good for her, and the rest of the family. If it isn't in the house, she can't eat it.
It's a hard thing to do....teen girls can be so nasty to their moms, even when we only want what is best for them. Hang in there and have patience.

This^^^

And, lead by example. My DD seeing me make better choices has started making better choices on her own. She is usually starving at dinner time and will want to eat twice what she should. I'll gently say, have this much, eat it slowly then if you want more you can have more. I'd say 90% of the time she forgets she wanted more.

Also, you are the parent. It's up to you not to bring the crap in the house or cater to a picky palette. She's a teen so you have to be careful how you do it but it's ultimately up to you to make changes so that she can. Don't take it all away at once just slowly stop buying it. If she wants a whole wheat waffle she can have one but the deal is she has to put a smear of peanut butter on ONE and have a piece of fruit with it instead of six with butter and syrup. YOU make the changes, you have to.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I agree with KirbSam above,

This sounds like it is to the point where where some professional help is warranted. It sounds like she is struggling with stress, anxiety, self image, and self control. ( aren't most eating issues like this related to 'control'???)

I say this, not just because of bad eating habits, but because of the binging, the mention of stress, and that is going on until she is making herself 'bloated' as you describe it. This sounds like it goes further than a kid with bad eating habits. These are clear red flags.

At her age, for you as an adult and her mother to try to 'control' this will only make this worse, and will probably bring on other issues.

Of course, I am not saying you should have boxes of frozen waffles and processed junk in the house.. just common sense.
But, ultimately SHE (not you) is the one controlling what goes into her mouth and her body.

I think if you think about it, you will be thanking yourself if you address this now rather than later. Your daughter will soon be a young adult, where you will not have this opportunity.

 

[wenrob]

I just want to clarify that I'm not suggesting the OP try to control her DD. I'm suggesting the OP control what she brings into the house for her DD to eat. She is a teen and it's a delicate situation but the OP can slowly over time make changes for her DD's benefit and lead by example. I have a teen DD myself and I know how precarious the situation is and that you need to tread lightly but changes can and should be made because there's obviously a problem. As parents it's our job to try and rectify it.

 

[Mary•Poppins]

My 15 year old son struggles with his weight. He is not horribly overweight (179lbs and 5'8") but will gain a lot of weight over the winter that he does not lose. Our pediatrician brought it up with us 3 years ago and we now take him to a pediatric weight clinic run through our Children's Hospital. We go once a month for a visit with a doctor and nutritionist who specializes in childhood weight issues.

At first my son was embarrassed, defensive, POed, etc. about going. However ... our line to him is that we love him and if he had a medical condition that would alter his life and going to the doctor would cure it ... we would go. So, he had NO choice but to attend the visits. (Trust me at first, our visits were painful ... however, the doctors were trained to deal with these issues ) The doctor is wonderful. He ran all sorts of tests on him to rule out any medical conditions and had all of us talk to a counselor to look for any personal issues that could be adding to his weight issue.

Then, my son started to have blood pressure issues. This actually scared him (and us). From that point on, my son has really tried to help himself. It is REALLY hard. He has 2 brothers that are as skinny as skinny can get. We Keep NOTHING in our house that is not healthy! NO chips, waffles (of any kind),candy, soda etc. When we have them, they are a treat for the whole family. Luckily his brothers understand and do not whine about not having "junk" in the house. And, our son attends friend's houses, family parties, etc. that of course will have these food items as treats ... so we don't totally ban him from the things he loves.

Another issue we tackled was my son eating the school lunches. He would have a chocolate milk, pizza, french fries and a cookie for lunch everyday. We now pack a lunch for him by lying to all 3 boys ... and telling them that we are strapped for money and can't afford to buy them lunches everyday All 3 have fallen for it and let us pack them lunches. It is more work for me ... and we had to deal with the social issues of my high schoolers not buying. But to our surprise, we found out that a lot of other kids packed their lunches and for a variety of reasons. Some kids hate the lunches, others had a school schedule so difficult that the students did not have a "lunch period" and ate their lunch during a class, etc..

Sorry this is so long ... but perhaps is also helps me to post about our journey with dealing with an overweight child (thanks). My biggest suggestion would be to see your child's doctor and look for an outside agency to help you. Just be prepared, you daughter will be difficult. My son's weight goes between 170 and 180 (the higher end occurs right now ... after winter). When football season starts and he starts going to his workouts, he will lose the 10 pounds he has put on.

And an added suggestion from your post is to truly clean your house out. No waffles of any kind, no lean pockets (are they really healthy?), etc. Provide milk, water, lots of fruit and veggies, air popped popcorn, yogurt, .... If she is hungry enough and there are no alternatives, she will eat what is for dinner and the snack (and my son is EXTREMELY picky!) This was the biggest and most helpful suggestion we got from the health clinic. When we would bring up what we eat ... at every session ... they would tell us directly, that is NOT a healthy snack.

Good luck to you!

 

[MrsPete]

The only thing I don't agree with on this thread is the idea of locks on the pantry. For a younger child -- maybe. But that'd just make a 16-year old angry, and at 16 she probably has access to food other than in your house. Also, restricting food in your house could easily make her feel that she'd better take advantage of "good food" whenever it's available, and that could lead to even more binge behavior -- or more hiding it from you.

My 16- year old is rather similar. She dislikes quite a few foods, though she DOES sit down and eat a little of everything at the dinner table every night -- that's been a family rule forever, but it hasn't led her to LIKE ham or brussel sprouts. But when she has something she really likes: chicken nuggets, cookies, chips, etc., she'll go through it in an unhealthy amount of time. It's like she has no "off switch" to tell her when enough's enough.

Lately she's become concerned about her weight, and she's making some good changes -- she's open to talking to me about it a little, but only when she's in the mood, and only on her own terms. I found a piece of paper on which she'd written something like "Goal for 2010 -- lose a pound a week so I can look sexy for our cruise next summer".

She's been open lately to making substitutes. For example, she loves something sweet, but she admits that when there's a box of cookies in the house, she can't stop putting her hand in for "just one more". She likes those 100/110 calorie yogurts with flavors like Boston Cream Pie and Pineapple Upside Down Cake. She likes them, but she doesn't like them enough to sit down and eat four at a sitting. Obviously, it's not as good as a handful of baby carrots, but it's a step in the right direction for her. Also, she's done some reading on sodas and although she won't touch diet soda, she's cut way back on sodas and now takes a water bottle to school every day.

I think school lunches are hurting her. There's social pressure to choose what everyone else is choosing: Pizza and chicken nuggets. We should make a push to start packing for the rest of the school year. Everyone knows that the food quality goes down the last month of school anyway, as they try to finish off all the old stuff in the freezer before the summer months.

We've joined the YMCA and she's very interested in working out.

Have I seen much difference? Some, but not as much as I'd like.

 

[SandrA9810]

It amazes me how fast the average person eats. Our family always sat down at the table at about 6:30pm, watch world news tonight, wheel of fortune, and jeopardy. And we took that whole hour and a half to eat.
And when I go out to eat, some waiters think its strange that we sit at the table so long. But that's normal for me. I'm not a fast eater and will take my time.

 

[a1tinkfans]

Well, two things jump right out at me. Your daughter says she eats when she is stressed and you say she has gained a lot of weight this year. Seems to me that the two go together. This is how eating disorders begin. Lots of things can kick it off, but all of them involve anxiety. People who binge, purge or restrict their eating will do almost anything to hide their problem. That's why she doesn't want to eat with you--she doesn't want you to SEE and KNOW exactly what she's doing. And this may not be entirely conscious on her part.

Okay, take a deep breath. I'm not saying your daughter has an eating disorder. Only a psychiatrist can determine that. But you're daughter is sending up flares left and right and you'd do well by her to heed her warnings. A few sessions with someone who specializes in eating disorders would be money in the bank. You want to nip this in the bud right now!

I Agree!
If you feel like this should be told to her (to speak with a specialist) seek out your family doctor or pediatrician ....being sure they know ahead of time, what your concerns are! pls follow thru. Peer pressure is so strong, fitting in is so tough for many kids and her "eating habits" and weight "gain" change in a specific time period needs looking in to. Best of Luck!!

 

[redlight]

At her age, for you as an adult and her mother to try to 'control' this will only make this worse, and will probably bring on other issues.

Of course, I am not saying you should have boxes of frozen waffles and processed junk in the house.. just common sense.
But, ultimately SHE (not you) is the one controlling what goes into her mouth and her body.

I think if you think about it, you will be thanking yourself if you address this now rather than later. Your daughter will soon be a young adult, where you will not have this opportunity.

I agree.

It's hard. I'm also a stress eater, and that's led to me getting heavier than I like at a couple of times in my life.

 

[bananda]

if i or my sisters wants candy or chips or some other sort of snack food, she makes us buy it ourselves.

apart from that, i dont have anything else to offer. but i do hope that you can work through things with her