Teaching/Encouraging/aiding kids in a lie. Where do you draw the line?

[mnrose]

To all those that feel it's wrong to allow a child to have an Instagram at age 11 instead of 13, because it's breaking a rule....

Do you allow your 11yr old to see a PG-13 movie?
Do you allow your 15yr old to see an R movie?
Do you allow your 6yr old to watch a TV show that's rated for a 7yr old?
Do you allow them to play a video game that's not in the age range?

I'm just curious.

I can answer all these questions.

No.

No.

No.

No. This one made my kids very angry with me. LOL. We only allowed video games when their ages matched the suggested age ranges. We have NEVER owned violent video games, and probably never will since neither of my kids care for video games much anymore.

 

[NHdisneylover]

My kids don't use me as a scapegoat. If they don't want to do something, they just tell their friends they don't want to do it. If they want to decline a play date, sleepover, movie with a friend, etc, they are responsible for letting that person know.

Like I said, to the best of my knowledge my kids have never used me as one--but I also know what kind of pressure kids can be under from their peers, so I like my teens to know they have that as an out anyway, just in case.

Maybe for some that is no different than lying about an age for facebook or a cheaper ticket to Disney. Somehow, to me, it is not. I realize I cnanot articulate why, so perhaps I am just making up silly lines in my head--but that is where those lines are (which was the question in the OP)

 

[gwynne]

My kids don't use me as a scapegoat. If they don't want to do something, they just tell their friends they don't want to do it. If they want to decline a play date, sleepover, movie with a friend, etc, they are responsible for letting that person know.

I think describing this as skapegoating is kinda harsh. Obviously we all want our kids to stand up for themselves, make good decisions, period. I think it's good to teach this.
On the other hand, I don't see anything particularly negative about mentioning to a kid that if some odd or particularly difficult situation comes up, you can always use me (meaning mom or dad) as your reason for saying no.

 

[kamik86]

I also would look at why the rules are in place.

Do you feel the same way about letting a 10 year old watch a PG-13 movie? I know I saw plenty of those before I was 13. How about seeing an R rated movie? Again probably started seeing those around the time I was 13.

I was a generally mature kid and was the youngest of my peers so my parents bent quite a few age restrictions for me. If facebook had been around by then and I wanted one I'm sure they would have let me.

 

[robinb]

Meh. I'm not a blind rule follower just because there happens to be a rule. My daughter is one of the youngest kids in her class and when she was 12 most of her friends were 13 and on FB. I allowed her to have a FB account without a second thought. Her BFF's father is a stickler for the rules and did not allow his DD to have a FB account ... so she opened one behind his back. He discovered it and had it closed so she opened up another one. Rinse and repeat. Frankly, I was much happier with my DD having a FB account out in the open than having her systematically disobeying me to have one. IMO, the "slippery slope" was far more slippery for the the BFF's dad than it was for me.

 

[HM]

I think describing this as skapegoating is kinda harsh. Obviously we all want our kids to stand up for themselves, make good decisions, period. I think it's good to teach this.
On the other hand, I don't see anything particularly negative about mentioning to a kid that if some odd or particularly difficult situation comes up, you can always use me (meaning mom or dad) as your reason for saying no.

You said it better.

 

[gwynne]

Meh. I'm not a blind rule follower just because there happens to be a rule. My daughter is one of the youngest kids in her class and when she was 12 most of her friends were 13 and on FB. I allowed her to have a FB account without a second thought. Her BFF's father is a stickler for the rules and did not allow his DD to have a FB account ... so she opened one behind his back. He discovered it and had it closed so she opened up another one. Rinse and repeat. Frankly, I was much happier with my DD having a FB account out in the open than having her systematically disobeying me to have one. IMO, the "slippery slope" was far more slippery for the the BFF's dad than it was for me.

I see both sides. Obviously, it's not a great idea to be overly strict. On the other hand, there have been more than a few easy going parents who found out their kids had two FB accounts. The one they knew about and monitored, and then the secret free for all one.
Some kids are going to test limits, some aren't.

 

[kamik86]

For the video games my husband works at a location that sells games and often for some have parents asking about the ratings. For example a star wars video game that was rated teen. It was rated that way due to violence. However if you have seen the star wars movies you have seen the violence that is in that game. This is what he told the parents actually. The violence is the same level as the movies. Most parents bought their ten year old the game. Many of them are ratings that I disagree with.

There is another game I know of that is rated M (mature) because of one seen with partial nudity (a topless girl). I would let my 13 year old niece play that if she wanted to and think nothing of it. Then again I don't get why a game can be rated teen still if you shoot people in it yet rated M for being topless... I mean healthy normally functioning adults see breasts and have sex. Normal healthy adults don't go shooting people... so how is shooting people better and gets a lower rating?

edited to fix the last line that I had backwards

 

[smitch425]

I think describing this as skapegoating is kinda harsh. Obviously we all want our kids to stand up for themselves, make good decisions, period. I think it's good to teach this.
On the other hand, I don't see anything particularly negative about mentioning to a kid that if some odd or particularly difficult situation comes up, you can always use me (meaning mom or dad) as your reason for saying no.

Blaming the parent instead of sticking up for yourself is using that parent as a scapegoat. There's nothing negative meant by that. It's just what it is. I prefer my kids be honest about why they don't want to do it. They don't need to use me as an excuse. That's all.

 

[kamik86]

I think describing this as skapegoating is kinda harsh. Obviously we all want our kids to stand up for themselves, make good decisions, period. I think it's good to teach this.
On the other hand, I don't see anything particularly negative about mentioning to a kid that if some odd or particularly difficult situation comes up, you can always use me (meaning mom or dad) as your reason for saying no.

My parents had this same rule. I used it exactly once. I had a friend that wanted me to go over their house for a sleepover. She had been to my house before overnight and I had been at her house during the day. However her parents weren't great parents at all. Their house was honestly pretty gross in places and they tended to drink way more then I was comfortable with. I told her no. She kept persisting to the point that I knew I was going to have to give her a reason why. I didn't want to embarrass her with my REAL reason so I said my mom had grounded me from all overnight sleepovers because of something... can't remember what it was.

 

[NHdisneylover]

There is another game I know of that is rated M (mature) because of one seen with partial nudity (a topless girl). I would let my 13 year old niece play that if she wanted to and think nothing of it. Then again I don't get why a game can be rated teen still if you shoot people in it yet rated M for being topless... I mean healthy normally functioning adults see breasts and have sex. Normal healthy adults don't go shooting people... so how is shooting people worse?

Great post--that is pretty much how I feel (and, interestingly much closer to how things are rated in Germany)--which is why I always made my own decisions about films instead of blindly following the rating GUIDELINES.

 

[gwynne]

Blaming the parent instead of sticking up for yourself is using that parent as a scapegoat. There's nothing negative meant by that. It's just what it is. I prefer my kids be honest about why they don't want to do it. They don't need to use me as an excuse. That's all.

Ok.
Some parents are going to see the subtle plus of giving a child/teen an additional tool in their life toolbox, should they ever need it. Some aren't going to think it's necessary. It's a style difference.

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

I tend to worry about what me and my wife do/did with our kids. I didn't spend a lot of time worrying about what everyone else was doing. Not all that important to me.

 

[smitch425]

Ok.
Some parents are going to see the subtle plus of giving a child/teen an additional tool in their life toolbox, should they ever need it. Some aren't going to think it's necessary. It's a style difference.

Exactly. And some people know their kids well enough to know that allowing them to have Instagram accounts before the age of 13 won't send them down a path of prolonged criminal activity. Lol

 

[Dizlvr]

The reason they have age restrictions is because they aren't allowed to collect data on kids under 13. I'm sure there are more details to that but I really don't care about them.
I have no problem with me deciding whether or not my kids can use social media sites so yes that is a rule I allow my children to break. Where's my line, well I suppose I'm not going to condone any future criminal activity that results from my 11 year old having a Kik account, but I probably won't be too harsh on them for going 5mph over the speed limit when he starts driving.

 

[SEA333]

Exactly. And some people know their kids well enough to know that allowing them to have Instagram accounts before the age of 13 won't send them down a path of prolonged criminal activity. Lol

^^^ LOVE LOVE LOVE!!!!

 

[declansdad]

You are not setting a precedent; it is not a slippery slope. You are a parent and quite capable of saying no to other requests from your child.

 

[Wendy31]

There is a time & place for civil disobedience. And there are times when rules need/must be broken (like the example of the inhaler).

Letting your kids lie about their ages to obtain social media accounts is not the time or place. And I do think it's a slippery slope when we teach our kids it's okay to lie about something to get what they want.

Social media users can be cruel. Cyber bullying is a real thing. Sometimes, even my Facebook page has stuff on it that I don't want or need to see. And I don't think kids younger than 13 are mature enough to handle a lot of the social media world. And, no, I don't think a kid magically becomes mature enough at 13. I think parents need to determine/consider whether or not their 13 (14, 15, 16, whatever age) year old child has the maturity to handle the various social media outlets. However, I don't think letting an 11 year old lie to obtain an account is a good way to start the child's social media experience.

Movie ratings are suggestions/guidelines.

 

[SEA333]

There is a time & place for civil disobedience. And there are times when rules need/must be broken (like the example of the inhaler).

Letting your kids lie about their ages to obtain social media accounts is not the time or place. And I do think it's a slippery slope when we teach our kids it's okay to lie about something to get what they want.

- Is it just me, or does it seem like there are a lot of parents out there who do not have a whole lot of faith in their kids? I am pretty confident that my kids are going to turn out OK even with a Instagram account in 6th grade. If I didn't think they would turn out OK, I would rethink it. Teenager-hood doesn't scare me, and I cannot imagine raising kids who *would* be scary teenagers. No slippery slope scare tactics needed in our house. Thank goodness!

 

[Dizlvr]

There is a time & place for civil disobedience. And there are times when rules need/must be broken (like the example of the inhaler).

Letting your kids lie about their ages to obtain social media accounts is not the time or place. And I do think it's a slippery slope when we teach our kids it's okay to lie about something to get what they want.

Social media users can be cruel. Cyber bullying is a real thing. Sometimes, even my Facebook page has stuff on it that I don't want or need to see. And I don't think kids younger than 13 are mature enough to handle a lot of the social media world. And, no, I don't think a kid magically becomes mature enough at 13. I think parents need to determine/consider whether or not their 13 (14, 15, 16, whatever age) year old child has the maturity to handle the various social media outlets. However, I don't think letting an 11 year old lie to obtain an account is a good way to start the child's social media experience.

Movie ratings are suggestions/guidelines.

Like movies, I the parent am able to decide whether or not my child is mature enough for social media. For me, the use of social media comes with rules that my child must follow set by me, not some company trying to protect themselves from liability. Obviously you feel differently and that is fine, but to me that is the perfect way for an 11 year old to start their social media experience.