Taking children shopping

[Lil_Tink]

I hate when the parents will bring a 2 year old into Barnes and Noble and let the child run up and down the aisles screaming while the parent sits down and read barley noticing!
I was there last night and this kid was pulling books off of a clearance table, running back and forth leaving books on the floor, screaming all the while the parent is sitting in a chair thumbing through a magazine and eating something at the cafe!

The employees were all hesitant to say anything even though this kid was destroying the place.

That is inappropriate...But kids screaming is not the worst thing..I feel sorry for the parent as I babysit and the kids go in smiling and giggling then come out screaming their heads off...I mean ITA that if you need it then just get it, leaving wont work..But I do agree with leaving the cart by an employee and settling them down. Kids throw fits about not getting a toy or candy..

 

[chobie]

Arent there enough threads about horrible parents and children?

 

[lulugirl]

Arent there enough threads about horrible parents and children?

Yea, I would say so...although this one I find unique simply because the OP doesn't even have children.

 

[Keli]

I think the styles of parenting that are most popular today don't really give parents many options on stopping or preventing these types of behaviors in their children in public.

I'm not saying anything at all as to the wisdom or lack thereof in using the common childraising techniques, just commenting on the results.

Many of our parents used different techniques that were much more effective in limiting misbehavior in public. Mine had a particularly effective one IMHO. She'd pull me over to the side and whisper in my ear that if I did one more thing wrong she was going to give me a spanking when we got home. I knew she meant it, she'd followed through on that promise more than once. I was pretty well behaved in public, lol.

Again, I am not suggesting that my mother's techniques were wise or unwise. Just that they were effective in controlling me in public or anywhere else for that matter. There are consequences/benefits to each style of parenting and I can see why some parents choose other options.

 

[Forevryoung]

Yea, I would say so...although this one I find unique simply because the OP doesn't even have children.

These aren't horrible parents or even horrible children and to say either is to create a blanket statement about people I never met... just one's I encountered for a few minutes.

Eh I was just commenting on how these mothers could la-di-da through a store (not the children's section) and expect their children would cooperate. It surprised me probably cuz I dont have children!

 

[kbkids]

Until you walk a mile in my shoes......(you know how the saying goes.) When this happens, YES I Feel bad. But the kids also need to know that no matter how much they don't want to be at the store, sometimes no matter how mad they get, we are doing what we have to -- going to the store. And trust me, I don't want to be there either!

You leave because they're screaming that they don't want to be there - they win. No way!

 

[TENIA66]

For what it's worth, I'm a mother who when I have to get out to the store I do so, with three kids, any one of which, and often times all of which may be cranky, whiney or just plain crabby. Unfortunately for others I guess I do continue to shop during their fits or whatever. Appropriate discipline nowadays might result in an all knowin by stander calling the cops. My friend who has two girls 3 and 5 was upset with them opening cereal boxes in the store, bags of candy, and what ever else they could get there hands on. She told them that when she got them home she was going to kill them both. The cops were waiting at the front door. Now really folks, come on, she wasn't going to actually kill them as we all know. And if I publicly promise the butt whopping they deserve when they get home which would actually shut them up, someone who thinks they know better than I, usually someone without kids, will stop me from doing the very thing that will control their behavior.

 

[kbkids]

Ok, I understand not having help, not having time... but they were wandering through the pocketbook section in both instances.

It's not the whining that got to me it was the comment to me "Don't have children" that actually got to me. Would you ever tell a stranger not to have children???

The shreiking/crying for about 8 minutes was a little too long

I'm not passing judgement, im sure I will be in your shoes eventually.

Just because they have a young child doesn't mean they don't deserve the right to just shop too - no matter what section they are walking through. Mine are both in school now, but if I waited until both were happy and silent at the same moment, I would never have been able to leave the house. They're kids - they're bored - shopping isn't fun to them - but Mom deserves the right to be there.

And the comment, I thought it was funny too. Personally, I think it was the Mom's way of acknowledging, "Yes, they are aggravating the stew out of me too! Sorry!"

As a very wise friend once told me before I had kids, never say, "I will never . . ." or "My child will never . . . " because I promise you that you will and they will. Quiet a few times since then, yup, I have and so have they.

 

[EthansMom]

Why do some mothers/parents feel the need to stroll through a large store with children if they know they are going to make them miserable??

Like another poster said, there's really no way to tell if/when your kids are going to have a meltdown.

You can start out your errands/shopping early in the day, when the kids have just woken up, eaten, and pooped; and drive 30 minutes to the mall; haul the stroller, diaper bag, and pull two young children out of car seats. No sooner do you get into the store before one of your little angels starts whining. Well, you HAVE to get new clothes for your 2 year-old who suddenly isn't fitting into anything. And while you're there, you should look at X, Y, and Z. So, you look at children's clothes at J.C. Penney, where everything cute is WAY overpriced. So you head to Sears and partway there, your preschooler starts saying, "Mom, I have to go poop! I have to go poop now!" The closest restroom at this point is not at Sears but back at J.C. Penney and with your 4 year-old doing the potty dance, you'd better run fast. So, you run, pushing a stroller back to the J.C. Penney, where your 4 year-old sits on the potty and carries on a conversation with you about nothing in general instead of concentrating on the task at hand. Between going back to J.C. Penney and having a child who took his time doing his thing, you've wasted 30 minutes on the potty stop. By this time, the toddler's time is up and she starts throwing an unholy fit. There hasn't been anything for her to do for an hour, other than sit in her stroller and play with the same few toys over and over again. So, to appease her, you decide to head to the pet store on your way to Sears and take a look at the dogs for sale. Of course, since you're on the second floor of the mall, this entails going into the very back of Sears, taking the elevator down to the first floor, going out of the Sears, looking at the doggies for a few minutes, and then going back in Sears and up the elevator to get back to the children's clothing section. You may actually find a few clothing items to purchase, but have to spend 15 minutes waiting in line to pay for them. It is now time for lunch, and you head back to the food court, where purchasing and consuming lunch takes up a good 45 minutes. Of course, the mall has a big carousel in the food court and the kids refuse to go anywhere without a ride on the carousel. You relent and let the kids ride the carousel since it's only $1 per kid. After the carousel, you look at your watch and it's 1:30 p.m. -- time to head home if you want the kids to take a nap. With the drive home, you've just spent 4 hours to buy 3 items and haven't gotten a chance to even think about looking at X, Y, or Z items. Of course, you get home just in time to do your afternoon cleaning and dinner preparations.

I don't blame the kids for getting upset -- I'd rather have teeth pulled than take the kids shopping, but there are A LOT of times when I HAVE to go shopping in less than ideal circumstances.

 

[urglewurgle]

i too don't have kids, and i'm 22...

i think the lady was just trying to make light of the situation, perhaps she saw you watching her and just wanted to make a joke...

kids throw tantrums in shops... i think everyone's been there... and, afaik ignoring the kid is a good thing to do (or so says supernanny...)... and as long as the kid isn't actually hurting anyone, or damaging anything i don't see why it's such a big problem... you can't expect every parent to have the time to go shopping without the kid.. or to be able to leave if the kid throws a tantrum and be able to come back later...

lol.. i think, in a few years time when/if you are in that lady's position you'll think back to this thread and wonder how you could've ever thought that!

 

[chobie]

For evey parent that gets glared at for spanking their kids in public there is a parent who gets glared for NOT spanking their kids. It seems like a no win sitatuation most of the itme.

Maybe, just maybe, if everyone just lightened up a wee bit and gave people a break once a while, the world would be a more pleasent place for all us.


Disclaimer:

No I'm not talking about parents who let their kids run around screaming, destroying property, or doing dangerous things. I'm just talking about the eveyday meltdowns that every parent of young kids experience every day.

 

[TENIA66]

Thinking about this brought back a funny memory for me: When it was just me and my first child, she was quite a slow poke so in order to get the lead out of her hiney I would "race" her from point a to b. well at the end of our trip in wally world I raced her to the cash register and arrived first, to which she screamed loudly, Mommy I hate it when you beat me!!!!!

 

[kbkids]

Thinking about this brought back a funny memory for me: When it was just me and my first child, she was quite a slow poke so in order to get the lead out of her hiney I would "race" her from point a to b. well at the end of our trip in wally world I raced her to the cash register and arrived first, to which she screamed loudly, Mommy I hate it when you beat me!!!!!

Sounds like me and my 4 yr old son - I'll race you to the bathroom (only way to get him in there to brush his teeth), I'll race you to the car (only way to get anywhere on time), I'll race you to the door (only way to get him in the preschool door), and lately we've even been having to "race" to see who finishes eating first - let's just say his food is WELLLLL chewed.

 

[urglewurgle]

Sounds like me and my 4 yr old son - I'll race you to the bathroom (only way to get him in there to brush his teeth), I'll race you to the car (only way to get anywhere on time), I'll race you to the door (only way to get him in the preschool door), and lately we've even been having to "race" to see who finishes eating first - let's just say his food is WELLLLL chewed.

oh... and the... "lets see who can sit still for the longest!" and "stay quiet the longest"... lol....

 

[luvflorida]

Many of our parents used different techniques that were much more effective in limiting misbehavior in public. Mine had a particularly effective one IMHO. She'd pull me over to the side and whisper in my ear that if I did one more thing wrong she was going to give me a spanking when we got home.

Even this approach can backfire on you! This reminds me of the time I was in an airport with my daughter who was around three years old at the time. We were waiting to say our goodbyes to husband who was leaving on a business trip, and daughter started to get a little antsy. Didn't want to hold my hand, wanted to stand on a chair instead of sit, etc. So I leaned down to her level and sternly whispered, "If you don't behave yourself, I'm going to take you out to sit in the van this instant." I stood up and daughter loudly proclaimed in a little sing-song voice, "But, I WANNA go out and sit in the van!" I was trying to discipline her without anyone noticing, but it didn't work! Everyone within the vicinity knew exactly what I had whispered to her!

 

[MELSMICE]

oh... and the... "lets see who can sit still for the longest!" and "stay quiet the longest"... lol....

LOL - I use this on my preschool dance class every week. Works wonders!

My only comment is "until you walk a mile in a person's shoes, don't judge!"

 

[kbkids]

oh... and the... "lets see who can sit still for the longest!" and "stay quiet the longest"... lol....

Why, oh why didn't my kids ever fall for this??? See that face - that's the one I would get every time!!!

 

[cheerbop]

Wait until you have kids, then you'll know.

I used to feel the way you do. Now I have 2 kids who are older teens. When I see a mom with a crying or screaming kid, I just think "Thank God that isn't me" and I feel sorry for her.

Oft times a parent starts out the trip with a happy child and then, for whatever reason, the child gets cranky. The parent still needs the items they have to purchase. In the occasion that a parent is taking a sick or tired child out, yes it would be better if they didn't have to.

I wouldn't complain until you walk a mile in their shoes.

(Dons flame resistant suit )

ABSOLUTELY! VERY well said.... no flames here...

 

[cheerbop]

Yea, I would say so...although this one I find unique simply because the OP doesn't even have children.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Chiming in here...I remove my child (my son, DD is almost always good ) if he's being a pain and IF we are in a restaurant, library, etc. where he will disturb others.

If I am in the grocery store, mall or some other loud place where, yeah, you might not like hearing him, but it isn't going to stop you from getting your bread and milk, he's going to stay in the cart and have his tantrum. If I leave BC he's pitching a fit, he now knows that throwing that fit is an effective way to get what he wants.

Bingo! Exactly what I was going to say.


TENIA66 and kbkids, I'm forever racing my 6yo to do everything. In his eyes everything is a contest.