Tacky or not?

[threecrazykids]

Well thank goodness I have several people who feel how I do. I wanted to post this with NO prefaces or opinions on the matter so I had a true gist of whether I was out of line for thinking this is THEE tackiest invite I've ever seen.

Ladies and Gents this invite came from my future sister in law. I am in the wedding but honest to goodness I just don't want to go.

This wedding is just excessive in every aspect of the word. This group of girls that the bride runs with think they all live in the Hamptons. Yet they have a champagne taste on a beer budget. But it's become clear they have no problems racking up the wedding tab when their parents are footing the bill.

They have 10 people standing up with them. ON EACH SIDE! And I honest to God believe all this wedding is is an excuse to get money and gifts. Don't get me wrong, I love my brother dearly and I really do like his fiance but this whole wedding has really rubbed me the wrong way the closer we get to the big day. They are not even shy about the fact that they want money and ONLY want gifts they have registered for. They have lived together for at least 7-8 years so they have 99% of things a couple would normally register for, so she registered for a few Fiestaware items and maybe 10ish reasonably priced items. Then they went big...they registered for a 42 inch flat screen TV, a PS3, a $350 tent etc. Personally, I think they did this so that people would opt to gift them cash instead of buying stuff from their registry.

I only went to 2 of the 5 showers that were thrown for her. I have been invited to all 5. When I printed off the registries of course all but like 1 item that was under $50 was already marked as recieved. I picked up the 1 item that was left $25ish dollars and called it good.

When talking to my mom she acts like I'm just "out of the loop" when it comes to weddings and I don't know what the "new way of doing things" are when I expressed to her that I thought the invitation was tacky and that 5 showers was a bit excessive (considering she's inviting some of the same people to all 5).

So when I got this invitation I was literally floored. I was in the same boat as a lot of others who had never heard of bringing gifts to bach. parties unless they were lingerie or something "naughty" in nature.

I'm just not comfortable in dresses. I have 1 dress that I wear to weddings/funerals but it is NOT something I would wear out to the bars. Bring on the good fitting jeans and a nice dressy shirt and I'm your girl! And there is no way in hell I'm staying at a hotel to alleviate their cost by putting 4-5 girls in one room.

I just don't know. I feel like I'm obligated to go because I'm in the wedding, but would it not be ok if I just joined them for dinner and called it good? Part of me just wants to be snarky and take a lingerie gift.

I may have to go just to report back on all the events of the evening, I'm sure Paris Hilton will be there...it appears to be the event of the year!

 

[Gigi22]

Well, I'm torn on this one. If I received an invitation like this my first tendency would be to file it in the old circular file, email my regrets (doubtless something about a prior engagement, the Spanish Inquisition, or a root canal) and go on with my life. But this shows such an incredible level of tackiness, it is kind of like watching a train wreck--I might be tempted to show up and then about an hour into the festivities receive an "urgent" phonecall which requires me to leave immediately. Curiosity is a truly dreadful thing!

 

[bumbershoot]

When talking to my mom she acts like I'm just "out of the loop" when it comes to weddings and I don't know what the "new way of doing things" are when I expressed to her that I thought the invitation was tacky and that 5 showers was a bit excessive (considering she's inviting some of the same people to all 5).

No, your mom's not really right. If you spent some time on theknot, weddingchannel, or even the wedding part of constantchatter (all dot com), if you posted that letter, you would get some big time aghast responses. Sure there would be some that supported it, but most would hate it all.

But you probably shouldn't put it on those places, b/c your future sis in law is likely on at least one of them...

 

[karibritt01]

The most tacky thing I've ever seen is the "Wishing Well Reception" where they put out a wishing well to collect money. I absolutely refuse to give money when I see those things!

 

[luvmy3]

The most tacky thing I've ever seen is the "Wishing Well Reception" where they put out a wishing well to collect money. I absolutely refuse to give money when I see those things!

I always thought they were just something to stick your card in. Have I been sticking my card where it doesn't belong for all these years?

 

[Disney Doll]

I would have another commitment that I absolutely could not get out of for this one.

 

[LuvBug1977]

I would go and bring an unmarked bag with cheap tacky lingerie in it. Sneak it onto the gift table when no one is looking!

I definitely would cut out after dinner!

Let us know how "the event of the year" goes!

 

[dislaney]

TAcky to the max!

 

[Scurvy]

When talking to my mom she acts like I'm just "out of the loop" when it comes to weddings and I don't know what the "new way of doing things" are when I expressed to her that I thought the invitation was tacky and that 5 showers was a bit excessive (considering she's inviting some of the same people to all 5).

No, you aren't the one who is out of it here. It's appalling and incredibly "gift grabby". Having 5 showers is ridiculous, but I could maybe see it if they were all for different groups of people (and being thrown by different people) - a work shower, a church shower, a shower in the future inlaws city . . . but no one should be invited to more than one.

 

[Stacerita]

What is worst than tacky? This would be it.

 

[Mysteria]

I always thought they were just something to stick your card in. Have I been sticking my card where it doesn't belong for all these years?

Yes, the wishing well is supposed to be to collect cards. More specifically for people who choose to give money so it can't be easily walked off with.

OP - That invitation is beyond tacky.

 

[Tink888]

Oh wow, that is beyond tacky OP.

Since it is your future SIL, I would probably go to the party. No hotel or cocktail dress though, just dinner & drinks and my gift would probably be the "Miss Manners Guide to Social Etiquette" book (since lingerie and raunchy is against the rules and all ). If they don't like how you're dressed, just throw a camera around your neck and tell them you're going as the paparazzi.

 

[Becky2005]

I have heard of gifts at a Bachlorette party before, but those gifts are always on the side of raunchy and lingerie. And NEVER mandatory!

Or there is me....Bachlorette parties were not even heard of when I got married but the 2nd time my friend got married she had one. I'm a bit on the prudish side I guess but I did the semi-naughty stuff her first wedding -- so for her 2nd one I wanted something more practical & I just couldn't bring myself to go buy anything on the side of raunchy -- I bought her a pregnancy test (I knew she wanted kids so it fit).

I would say the invitation was tacky but since I'm not really up on etiquette in general for bachlorette parties because they plain & simply didn't exist when I got married and other than my 1 friend, I've never been invited to one. I basically assumed you would bring a gift to one but now reading this thread apparently that isn't always the case.

I certainly wouldn't be planning on staying the night at the hotel, although I do think it was smart on their part to think of that so no one would be drinking & driving (which is why I'm assuming they want everyone to stay at the hotel, besides just the cost).

 

[FoundMyPrince]

Sounds like you are going to have one heck of a sister-in-law.

Yes, tacky -- on many, many levels. I would not attend.

 

[Handbag Lady]

I am so sorry you can't make it because of that thing.

 

[Lassie Lynne]

Based on this invitation.......we can look for more interesting posts from you before and perhaps after the wedding .

And if your Mother says anything else to you, just let her know good manner NEVER go out of style.

 

[EMom]

Tacky? No......Tacky would be putting it mildly. Lord love you, having to endure one bold face gift grab after another, all in the name of wedded bliss. Five showers with the same people invited to all five of those showers? ACK! No way in Hades would I attend that bachelorette party, but I would send an etiquette book to the bride to be. Emily Post should suffice. An etiquette book is NOT lingerie.

The person who wrote the invitation surely never won a spelling bee, but while you're at the book store, purchase a thesaurus or dictionary for her, because I'm still puzzled over "alleviate the cost of the hotel room." WTH?

This "invitation" (truly, more like marching orders) is in a league of its own. It breaks more rules than roller derby. Come to think of it, maybe these babes are the sort that frequent the roller derby...... Just sayin'. Your poor mom is dead wrong. This is NOT how things are done today. To be fair, SOME people do things this way, but just because people feel free to break every rule of etiquette in existence does NOT make it acceptable. It merely makes them beyond tacky.

I cannot WAIT to read your thread after the wedding. Because I am 100% certain there will be one.

 

[kaytieeldr]

Personally, I think they did this so that people would opt to gift them cash instead of buying stuff from their registry.

Good thing about cash is, there's no minimum - as there apparently is with their registry (is there an 'evil grin' smiley anywhere?). And don't let your mom intimidate you - you're not out of any loop. You're intelligent and sensible; too bad you can't get any of that to rub off on the bride or the party hostesses .

I'm just not comfortable in dresses. I have 1 dress that I wear to weddings/funerals but it is NOT something I would wear out to the bars. Bring on the good fitting jeans and a nice dressy shirt and I'm your girl!

Mm, my sister's the same way. She's worn dresses three times in her adult life - to actual weddings. EVERY other occasion, she's worn dressy tops and pants. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if the expectation of a wedding gown is what's preventing her from getting married

I just don't know. I feel like I'm obligated to go because I'm in the wedding, but would it not be ok if I just joined them for dinner and called it good?

If you have to RSVP: "I'll be joining you for dinner" STOP; if you don't have to tell them anything in advance, just let them know when you arrive. Nobody can MAKE you stay. Either way - NO excuses. Excuses beg arguments.

Part of me just wants to be snarky and take a lingerie gift.

It's not lingerie but it's definitely not public wear: IF YOU WANT, and you can find this, I would suggest a terrycloth wrap with a velcro closure for after the shower; ONLY if you actually want to get a gift. Another thing you could do, if you decided to go bar-hopping with them, is bring a camera with an SD card and take pictures - then give your future SIL the card as the gift so she can have a record of the bachelorette party.

I may have to go just to report back on all the events of the evening, I'm sure Paris Hilton will be there...it appears to be the event of the year!

Oh, YES!!!

 

[kaytieeldr]

I basically assumed you would bring a gift to one but now reading this thread apparently that isn't always the case.

Nope, it's not.

The bachelorette party is the fairly recently instituted response to the very common bachelor party.

Bachelor parties have always been, historically, held SOLELY so the groom-to-be's friends can take him out one last time before he gets married. Again historically, it's never been a gift-giving event.

Interestingly, it's never been traditional, even with times changing, to give gifts to just the groom - i.e. while the bachelorette party is the bride's/bride's friends' equivalent of the bachelor party, there's no groom's/groom's friends' equivalent to the shower. Oh, sure, there are showers to which everyone's invited - but no showers for just the groom's 'side'. The groom's female relatives, along with any close female friends, are invited to bridal events.

Anyway, long-winded way of saying the shower/s, and the engagement party if there is one, are gift-giving occasions. The bachelor and bachelorette parties, traditionally held at pretty much the last minute before the wedding (night before to a week before, although it may be different with the one in this thread ) should be JUST a 'last fling' celebration with one's CLOSE friends.

 

[JoShan1719]

Hmmm, what would I do in this position....?

All right ladies it's time to put on your cocktail dress and join us on Saturday May 1st for Katie and Carrie's (not real names) Bachelorette Party. I will be wearing jeans just to p**s you off. The fun will begin at *insert restaurant name" for dinner, drinks, and OF COURSE GIFTS! Nope, no gift from me. We will then head out for a tour of the downtown bars. The night will then end at the *insert hotel name here*. I will say goodbye in the lobby and make a point to mention that I'm goind home. Again, just to p**s you off. Please plan on staying the night at the hotel to alleviate the cost of the rooms. Wait...if I have to pay to stay at the hotel then how does staying at the hotel alleviate the cost for anyone? I'm confused

When buying gifts you are only required to buy for the person who's wedding you were invited to (Sorry if you were invited to both). I'm not required to buy squat They request nothing naughty and absolutely no lingerie. Forget what I said before, I'll be stopping at the nearest lingerie store to buy the raunchiest clothing I can find for you.

And remember ladies, a cocktail dress is a MUST! Hope to see you there.


Ok, that's a bit much, but these things get me fired up. There are MORE than enough resources out there giving you the 411 on wedding etiquette, there's no excuse to be this clueless.