Taking Criticism

[clarabelle]

I am too thin skinned!
Yesterday I went to a continuing education type thing and got some negative feedback on my performance.

1) It was true
2) It wasn't a big issue

the person who delivered it didn't do it well -but really is shouldn't matter.
But I feel bruised! I keep mulling it over it my head and trying to make excuses. I also keep criticizing the deliverer in my head in these imaginary conversations.
I have been stewing on it ever since I got up.
How can I toughen up?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

You have to change your perception, not so much as "toughen up" right now.

Toughing up is probably not the step you need to take right now. That comes with time, experience, etc.

You are having an anxiety response to the criticism. Which is normal. Now how do you process it?

Simple way of changing your perception is to make a pro/con list. Everytime you feel yourself being drawn to the OCD thoughts you whip out your pro/con list to combat it.

While it seems simple, it is very effective as a tool to help you in the direction you want to go.

 

[clarabelle]

MM you are right -I do have repetitve thoughts. On the stupidest things sometimes.
I know I sound kind of crazy -but actually I seem pretty normal -I think

When you say pro/con list- what do you mean? Pros and cons of what?
Thanks

 

[lovesmurfs]

I think your thoughts are normal. It's hard to see yourself through someone else's eyes, but being able to do so, objectively, will help you improve.

A professor explained human nature in a way that I remember well: When things go well, it's like we look in a mirror -- it's all due to me and my efforts. When things go poorly, it's like we look out a window -- it's all someone else's fault. The challenge, he maintained, is to switch that mindset, and that's the sign of a good leader.

If you want practice of being criticized, just keep posting to the Community Board....

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Your con list will include your negative thoughts. The pro side will be the rational argument to the con.

Or you can write it like my dd did in counseling...She had a "thought" side and a "reprogram" side. And this is about school so you will probably relate. Now she is only 13 but this process can be put in place for anything you are trying to change. Just fill in your personal anxieties and reprogramming.

I will give her list and maybe this will help you get a direction and see what I mean about reprogramming your negative thoughts. It really did help her a lot. She had to reprogram out the OCD negative thoughts she was having. You get stuck in a rut so to speak and you have to learn how to think differently.

I hope I made sense to you.

Thought side

I could wait to ask my teachers. Put off stuff.

I feel panicked because I am scared of failure.

I'm afraid I won't do the work.

I will ask my friends so I can avoid my teachers.

"Failure means depression"

Reprogram side

If I do it today I won't have to worry about it.

There is no reason to fear my teachers.

My teachers will be there no matter what happens.

It's not the end of the world that I missed a day of school.

I know how to do my schoolwork.

I do well in school.

I very much know what we do in school.

My teachers like me.

This will help me keep up.

I'm going to get right back up.

 

[clarabelle]

Thanks -I might go work on my list

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Thanks -I might go work on my list

Good luck.

My dd was in counseling and this was just one piece of the work on her anxiety issues. I do have to say that it is a pretty effective tool. Because when you start with the negative thoughts, you can get your list out to combat it with the positive.

 

[clarabelle]

I appreciate you taking the time to post all that

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I appreciate you taking the time to post all that

No problem. I guess it was meant to be because her list is next to my computer ready to be filed. She does not need her list anymore.

How weird is that?

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

I am not making excuses for you.

However, if you are in a position to be criticized for performance, then the person doing the criticism does have a responsibility to present it in non-emotional terms.

I've spent a number of years in writer's workshops (for instance) and it's almost a rigid formula when giving critical feedback.

"What I liked best was..." "What I liked was..." "What I found interesting was..." "What confused me was..." and so on.

So, use the list (very powerful tool) but don't disregard the responsibility of the person doing the critique.

If you have the opportunity, perhaps you can role model what would have been more appropriate.

Good luck to you!

 

[clarabelle]

Thanks

 

[Liberty Belle]

I am the same way, OP.

I'm interested in reading all the responses.