Tacky or not?

[EMom]

Maybe you and 50 or so of your closest friends and relatives should go in together and split the cost of that flat screen TV on her registry.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

I would go and bring an unmarked bag with cheap tacky lingerie in it. Sneak it onto the gift table when no one is looking!

I definitely would cut out after dinner!

Let us know how "the event of the year" goes!

How about a three pack of cotton granny panties?

 

[DeniseinNS]

Totally tacky invite! Sounds like a big gift grab to me.

 

[Mkrop]

Just so you know you are not out of the loop, I just attended my first bachlorette party in a long time for my future SIL (27) on Sat night, we did not bring any gifts or were they requested. We went to a bar and danced and you did not have to wear a cocktail dress but I guess in a trendier nightclub you might, I asked the MOH what to wear. I lucked out as this was casual. We priced out limos and cabs but no one wanted to pay this money do we had two designated drivers. Then those that were staying over crashed at the bride to be's house and my brother got kicked out to stay at my mom's. We had a sandwich tray at the house before we left for the bar.

If you do bring a gift I saw some tank tops that said Bride on them, and also some canvas totes that said Bride on them too. She can put some stuff in their for her wedding day.

 

[mjkacmom]

The most tacky thing I've ever seen is the "Wishing Well Reception" where they put out a wishing well to collect money. I absolutely refuse to give money when I see those things!

Interesting - here in NJ (the land of payforyourplate), we have wishing wells at showers, and it's usually a theme (like kitchen gadgets), and you get something to put in it, separate from your gift. At the actually wedding, everyone gives money anyway.

 

[threecrazykids]

I certainly wouldn't be planning on staying the night at the hotel, although I do think it was smart on their part to think of that so no one would be drinking & driving (which is why I'm assuming they want everyone to stay at the hotel, besides just the cost).

I think this IS the reason they decided to get a hotel room, that way they didn't have to worry about anyone driving. The hotel they are staying at is probably the most expensive hotel in town given it's the only one in the downtown area. However, considering we all live in the town we're going out in, a cab fare home, I feel, would be much more reasonable. If they were concerned with people driving though, the invite could have stated something along the lines of "we have reserved a block of rooms at *hotel* should anyone feel the need to stay"...or something like that. But I think they want everyone to stay so the few who ARE planning on it don't have to pay the $150 rate for their room.

 

[threecrazykids]

Oh wow, that is beyond tacky OP.

Since it is your future SIL, I would probably go to the party. No hotel or cocktail dress though, just dinner & drinks and my gift would probably be the "Miss Manners Guide to Social Etiquette" book (since lingerie and raunchy is against the rules and all ). If they don't like how you're dressed, just throw a camera around your neck and tell them you're going as the paparazzi.

Good idea! I'll just follow her around with a camera all night flashing pics. I wonder if I can get one of those "PRESS" lanyards!

 

[threecrazykids]

And if your Mother says anything else to you, just let her know good manner NEVER go out of style.

OOOH, this is good. I may have to use this one. I think my mom is just so wrapped up in making sure my brother and her have everything they want to make this day "perfect" she's lost her mind.

She made a comment to me awhile back about the fact that every other day there is something more added to the "tab" of this wedding. I said to her..."Mom...they aren't planning a marriage. They are planning a wedding and the marriage is simply part of the show". I think she finally understood where I was coming from. I told her that no matter HOW you try to spin it, all etiquette has been thrown out the window and what they think is "changing of the times" is simply coming across as greedy and tacky.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Hmm, I think the word that fits is trashy, which covers tacky but goes a step further.

Asking for gifts is awful, and telling you how to dress means wherever they are going it will be $$$ for drinks, and since the brides probably expect to NOT pay for drinks guess who will be paying? Also, telling you to spend the night tells me they expect to go on a drunken rampage in their expensive dresses.

None the less this is your brother's future wife, trashy and all, so it is best to not make waves. Your Mom is probably just trying to keep the peace so I'd leave her alone, she MUST be just as appalled but staying silent and I don't blame her. The wedding will be over soon and reality will settle in so I say suck it up and take a camera, if nothing else you can take pictures of the debauchery and throw some up on Facebook... you should have enough evidence on her to keep her in line the rest of her life

Reminds me of the Pink song "Stupid Girls"

 

[lovesmurfs]

Oy. I would go for dinner and maybe a drink because I'm in the wedding, but staying overnight, nope.

....and I'd start making your plans for the holidays now. Sounds like they're gonna be a hoot. Add some snowflake kids to the mix and you'd better start saving!

 

[Kit'smommy]

That is one tacky invitation...

 

[Nancyg56]

Holy Smokes! I would not attend this even for my brother. I would decline and if anyone questioned my decision I would simply say that I have children at home and need to be with them.

OP- your poor Mom must be hearing a lot of comments if she is trying to justify horrendous behavior.

 

[YoYoAurora]

You are not out of touch or out of line! Good manners are always in style.

I'm a wedding professional and would be appalled if one of my brides or her attendants or friends sent an invitation such as this.

I like the idea of taking pictures if you do decide to attend. A photo book of the night would be a wonderful and thoughtful gift!

And if you do go, please let us know how it goes!

I remember fondly the two batchelorette parties my YoYo sisters threw for me: one right after I got engaged and the other a year later, right before the wedding. The cheap plastic tiara and veil combo they made me wear gave me a headache, so I removed it between pictures. Dinner, dancing, a cosmo or two, combined with lots of laughter and merriment made them nights to remember!

 

[kaytieeldr]

Just so you know you are not out of the loop, I just attended my first bachlorette party in a long time for my future SIL (27) on Sat night, we did not bring any gifts or were they requested. We went to a bar and danced and you did not have to wear a cocktail dress but I guess in a trendier nightclub you might, I asked the MOH what to wear. I lucked out as this was casual. We priced out limos and cabs but no one wanted to pay this money do we had two designated drivers. Then those that were staying over crashed at the bride to be's house and my brother got kicked out to stay at my mom's. We had a sandwich tray at the house before we left for the bar.

If you do bring a gift I saw some tank tops that said Bride on them, and also some canvas totes that said Bride on them too. She can put some stuff in their for her wedding day.

Now, THAT sounds like a typical bachelorette party - the bride's friends taking her out to celebrate just before the wedding. Fun, inexpensive, NO DEMANDS on the guests... and I love that the groom got kicked out of the house for the night ! The non-mandatory, reasonably-priced gift suggestions you mention sound entirely appropriate as well.

If they were concerned with people driving though, the invite could have stated something along the lines of "we have reserved a block of rooms at *hotel* should anyone feel the need to stay"...or something like that. But I think they want everyone to stay so the few who ARE planning on it don't have to pay the $150 rate for their room.

Right. "We have a special rate of $xxx (or, even better, $xx ) per room at *fancy downtown hotel* for guests who wish to stay overnight; we need a final room count by 4/27/10" (I could be wrong, but it does sound like the hostesses - or, okay, their parents - are paying for the rooms?).

 

[kaytieeldr]

I remember fondly the two batchelorette parties my YoYo sisters threw for me: one right after I got engaged and the other a year later, right before the wedding. The cheap plastic tiara and veil combo they made me wear gave me a headache

Note to self: no cheap plastic tiaras. Do not discard handmade tiara purchased CHEAP at charity auction, in case sister with no sense of humor gets married.
Second note to self: try on tiara to see if it's adult-size.
Addendum to second note: scratch first two notes; real tiara not funny. Dig up $3.99 'costume accessory' tiara purchased from Walgreens

 

[Mickey's Minion]

I would say the invitation was tacky but since I'm not really up on etiquette in general for bachlorette parties...

It doesn't have to be a bachelorette party. The rule of etiquette that gifts are never, ever mentioned on an invitation applies to any kind of party. Any mention of preferences, registries, charities, and worse, like this invitation that you are "required" to bring a gift for the person whose wedding you are attending is beyond tacky.

An invitation should never require an entrance fee.

 

[Mickey's Minion]

The most tacky thing I've ever seen is the "Wishing Well Reception" where they put out a wishing well to collect money. I absolutely refuse to give money when I see those things!

The wishing well is right up there with the money dance as some of the tackiest money grubbing things that can occur at weddings.

 

[a1tinkfans]

threecrazykids: you discreetly omitted the names of the restaurant and hotel from your post.

You can see by the responses that there are DISers over a wide area of the country; in addition, I'm in Massachusetts. I'm sure any of us for whom it's convenient would LOVE to crash :rotfl3: if you think it wouldn't be too tacky. Admittedly, we wouldn't be bringing gifts, and we wouldn't be spending the night at the hotel...

IMHO: Above and Beyond, TOTALLY TACKY!!

 

[HM]

This just kills me. I definitely would send my regrets. So what if you're in the wedding party. You've had your fill of events already.

And I'm appalled at the gift grabbing of these engaged couples. When I got married, my DH and I had very little between the two of us (bed set, tv, cushions to sit on, a potted plant and some kitchenware). We didn't even register for gifts. We didn't feel right telling people what we wanted (needed). We should have, I know. In the end everyone called my mom and mil to find out what we could use. We did have fun getting all sorts of surprises, but I think it was thoughtless of us not to register at least a few things and leave the burden on others to figure things out. So we were the other extreme, I guess.

 

[threecrazykids]

It doesn't have to be a bachelorette party. The rule of etiquette that gifts are never, ever mentioned on an invitation applies to any kind of party. Any mention of preferences, registries, charities, and worse, like this invitation that you are "required" to bring a gift for the person whose wedding you are attending is beyond tacky.

An invitation should never require an entrance fee.

You're right! I'm so "out of the loop" it won't even surprise me one bit if I show up at the wedding and there is a cover charge.