Teachers- Too strict?

[Eeyores Butterfly]

I'll admit, I am strict with my students. I teach in an MR room and this year I have a group of students with some serious behavior problems. I have three that turn aggressive at the drop of a hat- two of them bite us multiple times a week. All three have been known to tip desks when angry, clear shelves, hit, kick, etc. One has even thrown multiple chairs across the room.

In addition to those three, I have several others are often disruptive. They will point blank refuse to follow directions, will disrupt lessons, literally scream, etc. I've learned the hard way that I can't let even little misbehaviors slide with this group because if I do, little misbehaviors become big misbehaviors which end up not only disrupting our class, but the other classes as well.

I hate having to be so strict, it's something I've struggled with all year. We do a lot of positive things- the kids get daily reports home and I make a big deal out of happy faces- particularly for ones that do not get them often. I have a prize box that I fund out of my own money (with the help of Target's dollar spot) for any kid who makes their personal happy face goal for the week. I build in lots of praise, special activities, etc.

Recently one of my students (the one who throws chairs) has started saying, "You just want to be mean to kids" whenever he is upset. I know I shouldn't let it bother me, but it does because I've been very self conscious about this since I took this class. It's not my natural style to be this strict, but like I said, I can't let little behaviors slide at all.

Have you ever had this problem? How did you find the balance between being two strict, and not strict enough? How did you make the classroom a positive place for students with significant behavior problems?

I will say that the student who says this does have a lot of problems. He has a knack for figuring out which buttons to push, be it adults or the other kids. He loves to give me hugs and is normally responsive to me, so I know that this is something he does when he is not okay- a way to project his feelings. But it still bothers me.

 

[IDoDis]

You can't take what they say personally. Kids in special programs like yours come with a lot of baggage. You have to factor in their home lives, their background, who they were raised by (extended family, foster care, etc..), and their cognitive abilities. I have a young student this year who has given me many challenges, but is also a child who warms my heart. She was adopted a few years ago from an orphanage in another country. Her early years were most likely living hell.

Kids with attachment disorders and cognitive disabilities don't process relationships the way others do. I know this student of mine really likes me, but when she's having a bad day, I'm chopped liver that is mean and is the worst person in her life. Does it hurt my feelings? Not at all. I can move on and take one day at a time. I'm sure if I could walk a day in her shoes, I'd have a difficult time with behaviors and relationships, too.

When I was a new teacher like yourself, I probably would have felt differently. Back then it was real important for the kids to like me. It's not that they don't like me now because they do, but when one spouts off about how mean I am, I know where it's coming from and can move on. In time, you will too. Don't be too hard on yourself. From your past posts about school, it sounds like you've had a very challenging school year.

 

[kirstenb1]

Please don't take it personally. As the parent of a special needs child, believe me, they say the same things to us!! I tell our daughter all the time, "I'm sorry to hear you don't love me, cause I love you THIISS much! (with a big hug)" They have figured out that words have power, but sometimes the empathy gene is lacking!

 

[Becky2005]

Please don't take it personally. As the parent of a special needs child, believe me, they say the same things to us!! I tell our daughter all the time, "I'm sorry to hear you don't love me, cause I love you THIISS much! (with a big hug)" They have figured out that words have power, but sometimes the empathy gene is lacking!

I'm thinking what the student is saying is the equivelent of "I hate you" to a parent when the child is not happy about not getting to do whatever it is they want.

Hang in there.