'Tacky' Thank-You notes

[disneysnowflake]

If I go to my sister's house and give her a birthday gift she'll say thank you right there. I don't expect a thank you note.

At Christmas time if I give a gift to a relative in person, and they thank me, I don't expect a thank you note.

HOWEVER...

If I attend your baby shower, bridal shower or wedding where there are several people I DO expect a thank you card. It's rude to just say thank you to everyone who gave you gifts while standing in the front of the room and expect that to be enough.

I worked to earn that money to give you that gift. Baby showers, bridal showers, graduation gifts and wedding gifts usually aren't cheap.

And, let's be honest, baby showers, bridal showers, etc. are given to give the bride or mom-to-be gifts. Well, at least ALL the ones I've been invited to over the years.

You receive, you send a thank you note to each and every person. Not a little slip of paper you printed out on your computer and hand out during the party. Not a napkin given out during a wedding. I'm talking about a hand written thank you note thanking that giver personally for what they gave you.

I have my children send thank you notes to people who give them holiday or birthday gifts. However, I'm in the minority. We very, very rarely get thank you notes from my nieces and nephews.

It irks me when I'm invited to a bridal shower, spend my own money to get the bride something, the bride is having so much fun she doesn't acknowledge 2/3 of the people there, she'll gladly take the gifts and then give no thank you note.

That's just rude.

 

[tikilyn]

Please don't take this as a slam or anything but Am I the only one that doesn't care if I don't get a Thank You card? Espicially from a kid. I've got more important things to worry about than receiving a Thank you card.

 

[ginna74]

I have never EVER gotten a ty note for anything I have given. I don't require one either lol. A ty or a hug is all I need I guess it is all about what you are familiar with. I don't think it is all rude at all not to give a TY note. To demand one or get upset if one isn't given is another story I think lol. And what is with people getting upset weather the THOUGHTFUL TY notes are pre printed or handwritten? Ya got the card... be thankful lol

 

[PoohPrincess76]

I don't mind not getting them from kids. As a child my parents NEVER made me write thank yous. Just big hugs and kisses all around at the event.
That being said....I did go to a wedding 6 weeks before my own and received the thank you well after all mine had gone out. It was PRE-PRINTED with a "thanks for sharing our day and your wonderful gift. Love Mr. & Mrs......" they even included a photo of them. Great if you are close, but it is my DH's bosses daughter, why do I want her photo? I thought that was very tacky. Especially since our thank you's were all hand written and acknowledged what they got, not just "gift".
As a side note, for my shower one of the "games" was to put your address on an envelope and we did a drawing for the "door prize". I used those envelopes for my shower thank yous. It made my job so much easier.

 

[Mono~rail]

I didn't realize the fill in the blank thank you cards were viewed as rude by some people. I've let my DD13 use those when she was younger. I certainly don't think they are rude (I wouldn't have used them if I thought they were).

I read somewhere recently about the thank you card being unnecessary if you thank the gift giver in person. I do like to send thank you cards because I think they are a fading tradition. I really don't expect them from others, but it is nice when I receive one though! I like to send them out when someone has done something nice for me -- like a neighbor mowing our lawn when DD has been in the hospital, another couple hosting Dh and I for dinner and a movie in their home, etc.

When I was pregnant with DD13, my oldest sister brought one of her friends to my baby shower. This was one of my sister's friends and not a friend of mine. My sister brought her without an invite. A few days after the shower, my sister called me and told me that her friend said I was rude because she hadn't received her thank you card yet. Yeah, my sister is a bad word that starts with a "b".

 

[rt2dz]

We always send thank you notes. Some might think it is out dated, but I just call it plain old fashioned manners. I make my kids send thank you's--even if informally having said thank you in person. That's just me. I want my kids to do what is right even if everyone else isn't doing it. However, if I don't get a thank you, and I don't 65% of the time, I don't sit there and stew over it. We didn't give the gift to get the thank you, we gave it because we cared.

Now, as far as tacky notes go... Having people pre-address your envelopes for you is tacky. Pre-printed is even tackier. We once got a thank you for an out-of-town wedding we attended with a pricey gift four months after the fact that was a picture of the couple and said, pre-printed, "Thank you, Mr. & Mrs. ----". Nothing else. I personally, don't like those fill-in-blank thank you's. I'm not offended when I receive one, but you won't ever catch me buying them. And anything handed out at the party/wedding is a FAVOR, not a thank you note. And then we've received thank you notes for the wrong gift! Although at weddings, sometimes things are mixed up.

Thank you notes should always be sent, imo. They should be handwritten. They should mention the gift specifically and why you like it (or "what a nice thought").

 

[Mono~rail]

Now, as far as tacky notes go... Having people pre-address your envelopes for you is tacky.

I've seen this done at showers, and I did it at my friend's shower. I never thought it was such a big deal. Hmmm, all these "rules" about thank you notes really make it difficult. . . no wonder so many people are abandoning the tradition.

This thread has me wondering how many people have called me rude behind my back over a thank you card.

 

[PoohPrincess76]

Now, as far as tacky notes go... Having people pre-address your envelopes for you is tacky.

I would have never thought of it as tacky. I actually got quite a few compliments on how clever it was. Not to mention that my shower was on Saturday and the thank yous were out on Monday. I thought I was doing good.

 

[Mono~rail]

I would have never thought of it as tacky. I actually got quite a few compliments on how clever it was. Not to mention that my shower was on Saturday and the thank yous were out on Monday. I thought I was doing good.

That was my experience too, PoohPrincess! My friend that I threw the shower for had her thank you notes out in record time! I thought I had done something really good.

 

[disneysnowflake]

Am I the only one who finds it odd that someone who is the recipient of a bunch of gifts/money like showers and weddings and such want the guests to address their own thank you notes?

I just think that's weird.

It's okay for the invited guest to drive to the store or stores in order to buy a gift, spend time looking for a gift for you, spend money buying that gift, spend money on gift wrapping and a card, spend time wrapping the gift for you to enjoy, spend time signing a card, spend time getting ready for your party, driving to your party and then enjoy your happiness.. but it saves time for the recipient for the guest to fill out her own name and address on a thank you card?

I have never been to a party where that happened.

Maybe I'm just old fashioned, but I was brought up that if someone gives you a gift you either thank them when you receive it or you send them a thank you note.

If it's a fill in one for kids that's great. It shows the kids a great way to get started in thanking people when someone cares enough to give you something. I don't even think a thank you card would be needed for kids. How about a drawing from the child or something?

I can remember the day after Christmas or the night of my birthday as a child filling out thank you notes. Did it bother me? Nope. I liked it. I've always done it. Then again, I was also brought up to call adults by Miss, Mr. or Mrs., not their first name, so maybe I'm just old fashioned.

I guess everyone is different.

 

[ZuZugal]

I personally think how people handle their "thank-you" says a lot about them as a person AND about their character. If someone is good enough to purchase, wrap and deliver a gift to a wedding/shower/bday, it deserves a written thank you note (from child or adult).

Some people might say this is old fashioned. I just think it is common sense. We could all do with being a little more thankful in our lives. I put all of our thank you notes that we have received on a big bulletin board. I hate to take them down to make room for new ones.

 

[DVC Sadie]

I would love to receive a "handprint" or a crayoned picture as a thank you or invite but of course we have yet to recieve one from many of our relatives.

We deceided awhile ago to stop sending a lot of gifts and instead just start saving the same amount of money for their college education if they so chose to attend.

 

[Hedy]

1. Fill in the blank thank you notes: if you're little enough, it's good training for etiquette later in life.
2. Addressing your own thank you note: tacky, tacky, tacky. I thought only people on Etiquette H--- (the website) did that.

 

[tiggger1]

Not a "thank you" note story, but an amusing one none the less: when DS was born, I received the loveliest card from my boss's boss (i.e., our department's Big Boss/Head Honcho) congratulating me on the birth of my lovely daughter! I still giggle when I think about that. As do my coworkers.

My mother did this to me for my birthday before we where married (or engaged) BTW....My husband is Polish and very blonde

the card said to my daughter and her husband on their anniversary and it was a very ethnic card about interacial marriages and how it was great that it was to be marrying "a man of color"

it was actually kinda weird and if it wasnt an ethnic card, it would have been a bit racist.....

 

[Mono~rail]

1. Fill in the blank thank you notes: if you're little enough, it's good training for etiquette later in life.
2. Addressing your own thank you note: tacky, tacky, tacky. I thought only people on Etiquette H--- (the website) did that.

Apparently I'm burning in etiquette he** then!

It astounds me all the people who expect a thank you card, but put all these "rules" as to how it should be given. If you don't do it "the right way" you are labeled as rude and tacky! Going to the store and buying ONE gift (when you were probably going to the store shopping for other things anyway) is not the same as filling out a stack of thank you cards.

 

[famofsix]

Apparently I'm burning in etiquette he** then!

It astounds me all the people who expect a thank you card, but put all these "rules" as to how it should be given. If you don't do it "the right way" you are labeled as rude and tacky! Going to the store and buying ONE gift (when you were probably going to the store shopping for other things anyway) is not the same as filling out a stack of thank you cards.

Well, it is a two way street....the person expects a gift so I expect a thank you as a courteousy....no rules just I don't want to address my own thank you card
BTW, other than a wedding/baby shower, if the person tells me thank you at the party that's enough for me but I do think pretty well of the person that takes the time to write me a thanks. A postcard will do whatever even fill in the blank. It's just nice to know the person received your gift and was gracious...
ya won't burn down there for it though!

 

[snowy76]

Now, as far as tacky notes go... Having people pre-address your envelopes for you is tacky.

This was done at my shower, but I had never even heard of it before then. It was actually one of my guests who brought a box of thank you notes and took it upon herself to pass the envelopes out to the other guests. I thought it was a very thoughtful thing, considering our circumstances. DS was born 10 weeks early and I was at the hospital almost all the time. My friend didn't want me to have to worry about notes too.

Well, the day after my shower I learned DS could come home that week! I spent the time in between setting up the nursery when I was home, and to write out my thank you notes while I sat in the NICU with DS.

I wouldn't have done it for myself, but I thought it was nice when someone else did it on my behalf. I guess I don't see what the big deal is, particularly for a new mom who's going to be very busy.

 

[famofsix]

This was done at my shower, but I had never even heard of it before then. It was actually one of my guests who brought a box of thank you notes and took it upon herself to pass the envelopes out to the other guests. I thought it was a very thoughtful thing, considering our circumstances. DS was born 10 weeks early and I was at the hospital almost all the time. My friend didn't want me to have to worry about notes too.

Well, the day after my shower I learned DS could come home that week! I spent the time in between setting up the nursery when I was home, and to write out my thank you notes while I sat in the NICU with DS.

I wouldn't have done it for myself, but I thought it was nice when someone else did it on my behalf. I guess I don't see what the big deal is, particularly for a new mom who's going to be very busy.

It was sweet for you but it would be better if your friend addressed them for you when she sent the invitations out since she already had the addresses.

 

[ginna74]

"It astounds me all the people who expect a thank you card, but put all these "rules" as to how it should be given. If you don't do it "the right way" you are labeled as rude and tacky!"



Well daaaaaaaaa Don't ya know there is only one way and one way only to do thank you cards. And you forgot to say if you don't send out thank you cards you burn in that hot spot "down there" lol. Ya I guess that most everyone I know and all my family will go "down there" lol. I also think that we have a spot "down there" because me and my family and friends are cheap and gosh forbid only give 50$ or less for a wedding present. Boy I have found a lot about myself here lol

 

[snowy76]

It was sweet for you but it would be better if your friend addressed them for you when she sent the invitations out since she already had the addresses.

She didn't have the addresses and didn't send out the invitations. She was one of the guests.

And I didn't know what she was doing until I was already opening my DS's gifts; I looked up and saw people passing a stack of envelopes around. Like I said, I'd never heard of it before and I've been to plenty of wedding and baby showers.