Sweet Mother of Fudge! 2/15 A Goodbye Summary~Pimples and Farts

[Mrs. The King]

Thank you for all the thoughts about Poppy. His spirits seem lifted and he was able to drink out of a straw today. He was goofing around with the nursing home workers too. I truly think prayers work and all the beautiful energy sent his way gave him this boost

Hi, MTK, I already mentioned this elsewhere, but I want to officially commend you for another hilarous update!

And the very best wishes for your granddaddy!

Elsewhere. Hmm. Moooarvelous.

I honestly don't know why you're not arrested more. It must be due in part to the lax prosecution standards in your state.

In any event, you write some kind of funny.

But your Disney geography is messed up. If you were in MK and ate at Electric Umbrella, you either hopped a Monorail back to EPCOT, ate someplace that ISN'T Electric Umbrella, or you were having an episode.

I hope you have a Merry Christmas and everything is ok with your Poppy.

If I could tolerate any pain at all I would get this bolded statement tattooed on the jiggler.

You are absolutely right about the geography. I was writing from my pictures and I saw the sign "Electric Umbrella" Mixed in. So I stuck it in there. In my defense, we ate everywhere that day. Snack credits were like an albatross.

Merry Christmas to you as well Zzub. Something you did recently gave me courage. So thank you..

that is the funniest thing I've read in a long time!!!

Hi there!

First-time commenter, long-time reader, and I just have to say, I LOVE reading your trip reports!

You have such a wonderful knack for storytelling and I just love reading about the misadventures of "The Jiggler" and your pursuit of all things fudge.

It's not to often that I'll read a trip report and cry laughing everytime I read it! Can't wait for the next installment!

I can't tell you how thrilled I am that you piped up! I will get to work on the next chapter ASAP just for you Happy Holidays.

 

[TarzansKat]

At this point I don't know what I enjoy more. Your real life adventures, or your Disney vacation adventures. It's a serious toss up.

I'm really glad you weren't arrested.

 

[hlrababy]

I am so glad you weren't arrested!!!!

Geez woman..........

 

[coffeehousemom]

I have been enjoying your TR for awhile, you are an awesome writer. I just checked out your fiction blog!! Absolutely wonderful!! Please keep this up. Happy Holidays

 

[Mrs. The King]

At this point I don't know what I enjoy more. Your real life adventures, or your Disney vacation adventures. It's a serious toss up.

I'm really glad you weren't arrested.

I prefer Disney! Thank you for reading I was glad I wasn't arrested.

I am so glad you weren't arrested!!!!

Geez woman..........

Thanks Lady!!!

I have been enjoying your TR for awhile, you are an awesome writer. I just checked out your fiction blog!! Absolutely wonderful!! Please keep this up. Happy Holidays

You just gave me the best present! You are the first one to read my fiction blog, I am thrilled that you liked it! I was very scared to start it. Of course Edward can inspire anyone Happy Holidays right back at you!

 

[winkers]

Merry Christmas!!

 

[Baloo]

I wanted to wish you a....

I'm sorry to hear about your grandpa.You're Poppy will be in my prayers.

 

[whogirl'smom]

Merry Christmas, King family!

Hope Santa was good to you! My MIL got me a pink disposable Lady Shaver. That's a little weird even for her, bless her heart! Got money in a card, though!

 

[Mrs. The King]

Christmas Bonus Chapter.


Merry Christmas everyone!

I had wanted to write this chapter about 3 days ago, but I got on the Holiday Hamster wheel and kept running until the wheel was turning and this hamster wasn’t running anymore. I was just being held to the wheel from the centrifugal force, little hamster face pressed against the metal rungs.

But I have to say it was worth it.

Worth every second.

And the things that didn’t get done didn’t matter. I am extremely fortunate. My parents and my in laws come to my house. My sweet mother in law cooks like a full blooded angel, and we never let her rest. My mother just knows how to entertain. Things flow effortlessly with her. Plates get clean, leftovers get packed up, music stays on. Seriously, P Diddy could learn some tricks form her. Grandpa and Poppy are wonderful at pouring drinks, killing any random spiders, and toy assembly (they are both part elf).
We had our Holiday Show, which included dancing, singing and more laughing then should be legally allowed anywhere. Did I mention the presents? We are, as a family, ridiculously spoiled. Thoughtful, wonderful gifts are abundant.
Ahh. Christmas.

Mrs. The King is going to hit the rewind button and tell you about her trip to the bank on the 23 of December. I was cashing a check at the bank. Well, we have two banks. One is not fancy. One is fancy. I was at the ritzy titsy one. It has high, luxurious ceilings. The tellers are separated from the customers by a thick, bullet proof plastic. Well, I am assuming its bullet proof. It has air holes for the tellers.

So this combination always makes me talk louder. I can’t help it. I feel that the barrier between us could only be over come by my outdoor voice.

It was a crowded line, full of rushing holiday shoppers ready to lubricate their wallets with some cash. I stepped up to the teller waiting for me. She smiled. And she started chit chatting about the holidays.

She was what I call a soft to softer talker.
Well, she is the first one I have met, but if I met another, that’s what I will call them from now on. She started out soft volume speaking, and when she would gt to the real point of her sentence her volume would drop off.

Until she was, as much as I can tell, just moving her lips.

I can’t read lips. Let’s be honest, most of us are amazed I can read at all. So I do what any blonde would do, I overcompensated. I also tried to emulate the behavior I wanted her to copy. Hence me cheerleading scream answers.

Me~ “YES “ I AM GOING SHOPPING!!!”
Soft talk teller ~”Are you going to Target?”
Me~ ”YES!”
Soft talker ~”I got mumble mumble for $5.00 at Target mumble mumble.”

Now, I love Target. I love a good sale their. As a matter a fact, I watch the Christmas markdowns like a highly skilled guerilla surveillance team member.
Actually, us ladies that do the 90% off sales are scarier.

So I don’t care what she got for $5.00. If it was on sale, I wanted it.

Now, maybe I can blame my exhaustion. Maybe I can blame the wheel turning without my feet running. But my reply to her was a hot mess.
I said.

In my loudest voice.

Me~ ”MAYBE I’LL POOP IN THERE LATER!!”

Oh my dog. Did I just scream Poop? The Bank was as silent as a smoke detector without batteries, (that gets disemboweled by an angry mother witnessing her kids heading to the dinner room table when it goes off.)

I can’t fix my faux pas without making it worse.

I had to just leave "poop" out there. I just told a complete stranger and a line full of people in a really loud voice where I * might * be planning on having a bowel movement in the future.

Instead of what I had intended (Me~Maybe I'll POP in there later!")

So what do I do? Do I pretend like it wasn’t said? (which I am sure was soft talker's dire wish)

Oh no. I start to laugh. I start cry-laughing at my own self.
I laugh all the way out the bank.

Like an idiot.


The miracles of Christmas are what keep me going. I saw my beautiful girl playing with the Nativity.

Well, actually, it was two pieces specifically. She was playing with the baby Jesus and his little rubber cradle. It was touching and sweet. I listened closely. The cradle seemed to be making a "bruumomg" kind of noise.

Me~ “What you got there, sweetheart?”

PS~ “Baby Jesus and His hover craft.”

Me~ “Excuse me?”

PS~ “His hover craft. Like the people in Wall.e”

Now, if you have seen Wall.e, you should be laughing right now. If you haven’t seen Wall.e yet you should be driving to the store to buy it at the end of this chapter.

I tackled her and tickled her until she screamed.

We went over manners a few days later. We enacted some situations and improvised how the kids should and shouldn’t act.

In my reenactment, Grandma was a flying racecar, Grandpa was a can of coke, Nonnie was Pablo the salt shaker (PS has her own shaker in the shape of a penguin, mostly because she has a tendency to lick the top of the shaker) and Poppy was a sticker of a penguin.

Whatever.

The kids liked it.

Me and the facsimile grandparents decided to ask the children for an example of good manners.

PS ~”When you are in school and you fart you say “Excuse me” instead of “That was a good one”
She was so matter of fact. The grandparents and I were puzzled. Though this was obviously sound advice, I didn’t teach it to her.
That means someone did.

Me~ “Who told you that?”
PS with big blinky innocent green eyes~ ”My teacher”

For any of you playing the home game PS’s teacher would also be a co worker of mine.
I have a feeling the next parent/teacher conference was going to be a beut.

When Mr. The King and I had our first Christmas, we marched into Wal Mart and bought all the decorations at once for our majestic tree.
We purchased, with our young, in love hands and wallets a light up, garish muti color lighted star. When all was said and done, we plugged in the star. We stood back and starred.

We were both dissatisfied. I suggested a color change. Mr. The King took out every stinking light out of the star and replaced them with the extra white lights we had from the strings.

It was a painstaking process.

We both gathered in front of the new star. For it’s lighting.

Gosh it was a moment so ripe with emotion. Our first Christmas. We were Newlyweds facing the world together. Let’s start our Holiday.

Mr. the King plugged it in and joined me.

First we smiled and held hands.

Then we stepped back to assess the glow which seemed to be getting brighter.

Our eyes widened in horror and our noses wrinkled in matching distaste.

The star began making a noise.

Sort of a low hum that built and built until it was defiantly humming in a bad way.

You know the sound foley artists make when they are trying to replicate a back draft?

Yeah, that was next.

God Bless Mr. The King, he reacted in a gentlemanly way trying to shield my body with his own at it reached it’s pinnacle. The light was blinding.

Horrifying.

Too bright to be made by any human beings.

The sucking noise was followed by a gunshot.

Mr. The King and I quickly tried to protect our heads. From the Christmas star that was trying to kill us.

Aggh!!. The Star went black. Like a teeny Weeny Super nova.

We stayed frozen in our fear for a few moments until Mr. The King ran forward to unplug the star.

When the star was ready to explode, I saw by the glow of that inhuman light, the man that I love. He was willing to step in front of a loaded Christmas tree for me. This was a marriage made to last. And we became an obsessive pair of wattages checkers after that moment. Changing a lightbulb here is a kin to landing the Apollo safely back on Earth, with trajectories, checklists and held breath.

My father gave me my Grandmother’s engagement ring from my Grandpa. She wore it for over 60 years. She never took it off. It feels so special on my finger. I can see her smile when I look at it.

My parents also printed this very trip report for me and put it in a huge binder. It was great fun to page through this nightmare!

The Holidays. I didn’t mention PC this chapter. So what can I say. He makes me proud. He is the best big brother. He got more Bakugan then he knows what to do with. He played the saxophone this Christmas show and we cried. We all cried.
He rocks.

So thank you and happy holidays to the readers of this trip report.





P.S. They bought the Jiggler fudge from Main Street!!!!



Chapter 30 Kitty Toilets and Options button

 

[Mrs. The King]

Merry Christmas!!

I love that so much it hurts!

I wanted to wish you a....

I'm sorry to hear about your grandpa.You're Poppy will be in my prayers.

Spank you so much Baloo!!! Right back at you!

Merry Christmas, King family!

Hope Santa was good to you! My MIL got me a pink disposable Lady Shaver. That's a little weird even for her, bless her heart! Got money in a card, though!

A shaver. Gee whiz I hope that isn't a hint. Cause mine gave me a weed wacker

 

[Goofyluver]

Happy Holidays, darlin'.

You, my friend, are rockin' around the Christmas tree with this little ditty.

 

[Mrs. The King]

Happy Holidays, darlin'.

You, my friend, are rockin' around the Christmas tree with this little ditty.

Right back at you cutie pie.

 

[loonieroonie]

Thank you for sharing your great sense of humor. I don't sleep well most nights and read your reports to keep me entertained. Tonight I'm joined by my 2 year old who will not go back to sleep. As I'm reading about your bank visit my 2 year old looked at the tears rolling down my cheeks and asked what was funny then started laughing just because I was.

Thank you. I hope you and your family had a wonderful Christmas. May you have a joyous New Year.

 

[whogirl'smom]

A shaver. Gee whiz I hope that isn't a hint. Cause mine gave me a weed wacker

It is winter, you know. Sometimes you gotta bring out the heavy artillery.

And I was mistaken about my gift; it is not disposable. It is "The Last Razor You will Every Buy", stays sharp forever, with a lifetime guarantee. That means I will have it FOREVER and can pass it on to little Whogirl when the time comes. An heirloom, if you will.

 

[belledreamer]

Christmas Bonus Chapter.

Me~ ”MAYBE I’LL POOP IN THERE LATER!!”

And you know, that wouldn't be the first time I heard "Poop" shouted out in a public place...

BTW, Congrats on getting your fudge!!

 

[TarzansKat]

Glad to hear Christmas was so good to you all.

 

[Mrs. The King]

Raise a Glass.

My Grandfather passed this morning. He was a complete rock star. So many people of all different ages are missing him today. Heaven is a lucky place and I promise you there is a party going on up there today.

Today for the King family we are a little teary but a lot proud that we got to call this amazing man family. 90 years was not nearly enough, But Poppy made it count.

So if you could, please raise a glass (even if it is water) to a life that was lived with exquisite joy, humor and love.

Most of all love.

 

[Goofyluver]

Cheers, to grandpa.

 

[winkers]

I'm so sorry to hear about Poppy!
Thank you for sharing some of him with us! What a wonderful man.

 

[Mrs. The King]