Teachable moment or freak show? UPDATE Post #28

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

If you had a family member in the hospital due to complications from bad choices (drugs, alcohol, smoking, etc.) and you typically had no contact with this person whatsoever, would you take your child to visit this person in hopes that the sight of him would convince your child to never participate in the activity that caused the illness? Just wondering.

I'll expand on this a bit after I see the responses.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

I don't know. If you "typically had no contact" with the person, I think that would be quite a tacky thing to do (for lack of a better word). You don't have much to do with a person yet you would use them as an example of what-not-to-do for your child? That seems wrong to me.

 

[In a hurry]

Freak show. Regardless of their screw-ups they are not an "object lesson."

 

[Crankyshank]

It sounds like a cruel thing to do to the person in the hospital.
"Hi so and so. I know I haven't talked to you in years. Sorry about the accident/illness/overdose/whatever . Hey do you mind if I use your unfortunate experience as a what not to do for little Timmy here so I can scare the beejeezus out of him?"

 

[PeterPanette]

Maybe you SHOULD use this as a teaching mechanism for your child. A lesson in how to be COMPASSIONATE to a very ill person without blaming them for having substance abuse problems.

No one says, "I want to be a junkie when I grow up!" Life happens to people. Some of us can cope. Some of us can't.

 

[mickeyboat]

I would definitely not take my child to see the person, but I would use it as an opportunity to talk to your son about it.

Denae

 

[Teacher03]

I think it would be thoughtless. There are many other teachable moments; maybe you could use the situation as an opening for conversation,etc., without actually going to the hospital.

 

[andromedaslove]

I think that even thinking about taking your child to a hospital to use a sick person as an example of what not to do is absolutely hideous. I have been a smoker for 13.5 years, and just quit today, after getting a phone call from my doctor telling me that there may be some sort of density in my lungs that they are seeing on an x-ray I had Saturday. Being someone who may have something wrong with them due to bad choices that I made, I can definately tell you that if you stepped foot in my hospital room to make an example out of me to your kid, I would personally get my sick butt outta bed, and throw you out myself.

 

[buddy&wooz]

I wouldn't do it.

I would talk to my child about it, though.

 

[Magickndm]

I would definitely not take my child to see the person, but I would use it as an opportunity to talk to your son about it.

Denae

What I would do too. Taking your child there, especially if you have little contact with the person in the hospital, just seems wrong.

 

[inaminute]

If you had a family member in the hospital due to complications from bad choices (drugs, alcohol, smoking, etc.) and you typically had no contact with this person whatsoever, would you take your child to visit this person in hopes that the sight of him would convince your child to never participate in the activity that caused the illness?

No. I would not. That's just rude. Even though the family member has made poor choices, they are still human and deserve a little dignity.

I would, however, use it as an opportunity to talk to my child about what can happen when one makes poor choices.

 

[ilovepcot]

NO!

 

[doxdogy]

No I would not. I would do as suggested in a previous post. I would use it to teach your child compassion for others. Regardless of their "mistakes", they are still family and are ill. If you want to give a visual to your child, then research it on the internet and use that as your teaching tool.

 

[Talking Hands]

Definately not take my kid to visit this person although I might have talked to them about it. In fact my brother died from the results of drugs and resulting inappropriate actions on his part. My daughters know how and why my brother was never there to be their uncle (incident happened prior to the birth of my oldest although the actual death wasn't until she was 3). The oldest never saw her uncle before his death. There was no way I was taking her to the hospital as a baby. Even if the girls had been older I would not have taken them.

 

[gate_pourri]

I might disagree slightly.

It is not like she would walk into the hospital room and right in front of the ill person say ‘see little Johnny, uncle Mike is in the hospital because he took drugs. Don’t you ever take drugs. Uncle Mike is bad…’ That would be tacky.

But, one could use something like that to show your child a number of lessons. By visiting a sick relative that you don’t see very often, you could show your child compassion and what it means to be ‘family’. As a child, there are distant relatives that we saw very infrequently, but if they were in the hospital, we were there with cards and flowers. Family is family after all.

Then… On the ride home, you could have a little heart to heart about why ‘uncle Mike’ is in the hospital. About what choices he made, and what choices could have been made differently.

Not meaning to just my 2cents...

 

[Disney Doll]

It would see, rather hypocritical to visit a relative you have had very little to do with, up until now, when he is in the hospital for drug related problems.

It would seem that a child could be taught about drugs without the "show and tell" portion.

 

[CathrynRose]

I kinda think it depends on the age of the child.

A teenager - perhaps. A grade school child - no way.

I dunno...

 

[andromedaslove]

I might disagree slightly.

It is not like she would walk into the hospital room and right in front of the ill person say ‘see little Johnny, uncle Mike is in the hospital because he took drugs. Don’t you ever take drugs. Uncle Mike is bad…’ That would be tacky.

But, one could use something like that to show your child a number of lessons. By visiting a sick relative that you don’t see very often, you could show your child compassion and what it means to be ‘family’. As a child, there are distant relatives that we saw very infrequently, but if they were in the hospital, we were there with cards and flowers. Family is family after all.

Then… On the ride home, you could have a little heart to heart about why ‘uncle Mike’ is in the hospital. About what choices he made, and what choices could have been made differently.

Not meaning to just my 2cents...

That's not what the OP said though. They asked if you would take your child there for the reason of showing them what NOT to do. Regardless of wether they show up with cards or flowers the intention is still the same, and it is thoughtless to use someone's misfortunes that way.

Dana

 

[Cor44432]

If the relative is up to the visit, take them. I vote teachable moment, show your kid what that crap can do to him/her so they don't start it in the first
place, then they don't have to worry about it being a "disease".

 

[Disneycrazymom]

Would the visit be beneficial on both sides? If it is a grandparent, uncle etc. and they are asking to see your child then I would take them. I would prepare the child that ____ is very sick and we are going to be supportive and caring. Then I would also find a time to explain that the person really wanted to have a different kind of relationship with them but could not because of life choices that were made. I would be very careful to explain that the child had NOTHING to do with the choice and it is NO way thier fault. Also that this person would never want the child to go through what they have gone through and to not make the same choices the person made. This is a hard parenting choice!