Sweet Mother of Fudge! 2/15 A Goodbye Summary~Pimples and Farts

[ZZUB]

I've been called worse. I'm a Southern Baptist and a lawyer. You think I haven't been insulted before?! You're going to have to come up with something better than "princess," MTK, if you want to crack the Top Ten insults hurled at me.

I remember the time someone assumed I was friends with LaLa. THAT was pretty hideous. But not as bad as someone accusing me of being a Democrat. I still have nightmares about that.

We stop for a minute to stare at the seen in front of us. Glittering, Huge bowling pins reflecting off the man made lake. Instead of garish and tacky, like any everyday item made that big should be, it makes us sigh with contentment.

Since one imagines I'd have to hang out in a bowling alley to encounter someone like you, I am not terribly surprised that you are made content by the sight of large bowling pins. I shudder to think what you would do if there was a large Weed-Eater or can of Crisco in front of you.

You can’t do this twice. It happens once a visit. You arrive. You are the lucky souls walking into the resort. Clutching the folder, sorting through maps to find your room. For the rest of your time in Disney, your feet will do this walk without having to ask your head for directions. You won’t have to count buildings or guess which is faster, the stairs or the elevator. Breathe it in.

A lot of people have tried to capture the essence of "arrival." Myself included. I think you have done it very well. Maybe the best. Which is sad. B/c I really don't seem to like you.

The Disney air is so much sweeter. It is full of promise.

And a lot of other things, unfortunately.

We have 8:30am reservations at Crystal Palace. What was I thinking?

Assumes facts not in evidence.

I start thinking. Always a bad move.

At your advanced age, we're just grateful you began thinking at all. Welcome.

Recently. A bra of mine. A Favorite actually, has started creaking. Like the door into a really haunted house. It is so awkward, in a group of grown ups, to creak. Loudly. Every time the twins move, the door creaks. It puzzles people. Need to fix that bra. Or throw it out.

DED! I have no idea what a creaking bra is or sounds like but this made me laugh. Not out loud. But in my head. And also my pituitary gland.

PS Mrs. ZZUB's Sister in Law: I've known you for 40 years and I still can't believe you did the things you did when we were little. Shameless! Anyway, at least you never voted for John Edwards. Suddenly all of my joking about him makes me look oddly prescient. Or just, you know, alive.

 

[Mother the King]

Your description of our arrival was perfect. The moment with all the dreams in front of us is the best. love the pictures. Why did we ever leave? Love ,the Grandmotha

 

[LaLa]

Just stumbled upon your trip report and although I've still got a long way to go, I'm really enjoying it. As others have already said, you're really funny. Hilarious, even. And if ZZUB is already giving you a hard time, that means one thing and one thing only: you must be allright.

I decided this year I would mix it up a little. I wanted to be the first woman to hear "Whoa! Back up!!! Back the truck up!! Too far".

This one quote made me laugh so hard I swallowed a crown! Again. I'll be sending you the dentist bill. Feel free to forward it to Princess ZZUB. I hear she's loaded.

When you leave in your van...

I originally read this as "when you live in your van..." and for a split second I thought Mrs. The King was actually a pseudonym for Matt Foley, Motivational Speaker. Because of that whole livin' in a van down by the river thing he's got going on.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

As if the sad, 70’s decor, the multi cigaretted smokers and the greasy food weren’t enough, there on the wall to enhance the mood was a picture of Ronald the creepy clown. Now he is scary when he is happy. (I am not a fan of clowns).

Then you should enjoy this little sweetheart just as much as I did.

Because really, what All American front porch brimming with school aged children doesn't need a creepy clown smack dab in the middle of the action, looking over their shoulders as they sketch his likeness? We stumbled upon this beauty in a McDonald's somewhere in Florida coming back from the beach and when I read your quote above, I initially thought we'd been in the same place with the same creepy clown painting on the wall. Who knew there was more than one?! And yes, I had to snap a picture of it for posterity. And also because it made me laugh really hard. And shiver at the same time. No need to thank me for bustin' it out here. It's the least I could do in exchange for the funny you're bringing to the table.

I would quote more but one of my children is licking the other and the situation needs parental intervention. Apparently.

Keep bringin' it. Looking forward to more....

 

[HomeschoolMama]

Uh... I'm so lost and slightly uncomfortable. Maybe I should just stick to reading the updates?

I can't wait to hear how the visit to BBB was. I thought it was magical when we went in January.

 

[princessjv]

Your grandpa is a total Rock Star and you are a wonderful grand daughter for knowing it! Props to you.



You got mad... on vacation? NO! Say it ain't so.

 

[lazydoxy66]

Great picture of the bowling pins. I want to arrive at WDW at night now!

 

[walkerag]

Where'd she go??

More... More!

 

[Mrs. The King]

Chapter solid 6

Ahhh. The last crispy ends of real summer. It’s like chewing the fried batter off the non-edible parts of the chicken breast. Yummy. But it won’t last forever.

I want to keep my kids from school. I never want to send them back. When they leave for the day it feels like my heart is draining like a bathtub. Nothing but ominous curly hairs left over.

The fall can pound salt, as far as I am concerned. I have bought, no joke 47 boxes of 22 cent crayons at Wal mart. I can’t stop myself from buying the crayons.

A few days before we left for Disney I was folding clothes, watching the E! channel. There was a newsbreak, regarding Angelina Jolie and her babies.
“We are interrupting your programming to give you an update from Angelina’s Doctor in France LIVE”

The Doctor begins speaking to the reporters in French. The E! channel had obviously not counted on this stumbling block. They continued to broadcast the Doctor without a translator. I couldn’t believe it!
After all this time.

Finally.

In High School I decided to take French as a second language. I thought it sounded so chic. Turns out I have problems. With the French. Actually, I can not understand any accented speech whatsoever. If your everyday talking is more spicy than say, Mr. Rogers, my brain puts you on mute. I just watch your lips move.

I can’t remember names and suck at memorizing. So this all made French hard for me. I took three years of Regents level French. The only word I knew cold going into the oral final exam was “coqueluche”. I thought it was hysterical that our screamingly old text books still had “whooping cough” listed as a vocab word. I was pretty sure that the malady of whooping cough had been vaccinated out of existence in 1913. So I would use it on my friends suffering through French class as a joke.

Really it was my only French joke. Well that and “tamponeux”. Which I can’t remember what that word translates to, but it was an obvious joke.
Anyway, back to my oral exam. The French teacher pulled me into the hallway. I was so scared. Gosh I was horrible at this subject. She knew me well enough to speak her part of the conversation in the slowest, non accented French she could.

Teacher ~“Vous êtes dans le bureau du médecin, expliquer ce qui vous dérange?"
"You are in a Doctor's office, explain what is bothering you?"

(I could not believe my luck!)

Me~ "Eh bien, mon mal de gorge."
"Well, my throat hurts"


Teacher ~ "Que pensez-vous est faux?"
"What do you think is wrong?"


Me ~ "Je pense avoir la coqueluche!"
"I think I have whooping cough!"

I wound up getting an A on that oral exam and passed my Final because of it. The last day all the French I was hanging onto dropped out of my head like a hot potato. I was done. All done.

I started college and decided to change to a different school after two years. As I was arranging my new schedule all my credits transferred like a dream. Except I was missing one small credit. I needed a second language. And because I had a regents diploma I would be required to take the moderate level French. Even though I had my Mr. Rogers problem and only passed by the skin of my whooping cough flavored teeth. And moderate French is two semesters. Of course.

So I plunged into the French world. I hired a tutor. I studied all the time. After two semesters I squeaked out with a B. I was proud. Please hold your applause.
(BTW I graduated with a degree in Political science, determined to be a lawyer, until I found out that they scoop your soul out and replace it with an overactive bowel.)

So I had kids. Never touching my French with a stick. Letting it rot.

But Angelina Joile and the E! channel had given me my moment to shine.
I listened intently. I was able to piece together this information

“The mother and babies are good. The babies are eating the cheese. We are trying to stop the babies from eating the cheese.”

Well, that can’t be right. So that’s that. I don’t even remember where I was going with this story. I should have saved it and busted out this freaky little mess in the world showcase part of the trip report.

Where was I in the story? Was this the Potty chapter? No, not yet!

We were dressed and ready. To go to the Magic Kingdom. We trudge over to the van. We almost always drive to the parks. Today we pile in and drive to Ticket and Transportation. We got to park in Minnie, we were so close. Until you realize that walking from Minnie takes longer than grabbing the tram. And of course, the kids’ favorite ride in Disney is the tram.
We make the time honored choice. Ferry or Monorail? What a wonderful decision to have to make.

Usually, we are ferry fans for the first ride. But, surprisingly, the kids picked the monorail. I think they felt gypped by Minnie Mouse holding the tram hostage.

We settle into our Monorail car. Mr. The King snaps away with his camera.

The kids score window seats. And we are off. To my castle.

After getting through security and heading in the early breakfast line, we were there on Main Street. We are rushing now because our ADR’s are for 8:30am and it was 8:25. No time to get the dream picture taken (Should have risked it!)
So instead of the photopass guy taking our picture. We took his.

Not nearly as satisfying.

We get seated almost immediately at Crystal Palace. We can see some of our friends, Pooh, Eyeore, but they are just past our table. The waitress tells us to take our time getting our food, they won’t be back for a while.

Grandpa regales us with tales of being a character greeter.
Grandpa~ “When I used to bring Piglet here to the Crystal Palace, I used to say ‘Come on Piglet, they are running out of bacon’, boy how he would shake.”

Grandpa’s got a sick sense of humor.


We all got up to get some food. From our super fantastic DEEP. I could not wait to set PC loose on a buffet. The child, when home never stops eating. He is mostly a meatatarian. We have to cook him his very own steak at home when we make it for dinner. His favorite snack is deli sliced turkey.



He loads up his plate. I load up a plate. I felt a little guilty. There was such a long line at the buffet. The food I wanted was vacant. Should I wait in line for the food that was available? Mr. The King had bumped to the front, got what he needed and moved on.

I had my inner dilemma and then grabbed what I needed. Get back to the table. PS wants something else, go back up with her. Should I line jump again? She wants none of the first grouping of food. I jump again. The angst. Oh well.

Get back to the table. PC is sitting all slumped over pouting at his plate. Who is this child? He has bacon? Why is he not eating?

PS is not eating either. All the adults suck down the tasty offerings. The restaurant is very pretty on the inside and our server was full of Disney happiness. She kept coming back to ask the kids how they were doing.

First up for the kids was the parade. How adorable! I was happy PC was willing to march with PS.

Next up Pooh came to the table. PS runs to him and gives him a sweet hug. PS goes in for a hug as well. He is getting bigger, I wasn’t sure if he would go for the characters anymore. I should have known better. He is so easy going and always up for fun.

Tigger bounced over. I just love that striped guy.

Piglet waddled over. Grandpa decided to torment his favorite pig.
After snapping a picture, Grandpa said “Wait, I need to take that one again Piglet, you blinked”
Piglet stood for the second picture. Grandpa is part evil.

Last, was mopey Eyeore. We snuggled him up and wished him good luck with his gloomy day.

And our first DEEP was over. The kids touched very little food.
“Probably too early for them” all the adults murmured to each other.

Our BBB appointment is for 10:25am, so we head in that direction. We stumble upon the dream show in front of the castle. And This is the first time it happened to me.

I was quite shocked. While watching the show, I looked around me. There was Grandpa, free of cancer, hand on PS’s head. Grandma , finally content, she can hug her grandchildren (when she can physically touch them, she can actually breathe, if they are far away, she is just faking it).

Mr. the King, so very happy, in his favorite place in the world. The kids, looking at the stage, enchanted by this show. That’s Disney, you can just happen upon dancing animals, princesses and fireworks. So much better than shopping in Wal Mart for my Crisco.

And yet despite the careful choreographing of making all my dreams come true, I realize Disney is not about what I am seeing. It is about who I am with.

The time to see the faces your heart holds dear for long periods of time. No pesky daily grind to take you away. No chores clouding the sweet voices describing something, anything to you with dancing eyes. You can hear them. Your eyes never leave your sons face while they tell a story. You can wrap your arms around your daughter and feel her sharp intake of breath when she sees Mickey and Minnie dancing for her.

I also realize that this year has been trying for the Kings. We have faced some things we never thought we would. And we made it out the other side.

So every time the word “Dreams” is sung by our favorite characters. I bust a tear. The whole freaking show is about Dreams. Mickey is blinking, talking and saying “Dreams”.

More crying. And not that perfect, attractive tear sliding down one cheek like some women(and Ronald McDonald) can pull off.

I am apparently, reacting to this show as if Princess Z and my Uncle Bob had a baby.

And I am that baby.

And I am going to cry a snorf horfaling, chin dimpling, snot leaking, blubberfeast. In broad daylight. My sunglasses are large.

So I try to contain the cry.

To just my eyes.

I try looking everywhere else but the stage.

No luck. I think the script for that show goes something like this:

Mickey~ “Believe in your Dreams”
Minnie~ “Dreams do come true if you Dream really hard”
Donald~ “I am Dreaming my a** off, about Dreaming in my Dreams”

Damn it.

PC says~“Mom are you choking on a little bit of left over Piglet?”

I hear~ “ Mom are you Dream choking on a little Dream of left over Dream?”

The chin dimpling has crossed over to full lip pout involvement.

The word Dream is attached to my tear duct.

Finally, Goofy blows himself up dreaming or something like that and I pull myself together.
I grab my dear family. Dreams do come true. We are here. Together. And I am loving it. We head over to where we think BBB is. On our way we found the Fairy godmother.

This Fairy godmother was really bossy and not that friendly. She brushed me off when I mentioned that PS was about to be turned into Cinderella. Which surprised me.

And should have learned me a lesson about the mojo change in the atmosphere. But I am hard headed and stubborn. I don’t pay attention to fates and signs (or bad DIS reviews). I play it my way.

Up next: Mrs. The King brings a little bit of The Bronx to BBB.


Chapter 7 Mrs. the King brings her angry eyes

 

[KatGarcia]

Grandpa regales us with tales of being a character greeter.
Grandpa~ “When I used to bring Piglet here to the Crystal Palace, I used to say ‘Come on Piglet, they are running out of bacon’, boy how he would shake.”

Grandpa’s got a sick sense of humor.

OMG! That really cracked me up!!!!

Great update!!!!!!

 

[AZMickeyfans]

Ok I'm back and caught up now.

Your Grandpa Rocks! What a fantastic man that is. Please, please tell him Thank You for his Service to our Country from all of my familly.

the jiggler flashbacks were wonderful. I know I just read the roach TR a couple weeks ago but they are close to my heart and can never hear them enough.

The Dreams thing got me teary eyed. I cant wait to take my kids for the first time in Oct!

I'm a little scared to see what your reaction is to BBB because we are booked there in Oct for MNSSHP.

Great updates.

 

[Mrs. The King]

I was sure that you were kidding about the lady giving him a lap dance..............I think I'm going to have nightmares tonight!

I love the story about Poppy coming to PS's rescue when she was singing for him!

Wasn't that the sweetest? Knight on a scooter Don't worry Winkers, I got all the nightmares you need

Grandpa rocks!
GREAT pic!
I've got nuthin! Just a whole bunch of nose-laughing. And some quivering.

You brought it AGAIN - the F-U-N-N-Y, that is!

Mr. the King takes a good picture. Though I always complain when there are no people in them!

I am lovin the quivering! Set it to music baby!

May I just say, your trip report is AWESOME

Creaky bra, I've had one or two of those myself!

Aren't the creaky bras sumthin? I have had the dogs bark, thinking someone was breaking into the house.

Aw! Why did Mr the King get mad- Did Chip & Dale show him theirs?

Now that is just awesome! I love you.

Your description of our arrival was perfect. The moment with all the dreams in front of us is the best. love the pictures. Why did we ever leave? Love ,the Grandmotha

It's all your fault! Why did we leave?

Just stumbled upon your trip report and although I've still got a long way to go, I'm really enjoying it. As others have already said, you're really funny. Hilarious, even. And if ZZUB is already giving you a hard time, that means one thing and one thing only: you must be allright.

I feel better knowing your here. Princess Z is a lot of woman to handle on my own

This one quote made me laugh so hard I swallowed a crown! Again. I'll be sending you the dentist bill. Feel free to forward it to Princess ZZUB. I hear she's loaded.

You know you will pass the crown. You could actually bring the crown to her coronation. So fitting.

I originally read this as "when you live in your van..." and for a split second I thought Mrs. The King was actually a pseudonym for Matt Foley, Motivational Speaker. Because of that whole livin' in a van down by the river thing he's got going on.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

I loved that skit.

Then you should enjoy this little sweetheart just as much as I did.

Because really, what All American front porch brimming with school aged children doesn't need a creepy clown smack dab in the middle of the action, looking over their shoulders as they sketch his likeness? We stumbled upon this beauty in a McDonald's somewhere in Florida coming back from the beach and when I read your quote above, I initially thought we'd been in the same place with the same creepy clown painting on the wall. Who knew there was more than one?! And yes, I had to snap a picture of it for posterity. And also because it made me laugh really hard. And shiver at the same time. No need to thank me for bustin' it out here. It's the least I could do in exchange for the funny you're bringing to the table.

That little beauty is priceless. I do need to comment on the foresight it took to snap a picture of that picture. Glittering Brilliance in all it's glory. I am dumbfounded and astounded. And frightened.

I would quote more but one of my children is licking the other and the situation needs parental intervention. Apparently.

Keep bringin' it. Looking forward to more....

That was my favorite sentence all day. Maybe all week.

Uh... I'm so lost and slightly uncomfortable. Maybe I should just stick to reading the updates?

I can't wait to hear how the visit to BBB was. I thought it was magical when we went in January.

Oh it was something for us Don't be scared. Lala will hold your hand and I will fart the alphabet. I would offer to have Zzub pat your back, but he always winds up patting his own back.

Your grandpa is a total Rock Star and you are a wonderful grand daughter for knowing it! Props to you.
You got mad... on vacation? NO! Say it ain't so.

Mad might be an understatement. Thank you for reading!

Great picture of the bowling pins. I want to arrive at WDW at night now!

It was amazing. I miss it.

Where'd she go??

More... More!

I am here walker, an update just for you

OMG! That really cracked me up!!!!

Great update!!!!!!

He is a funny guy! Thanks for reading!

 

[Mrs. The King]

A lot of people have tried to capture the essence of "arrival." Myself included. I think you have done it very well. Maybe the best. Which is sad. B/c I really don't seem to like you.

DED! I have no idea what a creaking bra is or sounds like but this made me laugh. Not out loud. But in my head. And also my pituitary gland.

I am pretty sure that the pituitary gland on a baptist lawyer is shriveled. Or at least pickled.




P.S. message to Me(l) I would vote for John Edward. I even like his show where he crosses over to the other side.

 

[Mrs. The King]

Ok I'm back and caught up now.

Your Grandpa Rocks! What a fantastic man that is. Please, please tell him Thank You for his Service to our Country from all of my familly.

the jiggler flashbacks were wonderful. I know I just read the roach TR a couple weeks ago but they are close to my heart and can never hear them enough.

The Dreams thing got me teary eyed. I cant wait to take my kids for the first time in Oct!

I'm a little scared to see what your reaction is to BBB because we are booked there in Oct for MNSSHP.

Great updates.

Hey AZ! My fellow non-sleeper. I will let my Grandpa know. Thank you I am so glad my jiggler is close to your heart, butt you might want to hold it a little lower tonight, I had tacos


Don't worry about BBB, I have pointers to make every trip magic

 

[whogirl'smom]

What a treat to find this morning when I couldn't sleep! I laughed till I cried over your blubberfest at "Share a Dream with Mickey" or whatever it's called. Yes, I've been known to tear up in the car listening to the CD of it, on the way to the bank. Of course my daughter's with me, sure she is....(um, not really.) I love that show!

Love the pictures of Pop! We'll be there in 56 days!

 

[AZMickeyfans]

Hey AZ! My fellow non-sleeper. I will let my Grandpa know. Thank you I am so glad my jiggler is close to your heart, butt you might want to hold it a little lower tonight, I had tacos


Don't worry about BBB, I have pointers to make every trip magic

Well, us non-sleepers need to stick together.

And dont worry, my dh had a burrito last night before bed. I think I'll embrace the jiggler afar.

Cannot wait to hear about BBB

And Hi to your mom! I love how its a full family affair here.

 

[praisehisname]

It’s like chewing the fried batter off the non-edible parts of the chicken breast.

Mmmm...

I want to keep my kids from school. I never want to send them back. When they leave for the day it feels like my heart is draining like a bathtub.

This was one of my biggest reasons for homeschooling; I just couldn't imagine not having my kids with me. But, alas, two out of three of them are starting "regular" school in 10 days. I'm about to go through some serious withdrawal...

(BTW I graduated with a degree in Political science, determined to be a lawyer, until I found out that they scoop your soul out and replace it with an overactive bowel.)

DED!!! Love this line!!! NOZUBB

All the adults suck down the tasty offerings.

We've been to Crystal Palace for dinner, but it sounds like we need to try the breakfast!!!

Up next: Mrs. The King brings a little bit of The Bronx to BBB.

Uh oh! Sounds ominous...and yet I can't wait to hear about it!

Denise

 

[eternaldisneyfan]

I had to post-you are hilarious! This is like stand up comedian...the jiggler

 

[Blessed99]

I am so loving your trip report! I am sure that my DD thinks I have lost my flippin mind, the way that I laugh (one of those laughing so hard I squeak laughs) I cannot wait for the next part about BBB!

Kelly

 

[coteau_chick]

I just found your trip report. I am loving it. You are so funny. I am going to go back and read your other one now.

 

[AZMickeyfans]

This was one of my biggest reasons for homeschooling; I just couldn't imagine not having my kids with me. But, alas, two out of three of them are starting "regular" school in 10 days. I'm about to go through some serious withdrawal...

And this is why I have not been on the DIS for 2 weeks. My youngest went off ot all day kindergarten and I just couldnt bear to be at home. It was too quiet. So, I have been on a 2 week shopping spree. Honestly, I drop them off, go shopping, pick them up 7 hours later and go home! I have to stop but for now Sales are easing the pain a tad. I just missed my kids so much and this was the first time I've been alone without them. So I understand your future withdrawls and the bathtub draining analogy. Its so dead on.